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About Withnail

  • Birthday 09/05/1989

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    Liverpool, UK

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  1. I was much happier staying in my room all day every day, doing nothing. Unfortunately, unless you happen to rich, that kind of lifestyle can't last. Now I've gone back to pretending to be a student, and it's horrible. I would much rather stay in bed and do nothing, be nothing.
  2. I'd be wary of sedatives, though it really depends on what type of pills you take. My experience with various sleeping pills is that you conk out nicely enough in the night, with some minor hallucinations if you manage to stay awake for long enough after popping, but feel like absolute rubbish in the morning - it's really physically difficult to get up and out of bed while still under their effects, your eyes feel like tombstones.
  3. I can only offer the most generic advice possible: see a doctor, and get put on the eternal waiting list for therapy. As you mention that there's something in particular that's going on now, it could perhaps be very helpful to discuss these things with a counsellor or therapist. At the very least, you can confide in the good people of these forums, we may be able to give more specific advice to your situation. If you want to, feel free to PM me with the particulars of your situation. Other than that, if there's nothing you can do to solve your particular problem, I can only suggest doing things that relax you and take your mind off it. Personally, I always go for a good film or book, sometimes I take a long walk. Mundane, but does the job. You mention that you were long term depressed and then it stopped. What happened, or what changes did you make, for it to stop? Self harming is never the answer, I came home drunk the other week and slashed my arm repeatedly with a stanley knife out of disgust towards myself. It didn't solve anything, it only made a mess and now I have to constantly wear long sleeves in order to hide the scars. I know it is hard to rationalise things when you are in a depressed state, but please, for your own good, do not self harm. Hopefully someone else will come along with better advice. Edit: also, do try and talk with your family, you may be surprised. I personally don't talk with mine, because I feel constant shame, but that's just me.
  4. In the long run, being single is far better than being in a dysfunctional relationship. What makes you think that your boyfriend has been unfaithful, is there any evidence? Regardless of this, you should confront him on his controlling behaviour.
  5. Hello. I've just read your post in the relationship forum. I'm not familiar with travelling to the US, so I don't fully understand what is stopping you from going back again? You say that you are going to marry her, and from your post it seems that she is agreeable to this. Just think - you have something really special to look forward to! It may not be happening right away, it may take time, but at the very least there is some hope, something to look forward to. And in the meantime, surely you are still communicating with her? Marriage is a major step, I can only suggest that you discuss with her any fears or worries you may have about it.
  6. How long did it take for you folks to feel the effects after stopping your medication cold turkey? I've taken various meds over the years and would often go without them for days or even weeks simply because I'm too lazy/incompetent to make a doctors appointment to get my next batch in time. I must say, I've never noticed the difference between being on meds and going without (except for the side effects), even at high doses. I just take them for the sake of it. The only time I've felt discontinuation syndrome is after stopping tricyclics, but the fact that I ingested two entire packets at once in a rather meagre suicide attempt and then, of course, stopped taking them entirely, may have had something to do with it. Then again, I felt just as awful while on the tricyclics, they were really nasty drugs.
  7. I can be moved by literature, film, and music. Very little else affects me in my life. None of it feels real to me, it's been this way for many years now. The only recent thing I can think of is my girlfriend leaving me, but even then I've realised that it's simply because I've lost another form of escapism - spending time with her. I often wish I could just let it all out and cry - it might be therapeutic somehow - but I can't. I just feel empty all of the time.
  8. I can relate. I've always been horribly lazy, depression just exacerbates it. The best thing for me right now is to work hard and focus on my studies; not only will it benefit me greatly in the long run, but it will keep my mind occupied and free of negative thoughts. That's the theory; the reality is that I find it almost impossible to focus on anything at all, let alone college assignments. I end up doing everything last minute or not at all, which obviously makes things even worse. I am my own worst enemy!
  9. http://www.depressionquest.com/ Apologies if this has been posted before. It's an interactive narrative that does a good job of simulating what it's like to live life with depression. I like the way that, no matter the conditions, certain options are always blocked - reflecting the thought processes of someone in a depressed state. Perhaps it can be useful to show this game to friends or family who have difficulty understanding what it's like to be depressed? It takes fifteen minutes maximum to finish. As a side note, I picked the options that I likely would have performed myself were I in the protagonist's shoes. I got the worst ending possible.
  10. With depression, the world will seem a horrible place regardless of what period you're living in. Also, look up "Golden Age Syndrome", which was explored to great effect in Woody Allen's film "Midnight in Paris". I hate the society that I live in, and often have idle thoughts of wanting to live in a different decade or even century, but I'm aware that if I were alive a hundred years ago I'd be just as unhappy, if not more so: I wouldn't have the luxury of being able to discuss my problems on the internet, and depression wouldn't be recognised as a legitimate medical illness. In fact, I'd likely be dead or living on the streets.
  11. That's it? That's nothing. From the nature of your post, I thought you'd been unfaithful in your relationship or had done something really terrible. Tell him if you feel that you must, I can't see a reasonable person reacting negatively to something silly you did when you were eleven.
  12. As others have said, it really depends on the nature of this secret. If it's something that involves or affects your boyfriend, or your relationship in general, then the morally correct thing to do would be to tell him and face whatever consequences there may be. If not, then it's down to you, it really depends on what this secret is. Regardless, you should definitely open up to someone (perhaps a therapist, as has been mentioned) about it if keeping it locked up is making you feel suicidal. Whatever happens, I wish you luck.
  13. Two lovers entwined pass me by, and heaven knows I'm miserable now! Seriously though, in my experience at least, getting involved in relationships is a bad idea when you're depressed. It compounds your problems, and you end up worse off in the long run. Then again, Char12 is right in saying "you find love when you're not looking for it". These things just happen through circumstance and luck: you meet someone and end up falling in love, regardless of whether you were actually pursuing a relationship in the first place. That's how it happened with me anyway. I was happy at first, but I let my depressive thoughts destroy everything. Now that it's over, I feel far worse than I did before meeting her.
  14. Your boyfriend has stayed with you, so he at least sees the goodness in you. Perhaps those friends just weren't right for you. It's difficult to meet new people when you're at home doing nothing, if you don't want to go back to uni then I can only suggest trying to find a local mental health support group. They are good places to meet understanding people and maybe even make new friends. I hope things work out for you.
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