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MartyrGirl

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  1. Els1e, That's an interesting theory, that Wellbutrin might interfere with memory because it reduces Acetylcholine to increase dopamine. It would explain a lot why in some people it decreases ADD symptoms and in some people it causes them to become space cadettes. Perhaps I'll look for studies, if I get time. It seems like people's brain chemistries are quite different from each other and thus people react differently to the same meds. Wellbutrin lifted my mood so much and changed my thoughts from suicidal to positive, that I think it was worth a bit of mental fogginess and ADD-like symptoms. In my job as social science researcher, I became side-tracked so much when searching for literature on the internet, that I spent most of my time watching youtube films on totally absurd and irrelevant subjects like the now-extinct 3-ton Mega-Wombat of Australia. The whole last year, I didn't publish a single paper. Maybe one day I can laugh about it. I don't work for salary but voluntarily for an NGO, otherwise I would not have that job! I can't blame the Wellbutrin mental-cloudiness for all of my difficulties getting focused, though, either... By the way, I'd like to share the good news that this lack of focus and memory is not permanent. I reduced my dose of Wellbutrin from 300mg to 150mg after having taken it for one year, and now I'm much better able to concentrate. My pdoc says that Wellbutrin made me more restless and nervous and that's why I was not able to concentrate or focus or remember things. Now I'm more back to my usual dreamy, spacey state of being, but not as extremely scattered and absent-minded as I was on 300mg.
  2. Hi, I'm switching from Zoloft to Effexor and additionally taking 150mg of Wellbutrin. Before, I was taking 300mg of Wellbutrin and it made me quite nervous and jumpy. And fidgety, scattered, and spaced-out. And I couldn't sleep. So now my pdoc is switching me over to Effexor and reducing the Wellbutrin. The Zoloft never really worked for me, neither for my depression nor my anxiety. I've had this inner tension, nervousness, and anxiety all my life. And I get stressed out very easily. I'm wondering if anyone has had a reduction of anxiety with Effexor? Or perhaps it actually makes anxiety worse? Or perhaps the world is just a scary place and my anxiety is justified? Or maybe this anxiety is just part of my personality and I have to live with it. So far, talk therapy has reduced it a bit, but I still have full-on physical fear reactions with heart palpitations, fast and shallow breathing, etc. to minor everyday situations (like making a phone call, organizing an appointment). Thanks for sharing your experiences with me! MartyrGirl
  3. It's too early to tell..... I've just started taking Effexor. Anyways, since I'm on Effexor, I don't care so much about my flab anymore. I try to eat healthy foods, try to eat regular meals, and exercise a lot. What more can I do? I can only accept my body as it is. Doesn't that sound sane! But I had gained a lot of weight on Wellbutrin, even though I had very little appetite. I kept forgetting meals, not wanting to eat even though I was hungry, getting dizzy spells from low blood sugar... Stil, I kept gaining weight. Perhaps my metabolism changed? Some paradox reaction? If most people gain weight on Effexor, will my body show a paradox reaction, too, and I will lose weight???
  4. Hi AphroditeTheGodess, It must be frustrating to have tried out 4 meds without success. I do hope Effexor will help you. At least you got rid of the physical symptoms. I know how horrible those feel like. When I was on Zoloft, I still had all the symptoms, physical and thought-wise. But when I started taking 150mg of Wellbutrin in addition to the Zoloft, my mood lifted, at least on some days. When I increased the dose of Wellbutrin to 300mg, immediately my thoughts completely changed. Like a switch being turned in my brain. Then I realized how irrational and distorted my thoughts had been all along! My suicidal thoughts also stopped from one day to the next. Only then was I really able to do psychotherapy, which is helping me a lot now. Before, my thoughts were just too distorted and I had no control over them. However, such a high dose of Wellbutrin caused insomnia, tremors, nervousness and anxiety. And I became so spaced-out and scattered that I thought I had ADD! So now I'm in the process of stopping the Zoloft and taking Effexor instead and halving the dose of Wellbutrin to 150mg. So far, so good. I do feel more even-minded, which is a great relief. The Zoloft never really did anything for me, anyways, but somehow my pdoc never wanted me to switch meds. I feel the Effexor is really lifting my mood, keeping it stable and it is also keeping my thoughts more positive. The anxiety is still there, but I think I just have to live with that. But I've only taken 75mg of Effexor yet the past 3 weeks and will still go up to 150mg. As far as I know, Effexor is a noradrenaline and dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Perhaps this works better for me than a serotonin reuptake inhibitor. Perhaps this might also be the case for you. All the best, MartyrGirl
  5. Hello, I was wondering about the overlap of symptoms between PTSD and ADHD. They have in common that they both are 4-letter acronyms! Could PTSD hyper-arousal symptoms look like ADHD symptoms? Or could dissociation look like inattentive ADD? I have been suffering from dysthymia and depression since I was a teen. And also from anorexia and extremely low self esteem. In school, I completely spaced out, drifted off into some fantasy world, and entirely missed things like field trips. I came 15 minutes late every day and rarely did my homework. Still, I completely flew under the radar because I was so quite and withdrawn. I was no trouble for the teachers and they completely ignored me. Meanwhile, I suspect that I might be gifted, but I could also have ADD inattentive type or both. Somehow I levied myself through school and university, only cramming for the exams last minute. In school, the teachers just gave up on my attendence and punctuality. I had good grades so they never seriously reprimanded me. Not even when I fell asleep on my desk. I really don't know how I could have been so disorganized and academically successful at the same time. I saw myself as a complete failure and thought I just got lucky. I wonder if my excessive and compulsive daydreaming was a form of dissociation to escape my emotional abusive home environment? (But I'm an adult now and I still do it....) Or could I have tried to escape from the bullying by the other kids? Or did the other kids bully me because I missed important social cues and behaved in a socially awkward way? Does my mom also have ADD and was she totally overwhelmed with raising me, the space cadet? I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD resulting from my abusive childhood. But perhaps I was especially sensitive to trauma as a non-neurotypical child with ADD? Since to this day I'm extremely sensitive to perceived rejection or criticism, I might have overreacted. My whole life, I have been hypersensitive to sounds, smell, light, touch, and other people's emotions. The older I get, the more I suffer from sensory overstimulation. Loud noises cause physical pain to my ears. Today, I'm struggling each day to get out of bed, brush my teeth, and take a shower and get going to start the day. I get sidetracked by a million things along the way. So many things need to get done, and I'm utterly confused about what to start with, so I start doing something completely irrelevant to the task at hand. Going to bed just doesn't happen until the wee hours, as every night something catches the fancy of my out of control brain. And I don't do well with sleep deprivation. Unfortunately, my whole self-esteem is based upon how reliable and focused I seem to others. People with good organizational skills are my heroes but also seem like aliens on a foreign planet. Structure would be so good for me, but impossible to implement. My therapist says I should focus on my strengths. OK, I am creative, grasp concepts very fast, and see the bigger picture. I think outside the box and come up with innovative ideas. But it sure is hard to live with myself. My therapist also congratulates me on my creativity and my supposed giftedness and I'm scared to tell her how much I'm obsessing with the idea that I might have a neurological disorder, namely ADD. I read that adverse childhood experiences exacerbate ADHD symptoms. And that experiencing constant failures, disappointments, and criticism because of the ADHD can be traumatic. In a way I would like to be diagnosed with ADD because then I would have an explanation for my inability to get my act together. But on the other hand, I think I cannot possibly have ADD because I'm just looking for an excuse for my lack of discipline. Probably it all boils down to me not being disciplined and not putting enough effort. I should just try harder to get a grip on my life. Thanks for letting me ramble on! I would be grateful for any insights, advice, or related experiences!
  6. I think it's great that you found out that your son's ADHD meds are working for you also! I read that many women diagnosed with depression actually have undiagnosed ADD inattentive type. Their depression only gets better with ADD meds or anti depressant meds plus ADD meds. Being prone to bouts of depression often goes along with ADD and the stimulants take care of these symptoms, as well. And I also read that on the right dose of stimulant meds there shouldn't be any heart palpitations. Only if the dose is too high. I forgot where I read it, though. According to this source on the internet, many doctors, including psyc doctors, still don't know much about adult ADD. So if your psyc doc doubts your discoveries or doesn't want to prescribe ADD meds for you, perhaps you need to search for a psyc doc specialized in ADD. Now, I don't know how accurate this information that I found is, but I highly suggest that you discuss it with your doctor.
  7. I though stimulants were supposed to make you better able to anticipate the future, sind people with ADD are only capable of living in the present moment of 4 seconds? And alleviate executive function disorder? I was almost ready to try some stimulants because my mind and my life are in a state of utter confusion. At least subjectively. But then after reading this post I'd rather not try it.... Like Geekman, I am intolerant to stimulants. I can't even drink a sip of coffee. But somehow I was hoping that the ADD stimulant meds would have a different effect than coffee.... But somewhere I read that people with true AD(H)D could fall asleep after drinking a cup of coffee. Right now I'm taking Wellbutrin for my depression, which is supposed to also reduce ADD symptoms. But I feel more scattered and jumpy than ever. But I've always been distractable and unable to focus. Thanks, BreakThrough for sharing your experiences! I absolutely cannot do any repetitive, boring tasks, either. After 15 minutes, I feel like screaming and I slow down to the point of not doing the task anymore. I make careless mistakes and start distracting others around me. But I came to the conclusion that me and repetitive tasks are just not a good match and I've been avoiding them. :uh-uh: Like someone with a prolapsed disc shouldn't be lifting heavy weights as their profession. When I clean my appartment or do laundry, I listen to audio books at the same time. Also me and logistics or organizing things are not a good match. I also avoid those tasks completely. I don't know if this would be a great advice to you, to just avoid all tasks that you cannot motivate yourself to do. I'm doing this right now because I'm trying to be less hard on myself and less perfectionist. But then, I feel I don't get anything accomplished, I'm late to all appointments, don't get projects done because I get sidetracked, and my day-to-day life is so disorganized that I don't even manage to eat meals. Since I can't prioritize tasks, I am so confused about what to do every moment of the day that I start doing something totally irrelevant to the task at hand. On the outside, I pretend to have it all together. In my work, I do independent research, which is creative and gives me a lot of freedom. I don't have to be in the office at a certain time unless I'm facilitating workshops. But I feel like a disabled person, not capable of ordinary tasks. There are so many things that other people are better at. This kind of thinking is not improving my depression. But, like you, I believe that ultimately talk therapy will be most helpful. I need to learn to accept myself with all my shortcomings that the ADD is causing. And learn to work around them. One day, I might learn time management and organizational skills... (yeah right!). Every night I tell myself that tomorrow I'll be more disciplined and believe it, only to be disappointed in myself again. My whole self-esteem is based on how reliable I am and how well I am able to accomplish tasks. I do hope talk therapy will change this. Of course I get depressed and anhedonic when I constantly fail to meet my own unrealistic expectations. LOL MartyrGirl
  8. Hi everyone, Now it's August and I've been taking the Wellbutrin for ??? - can't think straight - more than half a year, since Nov. Could it be that the WB is causing symptoms of ADD??? I have been obsessing about this issue for a long time now. Perhaps I've had ADD all along but was never diagnosed and the WB is exacerbating the spaciness and forgetfulness? But isn't WB supposed to reduce symptoms of ADD? Some posts in this thread have mentioned that the WB helped with their ADD. But then others get this mental cloudiness. Very mysterious. Anyways, I have done countless ADHD self tests online and in all of them I get the result of having severe ADD inattentive type. Of course this is not a valid diagnosis. But it does make me wonder.... I'm embarressed to tell my psych doc about my discovery because I do get carried away with weird ideas and it could all be my imagination that I have ADD. But my mom confirmed that I spent my childhood in a phantasy world of my own and never really spoke or listened to adults. Throughout school, I daydreamed myself far away from the classroom. I've always been very easily distracted. But on the other hand, I can't even drink coffee because it makes me so jumpy and over-agitated. And the WB is also making me jumpy. So, could I really have ADD? Or perhaps it's just my complex PTSD, anxiety, and the Wellbutrin making me extremely scattered? Today I took my shoes off during a meeting, forgot all about it, and walked away barefoot without noticing, until one of my coworkers wondered out loud why there was a pair of shoes under the conference table....
  9. JD4010, I'm also on Wellbutrin for my depression. And on Zoloft. And I take Trazadone in order to sleep. No doctor has diagnosed me with ADD, but I researched the matter on the internet, and I can relale to many of the symptoms. So far, I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The Wellbutrin is finally improving my mood, whereas the Zoloft did not help. I'm still on it for my anxiety, though. Since I'm taking the 300mg of Wellbutrin, I have become more anxious, fidgety, scatter-brained, forgetful, and restless. Now, I don't know if the ADD symptoms are caused by the Wellbutrin? Or perhaps now I am more aware of them? When I think about it, I have never been able to structure my day or organize my life. Once I hyperfocus on one activity, then I can't shift to another activity at all. In school, I was constantly daydreaming since the lessons were so boring. When adults spoke to me, nothing registered. I would walk into an empty school building because I spaced out about the school's field trip. I have the habit to do multi-tasking, only to become side-tracked with yet another thing and then only focus only on that, neglecting the other - more important - things. Since I was a child, I've been suffering from insomnia. And bouts of depression. Now as an adult, I feel like I'm stumbling through a thick fog, unable to see the path. Vaguely, I have the notion that there is something I should be remembering, some important task that I've been procrastinating or some appointment. But I can't see through the haze. I can't prioritize and I have no sense of time. I feel like I don't have a grip on my life. No control. I can't even get my act together to write a to-do list. And I cannot structure my day, like my meals and sleep rythym. Or social activities. Somehow I did get through school and university. But the logistics and navigating peer pressures were a huge challenge. In school, I was bullied from grade one till the end. I was weird and uncool. For the exams, I was chronically unprepared and also for oral presentations. Only the night before did I start to prepare, if at all. My giftedness in languages saved me, I think. I could write in a nice writing syle on the exam sheet, and that left a good impression. But I didn't get A's because of the careless mistakes I kept making. I levied myself through, without paying attention in class, without doing homework, and being 15min late every morning. At university, I didn't even attend most of the lectures. I was constantly engaged in who-knows-what projects, that had nothing to do with university. I had no TV, but I spent days staying in my room wearing pyjamas and reading novels with 700 or more pages each. So, I don't know what is wrong with me. My lack of concentration could still be caused by the depression. My spacing out could be part of my PTSD. Perhaps anxiety could cause ADD-like symptoms? I can't really say Wellbutrin helps me with ADD, if I have that at all.
  10. Hi everyone, I have not been diagnosed with adult ADD, but I can relate to many of the symptoms. I'm reluctant to tell my psych doc, since I feel I am just looking for an excuse for my lack of self-discipline. But I have a real problem with stopping an activity that I am hyperfocussing on. I get stuck in front of the computer, reading about odd subjects that somehow catch my fancy. Of course, one topic leads to another more or less related one, and I end up researching about fertilizer when I started off on WWII and its consequences. Or I start reading a book, even any non-fiction book, and I don't stop reading to go to the bathroom, eat food, or go to sleep. That makes me chronically sleep-deprived and I get dizzy spells from low blood sugar. Like now, I'm really hungry and should be eating lunch, but I'm stuck in this forum. Originally, I was supposed to prepare a presentation. So, apart from work, where I also frequently go off on a tangem on the internet, space out during meetings, forget appointments, and only prepare presentations the night before if at all, I can't get anything together at all. I barely manage to shower in the morning. Forget about eating breakfast. I actually would like to socialize, but my time management skills are so poor that I can't manage to schedule in time for meeting friends. Plus, when I obsess about some topic, I am lost to the world. How can I possibly get myself to shift from one activity to the next? Even if a neighbor stops by and knocks on my door to have a brief chat, I go right back to reading that book, unable to bring myself to brush my teeth and go to bed. I live alone, so there is nobody there to tell me to go to bed. This person would have to take me by the hand and physically drag me away from my object of hyperfocus. And hide the book. On the plus side, I can sometimes use the hyperfocus to work on projects at work. Fortunately, my collegue drags me along to lunch. But I can't get in "the zone" at will. And I never know what will interest me. I am literally not capable of performing tasks that I'm not interested in. I procastinate things endlessly. Boring things like personal hygiene are taking me forever. There is some perceived social pressure involved in those tasks, like I don't want to smell bad when I'm with other people. So I do take a shower and brush my teeth. But it is a constant struggle. How can I develop the discipline to just do what is necessary? And learn how to prioritize tasks in the first place?
  11. You are not alone! I am the same. I procrastinate things that I should be doing, but then I start doing smth. that has nothing to do with what I should be doing and can't stop. Like getting stuck in front of my computer researching odd things that take my fancy on the internet. Or reading a book. I don't even stop to eat ot go to the bathroom. On the weekends, I would finally have time to clean my appartment. But I can't get myself to do it. I should be preparing a presentation now, but then I am getting stuck on this forum. I can't make myself follow any plans of my day hour by hour, either. I've unsuccessfully tried that since I was a teen. And now I'm 36. I don't know how other people do it. Maybe I have mild ADD, maybe not. I am obsessing about ADD at the moment, reading a lot about it. I do relate to all of the symptoms. But I'm reluctant to tell my doctor about my new discovery, because it might be that I'm just looking for an excuse for my lack of self-discipline. In your case, I can't tell you if your "wasting" of the weekend is because of lack of motivation due to depression, anxiety, or adult ADD. I also don't know in my case. Perhaps you just need to recuperate on weekends and take rest. Apparently whatever you are doing on weekends is somehow important to you. But if you think you might have adult AD(H)D, you should go to a psych doctor who is experienced with AD(H)D and get a diagnosis. All the best!
  12. I think this is a good question. I was on Zoloft, a SSRI, for a while and it didn't work for me. Then my pdoc added on Wellbutrin, which inhibits the reuptake of Norepinephrine and Dopamine. At first, I also had that gut-wrenching anxiety over nothing. But that went away. But I'm also taking Mirtazapine in order to sleep and that is supposed to help reduce anxiety. Antipsychotic medication levels out access dopamine, so my doctor told me that adding more dopamine to the system might cause symptoms similar to psychosis and/or derealization. And I do feel more spaced-out and not quite there. But then, according to Wikepedia "Bupropion is known to affect several different biological targets, and its mechanism of action is only partly understood.[10][11] It has been widely described as a weak norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor.[11][12]However, studies with humans suggest that it does not significantly affect dopamine levels in the brain at clinically-used doses, calling into question the role of its action at the dopamine transporter in its effects." As far as I know, Dopamine is crucial for motivation, decision-making, and reward. It makes sense that with low Dopamine, one becomes depressed. Unfortunately, I am not an expert and can't answer your question. I don't think researchers have been able to understand the relationship between neurotransmitters and depression yet completely. But I hope someone posts here in this thread who has more knowledge! I can imagine that norepinephrine could cause anxiety. Again according to Wikipedia, "As a stress hormone, norepinephrine affects parts of the brain, such as the amygdala, where attention and responses are controlled.[5] Norepinephrine also underlies the fight-or-flight response, along with epinephrine, directly increasing heart rate, triggering the release of glucose from energy stores, and increasing blood flow to skeletal muscle. It increases the brain's oxygen supply.[6][broken citation] Norepinephrine is synthesized from dopamine by dopamine β-hydroxylase in the secretory granules of the medullary chromaffin cells.[7 " Then the reward system seems to also be affected: "The noradrenergic neurons in the brain form a neurotransmitter system, that, when activated, exerts effects on large areas of the brain. The effects are manifested in alertness, arousal, and influences on the reward system."
  13. I know how you feel. I've been there. It is a relief from unbearable emotional pain. But of course not a solution. Are you seeing a therapist? In therapy, I learned alternatives to deal with difficult emotions. And I'm learning to treat myself in a more loving way. What made me stop is a promise that someone very close to me made me do. And I'm on meds now that work for me. Good luck!
  14. Likewise, I've always been a social outcast as a HSP. I was bullied at school from grade one till the end. Even as a girl, you have to be tough these days. I've always tried superhard to be like everyone else and of course I always pushed myself over the limit. What is enjoyable for the majority of people, like listening to loud music, running after excitement, travelling, etc. is pure torture for me. And it is obviously very uncool to go to a disco wearing ear plugs as a teen. No wonder, I've always thought something was wrong with me. I'm sure, this feeling of being inferior has greatly contributed to my continuous depressive episodes. Nobody told me that it was OK to be different. In addition, I come from a dysfunctional family. I played the role of an emotional caretaker for my dad since my parents' divorce, since it was him who got hurt. My mom was very self-absorbed at that time. She and her new partner bullied me, too. Then perfectionism played a big role. I've always tried very hard to be perfect in everything and to please everyone to be liked. I find it hard to tell what contributed to my depression and what was caused by it. For example, I think my Anorexia was actually caused by my depression, since in a way I wanted to be so thin that I would cease to exist. And being depressed made me socially awkward and withdrawn and definately not fun to be around. But what came first, the hen or the egg?
  15. I read on the internet that only a certain percentage of people lose weight on WB. Some maintain their weight. And a small percentage even gain weight. I am also gaining weight. Perhaps this is also because my appetite has come back. When I was depressed I just didn't feel like eating and therefore ate little. But I had developed the habit to eat high-calorie foods on the occasions that I was able to eat, so that I wouldn't lose too much weight. Now that habit is hard to break!
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