petey22 replied to petey22's topic in Anxiety, Panic, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders (PTSD)Thanks for the advice, guys! I really appreciate it. I woke up dreading to go to work today. So far it's been tolerable. I hope it stays that way until I get off this evening. :)
Ever since I can remember, I've always been a rather shy person. I didn't make friends easy because I would always remain quiet and would go along minding my own business for the most part. Unfortunately that meant that I didn't have any friends throughout my grade school years. After a while I got used to my solidarity. After graduating high school I went to college andgot my first real full time job working at a call center specializing in physician referrals for major hospitals throught the united states. During the interview, the people who interviewed me asked me questions about empathy towards others. I answered them with the truth which was I'm very empathetic with others and can easily see myself in their shoes. I added that I'm naturally caring and would love to help people in need which was the truth. I thought I was going to love the job. Then reality hit. Not only were we obligated to gather personal information such as name, addresses, birth days, and emails, but we had to follow scripts word for word. The callers hated the intrusiveness and some were rather abusive when asked. I was called an *****, told I had a strong accent, and yelled at rather frequently. It got to the point where I was afraid to ask people for their information. I remember feeling extremely nervous going to work everyday. My stomach hurt and my mind would constantly think about all those negative conversations with callers. One day in particular I remember getting to work. And only after the first call, my eyes watered and I ran to the restroom to cry. It was completely uncontrollable and seemed to come out of nowhere. The job sucked because it felt I wasn't really helping people. But rather getting their information so the hospital could flood them with unnecessary advertisements. In addition to that, people weren't at all what I thought they would be. So many were incredibly rude and constantly treated me as if I were completely unimportant and an annoyance to them. That was over 3 years ago and I can still feel the effects today. I feel more anxiety than ever when talking to people. I feel that I can't predict when they will turn hostile and start belittling At my current job I work at a university computer help desk. Although I have greater freedom to say what I want in this job, I can still feel myself getting nervous when asking customers certain things ortelling them no. I still get a nervous feeling in my stomach when my phone beeps to take a call. After working in these two customer service jobs, I feel i have become very bitter. I hate people because of how much they whine (an attribute I thought only children possessed but grew out of) and complain and how ignorant they can be. I'm tired of working customer service but I'm not sure if any other job would be different. I'm certain I've developed mild to severe depression. Additionally I feel my self esteem is lower than its ever been. I do t know what to do. I want to quit and focus on something else. But I have no idea what.