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LadyDay1986

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  1. I have to agree. It also sounds less like asexuality to me too now that you say it's a new thing and hasn't been like this all your life. Many types of mental illness, including such things as depression and body dysmorphia, can drastically lower your sex drive and make you feel uncomfortable with physical intimacy. If this is the case with you, then all you can do is deal with the underlying issues, and then your sexuality and wish for intimacy will return when you're better. All in good time. :-) As Fizzle says, it might also just be this one guy. That's completely normal. You can't fancy everyone. But it does sound to me like you have some psychological issues that are taking up your mental energy these days, so you may just need to take care of yourself first, before you're ready to bring someone else in that close and before you have the excess energy and optimism needed for crushes, giddy feelings and racing heartbeat. Hugs and best wishes
  2. Hi SapphireOwl. Remember that whatever your sexuality is, it's yours, it's part of who you are, for you to use in whichever way makes you happy and you don't owe it to anybody. Nobody has the right to you sexually, it's for you to keep or share, and you are not depriving anybody of their rights by saying no. There are many possible reasons why you might not want a sexlife, at least not right now. Asexuality is a real thing. Some people are jst wired that way and that's just as good and valid as anything else. A person has no obligation to be sexual. It is also very possible that your mental and emotional issues are "switching off" your sexuality. It's very normal for people with depression and similar to experience lack of sexdrive. No matter what the cause is, respect your own feelings and don't force yourself to do something you don't feel like doing. Your sexuality might show up someday or it might not, either way it is okay. The important thing is that you follow and respect what your gut instinct tell you. Nobody benefits from you trying to force yourself to do things. Pressure or force should never be part of sex, no matter who does the pressuring, because that is very damaging to your self esteem and self worth. You have many other values than just your sexuality and people will want to have relationships with you for many other reasons than sexual. Having some really good, close friends is a good place to start. Finding other types of closeness than just sexual closeness. Remember, if you're worried about your health with regards to all this, that's what doctors are for :-) They'll be happy to have a talk, take a blood sample and all that, to get rid of any worry. All the best
  3. Hi :-) I've received 28 ECT treatments so far and it has without a doubt saved my life! My depression has never responded to medication, and still doesn't, so the plan is to keep me on "maintenance ECT" for the future. I've had very little side effects. Basically none and nothing I can't easily live with. My depression impared my memory just as much as the ECT has. It's been such an amazing, effective treatment for me, I have no hesitation reccomending it to anyone with treatment-resistant depression! It's very un-dramatic and painless. If you have any questions, I'm more than happy to answer them for you! If you want to see an actual ECT session take place, I reccomend this video (I thought it was nice to see for my self how un-dramatic it really is): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8Ypt-vKI2U Good luck whatever you choose and feel better :-)
  4. Hi :-) Well, I've had severe depression for more than 15 years, and I'm currently beating it :-) The trick is to keep going to the doctor and telling them if the treatment you're receiving is working, otherwise one of the many other treatment options need to be tried out. Unfortunately, with anti-depressant treatment, trial and error is the only way to figure out exactly what solution works best for you. Depression is very treatable, but it often takes a long time to find the right treatment, so you have to hang in there and keep talking to your doctor so they can find the right stuff for you. It is very important that you don't just give up because one medication doesn't work, you need to tell your doctor that and get on a new compound. It's a frustrating disease, but it does get better. Some people are lucky to get the right treatment for them in the first try, but most people need to try several treatments before finding the right fit. Even if, against the odds, it should turn out that medicine doesn't work for you, like was the case for me, that still doesn't mean you can't be cured. That is when they try treatments such as Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation or Electroconvulsive Therapy. Electroconvulsive Therapi is what worked for me. It is an extremely effective and safe treatment, but kept as a last resort due to potential passing memory side effects and because it's a little more invasive than pills. However, it's painless and extremely effective, so even if it should turn out that nothing else works for you, this will. In other words, it is very, very realistic that you can beat this disease. It is just a question of sticking with it and keeping regular appointments with your doctor until you're back to health. Depression is highly curable, it's just a question of finding the medication that works best for you, while not being more invasive than neccesary. All the best :-)
  5. Hi atheos. That sounds tough! Keep in mind that his disease does not give him the right to be unfair or abusive to you. You should not accept this kind of treatment because he is sick, the disease is not an excuse. You did not cause the depression or the alcoholism, disease or addiction can never be someone elses fault. You are also not to blame for him hating how he is. That is exactly the same as when a wife-beater tells his victim that "it's your fault I've become someone who beats you". His abusiveness towards you is not your fault, that would be blaming the victim. Also, keep in mind that you do not have to stay in an unhealthy relationship just because your partner is sick and their bad behavior isn't "their own fault". Nobody has a right to you, to making you suffer, even though they aren't doing it on purpose. There's always a reason for bad things, bad people are bad for a reason etc, that doesn't mean you have to just sit down and take it. You do not help anybody by sacrificing your own happiness for their benefit. You have the same right as everybody to demand being treated lovingly by your life partner. If your partner is incapable of treating you lovingly, they should not be your partner and do not have the right to a relationship with you, not matter what their reasons are. The same goes the other way around of course, and if he believes you are making him unhappy, he should leave, not stick around while blaming you for his unhappiness, you are not making him be with you, he is his own person and has to take responsibility for his own decisions. I hope you'll be alright. This forum is a wonderful place and there is always people here who are happy to listen to you. Hugs
  6. Yes, a psychiatrist is a doctor. Only a doctor can diagnose you and medicate you accordingly. A psychologist or other councellor can only do talk therapy after you've been diagnosed with depression by a qualified doctor. They cannot themselves give you a diagnosis and they can't give you other types of treatment. So if your councellor has a suspicion that you may have bipolar disorder, (s)he has to reffer you to a psychiatrist so you can get a legitimate diagnosis and medical treatment. Talk therapy can work excellently as a treatment for mild depression, however for diseases like bipolar disorder or severe depression, you need other types of treatment too, like medicine. So your councellor is by no means pushing you away or finding you too much to handle, s(he) has just evaluated you condition and come to the conclusion that you probably need types of help that (s)he is not qualified to give you. All the best :-)
  7. I'm sure you'll be just fine. Just take your next dose as normal :-) I've been on significantly higher doses of Venlafaxine than that, and I've had no other ill effects than dry mouth and embarrasing amounts of perspiration.
  8. Hi electricthot. Welcome to the forum! It's full of nice people and I hope you'll enjoy it! I have had 21 treatments with ECT so far and am just (after a break to try if medicine would work now that I'd had the ECT) about to start a new series of ECT 3 times per week, followed by maintenance treatments a couple of times per month. I would recommend ECT to anyone with depression that hasn't responded to medicine. With no hesitation! ECT has absolutely saved my life! Modern ECT is a very safe, painless procedure with very few sideeffects. It is nothing like what you've seen in the movies and nothing like what the treatment was like in the olden days when it was first developed. It can have some temporary effects on memory, but that goes away after the treatment is ended, and generally isn't particularly bad. Depression in itself effects memory, and ECT usually isn't worse than that. I personally had basically no sideeffects, which is a huge improvement over the side-effects of the drugs. And you can even have ECT as an outpatient (after the first couple of treatments) so you don't even have to be hospitalized (except for the first week or so to make sure you respond well to the anaesthesia). I am more than happy to answer any questions about my experience with the treatment if you have any. As you have probably guessed, I am happy to spread the knowledge of this treatment! It's really worked wonders for me!
  9. morelostthanfound: With all due respect, what do we solve by sitting around being depressed about the bad things in the world? Being depressed about all the bad stuff turns into lethargic acceptance of it. Ultimately, if the world is more bad than good, we might aswell nuke the planet into extinction to thereby end the suffering. However seeing that the world is also good, and worth fighting for, drives and motivates the will to change the bad things for the better. We can only fight if we see something to fight for. The main feature of depression is hopelessness, but we make a mistake if we conclude the world is hopeless. That makes us give up.
  10. Of course there is side effects, anything has side effects. But you have to do a cost-benefit analysis. Having a dry mouth is probably nicer than being fatally depressed. Of course a compound can have a side-effect that you don't want to live with even if the effects are good. In that case you switch to another of the many, many compounds available :-) In the end, whatever Aadlyn feels is the best for her/him is the right choice! It's just important to make that choice based on sound knowledge, not a mistaken idea of what anti-depressants are.
  11. Hi Aadlyn. Welcome to the forum! You'll find this is a place full of incredible people. Let me ask you a question and please don't take it as critisism, I'm just trying to present the way I see things. If you had cancer, would you refuse chemo because you don't want to be reliant on anything? If you had your legs amputated, would you refuse a wheelchair because you don't want to be reliant on anything? It is a huge misunderstanding that depression is just "a weird mood". People don't realize that it's a real, physical disease just like any other. It's caused by lack of neurotransmitters in the brain and a hippocampus that's literally shrunken as a result of lacking neural stimulation. These things can be cured with medicine. These types of medicine don't make you artificially happy, that is not how they work, they normalize your level of neurotransmitters, bringing the concentration up to normal, healthy levels. Just like medicine for cancer doesn't make cancer patients "artificially healthy", it just cures the sickness. Therapy is good because it helps you deal with things that makes people sad, and sadness can contribute to trigging depression. However therapy can not cure severe depression, only, in some cases, prevent it before it happens. Severe alterations in brain chemistry cannot be fixed by long walks on the beach and thinking happy thoughts and it can't be fixed by talking about the things that upsets you. I'm not saying that therapy isn't valid, therapy is very important to give you the best chances of recovering and preventing future episodes of depression, but therapy is not in itself a cure for serious depression. In other words, I'd highly advice that you accept the medical treatment. Anti-depressants do not cause dependecy or addiction and they don't make you artificially happy, they just cure your brain chemistry, just like chemo cures cancer, that's all. They really are nothing to be scared about I promise! And depression without treatment is a very serious, even fatal disease that is greatly handicapping and very, very painful. Getting a disease cured is not a cop out! You don't have to go around suffering forever. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you feel better. It's terrible to be depressed and I feel for you greatly! All the best
  12. I don't think the bad outweighs the good in this world. The bad is more present in the news than the good, but that doesn't mean there's more bad than good in the actual world. The universe is an awe-inspiring, mindboggling, exceptional thing, the existence of life, of consciousness, of brains is magnificent and the humans in the world are far more good than evil. Humans are conscientious, moral, empathetic and loving, striving to do good much more than to do evil. It took me a lot of electroconvulsive therapy to get to see the world for the amazing place that it is, but as soon as my brain was healthy I got to really see it! A depressed brain is highly selective, it latches on to all the negative things and ignores the good. It sees the child that dies from cancer, but fails to notice the hundreds of children that are cured from cancer every day, it sees the husband who beats his wife, but not the many loving relationships amongst thriving people, it sees the wars in the world, but doesn't realize that on average our world is more peaceful and less plauged by war and crimes against humanity than ever before in human history. Don't rely on your depressed brain, because a depressed brain gives you a scewed picture. The reason empathetic, sensitive people can be free from depression is by finding joy in all the good things, and keeping in mind that we are not powerless against bad situations. As individuals and more importantly as societies working together, we can fix stuff! We have great brains capable of great feats of science and compassion and humans have again and again, all through history, showed that once we set our minds to something, there's nothing we can't accomplish. We can fix things!
  13. You're welcome :-) It's really great that you manage to get some exercise and listening to books. Both are really good things for helping with depression and I know how difficult it is to motivate oneself to do even nice things like that when depressed, so well done! :-) When it comes to your job, think of it this way: The best you can possibly do for your workplace right now is getting yourself better. It is, in fact, impossible to manage a job to a decent standard when struggling with major depression. No matter how qualified you are and how hard you try. So in the long run, the company/workplace gets more qualitiy productivity "out of you" by you taking time to get well now and returning when you're back to health, than they'd do if you attempt to work despite your disease and fail, making yourself more sick in the process. Work is important, but your health is the most important thing, both for you personally and your place of work. They want and need you healthy too and your responsibility to them is taking care of your health first and foremost. It'll all be okay! :-) I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. It's so hard to keep fighting with this disease and it feels like there's no possible way you can ever be happy. But I promise you the doctors are really good at treating this disease, it's a long, frustrating process to pinpoint the exact treatment that works for you, but they very rarely fail in curing it. They try out the least invasive treatments (/the ones with fewest side effects) that might work for your case first, and then work their way gradually up to more potent treatments until they hit the right treatment for you. It takes time, but it works. The important thing is that you keep telling your doctor exactly how you're doing, so (s)he can judge what can be done to help you further. As someone who's been through the whole drill up to and including the "heavy artillery" of treatment options, I can promise you that it's all well, comfortable and un-dramatic, and you'll be surrounded by very caring, dedicated professionals who will get you through all this! Nothing to worry about, they'll get you right as rain and it won't take too long :-) I hope you feel better soon. You're handling this very well and deserve a pat on the shoulder for having such a good attitude! You've got a forum full of amazing, caring and insightful people here who is always ready to offer support and listen to you.
  14. Hi Shawn. Nice to meet you! Welcome to the forum. I know how it feels to have to leave work (well studying in my case) for an extended period due to depression. It feels like a failure and you really push yourself to get back on the horse as fast as possible. However, what you really need to do right now is allow yourself the much needed time to heal from your disease. Serious depression like you have takes time to cure. A few months is nothing, it takes much longer for your brain to heal and become stable. You're literally in the process of growing new neural connections and this process is not accomplished over night. So however frustrating it is to be unable to work at the moment, please remember that it is not a failure to need time off when you're sick. Remember that it's just like any other disease that leaves people debilitated for a period. You need to allow yourself time to rest and recover, rest is a vital part of treating depression. It's not laziness or failure, it's taking care of yourself so you can return to health eventually. Don't worry about not feeling any better after just two months. It's still very early days. Unfortunately treating major depression is not accomplished over night. But it IS very treatable, and with a psychiatrist on your case you WILL get better. Until then you just focus on taking good care of yourself :-) All the best and well wishes
  15. Unfortunately meds aren't instant cures. You start to feel better because they inhibit the reuptake of serotonin in your brain. However you are not yet cured at this point even though you feel good. The meds also stimulate cell growth in the hippocampus, which is what's needed for the brain to be more permanently cured, but this is a time consuming process. This is why you need to keep taking your meds even though you feel better. The cause for the depression, a hippocampus that's too small, is not cured yet the second you feel better. It takes time. This does not mean you're dependent on them, it just means the meds aren't done healing you yet. You have brain tissue to grow! This is why you need to keep taking your meds and this is why you should not change your dosage without talking to a doctor. There is a reason why it takes a lot of years of studying to become a doctor, it's because it takes specialized knowledge to treat diseases. So please, stop meddling around with your meds yourself, you cannot be your own doctor. It is important that you have a real, actual doctor on the case to ensure your brain is getting the best treatment!
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