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General_Failure

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  1. Was dragged into some Xmas"celebrating" myself. Stiff environment, cheesy upbeat jinglebell sufferingdenying(smileyfascist) music. Had some help from alcohol. I am 33, it's just another day with a wonderbaum in the background and people exchanging money.
  2. So have I, good luck with moclobemide and NSI-189.
  3. I see playing videogames as a sign of being able to enjoy oneself somewhat (I am aware of it also may be in a compulsive way but being able to sit still and at least engage in something) however it's obviously it correlates with possibly high levels of GABA and possibly Serotonin rather than being "dopamine driven". I got off of Selegiline. As I stated it got rid of Social phobia, it increased selfesteem, it increased drive, I always had energy and libido got ridiculous high at doses of 5 mg each day and with 2.5 mg EOD was probably higher than adolescense (At least with fluoxetine). The thing I coulnd't stand is not being able to be still for a minute despite supposely just having a so called "mild depression" due to to be able to "enjoy something" or sit still. I've managed to play through Metro 2033 and Metro 2034 without urn (sativa). Sadly I just cant increase escitalopram from 5 mg to 10 due to anxiety and headache and Dr Psyche I say wont prescribe benzodiazepine even for getting rid of startingup anxiety so despite having ordered 100 Etifoxine (nonbenzodiazepine anxiolytic supposely comparable with lorazepam) from the interweb I decided to return to my old workhorse Fluoxetine 20 mg. This is just day 2 and I am singing in public without thinking about it. Sure, tired as hell and I am expecting shrinking testicles, limpdick and so on. Ironically I'll probably start to get along with girls at the pub after this as SSRI usually triggers semialcoholism here likely due to SSRI lowering dopaminelevels (there's a Dr Healy site where it's written about extensively). Everything is a struggle after these 20mg. Whereas It was almost hard to not get to the gym earlier I have to push myself. Even taking a shower is a small struggle. It's worth it afterwards however which is more than I can say of my predopaminergic state. I think reboxetine could be helpful or switching to maybe venla****sin. Last time I got on reboxetine with reboxetine I drank a lot of coffe and started to write some code and stopped when Iand ex doc decided to try out if norepinephrineRI would be enough. It didn't, everything turned into dung. Retrospectively we should have put fluoxetine back but fooled around with other combos. Another funny thing with reboxetine was me sitting and waiting 50 minutes in the laundryroom to yell at people not picking out their laundry from the machines. NRI seems to turn people into friends of good order. For those like me that can't stand being driven in the dopamine kind of way I am quite sure you have to choose between being able to sitt still with anxiety somewhat under controll and well sort of the opposite. Consummatoric anhedonia may be something else still likely have to do with endogenic opioidsystem. Maybe that was triggered somewhat indirectly by Methylphenidate and somewhat by Bupropion earlier possibly potentiated by a long period of understimulated dopaminereceptors due to SSRIdrug. This is nothing new though as itstrevor wrote something about it earlier like 500 threads ago though it's interesting to have tried it out in practise. However this will turn out into apathy of course and as mentioned reboxetine is probably going to be necessary,, just have to see if I need to order that myself as well. Yeah another thing about gaming which I've shown earlier. " Bupropion sustained release treatment decreases craving for video games and cue-induced brain activity in patients with Internet video game addiction." http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20695685 Also this classical one. low dopamineleves are implicated in low social status in apes. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11802171 Last time I tried to quit SSRI (lexapro) I didn't quite get the same overstimulating effects as from Selegilne but rather had better response to especially music. It was like everything started to sound good which is quite worrisome. Taken to extreme it would mean someone could start to eat feces or something. Of course anxiety/depression brutally returned after a while. It was like coldturkey anyway. You know like if people forget to take their SSRI with short halflife for a while they probably suddenly start to feel better. I wonder what a partial low dose Dopamine D2 agonist like Abilifry would do. Probably increase anxiety as well. Probably having similar effect to Buspirone (low dose) which was prosocial as I also is doing something with D2receptor. So yeah I don't think I will be able to do better than Fluoxetine and possibly reboxetine (I notice L-tyrosine is like a milder version of reboxetine) at least in the long run. I tried Sarcosin with no results for at least 3 weeks. Still got some to try out to probably no avail. I also have some piracetam lefts which I found didn't do much either but messing with dopamine seems wrong despite everything of course pointing to it being low. Tiny doses of Fluoxetine <5 mg or something was definitely activating and if it wasn't for anxiety necessating Serotonin->GABA I think either that or Agomelatine could be beneficial. Also mentioned before, Agomelatine is the only drug I've seen with at least one study posing it helps for anhedonia (though not specified what kind, still think it's rather about depression lifting without having those serotinergic effects) which also points to HT-2c antagonism. But it's also a drug touted for having no sexual sideeffect where it caused a mild version of limpdick here.
  4. I've have had access to some Sativa. It has turned the lightbulb a bit dim however focus seems to have increased as I was able to fool around in Dark Souls 2 for 1.5 week or so. Also managed to fool around with charactercreation for 20 minutes or so. Would have been impossible with all the thoughts in the cranium otherwise. I probably got ADD but I wont get that because some sad excuse for a doc put me into a hospital for psychotic people and the only drugs they give out is those lowering dopamine with the exception for abilifry (partial dopamine D2 agonism). Asking for methylphenidate = drugseeking behavior anyway. It's probably not too uncommon but Ritalin had a calming effect the time I tried. This coupled with organizationissues and proneness to leave the bed while copulating due to being bored to grab a banana in the kitchen concludes that this organism is ADDafflicted. Selegiline is down to 2.5 EOD. Those plans of starting up a business selling mead on the internet is gone. I've thrown away the empty bottles and has joined the proletat once again. As I've pointed out before Selegiline didn't help much if anything regarding anhedonia however I was having some fantasies about the best weapon in weaponsimulator Dark Souls 2. It's not bad getting a bit lofty through increased levels of dopamine though anxiety also increased. Tried to handle it by excersising 30 minutes each day and I still into that routine however if it helps more than just during that act it's not enough. At initial 5 mg ED coupled with some nicotine and one cup of coffe I almost had panicattack regulary. It's not even good now at 2.5mg EOD despite (or possibly because) of me doing away with nicotine. Adding benzodiazepine (which I won't get prescribed, despite no abuse, by my doc due to being sadist or something) would probably only counteract the increased levels of dopamine anyway. Opiates may help. I've ordered and received Naltrexone however. I suppose when I am stable I might try out Low Dose Naltrexone. Would be nice if it potentiated the mu-opioid receptor but will probably at best end up with those just being slightly stimulated and possibly making the organism lazy again and it stops going to the gym. Maybe I also increase Selegiline to 2.5 ED as anxiety almost seems to be binary. Also forgot, Selegiline has practically cured my socialphobia I've had since 1994. Never thought it had such an impact. But there's no mystery to it. Increased dopamine at wherever the "selfesteemcenter" is usually equals increased selfesteem. Could probably been helpful if I had got it around 1997 or so.
  5. I ought to say for those finding Fluoxetine somewhat anything. Fluoxetine is an HT-2c antagonist it increases dopamine and norepineprhrine in the frontal cortex by doing something funny by detaching the GABAneurons from the serotoninterminals. Documented by Stephen M Stahl and I had the opportunity and permission to write that into wikipedia.
  6. Well I havent read your latest input. I ought to say that Selegiline turned me into a petitbourgise. It's like having a stick over ones head with a banana. I'm pending between 2.5 mg Eachj Other Day and and well it doesn't matter. There wasn't much of whininess coming from it before someone started to talk about "hedonISM being the way of life".. If you want hedonISM there's always the fscking syringe. Don't expect to build somekind of life. You "have" to build up your hedonictone if you want something different from this state. You might get to that point by using Selegiline (MAO-B Inhibitator) but you have to pay the price with anxiety. I'd expect another way would be using a MU-opioid partial agonist like buprenorphine. Good luck with that.. Another thing factor like what I see as a bright contributor Iamnumb(I think) would be that HT-2a(mglu 2) agonist regarding the playfullnessfactor regarding things.
  7. I also don't believe in G-D!. I also don't believe in http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/LVanswers/2010/04-29.html Matthew 13:12. The point is to FEEEEEL good at any price. Never mind if someone else is paying for it. If your'e consistently feeling good you are per definition a good person. This of course brings with it that person feeling bad must be a bad person. You are what you feel. For instance if your'e feeling bad by getting raped by a unscrupulous hedonist that's what you should feel and at the same time that rapist would be a good person as while he's feeling better he's also becoming a better person. I hope you understand sarcasm. Seriously, I propose someone clear this thread from sadists. If people like Matt is allowed to keep on spewing his manure I am out.
  8. @earwaxxer, Wellbutrin is NOT in the same class as Agomelatine. Agomelatine is a HT-2c antagonist with Melatonergic M1 and M2 agonism. HT-2c antagonism should increase Norepinephrine and Dopamine in prefrontal cortex but the distribution isn't general though some of the Dopamine may be distributed to nearly located parts in the brain( Stephen M Stahl, Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications Rev 4) Wellbutrin is a NDRI, Norepinephrine Dopamine Reuptake inhibitor which would guarantee a more widespread effect. I've taken them both and Wellbutrin actually did something (social anhedonia)though being quite anxiogenic when perhaps Agomelatines effect could be a bit like Fluoxetine(sort of activating) as that SSRI also has an HT-2c antagonism(NDDI). In defence of Agomelatine that drug at least has a study saying it may work for anhedonia. If it do so I suppose it's rather about the lack of sideeffect SSRI's tend to induce than some magic related to the melatonergic system.
  9. jaiho, cowabunga! sad_girl06, thanks for endocrinological feedback regarding nighthawk. Dichotomy, inflammations are interesting also is cortisol. Though being stressed out as crap I respond somewhat well to SSRI which is said to increase cortisol. Also Mirtazapine was really bad here in the long run. I guess for some there's a subjective "feeling" of stress while actually stresshormones could be considered too low. I don't know what's norepinephrine is considered to be but norepinephrine without SSRI really turned things evil. itstrevor, good insights as always. okish, probably a good read. However I am a firm believer of learning the hard way. So to say with the "depression" gone people selfesteem enough to make up ones own mind about what's good for oneself. For me it seems to have been "lack of dopamine". Obvious by taking the effect of Selegiline and Wellbutrin into account. As for excersise I have been recommended doing that 30 minutes a day. Not that too hard with selegilne combined with low amounts caffine and/or possibly low doses of nicotine however I've been a bit decadent lately and developed a sense for alcohol instead. If it's true one gets some kind of endorphine release by excersise and dopamine potentially potentiates opioid-response as Trevor pointed out that's a real good reason to keep on doing that. But again thanks to the antidopaminergic effect SSRIs have had by themselves it's hard to be driven enough without something like selegiline.
  10. Nope, probably depressed with lack of assertiviness. When in the deepest s*** (without SSRI) I got material enough to start a religion. Some norepinephrine RI might help to make onself to state ones business. I noticed that when adding Reboxetine to fluoxetine,, some commented I become more "declaring". Any luck with your endo-doctor? I just imagine some thyroidhormone could help but if not that there's usually Reboxetine, Duloxetine or Venlafaxine. However I am one of those that wants my penis somewhat intact (for sentimental reasons) and therefore choose Selegiline as a dopaminergic/norepinephrine boost. I imagine Venlafaxine Buspirone could do the same but I rather suspect Dopamine D2 agonist at Buspirone low doses than HT-1a agonism. Fluoxetine + Buspirone had me prosocial (though not even relieving social anhedonia). The bad/good thing with Selegiline is that it always has me whipped. The guy who prescribed med recommended me to use higher doses that I feel fine settling on and also asked me to workout at least 30 minutes a day(no problem). I am restless as crap, but at least make things finally happen- I've sort of accepted I have to go on and see if I find some meaning in anything at all as all my past interests is long gone but when I see someone reflecting about himself imagining he's a psychopath (as a nail in the coffin I just can't imagine you being exploitative from what I've read at least) I just relate to that guiltridden state one gets into when depressed. If you have not I'd get into touch with a doc if I were you. I am having a problem keeping track of all your previously taken drug(s). Maybe everyone should list them at the bottom of their entry (almost every forum apply that format). It would also be interesting to know if there's any truth in skinaging related to Wellbutrin. As I mentioned before it really helped for social anhedonia and it would suck for those without non allergy. I am not into fearmongering but when even my old doc was surprised I went allergic to Wellbutrin which seems to be like 3/100 I suspect one should be alert.
  11. @tiba, check your friend for hypothyroidism? @ramkuma, people staying together long enough starts to poop with the toiletdoor open.
  12. I am not surprised selegiline didn't "work" either but as I am stuck with something that needs to calm down the amygdala (SSRI) which all of it's consequences I need some "compensation". There's other areas in the brain other than the reward circuits. There's a natural reason for those to downregulate though what is there to say about those keeping up their interests like forever? I don't expect tachyphylaxia(poop out) for parkinson-patients taking pro-dopaminergic or MAO-B inhibitors. Maybe there is but the circuit is mainly substantia nigra. I don't remember about volition but think striatum is involved. Overall after this time I think this actually may have been helpful and MAYBE it's leading somewhere instead of me sitting in my room and becoming monomanic looking to link receptors and circuits with "lack of reward deficiency". Except for ritalin I'd still be looking for something potentiating mu-opioid response if I wanted something for consummatoric anhedonia. However as I went out last yesterday drunk and somewhat irritated some girl jumped up in my knee and that was reward as good as anything. It sure not as subtle as before 1994 but perhaps in some cases it's something evolutionary saying not to waste more times on (subtle) toys. If it wasn't for selegiline I wouldn't probably have been there, and even If i had my selfesteem previously at rockbottom would have scared her away. It didn't end well, but it was an experience.
  13. I've stopped playing games, I am trying to reappreciate music somewhat again after Mirtazapine robbed that thing away. Basically I try to stay sober as I dont want to get fat and the "high" sucks and the lows afterwards. If I had access to grass I'd probably spend my day smoking it. As for today I probably wander pub from pub even if my so called friends don't contact me. It's my birthday tomorrow and saturday is today. I prefer to keep in good condition but it's to apathetic for that and drinking conflicts with trainingsresults. But good news! Selegiline has restored my penis 14-18 years too late or so (I mean I actually had a GF for 5 months 2004 or so). The psychiatric care is so worthless I am suspecting a cosmic joke with me as the but. So except for drugs which I am unable to acquire my interest is set to nil. Thanks to doctors outside this hellforsaken excuse for a country I at least got selegiline which makes me feel better in a bitter way. One needs selfesteem to take oneself seriously enough to be bitter.
  14. I was about to write this earlier though I am not in the same mood as then. I skipped fluoxetine 2.5 mg. Basically at that time I felt it boiled down to selfesteem. Being able to take on the world, knowing nothing is the end of the world and so on. Some tolerance for doing misstakes. I am an phobic-laid,inhibited person which sadly fscked up quite seriously recently due to alcohol. I am glad that I've met people who is laughing at that misstake.The combination of 5 mg selegiline, 5 mg escitalopram, 2,1 g sarcosine(dont know if it's doing anything) + 2,5 fluoxetine put me in that state. Selegiline hasn't been tried out enough but I am quite sure the thing which is the major thing. Matt pointed out for him it's some sort of defensive mechanism probably related to panicattacks. Panicattack was the thing bringing this on 1994 after a period of "stress". I think "this" is mainly about emotional numbing and derealization though I have this lack of wanting and liking thing as well but this emotional numbing I think is at the bottom of it. Fear of fear, fear of change, fear of emotion and so on. In my experience crowned by some fear of seeing anyone. This is where I think dopamine may be helpful. This won't go away for me without drugs. I've lost too much time not taking some seriously working on dopamine due to foremost stupidity of doctors. Dopamine is like "will to live", "self esteem" and so on. Imagine getting your head emptied from that. If there's anxiety going on then yes maybe SSRI. If it some fear of whatever then go for dopamine either in the form of Wellbutrin or MAO-inhibitors. If there's also a need for drive possibly with the risk of increased anxiety then maybe some norepinephrine either in form of Reboxetine, Wellbutin or MAO-I. Not much more to do if you were sort of brought up to hate yourself. Sure there's also the option of phenylalanine, tyrosine, 5-htp. I wouldn't call 5-htp particulary "natural" as it's an extraction and sent overseas, nothing you would be able to do without technology anyway therefore I shrug away somewhat from pseudonatural things. The only thing I noticed with it was penisissues but I wasn't taking it for long. Hence, nothing of this I've brought up(including this short period of low dose selegiline) except for Wellbutrin really has helped me with anhedonia (at least social). I see overcoming fear and therefore implicitly overcoming emotional numbness is of a more urgent matter for those it affects.
  15. 28 July added 5mg selegiline Sarcosine 2,1 mg 18th of july Escitalopram like 2 months Fluoxetine 2,5 mg 20th of july Selegiline 5 mg. 28 th of july per advice from my cyberdoc, Sadly he didn't recommend trying Wellbutrin SR to bypass XR allergy. Not even antihistamics was recommended,. In general I trust DRI action more as Pramipexole didn't do other giving me tics under the right eye. But what to do with docs involved in some powertrip congratulating themselves for the bravery of denying patients psychostimulants.
  16. Opioids has been brought up. Conclusion: At least partial mu-opioid buprenorphine may be interesting. Once in a while someone report good effect from Kratom. Another approach would be using a kappa agonist (due to some inverse relationship between kappa and mu-opioid receptors). Therefore theoretically kappaagonism would upregulate mu-opioid receptors. Things like Ibogaine, Salvia divinorum has been brought up (actually someone in this thread has used it. It seemed helpful but can't recall if there really was any effect regarding anhedonia.). Another approach might be blocking mu-opioid receptors by using naltrexone. I am unsure if that leads to muR-upregulation. The thing I like with MJ indica is feeling relaxed and the intensifying of emotions (which is mostly flat). It's really not like it brings in passion and enthusiasm (Ritalin did that for me). In my case not even for social interaction (Wellbutrin did that) but likely the opposite. After this ca 2.5 fluoxetine(+ 5 mg escitalopram and 2,1 g sarcosine) things has been somewhat better. Despite being apathetic in general there seems to have been some mental activation i. Maybe it's another example of a "wired but tired" state but better than being "unwired". As I won't get Ritalin prescribed and happens to be allergic to Wellbutrin there's basically just one change I am considering. Adding 5 mg selegiline. If that doesn't work I consider it a FIA and go on like this, maybe spicing it up with random illegal drug once in a while and buy viagra or something.
  17. it's tempting but do not leave the real endocrinologists unemployed.
  18. 2.5 mg Fluoxetine taken 4 hours ago. I've almost been able to laugh, stimulated in a good nonanxious way. Hypofrontalism confirmed for the 5th time. Probably need ritalin for volition, keeps on taking sarcosine.
  19. The sarcosine did arrive today afterall. I started out with 1,4 g, if for some reason does not happen I will try this for 1 month. If nothing has changed or there's a weak effect I try 2,1 g for the rest of the powder. It tasted better than I expected.
  20. Ackording to Essential Psychopharmacologhy Rev 3 an 4(Stephen M Stahl) the thing with HT-2c antagonism is increasing norepinephrine and dopamine in prefrontal cortex by some sort of detaching of GABAinterneurons from the serotoninterminals. So supposely HT-stimulation would activate GABA indirectly however people seems to get anxiety if anything at the beginning of SSRIinsertion. Maybe HT->GABA "rule" doesn't apply everywhere, maybe inhibitation of some circuits causes anxiety but as benzodiazepine has a relaxing effect for most people the increase of cortisol by serotoninincrease could be suspected. Maybe a combination. Smoking grass seems to increase cortisole but I guess yet feels calming for most. Yeah I believe one could expect some kind of weak numbing GABAeffect from SSRI in the limbicsystem if not the blunting is from HT-2c antagonism activating prefrontal cortex so it gets "better" control over amygdala. Former is more likely (can't of course exclude combinations) as it didn't "work" here or at most very very slightly with Mirtazapine or Clomipramine here, even taken together. Which in turns probably would mean something nonserotinergic like Agomelatine probably won't work for me if there's not any other magic involved. But other less amygdaloidchallenged may have better luck ofcourse.
  21. Yeah, I also still suspect HT-2a antagonism evidenced specially by usage of Mirtazapine. Antagonism of HT-2a also seems to reduce dopamine(release?). The reason I mentioned HT-2c was due to the increased anxiety of escitalopram. An anxiety I didn't recall from Fluoxetine which has a HT-2c antagonism. I've waited for the "anxiolytic" effect of escitalopram 10 mg for 2 weeks now and the only thing it has given is increased anxiety. And yet again even though downregulation of HT-2c may decrease anxiety why the **** would anyone want to increase cortisollevels to archieve that? Increasing cortisollevels may help for atypical depression though. If one wants to try something before for Ethanol or benzodiazepine for anxiety then maybe Agomelatine may be reasonable or so to give bigpharmas a welldeserved shaft (servier hellas in this case) perhaps combine low dose Fluoxetine (2.5) with Melatonine. I'll try to get of my Doc from his powertrip which he is in due to depriving me of my Clonazepam. If that doesn't happen I'll let everyone know his sadistic policies turned me into an alcoholic. Sure there's some room for being rational. I could keep on taking 10 mg escitalopram and use ethanol for 1-2 weeks and see if that HT-2c receptor has been knocked out. I could also lower escitalopram to 5 mg and wait for the Fluoxetine shipment and try adding 2.5 mg fluoxetine to escitalopram and then increase escitalopram. Another option is to wait for my slow doc to augment escitalopram with Agomelatine but knowing him he finds another stupid reason for not doing that like he did with MAO-I Inhibitors. Trying to get along with 10 mg escitalopram definitely won't help anhedonia (if there's any HT-2aR left after Mirtazapine + Clomipramine ) though.
  22. ******* had it, escitalopram 10 mg. All I do is sleep and when I wake up I have severe anxiety. Ive survived thanks to some leftover clonazepam. I'll switch it to alcohol soon. Dont like it increasing dopamine though but maybe I can get cocky enough with that to change something in this "life". I've ordered fluoxetine, Sarcosine wont probably see the light of day. I'll augment escitalopram with 2.5 mg fluoxetine as I suspect problemreceptor now is HT-2c. Eventually other SSRI downregulate it but everykind of s***drug increasing Serotonin is also increasing cortisol. Why would anyone want to increase cortisol if you have anxiety? Agomelatine seems tempting at this moment theoretically, And in hindsight, why would anyone want to downregulate HT-2a even more at this rate.. At least I could enjoy music somewhat before gods mistake Mirtazapine. Thanks Ger and Analogy and welcome to this thread.
  23. if one wants something that theoretically should have similar "activating effects" as fluoxetine and at least has one study claiming that it may help for anhedonia theres Agomelatine. Expensive and I guess it would suck for anxiety wasnt it for my 4 other drugs that time.
  24. Dont know if it's empathy but augmenting SSRI with Buspirone did make me to do some out of myself prosocial things. It didn't work for social anhedonia as Wellbutrin+SSRI did. HT-1a and HT-2a receptor activation seems to have similar endocrinological effects (. I dont remember any strenghtening of impressions with buspirone as with grass though. Sarcosine most likely got captured in custom. I might consider buspirone again if it doesn't cause that "nervousness" like last time. After all Fluoxetine was used that time and not escitalopram. I don't know if it's healthy to be around people though if that's the only effect it has.
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