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Jman232

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Everything posted by Jman232

  1. Geez leweez, Elicia! Your job would make me a nervous wreck! Sorry, I would quote you, but the quote function isn't working for me for some reason. I get nervous when a supervisor comes over to my bay to ask how the job is coming along, I can only imagine having him watching me the whole time. I'm a mechanic for the Public Works department of my hometown. And the job really is a mixed bag. It's taught me a lot of different things about cars, and I've gotten some certifications that look good on paper and a CDL, but the job can also be stressful sometimes. I've had a few major screw-ups in the past month and my confidence in the workplace is really shaky these days. I'm planning on an escape route, but I'm stuck here for at least the next year.
  2. Oooh, work emails, sound like fun ^ ;) Not that I have any room to be talking. I've been reading the ASE certification official study manual. Lemme tell ya, a thrill a minute. And when I have time for reading for pleasure, I'm in the middle of The Player of Games by Ian M. Banks. Love me some British sci fi!
  3. I wholeheartedly second what JD4010 said. I love walking, and bicycling too for the reason that it changes my perspective so much from when I'm driving in a car. I tend to notice all the small details around me so much more clearly, and I just feel a lot closer to the world around me, my little home town feels so much bigger. I used to be a faithful bicyclist, and I always loved the feeling of a good ride through town or the trails. Now that I'm a little older and a little busier I'm always making excuses, but after reading the posts on this forum I think it's time to air up the tires in my old Schwinn, blow the dust off, and get back to it...
  4. I'm still figuring that out. I feel quite genderfluid most of the time, I enjoy wearing women's clothing, and lately find myself attracted to men as well as women, at least sexually. I am in a happy marriage with a woman who is very open minded and considers her gender quite fluid as well. I think at the end of the day gender not as rigid or dichotomized as some people make it out to be. So whether I'm feeling more masculine or feminine, I'm just me. :)
  5. I agree with RatBoy and Afflicted 100% If you can learn to be comfortable in your own shoes on your own and pursue the things in life that please you, you will be that much more prepared for a romantic relationship when the opportunity for one arises. I've jumped into relationships in the past before because I didn't feel good about myself for some reason or other, and looked for validation in the form of a partner, which really just left me hurting more in the long run. Try to make some time for yourself, look for things you like to do and are passionate about and pursue them, if you have friends you like make time to hang out with them, just learn to be comfortable and like you for you. It'll make the relationships alot better too :) And like Ratboy said, women aren't a monolithic group, they are all individuals, approaching them on that level with help you get over any hangups you've had in the past. Just my two cents for what it's worth :)
  6. Thank you, Writer, for those words of wisdom. I came here to read the thread and found them very helpful for me as well And for you, Audioslave, I feel like Writer has said a lot better any advice I would dispense to you. But for what it's worth, I have been through similar experiences. There have been times I felt so let down by failed relationships. I hope you find peace of mind and I commend you for seeking professional help early on. Best wishes.
  7. Ugh, I shudder at the though, being as how I am not a fan of contemporary pop country in the least... But Jason Aldean's Dirt Road Anthem really does is for me when I'm feeling a mix of down and nostalgic. Yeah I'm chillin on a dirt road Laid back swervin like I'm George Jones Smoke rollin' out the window, An ice cold alcohol sittin' in the console Memory lane up in the headlights It's got me reminiscing on them good times I'm turning off the real life drive and that's right I'm hittin' easy street on mud tires Haha I've grown into a hipster liberal with a bleeding heart, but sometimes I wish I could hop in my old blue Mustang, pick up a few pals on a summer night, and go cruising down the backroads in my old home town. And this song has a way of bring that feeling to me like no other.
  8. I can completely empathize with y'all. I'm 24 now and finally getting over longing to return to high school. It can be such a hard transition to go from being in a large social setting like high school where you can surround yourself with cool like-minded people your own age, to college or the job field and watch so many of them get their own seperate lives and slip into irrevelance. Social media like Facebook don't help, though I do remind myself that people usually only post the cool stuff from their lives of social media, so it's more of an illusion how much better off everyone else is. Still, I do empathize. I'm going through a rough patch in my marriage, and sometimes I slip into thinking of younger times....
  9. My life is in a slump. I know this sounds cliche, but it just feels like I'm spinning my tires in the mud with nowhere to go. I guess this is what you would call a quarter life crisis. I've always experienced depression in some form or other at various points in my life. When I was a kid in Elementary through Middle School I had long bouts with unexplained sadness and was prescribed anti-depressants for most of that time. Then in high school things felt pretty easy enough for the most part, my life wasn't incredible or super fulfilling, but I lived comfortably in my small town, enjoyed my high school experience, and had a small handful of close friends who meant the world to me. I was living in a limited but comfortable bubble. Then I graduated high school, and man, what a whirlwind! During my freshman year of college I dealt with the first depressive episodes since middle school. I had come out of high school bright-eyed and idealistic, certain I would hit the ground running and soar from the get go. Not quite. Failing half my classes this first year and coming out with a dismal GPA was a hard but important lesson that from now on, I would have to work for important things in life. Despite that, I made some very valuable friendships during this time, friendships that would last me well into the next five years of my life. And in the years following my freshman year of college, I did a lot of growing up. I went to a community college to study auto-mechanics for a while, and excelled, then I took a hiatus from school to live on my own for a while, I lived in a cracker-box apartment with a good friend and worked two part time jobs to make ends meet, and there were certainly tough times and growing pains, but at the same time the freedom was amazing. For the first time in my life I felt like I was completely my own person. Then I moved in with my dad for a while, had a band with my best friend from college, then moved back to my college town to live with my best friend and two others. During this time I got back with a young lady I had dated earlier, and we decided to date again, and now we are living together, engaged to be married in May. But I still find myself asking, "Is this it?" In that past year and a half, I moved out of said house with three buddies, almost all of my close friends have graduated college and moved far out of town, and I just feel too dang busy to make time for the few remaining around most of the time. I have a loving life partner, I have a stable secure job as a mechanic (something I was going to school for) that pays for a comfortable place to live, but it all just feels so stagnant. In the four years following high school there was a lot of uncertainty, I never quite knew where life would take me next, and while there were times that left me scared out of my wits, it could also be quite exhilerating, to be 21, knowing each year would be an adventure. Now I've lived in this same house and had this same job for a year, and it feels like very little has changed. :/ I could use a healthy dose of direction.
  10. I'm inclined to agree. We live in a very fast-paced world, and being highly sensitive is hard for any gender. My fiancee is an events-coordinator for a non-profit and her job requires long long work weeks, dealing with large groups of people, and no shortage of stimuli. Being both someone with clinical depression and is an introvert by nature, I've seen her have to swallow her tears and force a smile more often than she'd like. Also, I can sympathize. I've always considered myself a bit more sensitive and effeminite (not that those two are necessarily connected, just both looked at as weird in my field of work.) and I work as a mechanic for the city, so there are times I've felt I had to fake a smile. On the flipside, however, working in this kind of environment has thrust me into situations where I've had to think on my feet, and was given a boost of confidence when I came through it okay. Like JimBow said, give yourself a little more confidence and you'll be surprised what you're capable of. :)
  11. I feel for ya! Going through a similar situation! I'm engaged to get married to my partner of 1.5 years, I know I love her and know she knows me, but the past few weeks have been so trying on us, and I don't quite know how to communicate it all to her. Lately more and more I've been telling myself breaking it all off and breaking up might be better, but that scares me to think that! I don't want to just give up something meaningful when it becomes hard, but man it is hard sometimes. Considering couples therapy.
  12. Hmmm, I don't have a whole lot, but I will say try not to blame yourself too much. It's tough to hear something like that coming from your significant other, but you need not blame yourself. It sounds like life in general is just stressing him out. But that's not your fault. If it feels like this could develop into a bigger problem down the road, suggest counseling for him too. I'm in a similar situation, my gf and I have been living together for almost a year and I'm going to school and working and she has a stressful job which demands a lot out of her, so sometimes it gets to us, but in the end it's more our lives and not each other. I hope this offered something :)
  13. This is a decision that's frankly been a long time coming in my life. I'm saying goodbye to hard liquor. I plan on still having a alcohol here and there, but no more drinking the hard stuff and getting stupid drunk until I'm spinning in circles hurting everyone around me. I started drinking casually when I was 19, and some of it was pretty harmless, laughing with friends, giggling at all hours of the night, then crashing at my parent's house. But it's just not the same anymore. I have more stress in my life than I did then (just growing up), and issues with repressed anger and low self esteem, that, while I can keep under control with a clear head, seem to rear themselves in ugly ways when I'm drunk. It really hit me that I need to quit New Year's Eve. I was feeling a little tense that night, hanging out with the fiancee and some of her friends, first at a bar, then at a house party, and I got smashed and ended up screaming at her. It was just ugly, really. Anymore it seems alcohol makes me mean and stupid. So my new year's resolution is two-pronged, first, deal with those problems i have in a constructive manner (counseling, etc) and second, cut out the hard liquor. Anyone else had to come to this decision?
  14. Hmm, it was kind of an on/off thing for me. I was diagnosed by a psychologist when I was very young, maybe about 7. I remember bursting into tears a lot in class when I was in elementary, and I took antidepressants until I was in the 6th grade. Then in middle school and high school I made some good friends, and just kinda mellowed out. Then when I began college again I would have episodes, but usually fairly isolated. Then in the past year and a half it's gradually become more prevalent. I'm not as depressed as I was as a kid, but more so than when I was a teenager. I think a lot of it has to do with my work, growing up, facing adulthood, a lot of friends moving away, etc.
  15. I know exactly where you're coming from! I got a job as a mechanic for the city, and my employment contract stated that I have to obtain my CDL within 6 months or I get fired. I'm on about month four/four and a half now, and the management keeps telling me how I need to go out and take the test, but the only way I can train is to drive the city trucks, and they're soooo unorganized, I've put in maybe four hours of drive time in the last two months. My job really isn't that bad, and I only planned on keeping it for about a year and half to save up for school, but the stress of this CDL business is driving me crazy, I'm beginning to think if I just get fired at the end of the six months wouldn't be so bad. I mean, I'd like to have my CDL too, but the stress is driving me cray.
  16. Man, that's tough. I don't know what you've done, but I think it's safe to say we've all swept a few major skeletons into the closet. I know I have. I'd say take it one day at a time. Make that conscious effort to keep from going back to your old ways that haunt you now. In time as you see yourself becoming the better person for longer and longer, it ought to be easier to think of it as water under the bridge. :) Just my two cents.
  17. Thanks for all the input! And thanks, Frangi, for all the information. I think that being said I'll keep my options open and discuss it with a doctor when I can go to the clinic. And Incinderslie, yes, I have been depressed as well, I posted about it a day or so before this post. Yeah, that does sound like a good idea. I'll look into psychiatrists around the area and see if I can schedule an appointment. Also it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to see my therapist again. And for those of you mentioning it, I also am still keeping CBT on the table, because it's helped me before, so I'm keeping that with or without the meds. These past few weeks have been stressfull, but on the bright side I'm really looking forward to the next week. I'm only working three days, the fiancee and puppy will be out of town for a week, so I'll have a quiet house to myself. So I'm going to take the week to give myself some quality time to treat myself. I'm thinking early to bed for early mornings, enrolling back in school, catching up with old friends, and just giving myself some time to relax. :)
  18. Also, for those of you who have taken such meds, could you give me your feedback? Did they help? Thanks!
  19. Hey all. Lately I've been looking into taking anti-anxiety meds. I've been working at my new job for about 4 months now, and sometimes it feels so stressful it drives me crazy. It's not terrible, it's just when I get alot on my plate at work it makes me very tense and anxious, especially when dealing with my coworkers, and I feel some anti-anxiety meds could do me good to take the edge off and help me better perform my job and not stress about it when I'm off the clock. I work a 9-5 Mon-Fri work schedule, and I won't be able to take much time off for the next few months, so it's hard for me to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. I was wondering, are anti-anxiety meds such as Xanax something a general practice doctor can prescribe? Or would I have to go to a psychiatrist? I have insurance and a steady income, so money isn't the issue, just time. There's an after-hours clinic right here in town that I could go to after work, and that would be great if I can. Thanks -Jon
  20. Hmmm, I'll have to look into that. Sounds like it's worth a try. Thanks, y'all! And Aoibh, I agree with no caffeine after 1 pm, I've adopted a policy of not drinking anything with caffeine after lunch time, especially on a week day.
  21. I would concurr with Megan on this one. Have you ever worked a job like this one before? Sometimes starting a new job, especially one that holds new experiences for you, can be trying. And it can be very easy to fall into the belief that because the first week was hellacious, the rest of your time there will be. But it certainly can get better. Give it a few weeks, and if you're having serious doubts about it, talk to your manager. I remember I used to work as a mechanic at a local Firestone Auto Care. I felt like I didn't get along with any of my coworkers, and that I was constanly being reprimanded for something I didn't know how to do. At the end of the week I told my boss I didn't know if I would make it much longer, on the verge of tears. He was a very stern but very caring man and he told me to loosen up and stick it out. And I'm glad I did. I started getting along with my coworkers, and even made friends with a few of them. So give it another week or two and see how it pans out. You're stronger than you think. :)
  22. I've also been intaking alot of caffeine, a lot more than I used to. It seems lately I've been using the little buzz it gives me for a temporary boost and to forget for a minute that I'm depressed, but I'm thinking cutting back a little on the soda and coffee can also benefit me. Anyone else done this?
  23. I know a good therapist that I've been seeing on and off for the past five months or so. I haven't gone to her lately, but I've been thinking it's a good idea to start up again. My sleep schedule has also been a wreck, as has my diet. So last night was the first time I've had a good 8 hours sleep in a while. So I'm sure that's contributed. I'm also going to start excercising and return to eating healthy. I feel like if I can start with these things first, and feel physically healthy, that'll be another step closer to getting myself back on track. And thanks for the advice, Angel, I'll try my best to stay positive. :)
  24. I just don't know what to do any more. I'm stuck in a rut and it's been going consistently for the past few months now. I'm depressed. I feel like my life is just settling down into a slow grinding bog and I feel like there's no getting out of it without some kind of Herculean effort. This hasn't been an over-night change from happy and content to weary and restless, but it did take me a little by surprise when I realized I had gotten this far. For the past five years I've graduated high school, gone to college a little here and there, spent some time just working making it out on my own, and this and that, and even though I had some shaky times, for the most part things were alright, I'd get down here and there, and I would find myself lonely, but I always had a solid group of friends to stick it out with, and share the good times. But, in the past eight months or so, it feels like so much has changed. I'm in a relationship with a woman I love, we're engaged to get married, and we now share a home together. We both have our depressive episodes and struggles with that, and when they coincide, it can be taxing, but we both love each other very much and we stick it out. I am very thankful to have her in my life. But... I feel like I've lost so much color to my life. Most of the close friends I had from college have either graduated and moved out of the state. Things got tense between my best friend and girlfriend, especially when her and I started getting closer, and things never really recovered between he and I, and now he's moved three hours away from where I live. It feels like I lost a best friend. And it seems the friends I do have left are mostly out of town, and we hardly have the time to line our schedules up. I also got a full-time job as a mechanic for the city. It pays well, and I get benefits, but it's probably the most stressful job I've had, and working it five days a week really wears me out. I know I wanna do so much more with my career than working on cars my whole life, but I could really use the money for now. Add the fact that the fiancee and I just got a puppy dog, and it feels like I just don't have the time and energy to do a whole lot any more. My creativity has suffered. I used to have a hip hop duo with my old best friend and we had a lot of fun playing at local venues and writing music, but then that fell through. I've been working on a graphic novel, but it's had to find the energy for that too sometimes. I know this sounds like a whiny soundboard for my problems. But I just needed to share this with someone. I feel like I've lost alot of my self, and I just feel so out of touch with my friends and family. I'm depressed and I have a good reason to believe it's a lot of it stems from being in this big rut. And I'd like to find a way out.... Open to any suggestions or feedback. Thanks. -Jon
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