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Everything posted by Jman232

  1. ^SunnierDays2 I am happy to read your post :) It's good to be in a place with people you enjoy. I've had one or two coworkers in my time that always managed to brighten my day, and I'm glad you can have that too.
  2. A very supportive father who never stops encouraging me onward and always makes sure he's a part of my life, long after I've become and adult and moved out. A job that while not always fun or enjoyable is stable, and provides for a comfortable standard of living. A coworker that has taken me under his wing, that, dare I say, I could call a friend.
  3. Thanks, SufferInSilence! It was a pretty good weekend. :) The wife and I went to the park and celebrated our anniversary together, only one person showed up, but that's okay, it was kinda nice being alone in the nature. And then Monday we met up with a good friend at the dog park and had a nice late lunch at a food truck park.
  4. I see. I'm glad to hear you're both being open about this and have had good discussions regarding it. :) And now that you're both employed, the amount of time you two are apart should balance out some. That reflex reaction you talked about seems to be the main struggle then. Do you have a therapist or counselor you see? If so this would be a good thing to bring up to them. Feeling rejected is always so hard to deal with :( I would say maybe acknowledge your sharp feeling of sadness, but also remind her that it is a part of your depression, and not her fault. Yes, you should respect her personal space and boundaries, but she should also respect and acknowledge your struggle with depression. Once again I wish you two the best! Being in love isn't always easy, but it is worth it :)
  5. In some ways I can certainly empathize. I was going through a pretty steep depressive episode when my wife and I first started dating. I just remember feeling so floored (in a good way lol) by this amazing free spirited loving individual I had met and how I wanted to spend every waking moment with her. At a time when I felt so low she could make me feel like a million bucks, and sometimes I just didn't want to leave her side. But I've also come to realize the importance of giving your partner their space at times and still respecting them as their own individual person. I'm sorry you get to feeling so sad, and know that that's not your fault. And especially with going back into the work force, starting a new job, it sounds like you're in the middle of some big transitions, so I imagine having your girlfriend in your life is a nice piece of stability. (I too started dating my wife in the middle of some big transitions) What I would say to you is sit down with her and have an honest conversation about it. You said she emailed you claiming she doens't have enough space, this may be her way of saying she just would like a little more "me time" for herself. And I can certainly understand depression distorting things like this in your mind, so totes understandable if it felt like a heavy blow. But I'd say set her down, lay it all in the open, address how you feel and how she feels, and talk it out, explain that you're sorry she feels that way, and how you just get so sad, but also acknowledge her needs for space, and perhaps you two can both try to work out boundaries, maybe have her reassure you that it's not personal, she just needs some alone time. Setting boundaries and guidelines like this in a relationship is never really fun, but it is super important, and an important stage of a growing relationship. Sorry if that was a long winded post. I wish you the best :)
  6. ^Good question. This Sunday is the first year anniversary for my wife and I, so we will be celebrating at a local wilderness park with close friends. And thankfully since this will be memorial day weekend, we will have that Monday off as well.
  7. @JJRecovery- I agree with you 100 percent on the idea of breaking away from being a typical employee! I'm in the process of getting my own business off the ground (working on the side until it gives me the income that I can quit my 9-5), and for me one of the biggest incentives is that I'm just so sick of being chained to working bankers hours. No flexibility. @SufferinSilence- Yes and no, there have been times I did something nice on a Sunday, but lately I've gotten pretty lazy about it, I really need to start planning things a week or a few days in advance so I have something to look do on Sunday. And Monday
  8. It's good to know I'm not the only one. I think I need to start planning things, even just little things like taking my dog to the park on Monday evening and little things throughout the week to help make the transition smoother
  9. I didn't quite know if this was fitting in the depression section, because its not my major issue with depression/anxiety. But man, do I get the Sunday night blues. It doesn't matter how good or bad my weekend was, if I sat around at the house and did nothing all Saturday and Sunday or if I went out on a fun road trip with my wife, either way, come about 5-6ish Sunday evening, I start feeling really low, completely dreading going back to work the next day and imagining all the terrible things that could come my way. Then Monday morning comes and I feel really low, have to pretty much drag myself out of bed and into my clothes. And then without fail Monday draws to a close and I feel quite a bit better come Tuesday. And rinse and repeat, no matter how much I recognize that this is a pattern, I just can't shake those Sunday night blues. I feel stuck and unhappy with my current career position, so that may be some part of it, and I definitely have my struggles outside of Sunday and Monday, but I can tell this is something all on its own. Does anybody else here get it bad?
  10. Actually not quite end rant. To top it all off my poor wife has been struggling with depression lately, and this lately turn of events has set her close to suicidal. I hope we can get things worked out soon so she can have some stability in her life. Mine too I guess haha. Don't know what I would do without her.
  11. Yes, welcome, Ruth! I hope you find this place a place where you can share your feelings without fear of judgement. I wish you the best! Ohhhh my goodness. When it rains it really pours. Monday I went into this week feeling pretty good, everything seemed in order. I had a good Monday at work, payed my car off, and scored a sweet deal on a bicycle trailer. Then Tuesday it all started going to poop. Got a call Tuesday night from a customer of mine (I'm a mechanic 9-5 but I do work on the side) complaining about some issues his car is having that may or may not be related to a repair I made, so now I need to try to make the time to meet him and verify this. Then Wednesday my wife's car breaks down. At the time I'm hopeful it's something I can fix. Then just yesterday I find out the problem with her car is more serious than I anticipated and it may not be feasible for us to repair it. I also made a mistake at work that I may or may not get reprimanded for (I'll find out as soon as I get there this morning) Annnd to top it all off I have to work Saturday, which means that only leaves me Sunday to try to either fix her car (an all day ordeal which might not resove the problem in the first place) or scramble to try to rent a car or borrow one. She commutes to the city to work and needs a vehicle, and she can't drive mine because it's a stick. Bleh, what a week. End rant.
  12. I am so sorry you're struggling with this :( I agree with the above post. You said you'll be graduating university soon. Does the school you attend have a counselor/therapist you can visit s a student. My wife liked her school therapist so much she continues to see her after she's graduated. And I have a lot of admiration for your wanting to stick it out and your determination to do so, but that sounds like a toxic work environment. Trust me, no job is worth going through all that trouble and grief for. I've never worked in your field, but I can imagine it's pretty stressfull. There are better jobs out there. And since you're graduating soon, you may want to use this as your time to start looking for a job in your field. And should your first "grownup" job be just as toxic, you can keep looking. Try different types of jobs and see what works for you. I have friends who graduated with a certain degree, then after a year or so of trying different jobs out, found one in a different field that they found they enjoyed. Just don't let yourself feel trapped. You're worth so much more than how this place treats you.
  13. ^ I hear you about the weather! Down here in Oklahoma it's JUST now starting to turn nice after some crazy March snow storms. I'm actually feeling pretty good. Sipping on my coffee before going to work, don't have to leave for another 17 minutes or so. I've finished up all my major projects at work for the week, and we're all caught up, thus I have a pretty laid back Friday to look forward to, then when I get home I pack my bags and I'm off to join my wife in her hometown for the weekend, where I'll spend Saturday helping her dad clear out the garage and all the stuff in her old bedroom. I know that may sound like a chore, but it's been something they've been needing to do for a while now, and I know getting rid of all that baggage will be a cathartic experience for all of us. So, I'll say for now, I'm feeling pretty good. :)
  14. Hi! It's been a few weeks since you posted this, so I figured I'd ask how the new job's been treating you? I can relate in a way. About two years back I went from a really easy but dead-end job that left me feeling unchallenged and worthless to my current job, which is the first real "grownup" job I've ever had (health insurance, vacation time, retirement, all that stuff). And it can be really stressful sometimes, but also really rewarding, I feel like it's challenged me in a lot of ways, and while that can suck sometimes, it's also caused me to grow a lot in the past two years. I think it's good that you call it startup anxiety, because that's what it is. After a year, I can imagine it can feel like a really big task getting back into the swing of a full time job. But after a while that too while begin to feel like the routine. What really keeps me going is trying to take it one day at a time. Mondays are always the worst for me, because I have to return to work with a bunch of unfinished projects from Friday, and they all weigh in on me all Sunday evening. But for as anxious and depressed as I get about them, by Wednesday a lot of them seem irrelevant. And lastly, I don't know what kind of job you work, but mine is Mon-Fri, 9-5, hourly pay, and while I really need to learn to take my own advice on this one, if you can, try to keep a healthy separation between work and home life. If you've had a rough day at work, try to tell yourself at the end of the day you will return to it tomorrow, and that when you are home that is your time. And if your coworkers and management seem cool, being open about your fears and anxieties can work to take some of the load off. Remember, you're not alone! Wishing you the best. :)
  15. Absolutely. I met my wife almost three years ago, and looking back in retrospect I would still know beyond a shadow of a doubt she's the one for me. We both have depression, although hers is a bit more severe than mine. There are times it can be trying for either of us, but I feel there is also a deep understanding for how the other is feeling that helps.
  16. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. It's a bit dense at times, I actually tried reading it once as a 21 year old and didn't finish it. But a must read for any gear-head
  17. Moogie, this is totally out of left field, but I just wanted you to know that I really like your avatar picture :) Meh... I hate Sunday evenings. Starting around 5:30 I just get this sinking dread of returning to work the following morning which just gets heavier and heavier :( Some days I just feel burnt out from my job, it's darn good money, especially considering I don't have a college degree, but it just drives me crazy some times. I won't be there forever, I know, but for another year at least. I hate the mentality that corporate America endorses which is pretty much: - Goes to work with a suit and tie, sits at a desk= intelligent, has a college degree -Works with hands, be it maintenance, auto repair, construction, carpentry= stupid, simple-minded. -Works retail or service industry: Lazy teenagers, UGH, why should THEY want things like health insurance, full-time hours, or a liveable wage? *sighs* I'm just being bitter now. I know, I know, that kind of attitude doesn't help anything, but sometimes I just need to blow off a little steam -__-
  18. ^ I hear ya on not doing the excercises. I tend to want to just read through books like that the first time to take in the content, and then think about it. And THEN I go back and look over the excercises. I've been binge-reading a ton of space opera sci fi, so now I've decided to come back to Earth and picked up my old copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
  19. I see some solid advice on the subject in the posts above me. Oh boy, this is always a tough one. I'm still in my mid-20s, and married now, but if it's any consolation I can relate. It seems the older we get the more it feels like there's some imperative to find a companion to latch onto. And I imagine this is a pressure shared by men and women alike. When I was in high school I didn't give a flip about dating, because, despite my major maturity shortcomings, even then I could realize that I was stupid young and had time, was onto bigger and better things. But then at 22, as a college dropout living with my dad working for barely above minimum wage... aww man, I was putting some pressure on me then. I guess what I'm getting at is more or less what some of the others have said before me. Keep your standards up, right where you want them, it's really important to know what you want. Trust me, no woman, or heck, no person for that matter, would want to know that they're just what their partner "settled for" because of desperation. It's good to aim high and get a good idea of what you admire in someone. Also, it can get lonely, but don't treat finding someone to love the be-all end-all in life. Seek fulfillment in yourself, keep doing the things in life that give you pleasure and bring fulfillment, treat finding love secondary to that. That way the pressure's off and meeting people feels more natural. And you said you have a good social life, right? Just keep hanging out with your friends and cherish their company, because good friends are just as valuable as a good companionship. I wish you well today, hope things work out for ya :)
  20. Afflicted- She agrees with it, and no, she wouldn't disregard it. I trust her enough that she won't go out and make rash decisions. Other than this disagreement, our partnership is solid. Brokenagain- We're both 25, and thank you!
  21. I'd like to see myself ASE Master certified, with at least one college degree. Still married, and I would like to be in a career field other than auto repair, where I can work on cars on my own time for my own passion, not day in day out to pay the bills. Maybe something in management or sales. I'd like to live in a quaint little two-bedroom house with a garage I can use as my studio/workshop and a nice studio for my wife as well. Perhaps we could invite people over for residencies where we teach them trades. I could teach them auto repair and she could teach printmaking. Hey, one can dream :) And of course an old Honda or Ford in the back yard to tinker with.
  22. Thank you all for your replies and insights. To clarify a few things: I didn't know this going into the relationship. For the first 6 months or so going steady I was under the impression that she would be okay with a monogamous relationship. And to be fair she knew this, and I think to a point she has really tried to make it so, but it's a just some deep-rooted part of her that may not be able to function that way. I may not fully understand that, as I can only know my own deep-rooted feelings on it, but I can sympathize. So I don't think she lied about it, or tried to deceive me going into it, she just came to know how strong her feelings were about it once she found herself in a serious relationship. Since that point when she opened up about it and her doubts, we shared several lengthy discussions on it. These can be frustrating, because we have both swayed back and forth between each others' point of view (trust me, I definitely weighed what the benefits could be of multiple sexual partners myself.) but then we swing back to where we started. I talked to my therapist about it, and her advice was to take it slowly, be honest with each other, and stick with just each other during the first 2-3 years of our marriage, then bring the discussion back to the table when we're a little more settled in with each other. I think this may be the ideal course of action. And Ashleynicole, thank you for that piece of advice! That's something to consider.
  23. Hello all. Lately I've been wrestling with, probably one of the hardest dilemmas I've ever faced. My wife and I have been married for about 9 months now. We have been going steady for a little over two years, and have known each other close to three years. There have been rough times in those three years, there's no doubt about that. There have been a few times I can recall when we have both made mistakes that hurt the other one, but we have forgiven and moved on past those incidents. And I feel our bond has grown stronger for them. But there's been one issue that keeps coming up, that seems harder to reconcile, not as cut and dry as the other things we've faced and overcome. We both love each other, there's no doubt about that, but we have very different ideas of what love is, or how we love others. I want a future with a monogamous partnership, where we share our bodies intimately only with each other. I'm not really religious, but to me that bond we share is sacred. And she views it differently, to her physical intimacy with others is another way to express love, all different kinds of love, not just romantic, so to her monogamy is not ideal, and she has told me that she's not sure she can stay monogamous for the rest of her life. I in return have told her that I'm not sure I could happily live in an open partnership. We both love each other so much, and that's why this dilemma hurts so bad. She's not just some girlfriend I've known for a month, she is my partner for life, my rock, my stability I know I can count on no matter how crappy the rest of my life may get at times. I fell head over heels when I met her, when I was insecure and afraid to fall in love, to get too attached, she was there, she gently brushed those fears aside through love and understanding, and I will always cherish that. But, despite how much we love each other, I'm not sure I could be in an open relationship, and I'm not sure she could be in a monogamous one. It's frustrating for us both, because this is one issue that's hard to find a compromise or middle ground on. It feels like something that has to be full one way or the other, and in that we're both asking the other to change or repress something that's fundamentally part of who they are as a person. We would both be heartbroken if the marriage didn't last because of this, but it's such a complicated issue. I love her so much, and she loves me just as much, but I am scared for our future because of this :(
  24. Mavigo, I'm tickled you brought up the pop-up headlights ^__^ When I was a little boy of about 4 or 5, my dad owned a Dodge Daytona RT. It was turbo charged, had those radical pop up headlights, and even had one of those aluminum louvers over the back window. (remember when cars were that cool?) He would come pick me up from pre-K in it and I thought that was so cool (this was 1994-5ish). He later traded it for a Ford Festiva and I was heartbroken lol. A few years back I traded my 1996 Mustang for a 1990 Honda Prelude. It also had the pop-up headlights. Man was that a fun little car to toss around corners! The little engine had no power, but it was so light and nimble, very responsive. It unfortunately was totaled one fateful day on the busy highway :( I've always liked sports cars from the late 80s-mid 90s for that quality, especially the Hondas and Fords. I'd love to find another Prelude or an old Escort GT. Annnywho, here I am rambling now, but thank you for inadvertently bringing up those fond memories :)
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