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About Jman232

  • Birthday 01/09/1990

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    Fixing old Hondas, science fiction, and hanging out with lovely queer people

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  1. I think what you described is pretty normal. Like others pointed out, sometimes what we fantasize about isn't necessarily what we would do in real life. Sexuality is fluid, and can be subject to change. And it's also pretty common for people to experiment or just imagine being the same sex. Feeling like you're going through an identity crisis is pretty understandable, but take a step back and remember that your sexuality is only one part of who you are :) So, I guess to answer your initial question, no what you described doesn't make you a lesbian. I'm transgender mtf, and went through a phase experimenting with men just prior to transitioning, yet I wouldn't call myself "gay" by any means.
  2. I'm trans, mostly attracted to fem people but I went through a phase experimenting with guys. I think the issue you're talking about is called "bisexual erasure" buy some. It's frustrating, and seems a lot of people want to put sexuality (and gender too for that matter) into a neat little dichotomy that's easy to understand. And it's like anything outside that freaks them out. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that, especially within the lgbt community. I hope you can find some chill people who are willing to accept that sexuality is more than "you're either a or b! No C-Z!"
  3. Thank you for the reply! Sorry for the snarkiness. I agree with you. The idea of dating this person seems appealing to me, but I think a lot of why stems from my missing the human contact from my last relationship. I don't even move out of living with my ex until the end of this month, so yeah, I definitely haven't moved on past this relationship. It's the less sexy option, but right now I need to focus more on centering my life and moving past my ex. Thank you for the reply, Natasha!
  4. Alrighty, then. Apparently I'm the only person on this entire website who's had to navigate the rebound after a long messy breakup. What a relief
  5. Oh my, where to begin. To say the least my life has been less than stable. First off, to clear any pronoun or gender confusion, most of the people involved in this story are trans. Last summer I was in a very tumultuous open relationship with a girlfriend and my husband. All three of us were dating the other two. It's a long story, but things went downhill, and really came to a head in September, where I had a series of colossal fights with them, which led to the eventual breakdown of the relationship. They are still together, but I am single again. I spent about a month living with my dad, and then I have moved back in with them until I can save up the money to put down a deposit and move into my own place. It's less than ideal, but we all try our best to be civil while I live with them another month. Still, it can be painful at times being a 3rd wheel in a household that used to belong to my spouse and I. I can see myself being friends with them in the long run, but for now, God, I gotta get out of this house. Life hasn't been all bad though. I've resumed taking classes, and this summer I will have a 2-year college degree(only took me 9 years!). Last November I finally came to terms with the fact that I am transgender, and begun taking hormones. I have loved the changes they have brought and don't regret my decision for a second. I only regret not doing it sooner. If it still says "male" in my profile it's because I have been too lazy to change that. And here is where things get a little tricky. In one way I'm glad to be broken up with ex husband and gf. It has definitely reduced some of the stressors in my life. But, I think now that it's been a few solid months, the loneliness has set in. There are definitely times where I miss the companionship. And the sex if I'm being honest. So one day I'm visiting a city a few hours up north where some friends live. They are, like my last relationship, a queer open couple. Let's call them E and C. C I have been friends with since high school, we've known each other forever. He is a woman who recently came out as trans to me. (we tend to find each other lol) E is his partner. I just met her back last summer. She is transgender, like me. Over the past few months she and I have really hit it off. Eventually I told my friend and her partner C that I am quite attracted to her. It still feels a little weird to tell your friend of 11 years you dig their partner, but I've been honest and we've all been open and cool about it. Last weekend while C was out of town hiking in the mountains, I drove up and spent the weekend with E. We had a great time. Our sexual chemistry is amazing, and she is a delightful person to hang out with and talk for long stretches of time. At one point lying down next to her I broke down, and confessed that I have a major crush on her, but don't feel the capacity to get involved in another comitted relationship in my life. She smiled and told me that's okay, and it's okay to have those feelings for someone without expectations of it turning into a relationship. She then said she feels the same way. I had forgotten how much I miss, and have craved, that kind of close human contact. Physically and emotionally. But I worry am I moving too fast? And then I smoked garden shrub that weekend. I was having such a good time, I wanted to take something to make me forgot all the negative that happened in the past, and unwind. Then come tuesday morning at my work I get sprung with a random drug test. I am panicking. I won't know the results until today at the earliest, friday at the latest, but I'm stressed and scared. My job actually has a pretty progressive policy towards substance abuse. If it's a first time offense, you are allowed to consult a rehab program, and allowed to return to work when you've completed it. they even let you use your sick time so you won't miss a paycheck. But it's still scary. I don't know how it will change how my coworkers look at me, and right now the thought of going through rehab sounds daunting. Though, despite everything that's been going on in my life, it may be a positive healing experience. Soooo, all that said, my life is turning into this roller coaster of big highs and lows, my hormones are changing, my life is changing, and I'm afraid of going down a wreckless path and doing something really stupid in this emotionally fragile state I'm in. Any thoughts or advice?
  6. I'm so sorry to hear that :( I'm also going through the end of a long relationship so I know how you might feel. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to vent to an open ear. Unfortunately there is no quick way to get over the pain, but it does lessen over time.
  7. They certainly are, friend. I'm sorry to hear you've gone through this too. im still on such a wild roller coaster of emotions. I'll swing from feeling heartbroken, to perfectly relaxed and accepting that this is for the best, back to soul crushing heartbreak, and then back to feeling okay, sometimes all in one day!
  8. As the title says. It's a long, complicated story, and I will share it when I have the mental energy and time. But the long short of it is our marriage has been on the rocks for a long while now. I was living in a separate bedroom for the past year, and we went into an open relationship and wound up dating the same woman (which I can't help feel just distracted me from all the problems with my marriage, but I'm also feeling bitter) and then we all wound up living in the same house. Eventually things deteriorated further. I ended relationship with both of them in an anger fueled Sunday night. But they were planning on ending it soon if I didnt. Fast forward a few weeks later. I get into an argument with both of them. (Soon to be ex spouse, and ex gf) and go out for a late drive. In a fit of exasperated anger I text my spouse saying I'm done, calling it quits for good, moving out the end of the month. I acknowledge that dropping such a bombshell via text is a really s----y thing to do. So I go back home to my ex gf calling me some choice things while my spouse is sobbing on the sofa, telling me how terrible a thing to do that was. I don't blame him for feeling that way. But I was and stl am at the end of my emotional and mental capacity with the constant conflict that has been the past 6 months of my love/home life. I'm temporarily living with my dad, and honestly the stability and peace of his house has been a welcome change of pace. But today was the first day I didn't have anything to do. And it hit me hard. Our relationship is probably going to end. :'( I don't deny my share of blame, but wow. The first person I truly deeply loved, who deeply loved me back. And it's coming to an end. This may be better for us in the long run, but that doesn't make it hurt any less :'(
  9. I feel your pain :( my immediate family was always pretty understanding of my depression (most of them still are) but as someone who grew up Baptist in the rural south, I understand how frustrating it can be trying to share anything with strictly religious people outside their comfort zone. I'm glad you like your therapist though!
  10. Yes and no. In large amounts at once (drinking heavy liquor to get plastered), alcohol almost always exacerbates my depression. If I'm in a bad spot, be it depressed or just upset, alcohol will make it worse for me.... But, I've often found, especially in stressful times, a cheap gas station tall boy, occasionally paired with a cheap cigar, helps take the edge off and improve my focus, mood, and emotional capacity to deal with frustrating circumstances. But that's only when in small doses. I won't encourage alcohol and tobacco use, as both are objectively detrimental to physical health, just speaking from my own experience.
  11. Well said! I had a similar issue with my last therapist. We would just make small talk for an hour once a week, and while it was relaxing in a way I never left the room with any plans to improve or any real challenges. My new therapist is much better at challenging me. It's still the hardest darn thing for me to be vulnerable, to anyone, but I'm opening up little by little.
  12. Both great responses! morecoffee- how very right you are. Thank you for the encouraging words. I'd like to look up the Happiness Hypothesis on that. Also starting meditation and practicing positive affirmations. lifeisatemporarydisease- thank you for sharing! I'm glad you could share that with me. It takes a lot of personal strength to forgive, and acknowledge ones own fault in a situation without giving the other a free pass. It's encouraging to know I'm not alone.
  13. All my adult life I've blamed my problems and shortcomings on others; my family, my coworkers, the way my parents raised me. My spouse. Im both terrified of confronting and owning up to my problems and character faults, but I've never had more clarity that's what I need to do. how do you move on past that? How do you rewire your brain and thoughts after you've shaped them in a negative way for the past 8 years?
  14. I'm sorry to hear that. There unfortunately aren't any quick solutions to moving on past that. But that doesn't mean it's not doable. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Even when nobody dies the end of a relationship is a major loss and requires time to grieve that loss. You made a mistake, but it doesn't have to define you. Forgive yourself. And if remaining friends with him and watching him start a new life with someone else is too painful, you aren't obligated to remain his friend. Is he the one who chose to end the relationship? He has to live with any consequences of his choices as well. I don't have BPD, so I can't give you any meaningful input there, but this is my two cents. Wishing you the best.
  15. I love my spouse, and he loves me. But I just can't see our marriage going any further. We tried being an open relationship and we both wound up dating the same person. I recently decided to take a break from them both as I am dealing with both my depression and an identity crisis. But he and I have been fighting so much, so much tension in the past 8 months. We get along much better as friends. He's afraid I'm not going to change, that I'm going to decide I'd rather just be friends and let the romance die, and frankly, as much as it breaks my heart, I'm afraid that's just what might happen. Because frankly I'm sick of being in a dysfunctional relationship.
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