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Everything posted by Rhop

  1. I used to have this same obsession in my teen years when I smoked an illegal drug, I stopped smoking it at around 19 and the obsession left.
  2. No, I'd say that pretty much sums it up. But what if decreasing the anxiety also decreases the motivation to do productive work?It would depend on how low you want your anxiety to be. I have learned over the years to use my anxiety as a tool for motivation, in fact I have also found anxiety to be useful in "jogging" my creative side. It takes practice sure, but you can utilize it the same way as well.I also believe that zero anxiety is counter productive except in situations of resting, relaxing, sleeping, ect. Anxiety is not a good/healthy emotion. I know what you're saying- stress before public speaking- releases adrenaline and thereby increasing your performance. I don't have anxiety, generally about life, I have, like many lawyers, anxiety produced by my profession- that I haven't learned to deal with- though I am getting there. The point isn't about anxiety getting in the way of typical things-the point we're reflecting on is the (unnecessary) anxiety produced by a certain profession that have a specific effect on the typical lawyer. I'm sure that lots of situations have esoteric causes and consequences on certain people. Everyday anxiety- not the biggest deal. Anxiety that paralyzeds you from fear and is leading you to professional ruin- not So easy to chage. Oh were it so. I totally disagree with you. Nature did not build the emotion of anxiety into our chemical makeups just for the heck the, it's there for a purpose, much like depression. It's the un balance of these emotions that afflict us and can ruin our lives in many ways. I have also (tho rare) met attorney's in AA meetings, how they found their way into the bottle may be different then mine, the fact is, they were suffering in a very similar manner. And that is why "group" therapy is so effective. At the end of the day we are suffering from the same illnesses, even if we got here by varying circumstances.
  3. Very good stuff! And no it can never address all things at onetime, the variations of causes of stress and anxiety are endless. I went through treatment that year with a famous concert pianist who was battling the shock of losing someone on 911, a police officer responding to a home invasion and engaging in a gun battle in a house with children in it, to a teenage girl suffering the trauma of extremely abusive parents. And we all help each other through it.
  4. Britainton Have you ever found yourself engaged in something on a rather intensified level (and unconscious of it, not intentionally doing it) be it mental, physical, or both, while you were hashing through things your boss had done to you that made you angry, anxious? This is also a technique we were taught to do on a consious level, bring the anxiety on with the issue that is causing it while you are engaged with working through it. Face the most painful part the anxiety and anger in this way, and really feel it, letting it process through your mind while your body can process the chemical reactions in a safer more healthy way. I do this while on a long walk, it is where I no longer fear my anxiety so much and I confront it and work through it. I have also noticed it is a great time to think through possible solutions to anxiety provoking issues.
  5. Yes I learned about that when I was in treatment back in 02 for a benzo addiction. We focused more on how to channel our anxiety as a stimulating positive "energy" that helped us complete our daily tasks. We also learned how to expend or wear out excessive anxiety thru physical movement such as, long walks, exercising, and activities which will also LOWER cortisol levels. Non of it has to be intense either. Have you considered a group setting, out patient maybe with a pro leading the group?
  6. No, I'd say that pretty much sums it up. But what if decreasing the anxiety also decreases the motivation to do productive work? It would depend on how low you want your anxiety to be. I have learned over the years to use my anxiety as a tool for motivation, in fact I have also found anxiety to be useful in "jogging" my creative side. It takes practice sure, but you can utilize it the same way as well. I also believe that zero anxiety is counter productive except in situations of resting, relaxing, sleeping, ect.
  7. I've never had a "recovery" from this, but I have had remissions that lasted up to three years, once without meds even. In my non-med remission I held down a good job, had a tiny social circle, and even had a relationship with a college student for one summer who was 20 years younger then me. When she had to leave the state and go back to school I feared it my "trigger" the darkness. It didn't, I was simply sad she left and missed her, but it cleared up and everything was fine for almost another year. That's when my remission started to slip away until I could no longer function at work, socially or other. I am still trying with each breath to get back that remission, I know it's possible so I won't stop trying. But go****t is it ever hard to go on some days with this battle.
  8. Generally I can distract my self with other thoughts, positive thoughts, even sexual thoughts have broken through the suicidal thoughts with good success. But, if my thoughts turn into serious ideations, then I turn to professional help, talk, meds, or hospital.
  9. One of my dreams is to live in an advanced society where religion, and political ideologies have been vanished, "god" is a figment of the human imagination, nothing more.
  10. Handsup you can't give up, you just can't, you have too much to live yet, you have to think how will you feel when you are cured from anhedonia, you will feel like the happiest man alive, you can't resign to that, oh no, you can't. I know it's really really difficult dealing with the present but you have to think in the future, a future without anhedonia, you can't think It's permanent, because I think it's not, you have to try it everything. I know you feel destroyed but when you feel emotions again you will fully recuperate, I'm sure, anything is lost. I have the same as you, this fuc*** anhedonia, and I feel rotten inside but we must to believe in the cure, at least we have a goal, and we have to think in that goal every single day, that no matter how you feel, you will come out from this. You have to shout to life NO!!!! you can't with me!!!! I will win!!!!, I do it sometimes, and it works, it gives me some strength. And remember that you are not alone, we are with you, we are together, we all are testing medication, someone will find the cure and will help to the others, but if you can't help yourself, anybody can. You see, I literally have nothing to live for anymore. I know we're all suffering from this horrific condition, and I don't want to say I have it worst than others... but I'm not sure if I'm experiencing the same thing as you guys are. You see, I think it's something worst than anhedonia...and I'm not sure how that's possible. I feel like i'm in some sort of dream... everything looks blurry, everything looks unreal... I can't even have a conversation with another human being anymore, because I honestly cannot even relate to them. I just left my house for the first time in a very long time, and I saw people... people were talking to each other.. everything looked weird. I feel like an observer... I caught a girl looking at me, I'm not sure why she did... maybe because I'm pale as a ghost/I look scary, but let's just say for whatever stupid reason, she thought I was cute... you see, that technically should make me happy or something... it's a positive thing, right? To me, it's not good or bad... it just means nothing... and I don't understand why this person was looking at me at all. Mean I say I literally don't feel like a human being... I don't. I can't relate to other people... and when I mean complete destruction of anything that made me human, I totally meant it without any exaggeration whatsoever. I never leave my house, I don't talk to anyone, I barely even speak, and I don't even shower anymore. Everything is meaningless in this state... it looks a lot like depression, but it's not, because I know what it was like to feel depressed, but depression is a JOKE compared to this state. Every single second of the day, I think about blowing my brains out... because I cannot enjoy life/have any human emotion or feelings... and I cannot function in life anymore. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have never taken those pills... but hey, I guess I was meant to suffer. I literally do not have hope at all... I mean, hope is literally a joke. In this state, nothing good in this world exists. It simply doesn't. There's no such thing as "good things" in life. One question... why do doctor's push these SSRI zombie pills on everyone, but when you want something like Wellbutrin or stimulants, they think you're a drug addict? (I'm not a doctor, this isn't professional advice, yada yada)? Just something to think about guys. I don't know, but it seems to surround dopamine, and I'm trying to figure out if they know of some kind of dangers surrounding dopamine or not. I'm very confused over this too.
  11. WOW, this is a difficult situation, my heart goes out to you! Given the fact you have dealt with a schizophrenic for so long I imagine my suggestion of talking to other schizophrenics may have been tried? I would be curious to know what may have gotten the more treatment resistant schizophrenics to accept medication.I guess that is where I would search as one way into, schizophrenics anonymous meetings, even a forum such as http://www.schizophreniaforums.com/ Otherwise you may not want to hear my last suggestion, given how much you have sacrificed over such a long period of time, and seeing how it is tearing you down, maybe alternative living situations should be considered?
  12. Yes I am afraid, and no I could not take on a full time job right now, my depression is too severe.
  13. Then I would specify the importance of a "dopamine drought"(my own terminology) to your doc and see what they think. I firmly believe it's a big factor in why we feel so little pleasure in anything, if any at all.
  14. No I have not had a fulltime job in 4 years, I have maintained fulltime work in periods of 3 years and longer. Only to be taken down again and dragged through the dungeon, but I fight to rise up again, even as I can see my enemy approaching, because sometimes I am the victor (you are too)!!and the fight was worth it. And I am in the fight once again and will not stop.
  15. You're not alone my friend, and you can take a little heart in knowing many of us out here are also steadfastly searching for ways to break this very painful cycle. It is hell, but as Churchill said, "just keep going".
  16. There are other drugs including anti-psychotic meds like ability that target dopamine and have shown to be useful for severe depression. I have been taking Mucuna Dopa for 5 days at 400mg. the last two I have noticed some vivid dreams accompanied by deeper sleep cycles. BUT, falling a sleep is a little more difficult, so today I am cycling of it until tomorrow. I also believe it has calmed my withdrawal symptoms fro the viibryd, brain zaps have been much weaker as compared to other times I've come off ad's. Also, do you take Omega3 fish oil? I started 8 years ago for knee pain, not only did it help my knee pain but it gradually helped my depression to a limited degree. I didn't even know it could do that, evidently omega3 provides some important nutrient's to our brains that help fight depression. Here is a list of dopamine drugs, it even shows Yohimbe as a dopamine antagonist, I had no idea! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dopaminergic_drugs
  17. These amazing girls! The drummer is a knockout on those drums, following John Bonham to a T. And the singing is great! I never heard of Zeparella before.........
  18. Yes melpointy, he said I would build a tolerance to it as most people do and will need larger doses. Another common complaint among people is after several months the drug no longer provides the "good feeling" it did in the beginning. He said it is a poor long term solution, with addiction risks. He said it is the dopamine reward that is similar to cocain and alcohol type highs that feels so good, and speed does the same thing. He jokingly said: you could just become a illegal drug addict and get the same rush too, that would alleviate your depression temporarily as well.... So, now I have a better understand that these amphetamines are no real solution to serious major depression, and more likely a pathway too more trouble. Tolerance is a problem with adhd people too, plus they suffer from negative affects such as slowly losing the affect of increased concentration which may be replaced with nervousness, irritability, physical health problems, and some even start to become depressed and need ad's eventually. Have you talked to your doc about dopamine reuptake treatment options ? There are safer drugs that target dopamine as long term treatment type solution .
  19. My doctor would not prescribe the amphetamines because of the addiction and tolerance building factors of the drug.
  20. My father taught me to defend myself when I was a young boy, and thank him for it, he also payed for my boxing, wrestling, and karate endeavors as a young boy. I never engaged in violence until I was 19, I was attacked for my money outside of a store one night. I refused to give him my money and he attacked me, I defended myself and I hope to this day, he is never wanting to threaten or hurt someone else again. Planet earth is one ugly place and punishment along with violence is unfortunately a part of it. I am not including people who have been abused as many here have been, I have never been physically abused . So I will not speak out as far that goes.
  21. Lets refrain from accusing people of being """""hateful"""" ! Criticizing a product for underperforming has absolutely nothing at all to do with "hate" ! These drugs need vast improvements and I could not see a single person who takes these drugs not agreeing with that fact.
  22. Yea the viibryd I was on has been slowly turning on me like a viscous animal since early winter, wellbutrin gave me tinnitus, and now Effexor darn near blew out my cardiovascular system. I am going off these drugs and give some more natural alternatives a try.
  23. I have used Ambien with great success for over 12 years, I did go off it a few time to let my body reset it's tolerance so Ambien could keep working. Sonata and Lunesta have worked well for me too.
  24. I got spanked as a child and never had any negative affects from it. In fact it did help keep me out of trouble and before long I just never got spanked anymore.
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