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  1. I used to have this same obsession in my teen years when I smoked an illegal drug, I stopped smoking it at around 19 and the obsession left.
  2. No, I'd say that pretty much sums it up. But what if decreasing the anxiety also decreases the motivation to do productive work?It would depend on how low you want your anxiety to be. I have learned over the years to use my anxiety as a tool for motivation, in fact I have also found anxiety to be useful in "jogging" my creative side. It takes practice sure, but you can utilize it the same way as well.I also believe that zero anxiety is counter productive except in situations of resting, relaxing, sleeping, ect. Anxiety is not a good/healthy emotion. I know what you're saying- stress before public speaking- releases adrenaline and thereby increasing your performance. I don't have anxiety, generally about life, I have, like many lawyers, anxiety produced by my profession- that I haven't learned to deal with- though I am getting there. The point isn't about anxiety getting in the way of typical things-the point we're reflecting on is the (unnecessary) anxiety produced by a certain profession that have a specific effect on the typical lawyer. I'm sure that lots of situations have esoteric causes and consequences on certain people. Everyday anxiety- not the biggest deal. Anxiety that paralyzeds you from fear and is leading you to professional ruin- not So easy to chage. Oh were it so. I totally disagree with you. Nature did not build the emotion of anxiety into our chemical makeups just for the heck the, it's there for a purpose, much like depression. It's the un balance of these emotions that afflict us and can ruin our lives in many ways. I have also (tho rare) met attorney's in AA meetings, how they found their way into the bottle may be different then mine, the fact is, they were suffering in a very similar manner. And that is why "group" therapy is so effective. At the end of the day we are suffering from the same illnesses, even if we got here by varying circumstances.
  3. Very good stuff! And no it can never address all things at onetime, the variations of causes of stress and anxiety are endless. I went through treatment that year with a famous concert pianist who was battling the shock of losing someone on 911, a police officer responding to a home invasion and engaging in a gun battle in a house with children in it, to a teenage girl suffering the trauma of extremely abusive parents. And we all help each other through it.
  4. Britainton Have you ever found yourself engaged in something on a rather intensified level (and unconscious of it, not intentionally doing it) be it mental, physical, or both, while you were hashing through things your boss had done to you that made you angry, anxious? This is also a technique we were taught to do on a consious level, bring the anxiety on with the issue that is causing it while you are engaged with working through it. Face the most painful part the anxiety and anger in this way, and really feel it, letting it process through your mind while your body can process the chemical reactions in a safer more healthy way. I do this while on a long walk, it is where I no longer fear my anxiety so much and I confront it and work through it. I have also noticed it is a great time to think through possible solutions to anxiety provoking issues.
  5. Yes I learned about that when I was in treatment back in 02 for a benzo addiction. We focused more on how to channel our anxiety as a stimulating positive "energy" that helped us complete our daily tasks. We also learned how to expend or wear out excessive anxiety thru physical movement such as, long walks, exercising, and activities which will also LOWER cortisol levels. Non of it has to be intense either. Have you considered a group setting, out patient maybe with a pro leading the group?
  6. No, I'd say that pretty much sums it up. But what if decreasing the anxiety also decreases the motivation to do productive work? It would depend on how low you want your anxiety to be. I have learned over the years to use my anxiety as a tool for motivation, in fact I have also found anxiety to be useful in "jogging" my creative side. It takes practice sure, but you can utilize it the same way as well. I also believe that zero anxiety is counter productive except in situations of resting, relaxing, sleeping, ect.
  7. I've never had a "recovery" from this, but I have had remissions that lasted up to three years, once without meds even. In my non-med remission I held down a good job, had a tiny social circle, and even had a relationship with a college student for one summer who was 20 years younger then me. When she had to leave the state and go back to school I feared it my "trigger" the darkness. It didn't, I was simply sad she left and missed her, but it cleared up and everything was fine for almost another year. That's when my remission started to slip away until I could no longer function at work, socially or other. I am still trying with each breath to get back that remission, I know it's possible so I won't stop trying. But go****t is it ever hard to go on some days with this battle.
  8. Generally I can distract my self with other thoughts, positive thoughts, even sexual thoughts have broken through the suicidal thoughts with good success. But, if my thoughts turn into serious ideations, then I turn to professional help, talk, meds, or hospital.
  9. One of my dreams is to live in an advanced society where religion, and political ideologies have been vanished, "god" is a figment of the human imagination, nothing more.
  10. Handsup you can't give up, you just can't, you have too much to live yet, you have to think how will you feel when you are cured from anhedonia, you will feel like the happiest man alive, you can't resign to that, oh no, you can't. I know it's really really difficult dealing with the present but you have to think in the future, a future without anhedonia, you can't think It's permanent, because I think it's not, you have to try it everything. I know you feel destroyed but when you feel emotions again you will fully recuperate, I'm sure, anything is lost. I have the same as you, this fuc*** anhedonia, and I feel rotten inside but we must to believe in the cure, at least we have a goal, and we have to think in that goal every single day, that no matter how you feel, you will come out from this. You have to shout to life NO!!!! you can't with me!!!! I will win!!!!, I do it sometimes, and it works, it gives me some strength. And remember that you are not alone, we are with you, we are together, we all are testing medication, someone will find the cure and will help to the others, but if you can't help yourself, anybody can. You see, I literally have nothing to live for anymore. I know we're all suffering from this horrific condition, and I don't want to say I have it worst than others... but I'm not sure if I'm experiencing the same thing as you guys are. You see, I think it's something worst than anhedonia...and I'm not sure how that's possible. I feel like i'm in some sort of dream... everything looks blurry, everything looks unreal... I can't even have a conversation with another human being anymore, because I honestly cannot even relate to them. I just left my house for the first time in a very long time, and I saw people... people were talking to each other.. everything looked weird. I feel like an observer... I caught a girl looking at me, I'm not sure why she did... maybe because I'm pale as a ghost/I look scary, but let's just say for whatever stupid reason, she thought I was cute... you see, that technically should make me happy or something... it's a positive thing, right? To me, it's not good or bad... it just means nothing... and I don't understand why this person was looking at me at all. Mean I say I literally don't feel like a human being... I don't. I can't relate to other people... and when I mean complete destruction of anything that made me human, I totally meant it without any exaggeration whatsoever. I never leave my house, I don't talk to anyone, I barely even speak, and I don't even shower anymore. Everything is meaningless in this state... it looks a lot like depression, but it's not, because I know what it was like to feel depressed, but depression is a JOKE compared to this state. Every single second of the day, I think about blowing my brains out... because I cannot enjoy life/have any human emotion or feelings... and I cannot function in life anymore. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have never taken those pills... but hey, I guess I was meant to suffer. I literally do not have hope at all... I mean, hope is literally a joke. In this state, nothing good in this world exists. It simply doesn't. There's no such thing as "good things" in life. One question... why do doctor's push these SSRI zombie pills on everyone, but when you want something like Wellbutrin or stimulants, they think you're a drug addict? (I'm not a doctor, this isn't professional advice, yada yada)? Just something to think about guys. I don't know, but it seems to surround dopamine, and I'm trying to figure out if they know of some kind of dangers surrounding dopamine or not. I'm very confused over this too.
  11. WOW, this is a difficult situation, my heart goes out to you! Given the fact you have dealt with a schizophrenic for so long I imagine my suggestion of talking to other schizophrenics may have been tried? I would be curious to know what may have gotten the more treatment resistant schizophrenics to accept medication.I guess that is where I would search as one way into, schizophrenics anonymous meetings, even a forum such as http://www.schizophreniaforums.com/ Otherwise you may not want to hear my last suggestion, given how much you have sacrificed over such a long period of time, and seeing how it is tearing you down, maybe alternative living situations should be considered?
  12. Yes I am afraid, and no I could not take on a full time job right now, my depression is too severe.
  13. Then I would specify the importance of a "dopamine drought"(my own terminology) to your doc and see what they think. I firmly believe it's a big factor in why we feel so little pleasure in anything, if any at all.
  14. No I have not had a fulltime job in 4 years, I have maintained fulltime work in periods of 3 years and longer. Only to be taken down again and dragged through the dungeon, but I fight to rise up again, even as I can see my enemy approaching, because sometimes I am the victor (you are too)!!and the fight was worth it. And I am in the fight once again and will not stop.
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