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About DeeBear

  • Birthday 10/12/1972

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    My interests were old cars, reading, sci fi, and tropical plants. Now it's just recovery.

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  1. DeeBear


    So much I can relate to here. Poor time management, social anxiety, low self-esteem, frustration with counseling, not knowing what you want in life, wandering aimlessly through life - been there, done that, but didn't get a t-shirt. Just the scars. Hopefully between the class, the book, and counseling, you'll find something helpful.
  2. Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you! I've heard some stories like yours and I have always feared having something like that happen to me. I've been lucky. So far. Sometimes it seems like we're victims instead of patients though. I'm always afraid before going into a psych appointment and incredibly relieved when I leave. Then again, I feel the same way about going to Walmart...
  3. Tuesday I had my first ride in the back seat of a cop car. Believe it or not I was greatful for the ride. I was on my way to Jackson TN when a gentleman waved at me at a red light and told me I had a stick or something stuck under my truck. I thanked him and when the light turned green I heard a noise that was the stick or whatever coming loose, but I pulled over anyway to check. Nada. So, I get back in my truck. I turn the key. Nothing. No lights on the dash, no clicking, nothing. I try cleaning the battery terminals, still nothing. So I walk to a store to get the number for the local police and call them to come jump me off. An officer shows up, jumps me off, and I'm relieved. But not for long. I pull off the highway to turn around to head back home and get a battery, when my truck dies again. I call the police again and the same officer shows up. "Didn't get far, did you?" he said, chuckling. This time my truck won't turn over, so me and my dead battery ride in the back of the cop car to Auto Zone, which ironically is not much farther away than the store I walked to earlier. Had I known it was there I could have just walked there and gotten a battery to begin with. But the officer never complained and kept saying that he does that kind of thing all the time. With the new battery installed, my truck fires right up and I make it home without incident. And that is the story of my first, and hopefully last, ride in a black and white cab.
  4. Fairies can ride if they want to. I mean, people can walk, but they ride, too. I'm with you on winter. Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere with milder winters, though the winters here are milder than yours. I don't think I could make it up north...
  5. My winter blooming iris managed to put out a late bloom the other day. My almond tree is also covered in blooms. It'll be pretty when it gets bigger. My plants are coming back to life, now if I can just get motivated and get more active. I've gotten really lazy this winter and I'm finding it difficult to get motivated. But that's nothing new...
  6. DeeBear

    Being present

    I have trouble being present; with depression, I feel absent most of the time. Thanks for sharing this info, being present is something I have struggled with for a long time.
  7. The Yellow Bells (Forsythia) and Buttercups (Daffodils) are blooming early here thanks to warmer than usual weather. All too often, they bloom early and a freeze comes along and nips them, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen this year. My Camellia grisjii has been a pleasant surprise, proving hardy to 0F with a -10F wind chill, including the buds. It's blooming now, despite the freeze that froze many of my plants to the ground. I love winter blooming plants, they give me a little bit of sunshine during the short days of winter. I just wish more of my Camellias were blooming, but they're still small. Hopefully in a few years they will all be blooming through the winter for me.
  8. Hi m, Thank you so much, that was an incredibly thoughtful and touching comment! The past several years have been the hardest times of my life and your support is helping. I wish you all the happiness you deserve! Dewayne
  9. I'm having a terrible day. My anxiety is off the charts, I feel like my head is in a bubble, and my body is aching from the cold, damp weather. The sun is shining but it seems so fake, like I'm a character on a movie set and life is some dark film noir. I wish I could calm down and sleep it off, but I can't stop the electric tingling in my chest. Panic attacks suck.
  10. I screwed up a customer's order. A long time customer. A customer whose last couple of orders I screwed up. I feel like such an idiot. I've spent the whole day beating myself up over it, and I'm not done yet. This last year my memory has been terrible. I thought at first that it was just age, but now I'm wondering if it's from the meds. I've never been so scatterbrained. I hope it's the meds. I hope it's the one the fnp is weaning me off of. Guess I'll find out once it's out of my system. I hate being so goofy.
  11. Hi Mary, I was just talking about growing plants to sell - this is the third time something has happened and I've lost lots of plants. It's frustrating. Your fairy garden sounds nice. I used to want to create a couple of gardens in different parts of my yard, one full of giant plants, and one with tiny, miniature plants (like fairy roses).
  12. This is a peaceful time of year for me. All the stress and craziness of Christmas is over, and I can get some rest before spring. I lost a lot of plants in my greenhouse over Christmas, and I can't decide if I want to try again to start plants to sell. I'm not sure I want to bother with it any more. I've been having vivid dreams lately, something I haven't had for some time. Last night I dreamed that I moved back to Georgia, met someone, and fell in love. I was so happy in that dream that it depressed me to wake up and realize it wasn't true. I don't really expect to meet my soulmate anymore. I just don't think it's in the cards. Still, that dream was nice, even if it's not going to come true.
  13. Thanks Mary, the holidays were rough but calmed down. I had a pleasant visit with my parents - despite catching a cold. But now I'm exhausted again, lol. Hope you and yours had a very Merry Christmas!
  14. Time has flown by lately, leaving me feeling exhausted. And the rain, while welcome, also brought with it an achy chill. Needless to say, I've done nothing today. I am tired, I am achy, and I am sad. Welcome to my world.
  15. Thanks for the quotes Mary, there's a lot of wisdom in them. And I love quotes...
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