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Sacred Journey

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    The arts (music most definitely, especially metal) the sciences (psychology specifically), reading, discovering the origins and truths behind all things.

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  1. Hey Tylamon. I agree with the other responses thus far. I can really relate to how you're feeling as well. I don't know if I have too much advice unfortunately as my experience is so similar, but I can relate with empathy, and I used to struggle big time with some of what you've talked about and gotten past it. I used to have the same issue regarding talking to people. However these days the social anxiety is a lot less severe. I'm 27, though I have trouble making friends and keeping romantic partners for (I presume) different reasons (it's a painfully long explanation; the short version: Bad luck, anxiety/neurological disorder, lack of confidence, and I'm just too darn misunderstood). I can really relate to this part. Though being as you might not have quite the same challenges as me, I suspect it might be a bit easier once you feel comfortable enough. (That's easy enough to say isn't it? I know it isn't easy!) Don't think about the rejection. Try to remember it doesn't matter. Because if you do your best, expressing what you have, in a positive way (somehow you don't seem like the gun-brandishing, screaming type) and they reject you, it's on them. Somewhere there may exist a fragment of belief in yourself...If it's painful, still, try to nurture it (it's not conceited). And if you still get rejected, don't let that stop you. Even if you feel like it should. Right now I feel terrible because I keep getting rejected intensely, but then I hardly ever meet anyone's expectations. What the hell is "normal" anyway? Even those who claim it doesn't exist have a specified box all marked up for me. I don't belong there. Blaze your own trail. Work at it slowly. I know this is probably something you've heard dozens of times but really, have you tried meditation? There's different ways to do it, if you find one you like it might be effective. I know it was for me and my social anxiety. So has been medication (I'm not sure if you think meds would be a good fit for you, but it might be helpful, if it's something you need).
  2. I wish there was something I could say that is more helpful, but I can understand your situation. Geez, I really feel for you right now. :( Although I wasn't in it for as long as you were, (I know it's different), I've had nothing but bad luck with this sort of thing, and last week my (now ex) told me he couldn't do it anymore. It was mostly mutual but he came to me first to end it (I don't think I was quite ready to be honest, I feel like we could have done so much more, it was SO early on, really nothing). Although I do not know the details, I am sorry that your ex and the new person are treating you so badly. It's funny how childish people can become all of the sudden when these things end up happening...It's happening to me too with my ex, just different circumstances. Hmm...Dating sites. I have tried a few of those. I didn't have much success, but don't let my story discourage you. I personally know of people that have met their current partner this way and who are, last I heard, doing well. I think dating sites while although cool, could be a tad overrated. I have met some pretty awesome uncanny similarities with others this way though. It depends which side of the coin lands face-up I suppose...The paremeters you set could just simply be a recipe for the other person to mess with your emotions, and/or it could help them understand more about your compatibility together and who you are before meeting you. It is good that you are working on yourself. Though I do not know all that went on, forgive me if I say the wrong thing. Just to throw it out there..I am not trying to persuade you one way or another, is this something you think you're ready for? Do you think you are over your ex? For myself, If I tried to go out right now and date someone else, I would probably be a mess because I'd be so conflicted with the feelings I still have. I would feel it wouldn't be fair to new the person I chose to date. Of course you might be in quite a good place for that, in which case, that is great. I wish you luck. Plenty of fish is (I think mostly) free site, so is okcupid. The paid ones (Match, the sister site Chemistry, eHarmony) offer pretty much the same things, they just realized they could make money with it I guess...I don't personally support e-Harmony though because of the whole lawsuit with Compatible Partners, (the lesbian/gay version), and it seems so much like an afterthought. Out of all the ones I tried, I really liked okcupid the best. It had the most options that I could find out of any of the free ones. There is also Dating DNA, but I never really explored that one. Good luck!
  3. Hey Ajainthecorner, thanks for starting this topic I really understand the Christian element; I grew up in that environment as well. I want to say - wow, you really have a lot of courage, coming out so young in that sort of environment. And right now, living where you are! It's encouraging to know. As for myself, I'm bisexual. I didn't really realize it until early teens, but suppressed it until about four years ago. I'm in my mid-twenties now. I still haven't come out to my family. I've only recently come out to most of my friends. The environment I had growing up was full of devout Christians. A lot of them were kind and loving, but quite against homosexuality. This really adds to the guilt because while they're against it...they're just so terribly nice about it! I can't really get into the details on this forum, but it should suffice to say that some people in my family have had some unfortunate, horrible experiences that altered their worldview and perception toward homosexuality for the worse...It was pretty terrible. I'm living with my mom now, who's been there with me through everything; and although good-hearted to a fault, she will never understand how or why I am the way that I am...We are so different, on so many levels. It's so difficult. I hope I don't sound like I'm whining. She's been through quite a lot, and because of her circumstances unfortunately it would work to the detriment of both of us if I told her. This is a small town too, and because of my circumstances, at the moment I can't really go somewhere out of town...It's difficult, because I too need somewhere to go to just be myself! The college I started going to recently has a gay-straight alliance, but (for complicated reasons I can't really describe here) even going there would work against me.
  4. Kohina - I don't know if there is anything that I could say that would comfort you in these moments, I only hope so. I understand that right now it all must sound like empty words (even though you know we're trying to help). I understand how hopeless you feel. I am so, immensely sorry that such horrific, disgusting, inhuman things had to happen to you. It enrages me beyond measure. I know you've heard this before, but you (or anyone) truly did not deserve that. I may not know you, but I do believe you are a gifted, wonderful person, deserving of so much. I know this must just sound trite to you, but, do know that I think it is true. Please do not give up hope, please. Because even someone as insignificant as me, somewhere else in the world, cares. As do the others here at DF. Even if you may not think so right now, you aren't beyond hope. I am here, if you need to talk, or vent, or express the pain you're experiencing. Hang in there, -Sacred Journey
  5. Hello john, I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand not being happy with your life currently. Being a person with a disability, I've struggled my whole life to do what "typical" people label as "normal" or "successful". I totally understand feeling like the "average joe" (or jane, in this case). I am not a wealth of achievement. But the problem is not with me, it is in how our society labels and cultivates the idea of "successful". I am sure you are doing your best in the best way that you know how - and that is perfectly fine. If any woman shies away from you because of a ridiculous cultural expectation, then perhaps she isn't what you really need or deserve anyway. It seems like you have a lot to offer, and I think in time things will sort out. I think shelley and Trace have made some good points, especially in regards to you being happy with yourself. Indeed it is important. But do give yourself credit. One other thing I should mention is, you say you are 28, you should have found a mate by now, etc. I can very much empathize with your loneliness. However (again, just my personal opinion), I may disagree with some others in that I believe true happiness doesn't have to entail being romantically involved. I understand how it's difficult when you're lonely, you just want someone to connect with, talk to, understand...But I don't think that a person needs another to be complete. I tend to believe it's another myth regarding our society...We see others paired up so assume we must be too. But we have more strength than we know. We're all human, equally gifted and flawed, and no relationship can always be magic forever...eventually we go back to baseline...Can it be enriching? Sure, but not necessarily. I've come to believe there isn't necessarily a "one", and that's OK. If I never chance to find a suitable mate, it doesn't lessen my potential as a human being. Once again, it all goes back to a happiness (or if that's too peppy of a word for now - contentment) that one finds within oneself. I believe that you will find this, and I wish you the best in your life's journey. -SJ
  6. Hey there. This is exorbitantly long, I apologize, but I really need some advice/encouragement. I know I don't post too often, but if you have happened to read any of my other posts this topic may come as a shock to you. I love my boyfriend very much, and we have always had a strong connection. Though, being disabled adults with neurological issues, we've come through a lot together. We moved in together about 10 months ago from a facility where we had our trust terribly abused by health care workers, (it's a long story, I won't get into it here), but it was quite awful and left us very scarred. Anyway, we were quite ready to move forward in our lives from all that had happened, and I hoped to start a fulfilling, happy life with my boyfriend. I was ready to really finally get going with my life (as with such disabilities, it's a struggle, as anyone here knows, from an individual perspective). However, as the months progressed, I noticed my boyfriend wasn't getting any better in terms of progress. His inability to manage anything in his life continued, despite the fact that we were no longer under the pressure we'd previously been facing. We're in a nice place, things were working out, life should be good. Although he has a brain injury that effects all these things, I thought he may have the ability to improve. But he began having med issues, (I've talked about that here), it was quite horrible. We suspected that was the case, but haven't been certain if it's his meds needing a re-evaluation, or just part of his brain disorder. Currently his med issues seem to be balancing out, but he still struggles with all the same issues – He's trying to improve though. But as I'd said, we'd wondered that maybe this is just the way he is, perhaps his mind cannot, on its own, provide structure. However, since before we moved in together, my insomnia has never gone away, and in a sense, has worsened. (I was born with chronic insomnia, I always have trouble sleeping, but it's never been this bad. It is so bad now that I have not been able to move forward with anything - all of my plans came to an abrupt halt. Once we got settled in to our new city, I expected the insomnia to settle back to its typical cycle - usually it does, (that is, it's not always totally debilitating). But this entire time, it has not - which is quite unusual for me. I have come to realize recently that it is my boyfriend's issues that have been getting to me, causing serious stress. I have my own issues that I have needed to work through that I have not been able to. I've realized that all this time, everything has surrounded whatever my boyfriend has been going through. I cannot think, or function with it all, and in that chaos. The thing is, it's totally unintentional on his part. He knows he needs to improve. He is such a sweet, amazing, wonderful man, and I love him enormously. But I have been realizing that, as much as we love each other, perhaps this relationship is not healthy for me. The more that I've had time to think about it, talked with my psychologist, etc., the more I realize I think that is the decision I will unfortunately have to make. It's going to be so hard, because I really love him and I would hate to hurt him...It tears me apart. He will be so devastated... The other issue is, unfortunately, I've realized very recently, I've never really felt attraction for him. Not even in the beginning, not ever. I haven't been purposefully deceiving – I wasn't even sure myself! I thought it was there, and I've tried – I really wanted it to be – But sadly it just isn't. I am bisexual and lean more strongly toward women in that sense (although I've never been with another woman). I thought that might have been part of it. Or meds. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize I just don't think it's the type of love I thought it was. I still love him immensely, but, it's just, I can't explain it...different. I would never cheat. I've been trying to decide when to tell him about the attraction issue when the whole picture just came into play. I've talked with my psychologist and planned to set up a meeting where he and I discuss our future and the likelihood of his success in such areas. Though more and more it's becoming clearer what I think I need to do. What on earth should I do?? I appreciate any advice or even words of encouragement.
  7. Oops! Guess you beat me to it, PostRock, sorry about that
  8. I think both Leafman and pinto77 covered this well. I am truly sorry you are experiencing this, though you are fortunate that at least you aren't as far into it as some others are/have been. You seem to be handling this well, which is good. Personally I am actually on the other end of the situation, but it's a bit more complicated. It is probably better that this materialized now, than later, when it could have really been a mess. I know it's still difficult though, and if you tend toward the more depressive side (like many here) it can be quite awful. But if you are tempted to, don't blame yourself, I have faith that things will work out positively for you. I wish you the best in your future.
  9. Anyone willing to PM or chat? The nature of this is personal, so I can't really reveal anything on the forum...But I'm intensely torn up about this, and I can't stop obsessing. Anyone's encouragement or advice is much appreciated. Thanks.
  10. Things were going better for a while (see blog), but it's hard to say these days.

  11. Dude I have almost the same thing! Oh my gosh I always just thought I was crazy! :( Out of no where I'm just obsessed with someone and I could have known them for years and all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about them and I want to learn everything about them. I wonder what they are doing and how they live. I might eventually drop it but than all of a sudden someone else tak...

  12. Hello. I have had the worst luck with meds - I'm one of those that gets all the fun side effects - the rare ones, where most doctors simply scratch their heads with the exasperated, "I have no idea" reaction. Anyway, years ago, Remeron had been one of the few that didn't cause such a reaction - at least not yet. The only thing I recall is excessive sleepiness and weight gain, at the time it was mostly the sleepiness that made it nearly impossible for me to function at all. Though I am a lifelong insomniac, and it's been quite terrible lately. I started Remeron again hoping it would help - I was hardly sleeping at all, for months - the worst my insomnia's ever been. The med has helped some(in quality of sleep), but I still lie awake for a long time, far into the morning hours. I have a doctor's appointment soon, and I was going to ask for an add-on to Remeron that will (hopefully) help me finally get some sleep. What are your experiences? Does anyone take anything that is sleep-inducing (or at least relaxing) that works well with Remeron?
  13. I've been at relative's the past day. Feeling quite miserable and worried. Tomorrow I go back home, it is the day of reckoning with my partner.

  14. Hey joe, (not the Hendrix song) It is good to learn that you are getting together with your friend. I really hope that goes/has gone well. I echo what Trace has said in that romance may come and go but friendships last forever. My best friend means the world to me, and I know it would have been quite an unhappy day the moment I would have chosen a mutual love interest over our friendship. Though I DO know the intensity and overwhelming experience of being in the grips of love. I actually obsess about it more than most people (whether it's a blessing or a curse I don't know). What I will say is, give all of this some time. Don't let the whole world rest on the shoulders of this girl. I know you've probably heard this before, but you have plenty of time through your life to find someone, it may or may not be her. In the meantime, enjoy your friendship with your friend. If you guys are interested in dating girls, perhaps you could try to make friends with some that are totally disconnected from the situation, and create space between the girl you're both into - for now. Perhaps you could talk to her about it, and explain that although you like her a lot, your friend means a lot to you, and you wouldn't feel right hurting him. Let the waters settle. Your friend or you may find interest in someone else, or the girl might have - it's hard to say. But it seems this friend of yours means a lot to you, and I wouldn't risk losing that. I think a lot of girls would be impressed with that sense of maturity. One other thing I'd like to mention...If and when you do date someone, take it slow. Be friends first. It's hard to resist wanting to jump into a relationship, but it's best to get to know the person intimately before releasing yourselves to romance. A close friend of mine did that, only to find out he wasn't the guy she thought he was (etc) and it all blew up horribly. That isn't to say that is always the case, but it pays dividends in the end. Good luck, I think you'll do fine
  15. Thanks solarflare - Though I'm not quite sure what you meant by that? To anyone reading, For some reason I can't edit any of my posts at the moment. I wanted to add to my original post that throughout all of this, I've been very supportive and loving toward my fiance. I always put his well being as #1 on my list, he's quite dear to me and I truly, truly love him deeply. I didn't want anyone getting the wrong impression about me. I just didn't realize that I'd been pushing my well being under ground while trying to keep him afloat. Anyway, sorry for all these little posts I've been adding, just wanted to clear up any possible misconceptions. I'm still perplexed and very hurt by the situation tho, and any other feedback would be wonderful.
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