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Everything posted by Shy80

  1. Hi everyone! I'm sorry I have been MIA. I have and still dealing with my mom's death. Right now, I feel like I don't care about how others feel about me. I am trying to live day by day and my mother and dad's side of the family, except my dad's sister don't even see how we're doing. The only way they'll speak to me anyways, if I call them first.
  2. Well, my anxiety will skyrocket because it's heading to where I live. I'll probably have a full blown panic attack. It's good that you're anxiety is under control.
  3. I feel a bit better today. One of my mom's friends told me that my ma told her some things before she died. I cried and cried. I think I was holding in a lot of my pain or grief. The things that my mom told her were all good things. One thing she told me that my mom told her that she wasn't afraid to die. That was eating at me for so long. I always wondered if my mom was afraid to die. I didn't want to be afraid. She told me other things as well.
  4. I am tired, but I can't go to sleep. I can't go to the sleep in the daytime anymore, which I'm glad because I won't be able to sleep at night. I went out today as usual. I got hit on by an old man. It's funny I always get hit on by crazy or old men. I know I have mental problems, but they take crazy to the extreme.
  5. Now, I feel a bit better that Prozac worked for you. I'm on the generic version. She said it works for some and others it doesn't. She's going to put me on a low dose. I'm supposed to take 10 mg for 7 days and then 20 mg after that. I was hesitant because I think I read on the forum that Prozac took their hair out. I need my hair.
  6. I'm 39. I know I'm old. lol I can leave the house, knowing what I need, but as soon as I get there, my mind goes blank. I have to think and think. I have been in the house and forgot I had something in my hand, such as food and carried it upstairs. I was supposed to put it downstairs in the fridge. I can get all the way downstairs or upstairs and completely forget what I was supposed to get. I sometimes put things on paper, especially when I go to the store. I need to do it from now on. That's what the lady at the pharmacist told me today. She said her dad died 4 years ago and she still grieves. I told her people tell me that I will get over it. She said, you never will. Sorry for waiting so long to respond.
  7. Sorry I haven't responded in a while. I went to my psychologist today and she prescribed Prozac. She put me on a low dose. I noticed she keeps me on low doses. The Trazadone finally started working. The Lamictal helps with my depression. My anxiety and panic attacks are horrible. I had an episode like I always have. My dad pissed me off today and I just got mad and started screaming, hit the counter hard, and fussed out my stupid brother. I told him that what he said when my Mom was alive hurt me. He doesn't remember. Of course, when people say mean stuff to you they can't remember. He told me when my mom was in the hospital from having a tumor removed that me and my Dad weren't taking care of her. We were the only ones by her side until the end. Now, my mom's friend kept on telling me that my mom should have had better doctors. She had the best doctors that she could afford. I took a long walk because everyone just pissed me off. I had to tell my dad before I left that I'm not my mom and you can't expect me to do the same things that she did like fuss people out who got on her nerves. I'm reserved and I only get riled up, if I'm provoked. Both my brother and my mom's friend have amnesia. When I came back I guess my dad thought about it and told me we didn't cause ma's cancer. People say that stuff because they don't like us. There is no cure for cancer. We can't cure it. I don't forget hurtful things people say to me. I may be medicated, but I'm not medicated where I forget. I still have feelings.
  8. You need a new therapist if you can get one. I know sometimes it can be difficult to change therapists. Hang in there. Have you tried writing in a journal. I have one and it's been helpful.
  9. You are not stupid. I am 39 and still haven't gotten over things that happened to me as a child. Have you thought about talking to a therapist?
  10. I have been MIA for a while. I am still grieving for my mom, but I am able to think of the things she used to do. I am trying not to think about how she looked when she was sick. I prayed to God to help me to not think about it. I hate thinking about it. I am still mad at my mom's side of the family. I am learning to cope with their ignorance. I just hope they are suffering for what they did my mom and how they're treating my dad and I. In my mind, I want them to rot in hell, but I know that's not good to think that.
  11. I agree. They want to medicate you as much as possible and end up giving you the wrong meds. My psychiatrist wants to put me on Prozac. I don't know. I'm already experiencing memory loss at my age. I don't forget everything, but small things I do. I told her last time I was having issues when remembering things and she said it was probably because I'm still grieving.
  12. I agree. I have noticed I am able to talk about about my mom used to be instead of thinking about when she was sick. I am still anxious. She hasn't given me anything to help with that. I wish I had a better psychiatrist, but this is the only one I can afford.
  13. Sorry I haven't responded. I'm seeing a psychiatrist. She compares my issues with others. I try to explain how I feel, but she says no, most people do this and that.
  14. Since I've been on these mood stabilizers I haven't cried as much, but I think about my mom every single day. I had a dream about her and I knew she was dead, but I don't think she knew. She was just walking around the house and talking like she used to. My mom's side of the family and her friends believe I should have gotten over the same day we buried her. They are stupid anyways.
  15. Carry a bat anyways and bust is skull open. You are just protecting yourself.
  16. I am so pissed at my mom's side of the family. They don't even call or come over. Well, I have said this before. My dad's side of the family (sister) comes over more than they do. It seems like since my mom died, they would have common sense to check on us. They didn't do anything for her anyways, so they should feel guilty. People ask me sometimes if I have heard from them and I tell them no. They don't care about us. I have to call them, but I need to stop that because they're just playing with my emotions. I guess they feel good if I check on them even though they treated my mom like crap. Excuse me, but I hope they burn in Hell.
  17. I told my doctor that when I went off of Lexapro had withdrawal symptoms, such as vomiting a few times, blood pressure went up, and couldn't eat anything. This lasted for a few hours. She said I must have had a bug. She told me to stop taking Lexapro before I had the withdrawal symptoms. She didn't tell me to wean off of it or anything. Doctors don't know everything. She said she's never heard of those symptoms. Then I told her about Trazadone, that it didn't work. She said, she's never heard of that. Everyone she gives it to said it works. Doctors tend to compare everything with their other patients. I looked at her like she was crazy.
  18. That's how my family feels about me. They will suffer for how they're treating me.
  19. I lost my mom three months ago and I am think about her every day. People always tell me, well, I will get over it. It's hard now, but I will get over it. I don't know.
  20. I am tired. I did some yard work. I don't know if it's the meds making me tired.
  21. I am so tired. I went to the dr. this morning and ran a few errands. My dr. upped my meds. I feel kind of tired now.
  22. I was taking Lexapro for major depression and anxiety, but it made me sad and more depressed. My dr. put me on generic Lamictal because she said I have a mood disorder. I'm on 50mg now. She said she's going to up it every two weeks. So, I see her tomorrow, she'll probably tell me to take 75 mg and 100 mg in another two weeks. She said after a while my insomnia should go away. I tried Trazadone again, but it does nothing. I mean I'll fall asleep, but anything can wake me up and I can't go back to sleep. In the past, one doctor put me on valium for anxiety and I went to sleep fast. He just kept upping it because it didn't help my anxiety the way I wanted it to. I think at the time the doctor was trying to find inexpensive drugs for me. I was on Elavil and valium.
  23. I was thinking about my mom as always. I was thinking about what she would be doing during a storm. She always had to get to a window to peep. I would tell her, ma, get away from the window. You're going to get struck my lightning. lol She would get away for a bit and start talking. I said, ma, you better stop because lightning will strike you. She got me like this. You're supposed to cut everything off in the house, not talk, or stand to a window. Then if I'm sitting on the stairs, she'll have to make me move, so she can upstairs to put the windows down because it would rain in them. I would get annoyed and say, ma, what are you doing? Once she got the windows down, she's to a window peeping. Then she would finally come downstairs and sit before talking again. lol I was also thinking about how she always talked about living. She didn't want to die. I wonder sometimes did she know how serious her illness was. She always had a positive attitude. I would be in tears if the doctor told me I was going to die. She fought until her last breath. I don't think she wanted to believe it. I didn't either until she stopped talking and got worse. I almost had a nervous breakdown because I was really the main one who took care of her. I had to get up every hour to give her, her medicine and when she moaned, I had to check on her to see what was wrong. I didn't have any help. I mean besides the hospice nurse and home health aide who came every other day, I was a mess.
  24. My mom's side of the family hates my dad. I can tell after my mom passed away. They act like they were all concerned about me, but I think what they did is try to butter me up, so they could take control of the funeral. My dad didn't have insurance on my mom and they just took advantage of that and talked bad about him. I don't get along with my dad that well, but I'm like this, don't talk bad about him in front of me. Tell him in front of his face. Now, after the funeral is over and everything, they just left me completely alone. They got what they wanted. My dad said during the holidays they will want to invite us to dinner, but I told him I'm going to decline and if they offer any food tell them no or throw it away. I don't want their charity. My mom's side of the family is high class (snobby) anyways. Their true selves came out when my mom passed.
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