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About Shy80

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  • Birthday 01/26/1980

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    North Carolina

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  1. I'm tired, but feel good today. I wonder how long that will last.
  2. I remember when I took Paxil many, many years ago. I got the worst withdrawal symptoms. SSRIs do that to me when I get off of them. I vomit constantly and my blood pressure rose when I got off of Lexapro.
  3. Sorry for applying so late, but I think it's genetic. My dad has a bad case of bipolar ( well, I believe so) and I have similar episodes as he does.
  4. When I got off of Lexapro, I went cold turkey because my doctor didn't tell me to wean myself off. I started getting sick and vomiting. I weaned myself off of Trazadone during this time because I was having brain zaps all of the time. Well, the brain zaps went away because I assume the Lexapro is out of my system. I went back to Trazadone just to see. No side effects, but I have been sleeping better. When I was taking Lexapro, when I was wake up, I felt dizzy. I still take Lamictal (50mg), but no dizziness. So, I guess I'll stick with Trazadone for a while to see if it will wear off.
  5. I feel sad and angry. I had one of my crying spells thinking about my mom. Last night, I went back on Trazadone. I took one just to see if I would have any dizziness in the morning. No dizzy spells. I wonder if it was the Lexapro that caused the dizziness. In fact, when my doctor told me to stop taking Lexapro, I stopped cold turkey. I think a week or two later, I had the worse withdrawal symptoms. I vomit a few times and my blood pressure went up. I was still taking Trazadone. I weaned myself off of those on my own with no side effects. I slept pretty well last night with the occasional dream about my mom.
  6. I need to do that as well. I was actually thinking about going on some sites to find someone. Good luck! I hope you find someone decent.
  7. Thank you. I just hope she doesn't want to up the dosage for Trazadone.
  8. When you lose your parents it might not affect you as much since you don't see them. I still don't accept what my family is doing. I accept that I don't have a family. I cried about it and I accept it. There's nothing more I can do.
  9. My aunt came over because she thought I changed my number. She said, I texted you. I was like I didn't want to text. I wanted to see people. I don't like all that texting. Why do I have to text to communicate? I might have anxiety, but right now I need face-to-face support. People don't understand. She stayed for a while, but I still accept I don't have any supportive family. I expected my mom's side of the family to have my back. Like I said the ones who did nothing for my mom are the ones that are the most hateful.
  10. This helped. Thanks! I see my doctor in a couple of weeks, so I will ask her.
  11. You are right. I guess after they think I'm over my mom's death or I'm not grieving anymore they will show up or call. I want to tell them off so bad. My mom wouldn't want me to be going through this with the family and her friends. People will tell you that if you need to talk call them, but they are suppose to want to call me. I will talk to them if they call me, but no one will. So, I just told myself yesterday, I'm over them. It hurts because I expected them to be supportive since they seemed like it at the funeral, but I should have known better. When the hospice nurse used to come over, she thought that me and my dad had support because the family was over, but as soon as the nurse left, they left or stayed a few minutes more. My mom would be upset if she knew what was going on, which she does, I'm sure. TV make it seem like everyone is all supportive and stuff. It doesn't work that way. It would be nice if it did. We kept my mom's pictures up. I have a few of them packed away, but we kept the ones that were already out up. My family has no control over our house. Now, I don' know what they have done at their own homes. I have a couple of my mom's clothes that I can wear. The other ones I donated. They were too big for me. I was so mad because she had some nice clothes. She lost a lot of weight because of the cancer. She couldn't wear them anymore either. I had no idea that she was going to live just 4 months after her surgery. I don't know if I told you, but her siblings didn't even come to see her at the hospital after her surgery. Like I said, they only came into the picture until she got on hospice, which was about two weeks. I am seeing through their crap now. I didn't before. My dad told me, but I just didn't want to see it because I try to see good in people. Even though, I have my dad, I still feel alone because we don't have a good relationship. We will get through this without stupid family.
  12. My aunt just texted me from me texting her a few days ago. No one will actually call or come to talk to me. I just ignored her text. I'm tired of everything. I cried my eyes out last night and this morning. I am so alone and have no support from family. I guess they feel like they can text and I'll be alright. It doesn't work like that. My therapist told me to try group therapy (coping skills). The next time I go to church I may ask my pastor if I can talk to her sometimes. I hate to be a burden because some people don't want to hear about your grief. They're like, get over it. One of my mom's friends told me the night after I buried my mom to go and find a job. I hadn't even got a chance to mourn and I was out looking for work. My therapist told me I shouldn't have done that. It was too soon. I think this friend of my mom's, not mine, is just mad because she lost a friend and think my dad and I didn't do enough. I just made an agreement with myself to just leave everyone (family and my mom's friends) alone. Like you and others have said, people don't understand what we go through.
  13. I understand what you're saying and you made me feel better. You are so right. People have been saying the craziest stuff to me. As soon as I read your last post, I felt more comfortable hearing my mom's spirit. I see her in my dreams just about every night. I had one of her last night, but I completely forgot what was about. I don't think it was of her sick. I know in the beginning I would dream of her being sick all of the time. Thank you.
  14. It's strange, but I feel the same way right now. I was just rambling about my family not too long ago. They didn't appear in my life until the last two weeks my mom was living. They don't call. One aunt text when she feels like it, but I'm going to leave her alone. My dad is pissing me off right now. I feel like punching something, but I'm just sitting alone. I am going to leave my mom's side of the family alone. My dad's side already don't talk to me, so that's fine. My brother is annoying. He blamed me and my Dad when my mom got sick and he was never there. My mom used to worry all of the time because he never came to see her or call. My family is stupid.
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