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SpaceAce

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Everything posted by SpaceAce

  1. Hi Hope, It might help to try break things down and only focus on say the next 5 minutes of life as it comes. Maybe you can even write down "Things to deal with within the next 5 minutes" as a list and then write a new list when 5 minutes it up. That way things aren't so overwhelming. There is really only two ways do deal with things in life and that's either: 1) Take action - do something to change or get rid of the circumstance but when that option isn't available see (2) 2) Accept it - accepting doesn't mean liking it, it just means you give up the struggle with it Of course the mind likes option 3 which is worry about it, think about it over and over, start preparing for all the things that could go wrong which is pointless and only harmful for you. When I get overwhelmed (many times a day) I try and think "what problem's do I have this very second?" and usually I'm thinking about things in the future which haven't happened. So I then plan to either take action to deal with it or try to accept that there is nothing I can do and just let it go. Hope this helps.
  2. And it's really exhausting. "Why are you single at 29? You should be married with kids by now" Hmm lets see I've been single for over 10 years I don't even remember what a relationship feel like (thank god) what should I say.. "Oh I'm just waiting for the right one" -- "What excites you about life, what just fills you with joy?" Ok let's see, absolutely nothing I fantasize about suicide multiple times and day and I sleep as much as I possibly can when I don't have uni. "Oh Im just a chilled out person" -- "What do you like to do with your spare time, what hobbies do you do?" Well when I'm not sleeping as much as I can I'm likely just sitting on the Internet mindlessly clicking things like YouTube and reddit until the day is gone and I can just hope I don't wake up again. "I'm into doing baking at the moment" "Oh really what kind of things to you bake" "Umm .. Cakes.. And stuff" -- Lately I've been stuck with other people for a couple of days away and my face is just hurting so much by having to fake a smile and laugh when other people make jokes or tell funny stories. I just sit there thinking " I hope I'm smiling enough and I don't look totally miserable".
  3. Hi Nexus, 29 and never had a girlfriend here. First while it may feel like everyone else is in a relationship that is not the case. The main question if why do you want to be in a relationship? For myself I can say that I want to be in a relationship to be cared for, be loved and feel happy. But all these things are just me wanting someone else to fix me and make me feel good which is not fair in any relationship. So for that reason I have stopped looking and stopped caring about getting into a relationship until I can start loving and caring for myself. You don't need a relationship to be happy but it can be an easy temporary fix. The other thing is that when you see a relationship you see the happy, kissy feel good parts but you don't see the fights, arguments, disagreements, sacrifices, etc. Take care.
  4. It's hard to say what you can do to help, you may not be able to do anything that can help. If she is already in therapy and seeing a doctor for antidepressants then I would say the only thing you could do is try to talk to her. Maybe get her out the house to do something fun? Maybe a walk in a nice park or going out for a meal or something?
  5. I'm losing the ability to push myself to get things done at work and falling back into my apathy/don't care/couldn't be bothered feelings. I hate myself for not being able to handle life.
  6. Exhausted. I had a meeting today for 2 hours with 20 random strangers. I was so anxious the entire time and I'm not good with talking to other people so that doesn't help when it's supposed to be about networking. Then when it started they went around the room and everyone had to introduce themselves which I HATE and I could feel my heart pounding so hard I felt like it was bouncing off my ribs. As soon a it finished I left even though you are supposed to network after the meeting as well. I hate networking, seems so fake and I suck at it.
  7. I've been reading about acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) in the book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.
  8. Today I've come to realise that I'm really not any better than I was 2 years ago. 2 years ago I was sleeping 16 hours a day and spent the remaining time in bed anyway only leaving to go to the toilet and eating a meal (maybe) once a day. Over that time circumstances have improved which slowly gave me enough of a boost to start getting my life back together but I'm still no better at handling life. Today I was in bed most of the day because of being so depressed about this work experience project that I'm doing for uni. I'm getting so anxious about it that I feel nauseous and feel so overwhelmed since I have so much to learn. But the realisation that I'm no better at handling life really sucks. I'm completing my last year of uni this year but I only got this far because of circumstances were good for me not because I was growing and becoming stronger. The only positive is that now I know that I NEED to spend time practising my therapy techniques rather than thinking they would be a nice thing when I had some spare time to do it.
  9. I feel stuck in a loop. The pattern is: 1) Read about some better ways of thinking 2) Spend a small amount of time trying those ways of thinking and think "this is a better way of thinking" 3) The next day forget everything and go back to my horrible whinging thoughts with self defeating attitudes 4) A week later go back to 1 Just can't seem to get anywhere.
  10. I can only speak for myself but I don't handle things well, I procrastinate a LOT and I give up fairly easily. I just try to get through each day but I never really achieve that I want to achieve. All any of us can do is take each day as it comes and try to make the best of it. I find it helps if you try and leave any guilt behind otherwise it's just a cycle of feeling guilty, feeling bad, not getting much done then feeling worst the next day. Take care Duke
  11. Very good question, it's one I think about a lot. One important thing that I think is generally overlooked is that each and every one of us has our own unique journey in life. No one on earth has ever lived the exact circumstances that you have gone though and no one ever will. Therefore comparing ourselves to others is not a valid comparison. If my experience in life has generally been a good one and even in the worst moments I was supposed, cared for and after going through them came out a stronger person then it's not all that far fetched to think I would be a person who enjoys life and can get out of bed in the morning without too much trouble. Yes everyone in the world faces problems and difficulties and yes there are many things that happen behind closed doors. But also there are some people in the world who has experienced a generally happy life. Something to think about.
  12. Is there someone you can talk to about this Izz? Maybe a family member? Are you able to get any help from a doctor?
  13. I can relate to not fitting in with people socially. My social skills are basically non-existent. As for the reason for not checking out I will throw a few out there: 1) Checking out will basically destroy the lives of the people who care about you and I'm saying this not to make you feel guilty but just as a fact. 2) We will all die at some stage, maybe even tomorrow so why not stick around? 3) Things can change in your life even if you feel they never will. 2 years ago I was so depressed I slept 16 hours a day and for the other hours I just laid in bed wishing I was dead. Now I have also finished a degree and I am doing some work experience at a company over the break. I thought things would never get better but they have VERY SLOWLY over a long period of time. It was hard (and still is) but I just try and focus on getting through each and every day. Even if things just go bad again and I mess everything up or even if thing go so bad I'm homeless at least I tried to make my life better and I can feel good for trying. No one can control you or tell you what to do but I hope you can find something worth holding on to. Best of luck.
  14. Have you thought about trying some psychological treatments? There are a few different types out there: Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and others which may be able to help you. Best of luck.
  15. Hi mountvaux, Sorry to hear that you aren't doing well. I wish I had some good advice but I'm afraid I don't. Just wanted to say that I read you story and it sounds like you have been through so much in your life. I hope you can find some way of feeling better again. Take care.
  16. Lazy. I haven't done anything productive in the last 3 days and it's really getting me down. Hopefully tomorrow I can force myself to be productive again.
  17. I would definitely go back and talk to your doctor or whoever you usually see and tell them if you are starting to feel depressed again as it is good to get on top of things early before they get worse. Take care.
  18. At the moment I can't seem to stop myself to reliving all my past mistakes and regrets. All the times I got drunk and said/did stupid embarrassing things (and there were a LOT of these). All the times I said something stupid and hurt someone. All the stupid mistakes I made in my previous job. I know there isn't anything to gain by going over these experiences again and again but I keep doing it. I guess I feel I deserve to feel like crap for all the stupid things I did. Anyone have any experience with something similar?
  19. I have struggled a long time with optimists and always thought they were so naive. After a while though you come to realise it doesn't matter what's right or wrong it's about how you feel. Thinking positive thoughts and hoping for positive outcomes helps you feel better about life and will get you further than negative/realistic thoughts. Yes positive thoughts may be wrong and naive but they are ultimately better at helping you get through life. Take a job interview for example, which is the better mindset. "I'm going to ace this interview and everyone is going to love me" OR "Why bother even going they aren't going to hire me anyway because I'm so stupid and could never do the job". The way you think can be a self fulfilling prophecy. In saying that I really believe optimism is a skill that needs to be practised over and over until it becomes normal. Positive thoughts to me are so ridiculous and stupid but I try to think them anyway and occasionally I believe them. When I do I feel better about myself and my circumstances.
  20. I can definitely relate as I have always been a VERY quite person all my life. Some of the reason why I'm a quieter person is anxiety and the other part is I'm just not very good at having social conversation with people. Some of the time also is just because I'm not really in the mood too. One thing to remember is that conversing with people is a skill and just like any skill you can get better at it in time. The easiest way to extend any conversation is the who, what, when, where, why and how. For example lets say someone starts talking about a place they visited over the weekend. You can ask if they went with other people, you could ask what they did there, what they thought about it, how they got there, etc. Then maybe it reminds you of other topics to talk about. I've also find writing down a list of topics that I would feel comfortable talking about and try and semi-memorise them. So for example I might go OK I would feel comfortable talking about how my studies are going, the really nice meal I made the other day and also a small side project I'm working on. So when I'm talking to people and I feel the conversation is dying I can remember these topics to keep the conversation going longer. I know it sounds kind of weird but I find I does help me have longer conversations. Last thing I will say is that I was at dinner the other night with about 8 other people and if you pay attention you will find a lot of other people don't have much to say either. White it might feel that everyone else is always so talkative if you pay attention you will find this is not the case.
  21. You're not pathetic, I'm sure you're doing the best the can do with the situation you are in. That's all anyone can be asked to do. I hope that things will improve for you soon.
  22. Hi Nicky, Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I can tell you are a very caring and loving mother by the way you talk. You are not stupid. Would a stupid person be posting a thread on an internet forum? Would a stupid person be able to write with such perfect spelling and grammar? I am in my second year at university and I feel so stupid compared for the other younger students. They come up with brilliant and well thought out questions to ask in class and they answer with clear and concise answers before I even start trying to come up with an answer. If I compare myself to these people I am stupid but in reality I am just a normal person with normal intelligence. There just isn't any point in comparing myself because we as human beings are all different in many different ways. We all have our own unique strengths and weaknesses. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are trying and that's all that is important.
  23. Hi Wakalaka, I can certainly relate to a lot of what you have said and I know it's a horrible place to be in. I'm 27 and at the start of last year I moved back to living with my parents and started studying full time. At the start of 2012 I was living in a nice place, earning a decent full time salary with a comfortable bank balance and to now be basically broke really sucks. It's especially hard because I feel as you get older you are expected to be more settled and have it all together and to look at the people around my age talking about marriage, promotions and buying houses it makes you feel awful. In order to get better i think you will need more than just pure will power so please get help from others. Speak to a doctor, speak to a therapist, try to get support from the people around you and most of all try to be kind to yourself. I have also heard that drugs like Adderal can give you a boost in mood/motivation but I think it would do you more harm long term as it would not help your depression and in my opinion would only make things worse. I think when you are depressed for a long period of time it is very hard to distinguish who you are from the depression. Your mind is so sick that it's impossible to tell until after you are better mentally. I think that when you are feeling better you will find you start to find yourself again. From what you have written I feel a STRONG amount of guilt and shame which will have to be sorted out first. You just CAN'T move forward with your life if you keep beating yourself up for how your life has transpired so far. Please try to speak to a therapist if you are able to as I think they could really help you start to feel better about yourself, you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life.
  24. SpaceAce

    Fragile

    I am feeling very fragile at the moment and I hate it. Wish I could just deal with things and just general life situations better. Today I was shopping for some new shoes and in one of the shops I knocked some socks onto the floor when I was looking at some shoes. The woman working there gave me this really p***** off look and I said "oh sorry I knocked that off" and she didn't say a word and just put it back. I tried to ignore it and keep looking at the shoes but clearly she was so annoyed for something so little. After about a minute another staff came over and asked if they could help me and I said I was just looking. I left feeling so awful and it basically just ruined my day. I don't deal so well when people are angry at me and I spent a few hours after I got home laying in bed feeling like crap. I think why I feel so bad is that I have been pushed around a lot in my life and it just brings up a lot of bad memories that I would rather forget. I then tried to spend the rest of the day studying for some uni work but I just keep feeling like I'm so stupid and worthless. I hate this.
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