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noname188

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noname188 last won the day on June 24 2012

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About noname188

  • Birthday 02/01/1988

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  1. To be honest. I am STILL having this problem and I am 30 now. I still have a hard time communicating with my own father and this is bothering me. Even though I am completely dependent on myself, I still feel like I need to ask my dad's permission to do things. The anxiety causes me to avoid any social contact.
  2. As a person who has is also majorly in love with a friend I'm not sure if I can be much help, but I can understand how you feel. That person is the one that you feel most comfortable with, seems like they understand you and don't care about your flaws.But that person is the one you can never have. And you probably know that, even accepted it, but have a hard time living it... also it's hard to understand why life would present you with such perfect opportunities, which can never be fully yours. Do I have the situation right? I am exact where you are and am still struggling with it. Mine is a bit different, but in the end it's the same. Maybe talking to other friends about how you feel can help. Sometimes talking is the best thing you can do. And as you say your friend and you can talk, right? and you've also told him that you're in love?! So maybe just tell him that you still like him, but will respect that it can never happen and just ask if he won't weird things out for you. Hope my post can help you a bit :)
  3. I have a problem. From the title of this topic you can already guess what that is. But let me go into further detail. I just came across an old topic of mine, posted 5 years ago "Controlling father". When I read that I've noticed that 5 years later little to none has changed with my issues. Every time I have to tell my dad something, and I mean anything like that I am going out, to the movies, hanging with friends, out of town, abroad, whatever... I get this serious panic and anxiety attacks. My entire body starts shaking, I start feeling extremely warm, I break sweat like I just ran a marathon and if I don't watch out my voice also cracks and I stumble over my words. This is having a serious affect on my personal and social life, because I've cancelled plans with friends just because I wasn't able to tell my dad that I won't be home. These few years I do however still do it, but it usually takes a lot of preparation. I think about my words, when exactly to do it (when he steps out of a room, closes a door etc.), but it still isn't easy for me. I usually linger almost an hour in my room or in front of his room before entering to tell him that I am going somewhere. With my mom I don't have this problem. I just say "I'm going out". And she's okay. No explanation needed, no lecture. All is good. I wish I had that with my dad. He always has something negative to say, tries to control the situation or is just plain annoying. I think I'm way too old to still have this problem and I also have no idea how to overcome this. Does anyone have tips or advice for me?
  4. Maybe you should try befriending some gay guys online. That might help, because then you don'y physically have to be around that and still get advice. Just a tip. Or maybe try talking to some close friends? I assume you must have a few or at least one that you trust well enough to talk to. And if you don't have a good friend (or family member) maybe seeking professional help will help too. Another thing is to write down your feelings. No one has to read it, just to clear your mind. Write down things like why you regret coming out. What really makes you feel depressed. etc. Just don't do anything to hurt yourself (or those around you). Stay positive. Imagine a bright future and plan our the necessary steps to take to get there. Or just visualize it and all will fall into piece by itself ;)
  5. I am a homosexual male. I am only attracted to other men. In my younger years I have been in love with girls, but in my teen years I discovered that I'd rather be with another man.
  6. @ Traveling_Man: I guess you totally understand what the pressure was like for me. No one should be pressured or forced into coming out I do understand the support and the advice, but there is a huge difference between supporting and forcing. And some people don't get that. One week later nothing has changed in the house. We all went on with our lives. I wouldn't have it any other way. Luckily no drama :)
  7. Yes... It does feel like a ginormous burden has been lifted from my shoulders. :D
  8. I did it. I told them. On MY own account... at MY own free will. And... they are totally okay with it. They said, they have known for years and were just waiting for me to tell them. They accept it, because there is nothing they can do about it. I'm there son and they will always love me.
  9. Thanks everyone for your words. I had mailed my aunt yesterday to give her my thoughts and a few hours alter she called me and we had a very long talk. I have been able to get her off my back. After the phone call I was p***** off, but soon I calmed down. I later made up my mind to tell my parents today. I have been up all night to mentally prepare myself. Now I feel a lot more confident and certain, because I know now that it's MY choice to tell them and that there's no outside pressure.
  10. Don't worry about that ;-) I still appreciate your reply, because I know that I am not one of the few that don't like to talk about certain things with our parents/
  11. Thanks for the words StoniumFrog ;) My aunt called me today again. This time while I was at work. The same blah-blah-blah conversation about how she feels that I am unhappy and need to "Free myself"... while in fact I feel perfectly happy. I've never been happier in my life. She gave me a deadline of 5.00 PM Saturday... or else she will call and out me to my parents.
  12. Hi there, Some of you may (or may not remember me). It's been a while since I last visited and posted on this forum. I'm just going to cut to the chase here. A few weeks ago when staying at my aunt's house I told her I was gay. She had a feeling and was sort of forcing me to let it out. Not in exact words, but she was implying that I was keeping something from here and she said whatever it was, she was open to it. I knew what she was talking about, but I didn't dare say it. Instead I wrote her an e-mail a few days later. I was still staying at her house I just preferred to tell her my "secret" in a letter than speaking. I am much better in writing my deep feelings down. The next morning after the email we spoke and she was happy that I came out, because she said she knew all along. After that we were able to talk about anything: my friends, the guy I have a crush on etc. She also said that I needed to tell my parents, because in her words "they have a right to know". The thing is, I am not afraid to admit that I am gay... all my friends know. It's just that I never told my parents, because: I assume they would eventually know and maybe ask I don't like to talk about intimacy and sexual topics to my parents. I just get very uncomfortable. I figured once I have a real relationship they would eventually figure it out. So one week after I arrived back home, my aunt called and asked if I told my parents yet. I said no, because I had been very busy ever since I arrived back home. Which was true. Things had been hectic at college. I said maybe another time. She forced me to tell them and if I didn't she would call back and tell them herself. She gave me 3 hours. I was so frustrated and felt a bit let down, because I gave her my trust. But she said she can't keep secrets from her family and said that this was for my own good. Maybe she is right about the second part, but coming out to your parents is not the type of thing you just throw in the air and rush to the bathroom afterwards. You need to find the right time and place. And calling me up on a Sunday afternoon and telling me to come out NOW, wasn't the best solution. I was confused and just went to bed. I tried to sleep, but my mind was a whirlpool of thoughts. Later she called again and asked if I did it. I said no, because the time wasn't right. She kept on forcing, but somehow I managed to tell her that I would do it maybe the next weekend. The weekend after that she didn't call. Today neither. I expect her to call sooner or later. In the meantime I have still been busy with lots of school work and not been able to prepare myself for coming out to my parents. But if that day comes, what is the best tactic? I've known for 10 years now that I am go. All my friends know and I am comfortable with it. Just telling my parents is a problem. I would prefer them to ask me. Because than all I would have to said is yes (or nod my head). Anyone have any advice for me?
  13. Dear depthofmike, thanks for the comment. It has been a while since I last visited here, so I hope you are able to read this. There has been a lot of bad things going on in my life again, but I am getting so used to the disappointments that they are really starting to hurt less. I'll write about it another time. For now I'm just slowly getting over it :)
  14. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  15. Yesterday I was confronted with something again ad it made me realize that I'm still not 100% comfortable yet with my sexuality! I was out with a friend and his friend is openly gay and I was kind of envying him. How free, liberated and careless he lives. He doesn't care what he says and isn't ashamed to talk about anything. He even tried to out me a few times, which I could have easily said yes and make it known to everyone, but I couldn't. I tried to change the subject constantly! But I was feeling bad. I want to live like that too. You know, free and not ashamed to be myself no matter whom I'm with (even my family). :verysad3:
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