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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/04/2020 in all areas

  1. My daughter and I dropped into a party for a retiring coworker of hers yesterday. I started out with my usual social anxiety and strong desire to bolt...but a few minutes into it and I found myself actually enjoying being around the people. They were a rag-tag bunch of misfits for the most part so I almost felt at home. One dude was a cowboy from NM and we shared horror stories about raising cattle (which I did in my former life). I left feeling reasonably human again. Back to my "normal" self today...but it was a nice few hours yesterday anyway.
    14 points
  2. It's my birthday. I'm hoping I can get some enjoyment out of it I'm gonna do some yoga this morning to (hopefully) help with my anxiety
    13 points
  3. I did it, I finally finally applied for a part time role in science that id actually enjoy and not being full time so hopefully itl allow me to build some confidence and help get me used to leaving the house and being around people again while still giving me more than two days off a week to recover
    13 points
  4. Hey i feel great the happiest I have been in a long time it does get better just saying
    12 points
  5. Despite my boss not bothering to tell me that she was on vacation last week and waiting until the last minute to let me know my time off request was approved…I got the approval and heading to a place I enjoy visiting and have visited many times in the past. Not really sure how this is going to go since I am miserable right now and struggling but I have only taken one vacation day this year so far back in February so I really need the time off from work. And I know the city I am going to well…been there many times and will be visiting some of the usual spots. We will see.
    12 points
  6. I wish we all lived in the same country and could organise a meet up (although with all our anxiety would we even show? ) just feeling extra lonely and you guys and this forum have been my only outlet and support though this difficult time im having. So rn I guess I feel like you're my friends so thanks for letting me in and here's a and some and I hope you're all doing ok
    12 points
  7. Last night I tried Betterhelp for the first time. It was hard to get matched with a counselor of my choice (rather than an automated choice), with a focus that matched mine, but it worked in the end thankfully. It was interesting. In my past with therapy, the first session usually felt pretty invasive but then the rest wandered all over the place. Super personal up front, then generic. This was the opposite. She got a rough sketch and then went to work on practical tools, mainly a simple safety plan. It didn't cover any new ground, and I still feel like she barely knows me ... but I asked for "triage" and that's exactly what she gave. She checked that nothing else was more urgent first and sent more in-depth info to follow up. She seemed to understand some symptoms I haven't been able to talk about elsewhere. We'll see. Had to try something.
    11 points
  8. I am weary from the weight of things. Those things are not that heavy but with depression, even the lightest things can be quite burdensome. Hugs to everyone who needs one!
    11 points
  9. I'm feeling a lot better than I was. I've had some decent sleep and chance to relax. So, so pleased about that. I can do my last bits of packing and cleaning in a much more relaxed manner. The panicking has died down, thank god. I was really worried that I was heading for a breakdown. It's so important that I meditate, relax and exercise. I can't tell you.
    11 points
  10. Now I'm feeling good. Good walk in the woods, lovely sunny weather, snow up to me knees and I actually felt ok. I so wish this would last longer.
    11 points
  11. Thankyou for worrying about me. It's ok, I'll have time. It's amazing news. He increased and I accepted the offer I've been working towards this moment for three years and walked through fire to get here Yes!!
    11 points
  12. Thursday I'm off to Santa Monica for a few days to record roughly 30 songs with my friend Eric so I'll be extremely busy while I'm there. Was supposed to go in July but timing for both of us wasn't good and I hadn't gotten my vaccines yet. Friday I know I'm meeting up with Doug (who's known me my entire life) and hopping around guitar shops that morning and my friend Sabrina is coming down from Sacramento so I'll see her too. It's been a good bit since we've all seen each other in person. Most people here have told me to take a ton of pictures and are glad I'm back to my music mode. It's strange because I have more of a friend circle in California compared to here in KY. Most people here too seem to be mind blown that I even know Eric to begin with and as usual are in dis-belief in a sense. It won't hit me until I'm on the plane but I am excited to get together with my music friends.
    10 points
  13. I actually feel pretty good. I have the Directv person putting the satellite on a pole in the yard today and then I'm finally done with all of this process. Meeting someone for the first time is always a good time to speak in a Mickey Mouse voice. It's the little things that bring me happiness in this life.
    10 points
  14. I fully believe I've done the best I could have done up to this point. I know mom would be proud of me. In 3 days I will be sober for 4 years.
    10 points
  15. Don't feel quite so bad today. You guys have helped a lot so thank you. I'm off to bed. Goodnight, lovely people
    10 points
  16. You need to be kind to yourself because no one else in the world WILL. You need to help yourself because no one else in the world WILL.
    10 points
  17. I got to see the baby chickens today. The one store probably has 100 baby chickens. I can stand there watching them forever.
    10 points
  18. I´m really glad that you exist. I´m not able to read all your posts, maybe just the posts of 3-4 people more regularly but I´m glad that you are here and hope your tomorrow will be better and you have a good morning.:) And also today, every next moment.
    10 points
  19. Thanks for the nice reply. Yeah, they are "forcing" me to retire...which is a step above being fired at least. Part of it is because I've been here for so long (31 years) and the other part is because people in this office and the others I am frequently in contact with like me. That's what the HR person said. I am grateful for the option to retire but it's going to upend my life. I fear I'll be moving back in with my ex in the same house where I felt suicidal for so long. Great advice, remaining who you are! I'll hopefully be able to do that.
    10 points
  20. I am sorry you feel that way. I agree that certain things we post do not help us, but they might help others who are struggling and for me that means something. If even 1 of my posts has managed to help an individual feel better, find hope, see life from another perspective, anything, I am happy and thankful for that. I'm not perfect, and I'm struggling but you guys are the people I turn to because the world out there is not understanding like you guys are
    10 points
  21. 1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. 2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend. 3. If you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut. Not judging at all, but thought this might cheer you up a little
    10 points
  22. Feelin ok at the minute My stress didn't follow me to this morning at least and I felt better last night after talking to you guys and getting some jobs done. Not too much to do today but enough to be getting on with. I think I'm learning to pace myself with things these days. Years ago I would have manic cleaning sessions and feel like crap afterwards. Also, the opposite, I'd do nothing and feel just as crap afterwards. So, doing enough (whatever that is) every day is working better for me. There is the danger of paralysis in me at the moment however, I can feel it...It's like what I have to do is so important, I almost can't do it. Perhaps that is the danger whenever we assign anything that much importance in life. Is anything really so important that we stress to the eyeballs over it?
    10 points
  23. jkd_sd

    Merry Xmas 2020 🎄

    Thank you, @Nightjar, for your good wishes! Regardless of anything and everything (religious beliefs, personal hardships, country of origin, Covid19, economic status, etc., etc., etc. ....), I wish a generous portion of peace and spiritual comfort for all of us.
    10 points
  24. I'm not sure how to explain how I feel at this moment. I feel blah. I'm just watching tennis as a deterrence to dealing with the blah blah blah blah feeling.
    9 points
  25. I got five.. 1. We need you here. 2. You are lovely and make a positive contribution to the world. 3. To prove them wrong. 4. For a chance at the good stuff. 5. So that you don't have to repeat this earth school again
    9 points
  26. Both of our remote car starters stopped working a month ago. After spending hours and hours online watching videos and reading manuals I was able to reprogram one car. There seems to be a hardware issue with the second car. We need it because our winters are brutal. I managed a short walk this evening. I would have liked to walk more but it is midnight here and windy and cold.
    9 points
  27. Laying here listening to the heavy rain, it's incredibly heavy! Managed to buy the lumber I need for the next repair on this place, now I just need to find the energy and motivation! I hope everyone is doing well this weekend!
    9 points
  28. Well I'll be back in a week. These workers start at sunrise. I bet the neighbors will love them putting on a roof this early.
    9 points
  29. Same here. I try to actively resist whatever passes for "general reality." I don't want to be a part of the greed and violence. Therefore, I wander around in my own fantasy as much as possible.
    9 points
  30. Of course you're strong. We all are. Look at what we've all been through the last year and a half. Proving the people wrong that have hurt me is probably the reason I'm still here.
    9 points
  31. Stressed. Again. Wish to change. But things happen out of my control and what can I do but to accept it. I gotto push myself to make it through this day. Choose peace n calmness instead of hatred.
    9 points
  32. Feeling a little worried that something bad will happen and I won't have enough money to fix it, if it can be fixed. Medication and CBT helps me with my fears but one fear I have is ending up with Alzheimer's disease. My grandmother got that and it was a real nightmare. Hugs here to anyone who needs one.
    9 points
  33. @Depressedgurl007 I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so badly. Please try to hang in there! I hope things get better for you. @ladysmurf I can relate to being misunderstood. I'm sorry there isn't any relief for you. It stinks that life is painful, it has been for me at times too. I love your username by the way! I'm okay. I ended up dissociating briefly this morning but I'm alright now.
    9 points
  34. There are lots of interesting animals where I'm going. My trip is technically a trip to see family but I can see me going off by myself taking walks every day exploring.
    9 points
  35. Sorry to hear about Rain. But I agree with you, it doesn't take away the good times. It's still worth it. I'm struggling a lot with the guilt and feeling like I didn't do enough, y'know. I know how common this feeling is. It was no kind of a life we were living, I've gotta admit. I have this thing in my head about if she was human, I woudn't have done it. Couldn't have done it in fact. And I feel like I should have found some way of dealing with it to let her be here for longer. I loved her a lot and wanted the best for her. But still, it was no kind of life for either of us. Thanks for reaching out.
    9 points
  36. She was definitely poorly and we had a diagnosis so we had an idea that this would continue and possibly worsen. She was pretty much continuously in her litter box for number 2's and peeing around the house for 2 weeks. We had the odd day and night of peace and calm but she was keeping me awake night after night after night going into her litter box. The lack of sleep is what did me in. I was already trying to recover from some serious anxiety and the lack of sleep felt unbearable to me. This is what I feel the guilt about. Mini lion was my most precious little angel. I loved her more than anything and my life basically revolved around her. And a big part of the reason I had her put to sleep is because I felt I couldn't cope. I thought I might lose my mind or have a heart attack. It's like I chose me over her. And I did this when I loved her so, so much. As a decent human being and as a mother I feel that maybe I should have done anything for her, including, I suppose, bearing sleep deprivation and daytime overwhelm with a dirty house to allow her to live on for longer. I felt afraid for myself. It felt unbearable. And I killed her. Or putting it a nicer way, I had her put to sleep. Yes, she was suffering. But I feel she could have gone on for longer. I don't know how much longer would be fair to her but she might have gone into remission for a while for all I know. I just couldn't find any options to cope. She couldn't be away from me. Her separation anxiety was too bad. I couldn't close her off in any of my rooms, the house is too small and open plan. I couldn't expect anyone else to babysit overnight, my mother is ill herself and mini would have been too stressed with that anyway. The soiling on everything was too much to deal with though I had a little help with that from my mom. But, to give you an idea, I still haven't caught up and it's been 2 weeks. I'm trying to reframe it in my mind but I'm finding it hard to be kind to myself. It was all pretty traumatic. I suppose I did what I felt I had to do but I loved her so much.. I feel like I let her down. At the moment It feels like every day of good that I did has been wiped out by that one last deed. On a positive note I did my absolute best for that cat on every other day. I never raised my voice to her, I protected her fiercely, I gave her masses of love, I played with her regularly and catered to her every whim. I gained her love and trust when she had been abandoned by her previous humans. It took a long, long time. Last year, we had, like a golden year. I was at home with her even more than usual because of covid and she'd never been more happy and relaxed. You can really see it in the photos I took. It was the pinnacle of our time together and very special. I really hope that I can hold onto that sooner rather than later and remember fondly what we achieved.
    9 points
  37. I've been spraying the tree that was getting attacked and I just saw that it has a bloom on it. That makes me feel good. It's looking better.
    9 points
  38. Like I don't want to be alone any more. I have to do whatever it takes to get out into the world after this move. No more messing about. I can and I will.
    9 points
  39. I find this very relatable. I have a constant fear of rejection and abandonment and even just stepping into a grocery store I feel like I’m being observed and I’m an imposter trying desperately to fit in... I wear a smile on my face constantly and I am always polite, but what people don’t see is that one sideways look from a complete stranger has me spiraling into thoughts of self doubt and self loathing. Seeing others on here with the same struggles helps me feel human (when I was a child I convinced myself I was sub-human to make sense of the way I was being treated). You guys have no idea how much sharing your perspectives and experiences gives validation and self acceptance
    9 points
  40. I walked in the woods and felt intense nostalgic happiness mixed in with a bit of sadness. Still having after effects. It's nice. A yearning feeling.
    9 points
  41. I did a lot of hard work over the weekend and stood up to people that were hurting me and I took control of my life back. I'm done being afraid of people. I'm going to live my life exactly the way I want to from here on. I'm done with toxic people!
    9 points
  42. I would guess this sounds so simple to most people, but it's fiendishly difficult for many of us. For decades, I have felt "guilty" whenever I am doing something I get enjoyment out of. I need to learn to say it's OK to feel good, as you are finding out.
    9 points
  43. Hey hi guys. Trying to re-wire my brain lastly. Started therapy a month ago, and improved in some aspects. What I'm working on right now, is into saying to myself that it's okay to feel good when I do. I found me hitting myself when things go better, to go back to my normal state (feeling depressed). This is homestasis doing its job, homeostasis works in many levels, psicologically too. This is an automatic process. I saw that, the only way I can consciously help to accept this new states of feeling better is to telling myself "it's okay to feel good, there's no danger into that". That's all I can do. It won't be easy to re-write a brain that has been telling the same thing for 15 years, maybe more. I hope you all are doing better, love you all.
    9 points
  44. I woke up feeling like I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm moving.. Till now, the process has been pretty hellish to be honest, my stress levels have been through the roof and I've been waking up feeling trapped in a nightmare So yeah, thankfully, feeling better about things, I've calmed down a bit and I'm feeling more prepared for whatever is to come Thankyou guys for helping me through
    9 points
  45. Thanks it's been a good morning. There were 20 deer in the yard this morning. One of the young deer kept running up and down the fence line. She couldn't figure out how to get past the fence so I opened up the door and yelled jump you can do it and she did. I didn't want her to be left behind.
    9 points
  46. there is some good left in this world, it just really hard to find!! look i know our lives aren't what we thought they would be , but im happy i can have you guys who relate to me and give me advice and support. i have my bad and good days, but i can count on people like you guys, so that's good for me..
    9 points
  47. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! Hope 2021 will be a better year.
    9 points
  48. sober4life

    Merry Xmas 2020 🎄

    Merry Christmas everyone! Even the cookie monster is shaking his head at me today wow!
    9 points
  49. watalife

    Merry Xmas 2020 🎄

    Also if anyone needs food from the store please go before they close today or you will be hungry tommorow
    9 points
  50. Great, content, motivated and not afraid to be on here.
    9 points
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