Jump to content


Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 09/15/2018 in all areas

  1. 12 points

    Valentines Day

    I wanted to tell you all Happy Valentine's Day. I know some of us (including myself) are single or you may not have someone to wish you a good holiday. So I'd like to tell you all Happy Valentine's Day and you are all amazing for being here and helping each other. I'm also glad for those to have reached out to this wonderful forum 🙂 I wish you all a grand day!
  2. 11 points
    I'm starting a much needed vacation. I'm not going anywhere. I'm resting. I don't have to work again until Tuesday.
  3. 11 points

    What A Weekend

    I'm 42. One of 5 children, who have been disbursed around the world the last 20 years, with one sister serving in China as a missionary the last 15. We aren't able to see each other often, but we all did this weekend, along with our mother, step dad, and for the first time, all 17 of the cousins. My oldest brother, arranged for all of us to attend memorial day weekend at camp Barakel in Michigan's National Forrest, where all of us grew up going for 1-2 weeks each summer, and then would volunteer as counselors and suer staff in college and beyond, going back to my mother, and her father, who helped start the camp. There are a lot of fun things to do there and the kids had a blast. We really hadn't had a vacation in probably 10 - 15 years. It's cabin-camping. I had finished a legal brief till 3am and then packed and help drive the 7 hours to get there. Interaction with my wife is still frayed and painful...and for a lot of the weekend, I just took the kids around to activities with family, met old friends, etc. Happily my urge to engage in the important questions was quelled, perhaps my my brother's adroit handling of the chapel services. He's very good in his field. His approach to the faith is simultaneously as high brow and practical as it gets. I learned this over the years as I would debate with him, and at some.point I realized he was the only person I knew who could best me....that is teach me with a deeper insight into life, death, our nature, truth, epistology, logic, the big questions, etc. (This is the purpose of debate, argumentation...to sharpen one another and learn). And it is wonderfully gratifying to seem doing so well and in this elemement. Barakel means, where good has blessed. Even though my relationship with "The Faith" is still painful, the live piano music, rustic would chapel, and familiar faces are heartwarming. One of them was a Yoda-like mentor, and he still runs the camp, going on I think 40 years. An oracle. Brilliant, thoughtful, conscientious, large-minded and hearted. And the grounds are as tranquil as it gets, with Sheer Lake centering the entire campgrounds like some mystical gem. My youngest brother was our chapel speaker this week, he cristened a professor of theology a few years ago after completing his doctorate and other divinity defrees at 3 of the world's top institutions, ending at Cambridge University. I was excited to see everyone, and it was great, and to hear him speak, preach, whatever. And my discomfort subsided...I've been working on it anyway. He's smarter than me, a true intellectual. He was born to teach. He took on the most difficult questions... literally...having the adults, a diverse mix of lifetime bible students, and some not, put in questions all weekend, which he then gave his best expert answers to in his penultimate talk. And wow people brought--and he selected--tough questions. He answered a couple of mine. I don't still agree with everything he says, but I will say he makes imaculate arguments. Driving, compelling, subtle, compassionate, humble.... the way good intellectuals should always be.... Genuinely interested in learning the enlightenment of truth, without fear or sacred red cows. I know that sound unlikely for a Christian preaching the Gospel. Here was one that I I think he has probably said to me before, but I will remember: are you willing to doubt your doubt? Are your questions borne of real wonder? Or with wat attitude of heart are they asked? Would more information really persuade you (hint it rarely does with people). This came after praising and embracing, and just before answering some of the toughest seeming contradictions of the faith, of doubters like me. A couple of the questions were mine. His answers were not unexpected, and not comforting, but they trouble the waters in the way that activists always have. If I were ever to believe again in a literal way, it would be because of these few people who demonstrated a kind of peace that passes understanding. It's still painful for me, much more than a heritage lost. The belief is pervasive of every fragment and shard of life. It is so large and hopeful. And it inevitably is challenging to me. Was I wrong then, after all? Or now? Is there really a supreme love, personally interactive and powerful, who redeems all things...an unconditional love that would change everything. Everything. It's the strongest bond on Earth or heaven, even above other mere-human connections. It is a sad thing that I do not share it any more. But the weekend was really good, and I am thankful.
  4. 11 points
    Happy for once. There are still so many things out of place, I could go on and on. But going through what I just went through.. I would have never thought I'd be here, sitting at my desk again, working. Just having something to work towards fills me with so much hope. Even if it doesn't work out like everything else I'm just glad that in this moment in time I have something to work towards. I'm going to enjoy it whilst it lasts and not think about what will come after.
  5. 10 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    well, my day didn't start off to good today. I left my pain medicine and I'm hurting really bad and of course that is affecting my thought process. But, about a hour later my daughter brought me my bag and bought me breakfast. It really cheered me up and now I am looking for things to improve from that point on in my day.
  6. 10 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Irritated about being off of work for so long. Sad at being lonely, but I am trying to talk to more people. Glad I got groceries and did my cleaning today. Glad that I went over some stuff for work.
  7. 10 points

    Mental illness = cute and trendy

    One of the worst things about mental illness is that people generally don't understand it. Yes, awareness of mental illness has improved massively over the years. But there are still tv shows, media posts and films that glamourise and celebrate it. If they really want to support people who are suffering from mental illness, they should make films, or tv programmes actually showing what it's like. How debilitating it is. They should show mental illness from the perspective of the person who is suffering from it. Because they are the only ones who understand it fully. If people could actually see, and feel what it's like to live with a mental illness they wouldn't undermine it. They wouldn't make comments like 'man up', it'll pass' or 'toughen up'. And people who were actually suffering would feel more comfortable seeking help, they wouldn't have to worry whether or not they'd be taken seriously. For me, mental illness has been harder to live with than any physical illness i've suffered from. People need to understand that. Mental and physical illness should be equal. Equal accessibility of treatments, and equal in that they are both taken seriously. And even now after opening up to my family and friends about how i've been, I still don't feel that they understand fully how hellish it's been.
  8. 9 points
    This year has been the hardest year of my life. I'm finally beginning to feel strong again. I'm not going to **** myself this year or any year. It's sad and scary how long it takes you to say I'm going to survive this. It's time for me to get a good life in this world and make mom proud.
  9. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Went to mental health doctor today didn’t realize how much better I have been doing crazy as that sounds but hey I’ll take it 🙂
  10. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Left this morning on my Triumph and headed for Virginia. Finally stopped at a motel to rest. Gonna be back Wednesday probably since I have to work next weekend. As far as states go I started in Kentucky and was in and out of Tennessee, Virginia and North Carolina. Not really going anywhere specifically, just away.
  11. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    I'm beginning to feel strong again because I finally know the way out of this hell. I'm right up to the fence that's always been blocking everything my whole life from the ground to the sky. I can see everything I want through that fence but this time there is a door and I'm going through it!
  12. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Why won't it work out? Don't believe everything your depression tells you. Life can be scary. I'm old and I'm still scared of life. One day at a time, one baby step at a time and breathe when the fear (depression) tries to take over. You are strong!
  13. 9 points
    Had a decent day, even if it was a struggle to stay in the moment. Did what I could to honor my dad, who's been gone for almost 34 years. I was able to stick a toe in the past, but decided not to wade in. Next month's surgery is on my mind and it's been hard to detour around it, particularly how/if the post-op pain will be managed. Nevertheless, enjoyed things like the rain all day that kept Spot inside curled up with me whenever/wherever he could.
  14. 9 points
    You're describing the thought processes uncomfortably familiar to most of us. That's to say, it's particularly difficult for many of us to find the middle ground in our heads. It's a daily issue for me. It's such a relief to have good days, my inclination is to put on the rose colored glasses. And bad days are, well, REALLY bad. Best I've been able to do is to at least have some awareness of my thoughts and when it's my depression speaking. tbh, that may not necessarily help what I'm FEELING at the moment. I sometimes have to content myself with just being aware of the thoughts. Quite often the thoughts have to do with the past or the future, too. Believe me, I go through plenty of that bounce. Lots of material. idk if this is helpful - it's barely PG - but I heard a saying, "One foot in yesterday, one foot in tomorrow, p*ss all over today."
  15. 9 points
    At this point half my personality is just me being conflicted. My head will flip back and forth from "my life sucks" and "I'm so blessed." Or it'll flip between "my parents are abusive i have to leave soon" to "what if i never leave what if they're not as bad as i think" I guess it's good that lots of people help snap me back to reality. The reality that it's tough and confusing and conflicting but I'm going to make it through okay. Right?
  16. 9 points
    I'm feeling pretty good today. I'm getting one of the dead trees cut down in my yard today and I'm getting 2 more dead trees cut down next week. The other 10 dead trees I'm cutting myself. Yes I'm saying this as someone that has never used a chainsaw but there's a time to learn how to do everything. I could pay thousands to get the trees cut up or buy a cheap chainsaw and do it myself. The 3 I'm getting cut down are the most dangerous that I need help with and people are doing it for free because I agreed to help them with other work at their house. So what could cost thousands of dollars to do will only cost the amount of a chainsaw and gas which is so much better than it could have been.
  17. 9 points

    New Beginnings

    Well, I woke up and decided that I can not live any longer in the condition that I am in. I am determine to fight and take my life back. I have been held down to long and I am not going to remain there. I already been down, so at this point I don't have anything else left but, to come up. I cannot do any worse than I have already done, so I choose to live today and to begin my new life and to make the best of a bad situation. Hang in there all of my friends around the world.
  18. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    What is a lemon cat? Every animal I have ever met is special and has something to give.
  19. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Not too bad.
  20. 9 points

    *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]

    The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. - Mark Twain
  21. 9 points

    Make It Go Away

    I can remember when one of my twins got sick almost 18 years ago and one of them said daddy make this sickness go away. I know so many of us out there wish mental illness would just go away. Hang in there my brothers and sisters out there until a better day come.
  22. 9 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    I'm doing pretty good. I just realized I will be sober a year and a half the day before my birthday. Yes of course my brain's thought is you should have a big celebration and I will just not the kind my brain wants.
  23. 9 points

    Hey again.

    I love you all and I love this forum. I've received a lot of help and have gave some help too. You all are amazing for still being here.
  24. 9 points
    Mine is my beautiful daughter getting a snuggle from Jessie the Dog. I chose it because it is the purest expression of love I have ever seen. And The Pink Princess (my daughter) is so full of life and sparkle - and I want more than anything else to help her keep that sparkle in this difficult world.
  25. 8 points

    Today 3

    Hey thanks everyone (and sorry I guess too). I really didn't mean to alarm anyone. I'm just having trouble coping. With everything. Work. Home. $. Emotions. Relationships. Anxiety I'm struggling to deal with what seems like every moment. Despair. Loss of hope. Everything, everyone here is intimately familiar with. I don't really think I have means for wherewithal to take any final action...don't really have much of a plan right now either. I don't have means around the house. At work, I'm not sure if or how I can access the roof. I feel like it. I want to. But I don't think I am close. I wish I were. I really wish I were. I did see that the previous Today 2 thread was suspended, closed for further replies, I presume because there was concern. Apologies again, I really didn't intend that. I was just expressing the way I felt and feel. Which is awful. No one here needs it explained - you all know. (because this is a new thread, I'm cc'ing those of you I can think of now from the old one) Anyway, thank you all. I got a number of messages, and even calls - and thank you all - I tried to respond to everyone who did. If I missed anyone, please know how deeply I appreciate your concern and empathy. I have been having trouble managing everything lately, and in a spiral I'm trying to get some control of. Thank you -g @uncertain1, @LonelyHiker, @Sophy, @JD4010
  26. 8 points

    What Did You Do Today? #3

    OK, let me see..... Had a chill out session this morning which was much appreciated even though it seems impossible for me to ever relax completely. Played with mini lion who was literally climbing the walls with boredom because she didn't have her prompt play time in the morning. Showered. Managed to enjoy it for a change as was more relaxed after chill out time. Went shopping. Sorted some recycling, put out some rubbish. Evening DF session. Not a massively productive day but beneficial to my mood. It felt really nice to give myself a break and go easy on myself. Of course I have a to do list as long as my arm but I can honestly say today that I don't care, I feel better for relaxing.
  27. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Not completely unexpected reaction to my meds this morning that I've learned from experience can subside when I get even a small cup of coffee in me. Pulling myself together was important to me personally. About like a regular photo assignment, I'd committed to a photographer friend to catch professional shots of his flight's arrival from Dubai this morning for his family's record of the trip. It was bittersweet for them. His son's first visit to South Africa, but it was also to scatter Grandad's ashes.
  28. 8 points
    Doing better midday - no anxiety at the moment - having grabbed a couple hours and in the Big Nest with my arm curled around Spot (who'd taken possession of it). I've already knocked off a call to change Mom's pension to her primary bank and even made an appointment for a haircut. Out for groceries and I'm done. Giving a friend a ride to the airport early tomorrow...a good excuse for some dawn photography.
  29. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Pretty decent. Saw Avengers Endgame for the second time. Had some good food today. I'm feeling a little nauseous since I get carsick but it'll pass. I get to eat sushi tomorrow too, it's my favorite. I'm just burned out from being outside and energetic for so long, but I don't feel bad by any means.
  30. 8 points
    Feel pretty good today. :)
  31. 8 points

    What made you smile today? :)

    Walked onto a building site to see that one of the guys had brought his dog to work. Complete with Hi Viz and Mini Bump Cap
  32. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    pushed myself to go out for a 20 minute walk, the sun is out so not bad .. hope everyone is doing OK
  33. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Doing good but my head hurts a little
  34. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    I am grateful and glad I joined www.depressionforums.org. Sometimes I feel like no one else can be experiencing "exactly" what I am, or what I have so it makes me believe no one would understand so why explain. Right? Wrong, I have learned now that I can come here and interact with people who know exactly how I feel, been through what I have been through and genuinely understand. I am able to vent, get great advice, and realize (other than a therapist telling me) that I am not alone in this. It gives me hope and makes me feel good that so many people are here supporting one another! It may sound cliche but it is how I feel. Thank you, all of you!!
  35. 8 points

    The Post Anything Thread #3

    “I don’t feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh. "There there," said Piglet. "I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  36. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Ditto. Kitties in my case because I'm in an apartment building. I brought home two senior cats who are a "bonded pair". They had been surrendered to the humane society at age 8 for some reason. I saw them and thought, "nobody is going to want a couple of older cats that can't be separated." Well, nobody but me. They've been my roommates for four years now and we have a blast. I love 'em!
  37. 8 points

    Valentines Day

    I wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day!! Everyone should try to do one thing for themselves today that makes them smile or feel a little better--we all deserve to have a special moment for ourselves...But, then again, I don't think we need a special day for that--we should try to do a little something special for ourselves on a regular basis!! Anyhow, I am babbling again, have a pleasant day everyone...8-]]]
  38. 8 points

    Valentines Day

    Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Please don't let this day get you down. Go out and do whatever makes you happy today.❤️
  39. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    All I can say is today is lots better than yesterday--Today I feel more relaxed, thank goodness--8-]]
  40. 8 points

    Shows/movies that you hate

    Hate is too strong a word, but I am not a big fan of movies that seem like amusement park rides: all flash and no substance.
  41. 8 points
    I got myself a White Noise Machine because I can't sleep anymore when it is quiet since when I had roommates and my other one died.
  42. 8 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #9

    Thank you everyone for all of your support through this terrible time. I told mom all the wonderful comments people said about her here. She knows about all of you here. I talk about you all to her all the time. She has never been a member here but she loves you all just as much as I do. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
  43. 7 points
    I'm the first person in the neighborhood to put up my autumn wreath. it's my favorite one; it has pumpkins and colored leaves on it.
  44. 7 points

    Thank you

    So I was thinking about it and just happy I find df and also all of you you all helped me so much so greatful and a BIg THANK YOU for just being you 😊
  45. 7 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Most people don't understand what its like to deal with mental illness unless they lived it. Try to explain it to someone who has no experience with it, they might laugh at you for being weak, call you lazy, (it has happened to me in the past and it still does) or I get the "I don't believe in psychology" theory either, and it's just doctors and pharmaceutical companies trying to get rich, its all in your head!!. That's why i usually stick to this website and members here who understand, and in real life the support group I used to go to people i met from there. The rest of the people when i tried to explain to them I got laughed at, so I stopped explaining myself to people. i lost friends because they thought i was messed up /crazy for seeing doctors or taking medications. What does that tell you? the majority of people run away from you when you talk about mental illness because they think you are dangerous or something. More people need to get out there and talk about this illness, we are very behind in my honest opinion. I've said it before and I will say it again, (nothing against cancer dying patients) but I've heard people say "Oh poor them" and I do feel bad for them, but here i am for decades fighting for my life day after day inside my mind, and the majority of people laugh at me, and don't even consider it real. how do you think that makes me feel? I agree that it's very rare you will find an individual (friend/spouse) who will stick by you and truly care for you because most people care about themselves, and look out of their own good. If you do be grateful, those type of people are rare and very hard to find..Life is beautiful and it has amazing things to offer, but our illness and the way humans act make us hate it..
  46. 7 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Congratulations! Wow, that's great. I'm grinning from ear to ear now.
  47. 7 points

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    I'm doing reasonably well today. Just got done with a major staff meeting and I was able to "contribute". That felt good. I go up and down about this job. I've been here 30.5 years so I know the ropes. But the politics can really suck (of course). I have two big presentations next Tuesday and I'm certainly not looking forward to that. Having my boss in the audience just makes the anxiety far worse.
  48. 7 points

    Cleaning the apartment (or not)

    I have a hard time finding the motivation to do housework because of my depression. I have to break chores down into small manageable pieces or I would never get anything done.
  49. 7 points
    Despite the meeting about this seeming pointless, I managed to earn a promotion
  50. 7 points

    Post one of your fears

    joblessness and homelessness


  • Create New...