and so begins the hurt, disappointment, and hidden tears. Oldest child called about being id'ed buying a lottery ticket (she's 34) which led into what she was making for thanksgiving with her husband's family. I stopped doing dinner about 3 years ago when I was sick and haven't done it since. And what are 'we' doing for christmas or "are you even doing christmas this year" Don't know where that can from but I wish I could. It's bad enough that I feel guilty for not doing thanksgiving but the guilt would be overwhelming if I didn't do christmas. Why? because for years all I heard from my mother was that the only thanksgiving/christmas my older brother had was at her house. And so I carry that guilt trip with me and probably until the day I die.
I have always hated the holidays/birthdays. I have no happy (whatever the hell happy is supposed to be) memories of any time in my life. my mother would always find something wrong and the yelling would begin.