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Showing content with the highest reputation since 01/02/2012 in Blog Comments

  1. 6 points
    Man of Sorrows

    Close Call

    Don't let the depression win. You are in control of your life, not this illness. You are in control. Reach out and get the help you need. You can overcome this. I believe in you.
  2. 4 points

    Just a poem.

    And Jalen gives light And rights dark wrongs And Jalen gives life When singing these songs The dark was in, and now its out For brother Jalen, I punch and shout!
  3. 3 points


    Fear has to be depression and anxiety's cousin. Fear is a major trigger for me. I did lose everything in the 5 years. It's hard to get past but with support from each other we can and will.
  4. 3 points

    Been Awhile, Weather, Oh & a Small Rant

    I can't speak for others, but I appreciate that you spend your personal time to help people here, so thank you.
  5. 3 points

    I Hate Mornings....

    I'm taking my girls camping for two days Monday and Tuesday. I wish we could have done it over the weekend. I would have liked not to have missed two of the last days at APH. But it has to end sometime. I just hope I'll be able to stay present while we're camping. Our family friends who I'm going less (and his girlfriend who I have not met yet) is a nice straight guy but he is quiet and have very limited range in conversation. And so I spend a lot of time in my head or trying to start conversations for what she has little place to go. I do not have money for this, and luckily he knows that in his helping take care of some of the cost. I want to treat us at least a contingent last hurrah, something good for the girls and maybe even a good memory for me. Then I can deal with the next day when I get back. My poor wife is coughing, doesn't feel well, and is taking herself in the girls to get passport photos for their plans trip to Albania at the end of this month. Life makes no sense at all right now. I really wish I had better to give them. I keep thinking to myself, what does it mean to love myself, and how could have helped? Isn't it nice and great that I now know I have a right to pursue my own values and beliefs and Ambitions? Yeah, wouldn't it be nice if I'd known that 10 years ago. And it seems quaintly funny that I keep posting here hoping for some kind of catharsis or step forward.
  6. 3 points

    Close Call

    How are you doing now Jalen? Worried about you ! ! !
  7. 3 points

    Leaving DF for Now ~ Farewell and Thank You

    Best wishes to you River Light!
  8. 3 points

    Snowy White Christmas!

    OMG girl! it is literally starting to snow! no joke!!!!!!!! lightly but it's there!
  9. 3 points

    Snowy White Christmas!

    yay!!!!!! I don't even mind shovelling it so bring it on!!!
  10. 3 points

    Snowy White Christmas!

    I agree River! I love it. I'm a little jealous. It's been minus 18C here and no snow lol. I think it's supposed ot start up tomorrow. cross your fingers for me and enjoy that white beauty you have!!!
  11. 3 points


    I sure will keep y'all in my thoughts and I might even try out a prayer or two for you! I can tell you from experience that anxiety level during the day is directly related to the amount and quality of sleep you get at night. Insomnia = anxiety. Hopefully her doctor is one of the good ones and treats the insomnia first. If you guys can get her sleeping right, chances are great that her anxiety symptoms will fix themselves. Good luck to you, your mama, and everybody else in your family!
  12. 3 points

    A Day In a Cult

    The line between religion and cults is basically non-existent. You could make the argument that all religious sects are cults. All of it freaks me out and makes my legs want to run away.
  13. 3 points


    Anita is 1000% right...we put so much pressure on ourselves and allow others to pressure us about these sorts of things....but in the long run, they tend to matter only a little, if they matter at all. You're still you, no matter the outcome of these exams. Good luck anyway, though!
  14. 3 points

    ..Mulligan, Please?

    LOL. Maybe he's demonstrating the phrase carpe diem! To seize the day, jump and have a fantastic day/life full of adventure! Hehe =)
  15. 3 points

    In Love With Me or Not?

    Congratulations on having a access to the feeling of love and floating in the air. I had crushes but never really fell in love. I wouldn't close the door on love. Maybe there are things to be learned from this turn of event? Perhaps there were red flags? I believe your next relationship will be much more satisfying because this event will help you know yourself better and improve your ability to filter out guys like him.
  16. 3 points

    Abuse Throwback

    I know you're hurting @RiverLight, break-ups stink no matter what. There's always a dream broken. But just a comment on that conversation.. You did say yourself that you don't wish him to contact you and he basically said the same thing back to you, perhaps in different terms.
  17. 3 points

    Tired Son/ Lonely Man

    You.re no monster, Empire. If your father treated you like sxxt, you're nothing like him. You won't agree I know. But you ARE Fxxxing Awsome. You are important to me. And though we're both just pseudonyms online(and I really DON'T have a soul) I MEAN IT. I don.t know if things get better or not.. But you're no monster. World would be a better place with more people around like you. People who actually care.
  18. 3 points
    no good relationship

    Ugh, the birds are chirping...

    I plan on being alone cooper my dog loves to watch the nieghborhood fireworks i wish you the best today
  19. 3 points
    That relationship you're building with yourself you mentioned last time? I bet that hasn't felt so ****ing good! Keeping this strictly positive, you * have a nice and perhaps even timely reminder of what you are leaving behind * you didn't M***** anybody though probably would have had a very good defense * obviously are swimming in saintly virtue
  20. 3 points
    I love the gym memes. Especially the panda one, since I love pandas. Step away from the donuts. LOL Anyway, try exercising at different times of the day for a bit, just to see when is the time that you feel the most "up" for exercising. Also if you must work out really early in the morning what I did was sleep in my exercise clothes so that literally all I had to do was just roll out of bed, because exercise and early morning should just not be used in the same sentence. LOL.
  21. 3 points

    Note To Your Stupid Self...

    I’ve found myself in this kind of situation before. It’s hard to believe that it’s the depression, and not just people truly not liking you. And sometimes there are those around you that are jerks and make you feel bad. That’s not your fault. It’s theirs. If you do something nice and they don’t appreciate it, it’s their problem. Those people are missing out on a good, caring friend. I’ve had to move away from those kinds of relationships myself. And I’ve been able to find better, caring people for it. If those who are around you are too unwise to value your friendship, I do believe that there are others out there who will. And give that “little tiny voice” a mic. It knows what it’s saying. It’s the depression. You definitely count in this world. :)
  22. 3 points

    The Noise Inside

    Hi Lady M, I know what you mean about everything taking so much effort. Racing thoughts while trying to sleep won't leave me alone as well. You're such a great person and a great friend to me, and yet I'm helpless to help you... It's such a bad feeling, not being able to help a friend in need. :( But you'll get through these rough times. I know you will. (((Lady Mozzer)))
  23. 2 points

    It's gonna be a long climb...

    My weight loss diet is, I only eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. When I get to the point of being starving I allow myself to eat whatever I fancy (I try and choose healthy). When I eat I eat slowly so that I know when I’m full and should stop eating. I also drink a lot of water throughout the day. And as a treat, once a week (normally on saturday) I allow myself to have 200kcal of whatever sweet treat I want - dark chocolate is good for curbing cravings, without actually needing to eat a lot of it. But the point is to limit bad foods rather than cutting them out completely, it’s quite a nice diet to follow. I’ve lost 1/2 a stone in one month 🙂
  24. 2 points

    Not sure how to feel

    Thank you but it is okay. I was more annoyed at the reaction from the NHS staff for the lack of reaction on my part. The plus side is that I don't really have to change all that much as I already undertake most of the things they recommend for dealing with Cancer and Phlebotomy. Although I could become more tired and snappy after my bloodletting sessions... I've let my brother know that he may want to get tested for this as well, I lost both my Grandparents to this Christmas 2017 and i'm fairly sure that it was the straw that broke my mother's strength and caused her suicide at the same time (more or less) I'm just really struggling with how to tell people without them changing their opinions or attitudes towards me. I have another meeting in a few weeks time where we will discuss whether or not I am eligible for Chemo Therapy and if i want to receive treatment, leaning towards no chemo at the moment. I remember seeing my family go through it and I really want to avoid it if i can. The plus side is that even though Polycythemia Vera is curable the symptoms are treatable, however over time there is a chance (mine is 90%) that it may progress into a more serious condition such as myelofibrosis or even acute leukemia. Also under my GP's direction I have been told that I am still ok to fight in June. I will have to have an X Ray to check on my spleen after the fight but nothing more Fantastic
  25. 2 points

    The Night before First Ketamine Infusion

    Apropos of nothing, I vividly remember seeing ketamine in action around 35 years ago. My ex insisted on declawing one of our cats and the vet used ketamine during the procedure. That cat's eyes were open and her pupils were fully dilated. Yet she was "out", or at least "not there." It was creepy because she was such an active kitty, full of life...and here she was lying on the table, staring at nothing as if dead. Gah! Since then I've learned that declawing cats is akin to chopping off a person's fingers at the first joint. I'm willing to put up with some torn furniture in order to spare the poor kitty a lot of trauma.
  26. 2 points

    October goals

    I love it and I will adopt your goals as well to help improve my overall well being
  27. 2 points

    "Just be Happy"

    I can relate. Thanks for speaking your mind JD.
  28. 2 points

    I Hate Mornings....

    I am weighing a decision to whether I SHOULD persue 'conventional' job opportunities to do something 'practical' that conforms to the normal standards of my family, community and society. Namely, getting the best job with any company I can, and trying to build back up from there, and perhaps eventually gain the chance to creatively advocate for the few things I really want to, the ones that align with my values, my standards. The second, is that I want to simply start writing, and speaking (and teaching in a manner). I want to start a channel, a podcast on Patrean, and an companying YouTube channel, discussing, researching, interviewing about, learning and advocating for the shopworn, hurting, knocked down, bedraggled ones it looks like the cat just dragged in; and in particular, the manic among us (and the anxious and depressed, "disordered," "diseased,," and all the rest). I want to stop shielding and hiding the BEST part of me. To celebrate what can and should be, the beautiful, the joyous, and seeking to better manage the flights of fancy that sometimes end in tragedy. To manage mania, and thus, elicit MORE of it, because we need it. (Can we please get an antidepressant that helps do THIS?) We need the crazy ones to help us with the disordered sanity in an insane world. And I want to do this in a full throttle, no turning back, and candidly, even on one count, a risky way. Meanwhile, an 8-paragraph memo from my dad (helping again), with gentle but firm instructor what I ought to, indeed need to do. He means well, and it's not that I think he's wrong. Just that I am dying to do so eyhing I feel good about, and can monetize in this tawdry, transactional world. I've started writing, I improvised a speech the other night while still slightly manic and after some alcohol, that undergirded a Ted talk I'd like to give....all this unflinchingly, but also to launch (and here I hold back puke), my "brand.". And monetize (oh, I'm gagging now). But get to do what I want with total creative freedom. And we might end up under a bridge, and me in a gurney. But it's something if even I failed at, I'd feel peace that I went for. And I really do think the 'cog' life will end with me in a bodybag...not to be dramatic or anything (why start now).
  29. 2 points

    Wow. Long time, no blog. I'm grateful for...

    Hey guys : ) I've tried this too over the years... I wonder if there's one important element to making it "work". I think maybe we tend to write down the things we feel we SHOULD feel grateful about. It seems like an obvious thing to do, because given depression, it's sometimes hard to FEEL anything much, let alone gratitude. But I think this subtle difference (what you you genuinely FEEL grateful for and what is stuff you "SHOULD" objectively feel grateful for) is a huge difference. When we suffer from depression, people point out to us all the time what we "should" feel grateful for. It's not a help. It's an additional burden. So if we do this to ourselves - and it can be so subtle - it can creep up on us in a gratitude list, even without us meaning to do it... I think it can be quite damaging and it can certainly make the task of keeping a gratitude journal turn into something crappy. I think true gratitude - the stuff we FEEL is often not the stuff everyone else (including us?) thinks we should be grateful about. For example, I'm grateful that when it rains there are less people out and about, cos I don't like crowded places. Or, I am grateful that I have a few colleagues at work that are incompetent beyond belief. Their presence in our company means that anyone who's vaguely skilled and competent is not under any pressure, because "OMG look at such and such's work". In theory, my boss needs to let them go - their work is a nightmare and an embarrassment to themselves and the company and customers comment on it all the time. But my boss can't bring himself to do it. So, given that the situation is what it is, I'm actually grateful for their presence, cos it massively takes the pressure off me and my other colleagues! Anyway, my point is that I think it's quite a bit of work to unearth the (weird, funny, counter-intuitive and probably often somewhat embarrassing) things we truly FEEL gratitude for, instead of making a goody-two-shoes list filled with all those "shoulds" that mean nothing to us, because depression makes them feel hollow and distant.
  30. 2 points

    Me and My Traitorous Body

    Can you make your regular workouts (if you can, I know that can be difficult) very very light exercise until it's a habit and things improve?
  31. 2 points

    Firefox Jokes

    cute. :)
  32. 2 points

    ..Mulligan, Please?

    "Make up for my shortcomings yesterday by doing better tomorrow. I didn't make great choices yesterday...but tomorrow is a new opportunity to do things right." YES! I'll repost this here since it's very appropriate for your post & thoughts. =)
  33. 2 points

    Big Let Down

    Hey Kido how it doing today? I was waiting to see a reply?
  34. 2 points

    Rat Friend

    There's nothing insane about taking a wide view in a small part of the world. Probably more enlightened than anything.
  35. 2 points
    no good relationship

    Negative People Annoy Me

    This very interesting. I know the topic is positive thinking while being depressed. Unfortunately with depression comes in many forms. What about PTSD I have this and have to say when something triggers it and you have a thought with vision in your minds eye so this goes around like a CD in a CD player the only thing I can choose is my response to it and it's so real you know what it is but you can't stop it because you can't think positive or negative. You never know what happened as far as friends negativity avoid the whiners. Just think of some of the ethnicity cleansing that has gone on throughout history how could one possibly think positive everything you worked for taken by a government stripped naked standing in line to see if they can use you or just **** you. read mans search for meaning by Victor Frankel a young Jewish psychiatrist who found out what he was taught was not true and what about the American Indian a whole race almost gone, or the African sold into slavery how can you positively think your way out of reality.
  36. 2 points

    Religion ~ Is There a God?

    Nice to know he likes you. I'm still the comic relief in his nasty comedy.
  37. 2 points

    we need to love ourselves more

    I like how you talk about yourself in a narrative form in your blog. Makes it interesting. You should write more.
  38. 2 points

    Gins Of The Father

    Yeah so far there's been something keeping me in check. I certainly don't drink as heavily as I used to but I'm drinking pretty frequently lately, something that I haven't done before. Every 2 days or so it seems to be, sometimes a full bottle of alcohol, othertimes 3 bottles between me and a friend, and othertimes just 3 pints. It just worries me cause I always feel like I could end up getting like that if I don't watch myself. Just like how I fell into having recreational drugs everytime I went out years ago. I've since made a promise to myself never to touch drugs again (except for cigarettes) and I haven't now for about 3 years. Again, what I was doing wasn't that bad compared to some of the heaviest stuff around but it got to the point where I couldn't go clubbing without any for fear I wasn't 'myself', and I always did as much as possible in one night until I was almost passing out. There's always been something I'm 'addicted' to so I'm very wary of issues. Anyways, thanks! Glad you liked the title :P
  39. 2 points

    Im a loser

    You're definitely not a loser. You're a treasure waiting to be found.
  40. 2 points


    If you burn out illuminating the world, What better reason Burn on beautiful! If those are your flaws, I love them all
  41. 2 points

    Feeling Really Depressed

    ahh that suck. hope you feel better soon. maybe it ur med? I have the same effect when I exercise it so weird
  42. 2 points
    Phantastic Mirage

    This Is A Start

    You should keep writing... you never know how much better you'll feel until you do.
  43. 2 points

    Planning For My Departure

    Don't do it. There is no "sign" (from what?). You are not garbage, you deserve the best. You seem deeply in depression. It's an illness, like any others. I'd seek treatment. You probably harbor trauma from deep inside your past. The situation with your coworkers is likely a symptom, not a cause. If you tried therapy in the past and it failed, it's because you didn't meet the right therapist for you. When I met the right one, I found myself laughing of relief after each of the first sessions, having uncovered key factors that had led me to depression. I felt my anxiety decreasing, because I managed to unburden myself from bad habits and thought patterns. I understood my history finally, what kind of childhood I really had. That's how meeting the right therapist feels like. He wasn't the first one I consulted, it took me many years to find him.
  44. 2 points

    Got My Second Cheque

    I googled whyte avenue, its very beautiful. talking a walk is great. wish I lived in a different town
  45. 2 points

    I Did Something Tough Today

    good for you, I hate freeloader. you did good
  46. 2 points

    What Is This "blogging" That You Speak Of?

    Hi, I read your blog. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more :)
  47. 2 points

    Making The Plunge

    Nothing worse than feeling invisible and alone. But you aren't I know how you feel and if you want to talk then feel free to message me. I hope 2014 is better for us all, take care. x
  48. 2 points

    Stupid Feelings

    Boy, can I relate to what you are going through! My heart goes out to you Eternal. Especially the part about the brain thinking differently from the heart. That is me, big time. What I try to tell myself sometimes is that my depression is lying to me. It is telling me no one loves me because it wants me to stay depressed. It's hard to look at depression and say, I know you are lying to me, go away! I have great difficulty expressing my emotions, and I rarely cry. I know it would be better if I did let it all hang out sometimes, but I am afraid of totally losing control. I am highly controlled normally. So, I don't have any advice, I just want you to know that you are not alone, and that we all care about you very much!
  49. 2 points


    me too. I'm in total I don't want to be here anymore mode. sorry about your fine - I agree you should have had a warning.
  50. 2 points

    Finally Quit Trying....

    I think it is very difficult for one to continue forward if we don't let go of our past. Sometimes the thoughts of the beautiful past hold us back, because we hate the change that occurred. Acceptance. Last night I read that some people have maladaptive attitude. I think I am one of those, but thank you for everything you write. By giving me the chance to respond I realize some of my own issues. That is why I love this place. Since I came my view of life did expanded and I am grateful. If you wish to try some CBT look for a site called the mood gym. I believe it is free. I know some people find it even more useful than (talk) therapy.
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