Jump to content

Leaderboard

Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/19/2018 in all areas

  1. Well, school starts tommorow. It’s goig to be a whole new school, but deep down I know it’s going to be the same as the last prison sentence. Same prison, different location. Wish me luck fellas!
    2 points
  2. Sorry, I don't know anything about spiritual, except that for me that's lumped in with religion, which i avoid at all costs. Wishing for things is way less effective than doing something in my view. We can of course agree to disagree about those things. Ditching family is exceedingly difficult. The guilt is massive, and figuring out where else to go is a big deal unless you are financially able to do so, or can find a roommate or something. I just know that the dysfunctional home screwed me up fairly effectively. It's similar to a battered woman that stays with the abuser. Most people think it's nuts to stay in that situation, but for them, there's a tiny bit of love, and a bunch of guilt, fear, uncertainty, hopelessness, etc keeping them there. It's only after being away for a while, that people start to realize that things are way better. I've heard this online in forums like this. And now that I'm older, the thought of going back to my old situation is terrifying. Sadly, I was not able to break free, nor did it enter my mind, at the point in my life when it was happening: my teens. So yeah, been there. Just be extremely careful when you do break free, not to recreate what you're used to. We gravitate toward that sort of thing, out of a weird comfort sort of thing. It puts you right back into the same kind of situation, with different actors. So if other relationships are uncomfortable: good. That means it's different. (Something else I wish I knew before I stepped in it). Good luck, Steve
    2 points
  3. As ive mentioned here before, family can be some of the most toxic relationships around. Everyone is used to each other... being together for years, and some have gotten away with treating others badly for as long... the young don't know any different-that it isn't normal/acceptable behavior for most people. And, the mistreated are both trapped with nowhere else to go, and feel guilty about wanting , or acting on getting away from these people. Getting away however is what is needed. No one needs to be subjected to constant ridicule, or being yelled at, or being made fun of, etc. Try to go where people are nicer to you. Being a punching bag, either literally, or figuratively is not helping your mood or well being a bit. Eventually people start to think they deserve it. That's a deep place to dig yourself out of.
    2 points
  4. My car crapped out on Thursday night. And it's going to cost $600 to get it running again. OK...the good news: I've been taking the bus all over town. I enjoy interacting with the people who are also riding. I am also getting more exercise, walking to/from the bus stops and various places I'm going.
    2 points
  5. Riddler103

    Hello everyone!

    My name is Jarrett, I'm 31 years old and live in Tennessee. I've suffered through various bouts of depression and anxiety since high school and have had a hard time growing up and adjusting to the world, especially in my early 20's. Last October my wife and best friend whom I've known since age 16 abandoned me and hasn't really spoken to me since which has been really difficult. She is living with another man and acts like she doesn't even know me. This past month I got served divorce papers, to which I didn't reply, so I expect to be getting the finalized papers soon. I am a protestant Christian and my faith has kept me going since my wife's departure. I greatly enjoy attending church, volunteering, and talking about spiritual matters. I work as a CNA in a long-term nursing facility and, while the job is certainly stressful, I like what I do and I think I'm pretty ok at it. It's great to meet you all!
    1 point
  6. Floor2017

    SPIRITS

    For some of you may not know the things that you are wrestling with is not things of this world but Evil Spirits Of Datkness from the Outter most part of the universe and we can not fight these spirits with flesh and blood but with the power of Gods Holy Spirit. We must be in the spirit when we fight these things of the Mind. It takes Faith in the Powet of God’s Anointing Word to be able to overcome these Strong Holds That has been released to attack us. Hang in there my friends and fight with the power of God.
    1 point
  7. Steveab63

    Force Yourself

    So I'm parked on the couch procrastinating. I have things I must prep for work tomorrow, yet I'm still sitting here. Maybe that is what the weekend is for? I'm always preaching here that when you least feel like getting up and out and doing things, is the time when you need to do it the most. So knowing what to do, and actually doing it, are two different things. So I'm going to pry my butt off the couch and proceed. Get going... Steve
    1 point
  8. I started taking Bupropion SR 150mg 2x for 3 days now. I usually have no depression. Anyways, day #1 was hell. It just felt totally weird, headaches, sleeplessness, etc.. Today is day#3 and I still feel some weirdness but stabilizing. Somewhat happier I think. On the smoking front I am continuing to smoke like I usually do. But it tastes like ash. Zero reward. So I am beginning to forget to smoke. Smoking has now become a chore and I am definitely losing interest. I am looking at a 22nd August quit date. Meanwhile I want to get/store some memories of the "tastes like ash" feeling so I can recall it at a later time. I think this is going to work! Wanted to mention - I tried Chantix a few years ago - I went from a happy guy with zero depression to contemplating suicide in a matter of two weeks!
    1 point
  9. Floor2017, I am sorry this is so long...but here It's definitely okay to not be happy sometimes...the world is a really tough place to live now and I wouldn't want to be a kid right now. I think that you are right. I just posted something positive and no one has responded yet. I asked the question if you could go back to before your first episode would you go back and try to change things? This discussion will probably get lost in the shuffle. It's just hard to think optimistically about anything when you're depressed/manic/anxious/something else but noone mentally ill or stable is happy all of the time. Sometimes people put on an act because they're ashamed to show their real feelings or embarrassed or they're in denial. I wish that we could live a society where someone can say how are you and we can give a truthful answer and be accepted and heard and validated. I think it's very important to try to find a lesson in every situation when you can't find the good. I mean, if you live with depression at least you're a survivor. It's better than giving up. I'm not saying that I'm always able to do this but it's usually easier for me to get out of depression than mania. I distract myself with coping mechanisms that work for me and reach out to people I trust for extra support and when I don't have anyone around I sometimes call the local crisis number...not because I'm suicidal just to vent for a few minutes to a non-responsive objective sounding board who doesn't know me in real life and I pray sometimes. I'm not sure if this makes any sense at all. What goes down must eventually come up...we can't really dig to China eventually we must come out of the dirt and clean up. I'm blessed that I have a lot of support or I never would have survived the three times I was suicidal (2002 before i was diagnosed, 2014 during a bad hospitalization I will never get over, and 2016 when I was having flashbacks from my past). I couldn't do it to my parents. My mom said she couldn't live without me. So even though it hurts her when I am sick and I annoy her a lot I have to believe her. One of my coping mechanisms is exercise...I hate doing it but I always feel good when I'm done. I take long walks by myself to clear my head when the weather isn't too hot. During those walks sometimes I get really positive feelings and hope in my heart and I feel good and I feel at peace and warm inside. I wish that feeling would last forever. That's how I felt last Saturday when I got to see a dear friend for the first time in almost 15 years. It's been the last four years that he and I have been really close because he was just a mentor and a reference before but now he's a true friend and it was so hard to let him go and say goodbye because I may never see him again. It was like I was saying goodbye to all of these people from my past that I didn't get to say goodbye to and that's a big load to put on him and I can't ever tell him. I don't mean this in a romantic way...but I feel guilty now that I have these feelings for him. I mean I care about him maybe more than I should. But he's the only person that I have left from college that I have any contact with him except for one fraternity brother but he doesn't want to be friends in that way. We just send each other Christmas cards. I have pretty much given up on ever finding "the one". They always say you have to be your own best friend and you have to love yourself. But how do you love yourself when you are a mess? That's something I've tried to answer for years. My last therapist said it's a chemical imbalance you don't choose to feel that way. It's not your fault. But it's hard for me to believe that.
    1 point
  10. 1 point
  11. I'm glad to hear you've found some spiritual basis for recovery. It's worked for me and I'd guess a lot of people here on DF, whatever path they've chosen. Yeah, therapy is a wonderful idea. Bear with if I ramble a bit. (I'm old, I can do that) On a psychological level, this is one of the sites I personally found helpful in the course of dealing with the aftereffects of a narcissist: https://www.narcissisticmother.com/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers As you Google the subject, you may find support groups in the UK. I mention that in particular because being among a group of like-minded folk can be your anchor. I'll reiterate what @Steveab63 said about gravitating towards that with which you're familiar. That's where therapy comes in, so you can recognize your own patterns. To be clear, it's not a shortcoming on your part. It's the result of conditioning that's been drilled into you for years. But you can break free of it. I found it interesting you mentioned an emotionally-distant father. My narcissist was a gold-digger who was rejected by her first two husbands (and a few boyfriends). She finally had to settle for an emotionally numb Casper Milquetoast who'd pretty much do anything she said. It was a minefield to separate b/c she'd so expertly manipulated people around her (as you'll read in the link above) to essentially be her "army." It took time - years - but I decided that trying to make my case to others was pointless. IF they asked, however, I was candid. I reached a point I simply didn't care what "they" thought. The big deal out of all this was the freedom to live my life as I pleased. Interestingly, a couple decades later I had some reason to contact a step-sister, older than me who wasn't around much when I was a kid. In the course of the conversation, SHE was the one who nailed the "narcissist" label with no prompt from me. She opined on what a pain she was and that she avoided her. She also had some stories about the narcissist's interactions with my nephew who she treated with the same disdain, except my step-sister is the kind who'd be damned if she'd let her own child be subject to that kind of abuse. Nor was she happy that her brother still seemed to be under the narcissist's spell. In short, my step-sister, too, had become fed up. We've never been close. Doesn't matter. At least we're of the same mind. That's enough validation for me. You may find allies. You'll likely encounter resistance. But you can simply choose not to play any more. YOUR suffering is optional. How they deal with their supposed suffering is their business. If you walk away from an intolerable situation for the sake of your own sanity, you're NOT responsible for how they react. (In fact, that's similar to a line I used with the narcissist and it caused her to have a complete meltdown...much to my great satisfaction)
    1 point
  12. I'm drunk on love.
    1 point
  13. When you're as vulnerable as you are now, I know it may feel like everyone's against you. Well, you can count at least one in your corner. Not only was it a narcissistic mother and her family, it was also Dad's family (her first husband of three), especially right after his death. Each was a clique and, particularly being adopted, I wasn't invited. It took a while, but I eventually had to dump them all so I could get on with my own life. In some cases it was easy b/c they ignored me anyway. Found friends at first via my 12-step groups, one of whom remains a bestie over 30 years later. Others have come and gone for various reasons. I'm ok with the ebb and flow. Some are better friends than others. I've learned over the years how to read them and the level of respect they have for me. One thing I can say for my toxic experiences is that, if I'm paying attention, I often know instinctively what personalities to avoid. Caveat: I still screw up sometimes. Some friends also know, as observers, that there's only so much sh#t I'll take. Although I'm empathetic and have a good sense of humor, they also know what's likely to set me off.
    1 point
  14. Thank you for the hug
    1 point
  15. APFSDS

    What Are You Eating? #2

    Yummy! ---- Some beet salad from the internet! Found some recipe and made a salad. Whole wheat bread (called a sepik). Coffee.
    1 point
  16. When you put your glasses down somewhere but you can't find them because you can't actually see.
    1 point
  17. Abba freaking rules
    1 point
  18. BeyondWeary

    SPIRITS

    Are you a pastor? If not, you should be.
    1 point
  19. BeyondWeary

    SPIRITS

    Thanks, Floor! Good to remember. Easier said then done.
    1 point
  20. Yeah, its amazing, (or sad) that the lower we feel, the more we beat ourselves up. We wouldnt do that to anyone else, yet its our 'go-to' response when we're feeling down. I deserve this, I'm useless, I'm stupid, I'm weird, no one else goes through this, no one cares, i shouldn't have been born, everyone hates me, ill never get better, I'll never amount to anything, i cant do anything right, i should just end it...we're so mean to ourselves....
    1 point
  21. So get a job, volunteer, or find some other way to get the interaction you need. If you're living with couch potatoes, venture out on your own. Whatever works.
    1 point
  22. hocico

    3 Words Of The Moment

    Money Money Money
    1 point
  23. hocico

    What Are You Reading?

    A military history of Scotland
    1 point
  24. hocico

    What Are You Eating? #2

    Pierogi
    1 point
  25. Mom is in the hospital again. This nightmare never ends!
    1 point
  26. My brother is coming to visit with his children. I'm so feral that I can't handle this s***. I want to run away. He's probably going to ask me stupid questions like: "Why don't you have a job? You used to have a great job!" and "Why don't you have any motivation to do things?" And the kids will ask: "Y U FACE SO SAD LIKE ALLLLLLLL THE TIME? " What the heck do I answer? "Life sucks, huh." Well... that's on my mind.
    1 point
  27. Scar Tissue ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers
    1 point
  28. I feel like I can begin to breath I'm tired and I just want to rest. It been a long week and now I need time to get myself back together from a long stressful week on the job.
    1 point
  29. I don't want to be at work anymore but I need to be. Thank God it is slow today and I can be on this site. How come life is so hard? What is the point? to just get through it the best I can? wish things were better than that
    1 point
  30. Draakenwood by Jordan L Hawk. There are some characters in this story arc that I'm not fond of, so I'm skimming through a lot of it. They're in the next book, too.
    1 point
  31. evalynn

    RECIPES!!!!

    I make my own "burrito bowls". I make rice, stir in black beans, and cook and mix in meat (e.g., ground turkey). Then I top it with shredded cheese and sour cream. Tonight, I also added some peach mango salsa and we crumbled up some nacho chips and added them for crunch.
    1 point
  32. Uk Subs - Down on the farm "Blue skies and swimming pools Add so much charm But I'd rather be back in Soho Than down on the farm" Finishing off a pub crawl in London. back to the farm directly. Crap.
    1 point
  33. A short 1957 documentary about West German military.
    1 point
  34. Depp blue shot through the veins of anxious red.
    1 point
  35. Two different authors for me, both well done. Solomon Bull by Clayton Lindemuth; main character is Native American, cross country runner, independent stock trader, savvy hacker, and a bit of a counter-culture person. I enjoyed seeing things from his POV. The Gauguin Connection by Estelle Ryan; main character is on the Autism spectrum, and has turned her intense powers of observation into a career (think 'Lie to Me' cable series). There is a hint of romance towards the end of the book, but it is very subtle, and viewed within the framework of the main character's understanding.
    1 point
  36. I'm sorry ...it truly is and I feel the same way. Here's a hug.......
    1 point
  37. Line of severe storms blowing through early this evening. For one, it finally cools off another one of our scorching hot summer afternoons. More importantly, it means Spot comes tearing in to tell me all about it, planting himself firmly in the cat daddy's lap. Apparently I'm the only one who can protect him from horrible noises.
    1 point
  38. hocico

    What Are You Reading?

    A dungeons and dragons sourcebook
    1 point
  39. It's pouring and it's kind of nice. I don't have anywhere to go, the dog has been walked twice so far today, so I can just lie here under the covers and relax as long as my mind lets me.
    1 point
  40. Hot. Inside the flat it's even hotter. We were supposed to get thunder today, but nope... :I
    1 point
  41. samadhiSheol

    Song Lyrics Thread

    The Damned: Melody Lee Melody Lee, a broken mind and a broken dream A burst of speed, a change of heart Your life was cruel they called it art Melody Lee, you need a mirror to set you free You know you can't cheat tomorrow If you hide it'll end in sorrow Melody Lee, you gotta find your secret enemy You're on the run with nowhere to go If you die there's no-one to know Forget your heart, you need not stay A second longer than today Melody Lee, a broken mind and a broken dream A burst of speed, a change of heart Your life was cruel they called it art
    1 point
  42. About the future I only can reminisce For what I've had is what I'll never get And although this may sound strange My future and my past are presently disarranged And I'm surfing on a wave of nostalgia for an age yet to come I look I only see what I don't know All that was strong invincible is slain Takes more than sunshine to make everything fine And I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of time With this constant feeling of nostalgia for an age yet to come Buzzcocks - Nostalgia
    1 point
  43. And if you walk just a few blocks down Stahl There's a house that was the scariest of them all A cute little palm with a sign "For Sale." But for those Sexton's kids' life was hell
    1 point
  44. Mosquitos. And humidity
    1 point
  45. They get what they want And they never want it again Go on, take everything Take everything, I want you to
    1 point
×
×
  • Create New...