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Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/16/2018 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    ViceCityKitty, I hope things have gotten better for you since your last post. I wasn't sure how to respond to it and I'm still not sure. I used to have a friend who was a Jehovah's Witness. I lost touch with her but it was interesting to learn about religion from a different perspective. I don't know if this will make you feel any better but I think that it's important to have friends from different backgrounds. I know what it's like to feel like you don't have approval from your parents and the hurt that can cause. I'm 37 years old and their opinion still means more to me than anybody else's. The only thing I've learned is that we can't always make them happy. We have to do what makes us happy as long as it's not harming us or someone else, we shouldn't worry. We always will though unless we're lucky enough to be completely 100% independent. I only know two people like that my sister and this friend of mine that came to this country when she was 25 and almost never goes back to her home. Even my brother is not 100%...he won't take my mother and father's money but he often seeks their advice for raising his kids and we babysit them a lot. (It's wonderful when I'm healthy...I hope they never see me really ill...). My mom is going on a trip with them and he said he didn't think I should go. I wasn't ready to go on such a massive trip anyway but it still kinda hurt. I guess I give him too many mental health updates for him to be confident in me in that department even though I am better than anyone else in playing with those kids. I can play for hours without getting tired as long as I'm not running constantly. All I just got back from a really nice trip but the last night was horrible. I only got five hours of sleep and the night before the last night I was one hour short of what I needed. I had to fake good health with my mom yesterday and it was so hard. I think I need a week to recover. But something happened that I want to share with you guys. Have you ever wanted to be with someone just because you loved their family? Well, my mom was married to someone like that once and he turned out to be a bad guy. I just met my best friend's son (my best friend is older than me...old enough to be my dad...it's weird I know). He was 31 years old and I was so relieved because I didn't like him. He told a really inappropriate story and it was like thank God I don't like him...but it was a little hard to sleep after I met him because I gave him the cliff notes version of my personality and how I never want to settle for the wrong guy. My weight makes me more self conscious than I used to be and he said I was beautiful. Now, guys, I know that's nothing but to me it was everything. No guy outside my family has said that to me for a very long time. I am so glad I can share this with you because I still don't have a new doctor and therapist yet and I'm getting stressed about that. I think I have enough meds to hold me over and my parents can take me to a doctor in an emergency but I'm still stressed. I could write pages on this site but I will quit for now. I hope everyone is doing okay.
  2. 2 points
    This has been happening more this month, but particularly struck me this morning. When I woke up, opened my eyes to a black kitty's face blissfully asleep just a few inches from mine. I'd almost swear there was a smile on those tiny kitty lips. I'll add this is a step up from his usual habit of resting warm, happy paw(s) on inconvenient places like my mouth, nose (either nostril) and eyes.
  3. 1 point
    My therapist and I have deduced that my gender issues are caused by my depression. This is because that my gender issues always only come after I’ve become depressed. In recent times my depression has been unpredictable as it comes one day and leaves the next, or even only stays for a few hours. Right now I’m outside a movie my family dragged me to because my depression was being taunted by one of the protagonists attractive self. I had to leave the theater. Honestly I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wish I was born a girl for some reason. I know that if I were to transition it could never be the same as if I was born a girl. What really scares me is that this isn’t a constant thing. When I’m not depressed and my moods are fine I have no gripes whatsoever with my gender. I have a theory that my gender discontentment comes from a place of feeling unwanted, and I want to get the attention attractive women get. I don’t know. It makes me want to cease living sometimes. I just want whatever encouraging words or advice you can offer me. I need help.
  4. 1 point

    I hate summer

    Most people love summer. All of that wonderful outdoor recreation! And they look good doing it, too! Summer is nothing but misery for me. It means itching (from bug bites and foot fungus) and sweat. Constantly. I don't look good at all in summer attire either. I can't wait for all of this heat and humidity to blow out of here so I can finally get outside and do things (while listening to others gripe about how "cold" it is).
  5. 1 point
    Ever had one of those days when you wish you felt sick, or had a broken arm so you could have a legit reason to not go to work? Not because you want to stay home and goof off, but because you're just having a hard time 'adulting' that day? Yeah, that's today for me. I'm having trouble adulting today. I feel like a car with a faulty tie-rod end - the next bump or pothole could send my tire flying off into the blue yonder & leave me stranded. I really need to stop, put the car up, and fix it, replace that tie-rod end before it goes. So why don't I?
  6. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    do you really think nothing will ever get better for us??
  7. 1 point
    @ladysmurf Yeah, I get you. I was stuck in bed until around 12 AM or so, it’s sick to be honest! I can’t get out of bed. It’s like there are invincible chains holding me back. It’s hard to explain.
  8. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    That's great that you can walk that much even when you are stressed. I need to get some exercise but have no motivation.
  9. 1 point
    I've had a therapist for over two years and it sometimes does help but not that much. I work in a small company too which kind of a downside because most of my colleagues expect me to always interact but I'm so depressed and introverted. It make me stick out.
  10. 1 point

    What Are You Eating? #2

    Peach pie with vanilla ice cream. The breakfast of champions.
  11. 1 point
    Well my friend you are in a bad situation. She should pay you for your services because she can not do what she does without the things you are doing for her. Be wise since she want pay you, perhaps you can use her card to buy things that will turn into cash later if she leaves you. That you can sell perhaps in the near future for money.
  12. 1 point
    First, I want to tell you that you are not a loser. You have children who are completely dependent on you and they need you to be strong. It's normal to feel that you cannot live wihtout this man, but you also do not deserve to be treated as such. I am sorry that the hotline was no help. If you are interested, I know a number you can call and talk to someone (free) and they can direct you to more resources to help your situation. PM me if you are interested. I am praying for you. Take care.
  13. 1 point

    Long D*mn Day

    It's gonna be a long d*mn day today. Today is my late day, I won't get home until after 7pm. I really need to remind myself I"m lucky. I need to count my blessings; for me, it helps. There is such a tendency to only see the negative, it's not deliberate, but it slips in when I'm not careful. I feel like I'm teetering on an edge again; walking a tightrope no one else can see. Last week was a little tough, but I"m lucky I was only subject to the by=blows of events, and not the actual focus of them. It makes me nervous, though; I wonder when it will be my turn to be the focus. But I cannot think like that, I just can't. I can't let that monster out of the bag. It serves no purpose except to trigger me; it doesn't help me prepare. I know this is a little dark for my Cas & Misha blog, but I missed posting Misha yesterday. I have to say I love Jared Padelecki's Sam Winchester, but for different reasons. Something about him reminds me of my son; sort of a gentle, quiet, intelligent, capable giant. Sometimes, I feel like this one below when stuff happens; I just sort of pray this to God sometimes, forgive me, LOL. I have to laugh at some point or I'll go nutter. I really do wonder at God sometimes. His def of good and mine seem to be slightly different.
  14. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    I passed my analytics exam!!!!!!! 97%! WOOOHOOOOOO! I got 2/70 wrong, not bad!
  15. 1 point

    Could I be Depressed?

    Have you reached out to anyone for help? Or looked into any resources?
  16. 1 point

    What Are You Reading?

    Two different authors for me, both well done. Solomon Bull by Clayton Lindemuth; main character is Native American, cross country runner, independent stock trader, savvy hacker, and a bit of a counter-culture person. I enjoyed seeing things from his POV. The Gauguin Connection by Estelle Ryan; main character is on the Autism spectrum, and has turned her intense powers of observation into a career (think 'Lie to Me' cable series). There is a hint of romance towards the end of the book, but it is very subtle, and viewed within the framework of the main character's understanding.
  17. 1 point
    Camellia, I'm beginning to believe that my posts are to positive for some people, because I get very few replies. I want to thank you for responding to my post. I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad, it is just the opposite, if God can give me the strength to get up everyday and FIGHT for what is rightfully mine, I'm just saying you too can fight for what is rightfully yours.
  18. 1 point

    What's On Your Mind Right Now? (2)

    I have severe acne scarring. Today I did the first of several skin procedures to maybe reduce it. The thing is my face looks HORRID - literally like I just ******** someone and their blood splashed all over my face. Plus I'm super swollen and puffy. I look like a ketchup chip. I was trying to hide it going home, but my neighbor (one who I always wave to) saw me as my Dad pulled into the driveway. I really hope she doesn't think my Dad beat me...I wanna laugh at this but I'm pretty mortified and embarrassed.
  19. 1 point
    Hi JD. I think you are a human being that is perfectly imperfect. You did as well as you could at the time. Negative self-talk just does more damage and it is something we have control over.
  20. 1 point
    Work out at home. I got out of my (largely dysfunctional) head for a bit.
  21. 1 point

    What's On Your Mind Right Now? (2)

    hmm what's this "Sir Patrick Stewart will be reprising the role of Jean-Luc Picard in a new series of Star Trek" finally the best captain has returned to the bridge set phasers to stun.
  22. 1 point
    I went to their show. The moment I saw their silhouettes on stage I felt an overwhelming burst of love for them. Literally, everything else was gone from my mind just a hyper focus on them remained. My unhealthy obsessions live and in person in front of me. I stopped breathing. Thank goodness for the deafening screams of the other fans bringing back my consciousness or I might of passed out. I had been doing really well weening myself off their social media and not watching videos but I knew I had just undid all that progress. My self preservation kicked in and I blocked them from everything. I have been going cold turkey for a while. It's been painful. My mood is noticeably worse. I wasn't strong enough the first time I tried to purge myself of this obsession I don't think I am strong enough now.
  23. 1 point
    Hi everyone! I didn't visit this board for quite some time, I thought I wanted to say Hi today to everybody, irregardless of wherever you come from! Last year July, I was heartbroken and feel terribly sad as my CO just had a new lady in his life. I've been loving my CO for two years now since 2016. That point of my life is the hardest as like fighting with a ghost, fighting with my own self. Where no one can see or understand what I'm going through. But I'm silently hurt, depressed and feeling troubled. I don't know how on Earth I can love someone that I never met, probably would never met at all, someone that is unreachable and didn't know that I'm exist, but I did. God given him power to almost destroy me and I tried to stay away from it. I totally deleted everything about him on my phone and didn't check on him online, including blocking his social media. It was hard, I missed him a lot. About 3-4 months after that, I came back to checking him online. I can't resist sometimes and the needs to see how he's doing is unbearable. From one day to another, I became more and more comfortable coming back to the CO fandom as he wasn't seen with his girlfriend. Add on, he had a new movie came out that time so I feel like, I need to watch that no matter what happened, I just don't care. The girlfriend remains invisible until I found out they had broken up earlier this year. So, as he's single again, I'm 110% back to the CO Mode especially now as he's busy promoting his latest film that will come out errr tomorrow? Hahahaha. This week, I got a lot of videos, pictures and news about him. I'm enjoying it but there's also discomfort in there. I found myself to be stuck in the CO bubble for the whole day, checking his updates in between works, and lose focus while I'm in office. Add on to that problem, my job scope in office has become lesser now, so I gets to daydreaming a lot. I think this is not good. For the past two years, I can concentrate on work just fine cause I'm super busy, but now I can't. My days become less productive. So I decided to be less attached to the CO effective from today. I'm planning to only checking him online during weekend, after that, maybe a month or never at all (if I could make it). I desire to be free from this. Please wish me luck guys xx
  24. 1 point
    You should tell him to leave and evict him off your place. He has done nothing to help you out at this moment now. It is best to even cease contact with him. If he threatens you, call the cops if he won’t leave. And also, you should get help with the landlord, especially if you have the intent to kick the guy out.
  25. 1 point
    Lady Mozzer

    What Really Bugs You (7)

    I`m sorry evalynn. I hope those feelings have blown over.