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Showing content with the highest reputation on 01/02/2017 in all areas

  1. 6 points
    I just sent The Letter to Steven. Left out the marriage proposal and made a few edits. I think I got my point across clearly. I also promised never to have any contact with him again after this, nor to like any of his posts/pictures on social media. PLEASE send good mojo my way, pray for me, whatever, that this doesn't come back to bite me in the rear end.
  2. 5 points
    ladysmurf

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Don't pay attention to them. They are fools. If they only knew how strong people who fought this illness daily were....
  3. 5 points
    Peace for you Peace for me
  4. 5 points
    duck

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Happy New Year to all of you.
  5. 4 points
    I know they are fools. Every day I struggle to try to fit in with people but if they treat me like that why do I even want to? Everyone wants to be loved and accepted but I don't see it happening in the real world for me. Why do people have to be so awful sometimes?
  6. 3 points
    TY Audrey and Posie. Posie, I know what you mean about the fantasy comment. As positive as I ultimately feel about the nature of reality, there is something seriously messed up about the slice of a slice of reality that occupies our "3D physical realm" and I absolutely need fantasy to cope. If I try to "bulldoze through" reality when I'm not already in a positive state, it will be a temporary thing that I need to recuperate from. The only way 'intense presence' and 'radical acceptance' helps me in the mundane world is when that leads to some sort of comfort or pleasure/bliss in some way. Audrey, thank you for the kind welcome. I'm into numerology and my lifepath number is 8, and expression number is 22. Also I'm virtually meeting you here when you have 2,222 posts. And your gif image of Hello Kitty with a coffee mug is coinciding with someone I deeply cared about who contacted me out of the blue recently who I get to see tonight after a long time. She had a Hello Kitty cup that she let me keep as a memento. I'm totally blown away by all of that. Edit: Oh and happy new year/365th page of this thread! Edit #2: The very top post on this 365th page is also a New Year blessing, first words exactly, even. Not the most mindblowing coincidence, but pretty rad.
  7. 3 points
    Have you tried approaching her in a different way? For example ask her if she would like to go for a cup of coffee and tell her with patience that even though you're still living at home, you're 19 years old and would like to have your hair the way you want to. Reassure her you still love her, but are an individual as well. Maybe it helps if you tell her somewhere that's not in the house, where emotions can explode easily. Is it possible to rent a room with housemates? Or to move out? If not, it sucks, but you'll probably have to deal with it to some extend until you get a place of your own. Good luck!
  8. 3 points
    with my own patents it was always a situation here they always knew better about EVERYTHING and i knew there was no changing that. there was a time where as an adult i finally stood up for myself and they thought that my husbad changed me lol. no. i now dont have to be your trained dog needing your praise and your food. im no longer back talking. im me. parents are the know it all in our cases and they have NO IDEA they need to be healed. i try to welcome my daughters thoughts every time she speaks. now im babbling. i get everythi g you are saying.
  9. 3 points
    hocico

    3 Words Of The Moment

    Happy heart sings
  10. 3 points
    SeSa

    Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

    To @HopelessRomantic2011, @Audrey822 and @posie_riot - thank you so much for your comments - your positivity and understanding means so much! @fabulousrockstar I'm wishing you success with all my heart for your letter! I know the feeling of writing to your CO, like sending a little piece of your soul out there. Best luck! @[email protected]@Audrey822 @fabulousrockstar
  11. 3 points
    bellerose

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Sick on vacation n feeling confused. Caught between a dear friend and a bf who can be uncomfortable around her. He says it's minor but he didn't speak of it as such. Hard to figure out what to do.
  12. 3 points
    I have been subject to paranoia a couple of times during severe depression. I don't know much about it. I would think it is something basically adaptive that has gone so far as to cease being adaptive. I would imagine there is not just paranoid or not paranoid like on and off positions on a light switch. I would image there is a wide continuum with grey areas. I am certainly not capable of saying where the adaptive starts and stops. My paranoia was not adaptive. It made me miserable and came along with some obsession and compulsiveness which made me miserable too. A change in medication ended the depressive episode as well as the paranoia and OCD. I do remember I said some pretty awful things to my father during one of my severe paranoid episodes. Seems like I imagined that he was spying on me when he was just out taking a walk. I seem to remember becoming obsessed with Chinese fortune telling at the time which is out of character for me.
  13. 3 points
    gs22

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I'm sorry about complaining about the same things over and over. I had told myself I'd step away from these issues just for myself, to give myself a breather, but what happens is that in my attempt to say something supportive, I forget about this. I share to show I get it.
  14. 3 points
    I'd love to know what's so awful about me. It is hard knowing that no matter what you do nobody will ever care about you in real life. I have had to learn to live life alone because I know I have no choice. For whatever reason people want nothing to do with me. Every single single day taking my tent and living in the woods away from people sounds better.
  15. 2 points
    So, I am pretty much obsessed with healing and anything 'therapeutic'. I believe there's almost nothing else to do, and I've made a lot of gains I think beyond my years in taking this route. And it's likely not going to last much longer, but I moved back in with my parents maybe 9 months or so ago (hah, auspicious enough?). I made the most of it especially at the get go, played games about it like internally would tell myself "let's pretend it's Father's Day today" and stuff. I tried to take it as a life test akin to what the spiritual hippie teacher Ram Dass said about it: "If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your parents". Haha! Ha. Ha.... uh... It went well that way for awhile, but as I'm looking at the tail end of it before a new career saves my butt and gets me out of here, I have one major general takeaway I need to address/cope with whether I stayed longer or truly left: I want to grow and heal and they don't. I saw this most clearly in how my otherwise super nutty health standards slipped, to the point now where I succumbed pretty bad to the worst, longest depression I've had in my time here. And I hate to even approach the realm of blaming but the fact is, I'm not mentally built to fully block out the anxious and foolish and emotionally selfish energies I just feel crawling on me very often with their presence. It's their nature or something, it just fundamentally does not want to face their emotional pains in ways that count and grow from it. But since I do and they don't, guess who gets to set the tone or the pace? They just don't value it, and so they kind of stomp on my efforts to maintain my health and well-being, to the point that my attempts to self-nurture have this pressure like it will be either A) ridiculed b/c they are nervous about it and can't help it or B) outright malign me for it. For example, one time after doing a very committed Yoga and meditation routine, my very Science as a dogma aetheist type mom used it against me out of the blue and told me I was "Mount Vesuvius" which I assume is some BS from the bible?? So I'm like, whatever I don't care what she thinks, but now in retrospect I have to admit, that I really did start tapering my efforts off since then. I could give a dozen examples just like that. So, in summary, I can only say that I just don't know what to do to both A) maintain my stake, firmly in the grounds of "I know what's best for me, do not tempt me away from it!" and B) respect their decision not to heal at this time. Because instead, it just becomes C) I resent the he77 out of them for disrupting my flow while they feel bad about themselves for not making as much of a commitment to self-healing (and therapy specifically, b/c they both def need it over their own broken home issues but refuse to admit it!). They've often accused me not-so-subtly of being a 'know-it-all' and the like, while I'm just like "well look at how much better behaved your dog is when I'm around, hellO!!" It's like they know I'm right, but deride me exactly FOR being right!!! Then act superior about it, as though I'm being inconsistent or something, which is total gaslighting (whether they're smart enough to see that they are) because what's really happening is that I am having too hard of a time triangulating around their ridiculous aversion to my self-therapy. Anyway, I'm just going off at this point, I'll wrap it up with the idea that: It's just too flip-forking hard to anywhere near relentlessly heal yourself when you are around others almost every day who just don't give a crap. It's so sad. Especially when I'm the youth, and they should have been taking responsibility for their own emotional issues long ago. In fact I'll just go off again so I'll only say this, but I can't help but to see from this dynamic now as an adult when I'm not totally vulnerable wet clay to them but.... maybe this same dynamic of "parent in need of parenting" has something to do with the very reason I need more healing than normal?? Again, this is all true in my view, and on top of it, I think they are just too emotionally and psychologically (or psychically?) dumb to even get all this. So I am likely able to leave the situation, which is good, but it's with all this baggage in the back of my mind. SO frustrating. Rar.
  16. 2 points
    I'd like to talk about paranoia. It is a huge part of my negative side. It affects everything. Recently a friend asked me, "What if you could make paranoia work for you?" At what cost though? Relationships, severe anxiety...I guess I should ask them about this after I turn on them during one of my future attacks. Then, it was suggested to me that this is why I need to control it. So how do I control it? How do I make it work? Do I try to work with it or fight it? i recently felt an urge to check something out. Paranoia or intuition? I don't know. Turns out it was worth checking out as it seemed harmful in the end. No one has to have the answers. If you want, use this thread just to share what you are or have been paranoid of. Or what have you done in the past to deal with it? Did it help you or hinder you?
  17. 2 points
    Truly rotten people don't know they're rotten. At least you recognize your faults, and we all have them. The fact that you are willing to admit faults can be like a new beginning for you. That's the hardest part. So I think it's really just the depression. If you can get successful treatment for the depression, you can have a fresh start. You can be whoever you want to be.
  18. 2 points
    It is ok gs22. I'm used to it by now but it hurts. I'm a very emotional person. Every moment of every day it's like I'm walking a tightrope emotionally trying to keep it together and all it takes is one small thing to send me over the edge. I wanted to enjoy the holidays but instead I spent 2 days in bed sleeping and crying.
  19. 2 points
    gs22

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I've never been able to figure out an answer. But they're responsible for their own behaviour. I wonder if they know that.
  20. 2 points
    gs22

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    These people need to grow up and fast. You do not deserve this at all.
  21. 2 points
    INVICTUS William Ernest Henley Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is ******, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. I wish I had this spirit, instead of the crushed, mutilated shadow that is me.
  22. 2 points
    The dynamic you mentioned with your husband reminds me... my parents tried to lay some of the same nonsense down over my sister and her husband, and I was just like.... who (at least in large part) made/shaped/conditioned her? They didn't like that at all.
  23. 2 points
    That sounds terrbile, Self1. I am sorry to hear it. I said a prayer that you will get out of that situation soon.
  24. 2 points
    Natasha1

    Parents taking control of my life

    intervening kinda goes with the territory of being a parent. i will probs continue to do so with my daughter as she ages. can you just tell her you like it that way? and use similar ideas with her other interventions?
  25. 2 points
    Welcome back, and Happy New Year! ? I'm so sorry this happened....but I hope it might make you feel better to know that my CO left his band a few times and came back a few times, so you never know...your CO may return to his group too. In my case, substitute "alter ego" for myself and what I quoted above would apply to me too When bad things happen, it's really important to focus on separating the fantasy from reality....we have to hold on to the fantasy at all costs. When things like this happen, it's really a struggle, and I DO understand how exhausting it can be.....but the struggle is worth it. I wish you luck to get through this. Come back anytime for support if you need us. ((hugs))
  26. 2 points
    hocico

    Your Feelings In Single Words #4

    Uninspired
  27. 2 points
    @4amRedLight I fear you misunderstood what I meant in the original post. The fact that there's a stigma against people with mental health issues DOES cause some people shame. I don't mean the shame they have because the mental health issues, I'm talking about the shame people try to put on us because of their small minds and big mouths. Also, I wasn't talking about America, merely individual people using the Chinese way of thought toward the shame of the Treaty of Nanjing.
  28. 2 points
    TheCunningLinguist

    Interesting Take on Shame

    Ran across this anecdote reading' "Wealth and Power", a book about the modernization of China. Once the Wing Dynasty signed the treaty of Nanjing to end the first Opium Wars their once great Empire had been shamed by the English. Instead of trying to forget this shame, they actually made a holiday to commemorate it, called the Day of Humiliation or something of that nature. Why did they do this? Because they wanted to use the shame they felt as fuel so that they could learn the ways of the outside world to use them to their advantage. The ideal was of using Western techniques with a Chinese core. When I read this it struck a chord in me, maybe that's what I should do? Maybe be that's what we all should be doing here? So remember the next time someone gets in your face and tries to make you feel small, let them. Get angry, get motivated and shove it in their face as you of prove them wrong. Learn what you can from people, but never forget who you are.
  29. 2 points
    I feel like I just don't care about very much...which I know is not the truth, but what my illness wraps me in daily
  30. 2 points
    SugaredSloth

    Depression Haiku Thread

    In my dreams, you're here Our fingers intertwining The most perfect fit
  31. 2 points
    sober4life

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I stayed sober during the holidays but I was still an emotional train wreck. I'm sure people love being around someone that cries for 2 straight days.
  32. 2 points
    No more doors or windows No walls to keep me in No more picket fences No locks for "protection" No more chains or shackles No more shiny cage No more subdued spinning No more suppressing rage No more manipulation No treatment like a child No more subtly cruel attacks No fear of my wild No more keeping myself small No captivity No more taming of the beast No more... I'm breaking free
  33. 2 points
    @musiclover83 I'm sorry that happened :( I can relate to feeling more lonely and depressed than usual around the holidays. It does magnify the pain. That's terrible, what you're going through. We try to prepare ourselves for bad news, but it never works. I have a lot of experience with that too. I have failed utterly at keeping fantasy and reality separate (that has been my real downfall). The fact that you are acknowledging the possibility of holding onto the fantasy and not letting the recent news affect you is a positive sign. That should give you a lot of hope, to know that you have it in you to take control. Reality sucks. If you're blessed with a steadfast and manageable fantasy life that doesn't cause you too much pain, you're golden. I think you will hear your CO sing again Singers hardly ever put down their singing voices for good. You never know what's in store! Maybe you're in for something great from him, and maybe it will just take time.
  34. 2 points
    NinaBears

    Out of Citalopram

    Then you'll be fine!!! Just make sure next time you'll refill in time. I've had the brain zaps, but only after a week. I quit cold turkey. Worst decision ever made, but I still survived!!
  35. 2 points
    Bhorout

    Out of Citalopram

    Look, it takes 6 weeks for esc to kick in. That, in my non medical opinion, means, that two days off the same meds, means nothing, you should be fine. I once did not take esc for four days, without any conseqences. Just wait till pharmacy opens... Only if the symptoms of depression would return, you should worry. So, have a happy new year and dont worry.
  36. 2 points
    id like to drop out of uni, find the courage to tell people without dying of embarrassment (im most scared of my mum and girlfriend's reaction) and learn to speak fluent spanish
  37. 2 points
    posie_riot

    Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

    Welcome @SeSa I'm glad you have had such a positive experience with your CO and that sharing your story has been cathartic. I felt the same way when I arrived here and started sharing my story. Everyone here certainly knows what it's like to admire and feel greatly connected with a celebrity, even if it doesn't make sense to the average person.
  38. 2 points
    vega57

    New year

    Yes we kid so here's going to a very good year to you, yours and everyone else. Wait is this an oxymoron? Can we have good anything? Lol. Yes we can so let's give it a whirl. I'm starting off with a 25 mile ride in the Tour de Palm Springs. I'm determined this year.
  39. 2 points
    Audrey822

    Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

    @SeSa Welcome to our thread. Your story made me smile....your friends and family may never understand how this made you feel, but we do. I'm so glad that meeting her made you so happy, That's the way everything should work out. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
  40. 2 points
  41. 2 points
    I feel good, today. I was having difficulty with my emotions the past few days. Hugs to everyone
  42. 2 points
    evalynn

    What Are You Eating?

    Day 1 of my healthy food plan has commenced. For breakfast, I had oatmeal with blackberries and ripe banana mixed in.
  43. 2 points
    If there is a god out there I just wish he would put me out of my misery but he obviously enjoys my pain and misery.
  44. 2 points
    gs22

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I can't help but think of my mother, I'm sorry I know it's a downer but she loved life so much
  45. 2 points
    KidSurvivor2011

    New year

    You too vega. We all need it. - KS
  46. 2 points
    posie_riot

    What Are You Eating?

    Maple Mars Bar (available only in Canada, I think!)
  47. 2 points
    I got another 45 minutes yet, but happy 2017 to you all. - KS
  48. 2 points
    Lady Mozzer

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Thanks so much for your words and your hugs.Happy New Year to you and yours!!!!!
  49. 2 points
    Audrey822

    What Are You Eating?

    Pizza Hut stuffed crust pepperoni pizza for the win!
  50. 2 points
    Mikayla

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    To all of you who seek love & peace. And truth. May joy find you! Happy New Year 2017!
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