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Showing content with the highest reputation on 06/11/2016 in all areas

  1. 7 points
    Better that I might have felt...I had a long, grueling day yesterday, consisting in part of 6-hours of white knuckle driving through horrendous traffic in construction zones spanning 100+ miles. I got home just before midnight and decided to hit the liquor store for some hard stuff. Turns out they can't sell hard stuff after 9 p.m. I was ticked off at the time, but I had to get up 5 hours later. Without the booze, no hangover. Yes, that's a good thing. A great thing, actually.
  2. 7 points
  3. 5 points
    " fake it till you make it," right? There's nothing wrong in getting another person's viewpoint. Consultants are used in business all the time.! You must be leaning all sorts of new things right now. Hi5 :)
  4. 5 points
    Why I care about people when people don't care about me. I never learn my lesson. It make me feel so very stupid. This is not the first time. I am pathetic. No matter how hard I try. Isn't it death is the answer for me so that I don't have to feel this stupid pain again and again.
  5. 4 points
    Cool, thanks for the input, melplus! Yes, fake it til you make it! Love it =) Hi5 back!
  6. 4 points
    You are anything but pathetic. I'm sorry to be blunt, but fkuc them, if they are too blind to see your true value. It can be painful, I know. But it's people like you that bring light in this world. People who care. In my books you are brilliant.
  7. 4 points
    Lauryn -- Sorry you had to deal with so intense a level of criticism and rejection. I, too, am a writer, and looked into writers' groups close to me. After auditing a meeting once or twice, realized the dynamic of one of the groups was not compatible with my personality. One was rather "new agey" and had "rituals" like passing a candle and looking into the flame. Then, if you wanted to speak, you'd have to have the candle passed to you in order to have "permission" to speak. () I took away a couple of useful exercises to use on my own, but refused to pay for that kind of "unique" approach to writing. Another group had no available spaces by the time I found it, but seemed like the kind of thing I'd like to learn (playwriting), so I'll look into it again at the end of the summer. Bottom line, if the people in the group are your peers, I would not take their criticism so much to heart. Sometimes an odd competitiveness can emerge of which you were not aware, and when it does, can leave you devastated. Often the best way to learn to write or improve your writing is simply to read a lot (if you can find the time!). I trust your writing is good simply by what I've read of you here on DF. So I guess it comes down to walking a line between trusting yourself and the people into whose hands you've put your work. I've shown my work to my sisters (one of whom is a librarian) who read A LOT and are very candid and analytical, and have received great advice. Are there people in your personal life who might assist? If not, I would say keep going to the group, but don't evaluate your worth based upon what they say. My best to you always and in everything you do, Lauryn. WOTL
  8. 4 points
    That is just not right. I would evaluate your membership in the group. Maybe that is why the group is small! Hang in and believe in your talent.
  9. 3 points
    Needy. I hate how needy I've become
  10. 3 points
    IgnisRattus

    my non-existant self

    ^Yeah, exactly. Depressed people are missing that "final cause" of what it means to be human. To be clear though, the whole point of studying philosophy is to teach people to look at things from different perspectives. I'm not trying to suggest that you should subscribe to Aristotle's views, I just think it's an interesting and helpful way to look at mental health. There are other philosophers who absolutely hate Aristotle, such as Nietzsche...but even though his philosophy seems much different, they are both valid and robust....one does not replace the other.
  11. 3 points
    To a certain degree I can relate. Depression did feel comforting for me as well at a certain point in time. But I also realized why that is. Maybe the reason is not the same for you. For me it was because I had gotten used to it and coming out of depression would mean change. Change is something we inherently tend to dislike (especially big changes). But once you become accepting of such change, things become much easier mentally and are able to find comfort in that change. Find excitement in it seeing the challenges before you for you to overcome and conquer.
  12. 3 points
    I don't know you on a personal level, but I still care about your well being. I hope your pain eases.
  13. 3 points
    Yeah, that's the problem with hard work. It takes more than that to get anything good at all out of life, not just on the workforce but outside of work as well.
  14. 3 points
    verDominai

    Random Facts About Anything.

    People who visit Jerusalem sometimes get so lost in the religious theme of the place that they become delusional. It's been called the Jerusalem syndrome.
  15. 3 points
    Listerine was originally marketed as a floor cleaner
  16. 3 points
    IgnisRattus

    my non-existant self

    Hey, Searchforasoul, I'm sorry I didn't see your post sooner, or I would have replied immediately. I think I can actually help you. Do you know anything about Aristotle's philosophy? What you need to do is nurture the part of you that is natural and human, (even if you feel like your body is like an empty husk right now)--that is the only way you will achieve your final cause and in so doing, bring yourself out of the depression. So my suggestion? Enrichment actives! Yup, in your case I think it's really that simple. Go for long walks out in the wilderness, or get a pet, having a companion animal is really therapeutic because ALL non-human animals are experts at living in the moment...I'm not suggesting you get a high-maintenance animal like a cat or dog....maybe a small pet? Hamsters, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, all make superb pets. Just....try to do something that involves nature. If you have any friends, take them with you. If you don't have friends, that's okay too, go by yourself. The bottom line here is that you need to CREATE your identity if you don't feel like you have one. Do you know anything about existentialism? This philosophy started with French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, who was famous for saying that the human being is essentially a blank slate, and that before that we are nothing. Sound familiar? It should be instantly relatable for anyone who has been depressed, even for a long time. Let me know what you think.
  17. 2 points
    Hermitic

    Get-Together

    I, and perhaps many others here, have immense difficulty in social situations. Could we perhaps organize a meeting? I've investigated support groups, but they seem too formal and regular. I was thinking of something like a game night, three or four people could casually meet and play RISK or something while chatting and working through depression. I suppose this would only be of use to people around central Oklahoma. Anyone interested? If not, does anyone have a suggestion of where I might go to do something like that?
  18. 2 points
    "Normal" people have lots of despicable behavior I don't want to emulate. Because I don't know how I would change if I weren't depressed, I fear that I will become what I hate. This is part of why I want my closest friends (whenever I finally find some) to also have depression or at least understand it. I really don't want to be intimate with a "normal" person who cannot fathom my perspective, just as "normal" people don't want to be around me.
  19. 2 points
    NCC

    Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

    Audrey822, I will respond to your post But first I want to talk about something important that concerns us all. Some of you may know about that young celeb from the Voice Christina Grimmie. She was shot and killed last night. As of this writing, there's very little detail about the shooter. Hearing this, my mind was spinning with questions. Was the shooter one of us? Was this an obsessed fan who couldn't take it anymore and snapped? Was Christina an obsession for someone who posts here? I even thought, what if this was Reina? How would I take it? Because of my feelings for Reina, this hits closer to home than it would normally would've. I feel a little sad for Christina and her family. Stuff like this shouldn't happen. All she did was try to bring a little beauty to the world. She wasn't a politician or a greedy CEO who ruins lives, she was an entertainer. Someone who brings happiness to us. Now she's gone because of some guy who felt he needed to erase her from existence. I hope she lives on through her music. RIP Christina Grimmie.
  20. 2 points
    When depression and anxiety are all someone has known on some level or another for most of their lives...they learn to live, albeit at a decreased existence, within that..like a prisoner making the best of their situation of living behind bars. We have adapted and most of us have learned what we can/can't deal with, etc. Normal is as foreign a concept to those of us with true mental health issues as depression in it's truest definition is to those who have never experienced more than a "down" day or two here or there. Normal people take for granted going to work, the store or traveling for business..someone like me who has depression but is plagued by anxiety 24/7 to some degree, having to go to the store can be a huge deal..I recently started a new job..I made sure to ask during the interview if there was ANY travel involved..no I was told..whew..so I bucked up and started..my first day I find out that there is travel involved - within the state..it never occurred to me to get that specific when asking about travel in the interview - and in a few weeks the expectation is on a day the business is closed for employees to travel to a central location - which for me is about 60 miles and big city - for a meeting that will also include groups giving skits and cheers - not only do I think this is stupid for adults to do, it is also something that once again normal people take for granted..for me..having to drive to a large city then participate is skits/cheers with people I don't know - is actually making me rethink the job. This is not something I can just "deal with for the day" as it is more than just not liking it or being inconvenienced on a day off - it literally makes me feel ill. So, yes, I can understand not wanting to get well because it takes not only a lot of effort but also removes the safety of the chains that bind.
  21. 2 points
    God is supposed to be good and caring, though. You should be able to do what makes you happy. As long as you don't hurt anyone, no one can say you're a bad person for following your heart. I don't think it's healthy to deny yourself love because you're worried how it will affect your religion.
  22. 2 points
    Somewhere between "wow, I've made so much progress", "why am I still alive" and "what does anything matter when along the way I lost the one person I've ever felt a real close connection with". I don't know what to feel, my mind's spinning.~
  23. 2 points
    I tend to think about depression the same way I think about social anxiety. An easy way to deal with social anxiety is just avoid social situations, right? But if you want to effectively dispose of anxiety, you need to face it head on. Yeah, it fundamentally goes against the nature of an anxious person, but that is the solution, even though it's a difficult one. In hindsight, I can see that the same goes for depression.
  24. 2 points
  25. 2 points
    Hermitic

    Sexual Expectations

    Maybe bullying is only harmful if you let it, but simply not caring about it is very difficult. I thought I didn't care, but now I realize I unconsciously internalized their jeering. There is a negative psychological effect regardless of the recipient's thoughts. I had no one to reinforce me or make me feel better. Despite this conversation and my logical view of sex, I still feel uncomfortable around people who have it frequently. Perhaps because it represents social success, of which I am jealous. Then again, perhaps having sex frequently is worse, as that is relying on others to affirm your self-worth. Only I can decide whether I am worthless. If I feel that way, it's because I believe it. Changing that belief is tremendously difficult, though.
  26. 2 points
    IgnisRattus

    my non-existant self

    SearchingforSoul, Sugaredsloth, and Teddy: I would highly recommend reading Aristotle's Metaphysics, and his Physics and in that order. You know, the Buddhists believe that there is no soul. Aristotle would have phrased it a bit differently, but he also believed that the soul is "not any real thing." Instead, it is the animating principle of a human being...to have a soul, you must be participating in what it means to be human. To do that you have to actualize the potential you have. For Aristotle there are four fundamental causes in terms of Being: (this is from the Physics) Below, in brackets, are Aristotle's words. -The efficient cause ("the primary principle of motion/change) -The material cause (the "that out of which") -The formal cause (the "what it is" <--by the way, the "form" is the soul of a human being, the animating principle. -The final cause (the "that for the sake of which") ^This last one here is operating on the idea that every being (plants, animals) does what is best for it, naturally. So, lets apply this to mental health....obviously, when you're severely depressed, you aren't fulfilling your "final cause" right? Teddy said she doesn't have an identity. Sugared sloth used the word "dehumanizing" and you're both correct in Aristotle's eyes because neither of you is fulfilling the "final cause" which is an important element of being human. So...again, I highly recommend reading (or in Searchingforsoul's case, re-reading) Aristotle's Metaphysics/physics. There was one philosopher, I think it was Aquinas, who said that he had to read the Metaphysics 47 times to understand it, lol...so it's definitely not an easy thing to read, but hopefully my brief explanation here will be of some use.
  27. 2 points
    samadhiSheol

    My Depression Feels Invalid

    For what it's worth, time will heal, or at least make it bareable, despite depression. Believe me, I know. Neither is it truly an age thing. I know this too.
  28. 2 points
    Hermitic

    My Depression Feels Invalid

    I can't post links here, but if you type "how do I get over my crush" in Google you will find several articles that I found pertinent for dealing with my unrequited affection. Try to remember that this person is not perfect. Because you can't be with this person, your mind will make fantasies and you won't want to be with anyone else. I don't know if explaining your feelings to your crush would help or hurt. It hurt me. I still feel pain from when I was rejected. Your reason for depression is not invalid; desire for love is an essential human quality. Try not to imagine being with your crush or hoping your crush will become available. Because that opportunity may never appear, it could worsen your depression.
  29. 2 points
    SugaredSloth

    My Depression Feels Invalid

    Hi Mil, I don't think it's wrong to seek the validation that comes from having your feelings returned, and I think it's further proof of your depression rather than a canceling factor. It's sort of a 'which came first' type of thing. Yes, the feeling and fear of rejection is difficult for everyone. But I think that healthy people, for the most part, are better at processing those feeling of disappointment, whereas someone who suffers from depression might have a more difficult time dealing with it, because it adds weight to their already heavy feelings of inadequacy. Does this sound familiar? I hope you can find a way to be honest with your friend and that things get better for you! x- SS
  30. 2 points
    George1

    My Depression Feels Invalid

    I used to get sort of the same way when I was young. Crushes rule you, they are such a pain like that. Your feelings are not invalid. At the same time, just try to focus on other things that life has to offer that is good. Having a crush makes it easy to feel like that person is the only thing that matters, and it totally dictates your emotions, as if that is all that mattered. But there are other things/people in life that can bring you happiness, and it's easy to take them for-granted while stuck in a crush. Focus on letting those other things and people bring you happiness, and when ever you catch yourself overwhelmed in thought regarding this crush, distract yourself. Go for a jog, start playing a phone/computer game, read, call a family member and focus on flourishing your relationship with them, just something else to replace your habbit of being caught in thoughts regarding the crush. Hopefully something about that helps. I'm sure other people will have other advice, but that is how I would manage it. Good luck!
  31. 2 points
    SugaredSloth

    my non-existant self

    How does anyone define their "self?" I'm not sure if even the healthiest person I know could do that. It seems like each person would find their identity in a different way. One of my friends would say "I'm a teacher" while another would say "I'm a complete mess." I guess they would both be right in a way. This may sound silly, but I keep a growing list of "interesting" facts about myself. Not really anything about how I feel, because that is not static, but little things that I might be able to share with someone if they knew nothing about me. Favorite things. Funny little quirks. Depression can be so dehumanizing as it is, and I am such a logic based thinker that I've been accused of being robotic on more occasions than I can count. That's not encouraging for someone who struggles with even feeling human at all. There have been times (too many times, really) that I could more closely identify with a dehydrated cactus than my fellow man. This list began as an exercise to help myself feel more human. But as I've added to it, it has become a sort of soothing practice and a reminder that there IS more to me than depression. That I am a person, even if I don't always feel like it. Maybe something like this could help you find a point to ground you when you feel lost. x- SS
  32. 2 points
    samadhiSheol

    my non-existant self

    Thanks for your response, IgnisRattus. It seems we think alike! And for anybody reading this, a disclaimer. What I write here is about existential depression. Sometimes I think depression and anxiety are a perfectly sane and understandable reactions to some of the stuff life throws at us. Situational depression demands a different approach,at least to an extent. Ignisrattus, what you wrote is exactly how I see my situation. As it happens, I have a cat which is meditating as I write this :-) I'm also lucky enough to live in an environment where "the great outdoors" literally begans at our doorstep. Yet I constantly fail to appreciate what I have. I agree with you in that we forge ourselves. The trick is, of course, to be able to do so on our own terms. Without having to compromise too much. The socio-economic environment and also our peers, parents and our inbred disposition to ourselves and others all play a part in how we turn out. I've read philosophy most of my life. I've come to the conclusion that philosophy is born from three qualities of human nature: curiosity, social consience- and anxiety. Also having THE LEISURE to be able to think has been a major factor then and now. I remember reading that philosophy and science were conceived in antiquity because a chosen few had the time and leisure to think about themselves and the world around us beyond the constraits of religion and the day-to-day survival of "the masses". But I'm going nowhere with any of this. I do the right things, I go out, I do stuff, but feel nothing at all. I get no satisfaction in what I do. The person living this life doesn't really exist. Nothing fills the void. I consider myself somewhat intelligent, but ultimately anything "I" am adds up to nothing at all. Not being able to be in the moment (emotionally speaking I haven't a clue what it actually means other feeling empty/frustrated/hopeless) is a major flaw some of us have. I don't believe I will ever be able to get out of the void. Suffering will always be a part of human experience, but as Victor Frankl said,we can choose how we react to suffering. So I suppose I'm still searching. For now at least. Thanks IgnisRattus for your thought-provoking post. You can be sure I'll be giving what you wrote some more thought,once I get my act together again. I definately have to get back to Aristotle. Plato has been my mentor of antiquity for quite a while now.. Just feeling particularly empty and tired today, so apologies if this confusing. See you around!
  33. 2 points
    GAJ123

    If she mentions having no plans?

    The thing is I've come across a whole lot of gorgeous women through Tinder/Bumble & what's the odds that most of them are on there for something serious if they're constantly getting hit on all the time in person? There's no reason for them to be on an app unless it's just for validation/ego/. I'm sure a few of them use it to actually date but I doubt even half of them do. At this point I almost don't even care about meeting anyone anymore. I just need to work on myself first before I can be with anyone I guess. I need a better job, be in better physical shape which I'm working on now, as well as having to work on not being so laid back/introverted. Attractive women have way too many options to want to date a guy that has a mediocre job, more skinny than fit & not outgoing when they can easily go out with the guy that has a good job, fit, outgoing, etc. I'm realistically not desirable yet it seems like to women I find attractive. I don't mean to sound shallow in terms of looks, but I'm talking about women I personally find attractive which it seems most other guys do too unfortunately so I need to really stand out in ways that a lot of others don't if I want a chance. I'd also of course care about a woman's personality as well as if we had any chemistry together.
  34. 2 points
    Blackstar-David Bowie
  35. 2 points
    standup

    Get-Together

    I would recommend doing a search on meetup.com. You could try "social anxiety" and just enter your zip code. You should be able to find a group for anxiety/ depression. Of course, you could also start your own meetup.
  36. 2 points
    Psych Hospital~ Parking lot is full visitors have 2 hours, to cry, to argue, to withdraw from one another to confide families separated, each person waiting to see waiting, what will it be? dread surrounds, there is anticipation all around
  37. 2 points
    zdude954

    Random Facts About Anything.

    In Alaska it is illegal to see a moose from an airplane, so if you do see one you better not say anything.
  38. 2 points
    Mikayla

    Random Facts About Anything.

    Madeleine Albright comes from Czechoslovakia. :)
  39. 2 points
    Mark250

    Random Facts About Anything.

    Under Chairman Mao, every Chinese family was obliged to k*ll a sparrow a week to stop them eating all the rice. The project was ineffective because sparrows don’t eat rice. When customers visited the UK’s first supermarkets they were afraid to pick up goods in case they were told off. Just like humans, British cows moo in regional accents The United States of America maintains a military presence in 148 of the 192 United Nations countries
  40. 2 points
    Wisteria

    Random Facts About Anything.

    One cumulus cloud can weight more than 500,000 kg.
  41. 2 points
    verDominai

    Random Facts About Anything.

    Lonely ants who grow up away from the swarm literally don't grow the neccessary parts of their brains to function in their society and can't be integrated back into the colony.
  42. 2 points
    verDominai

    Sexual Expectations

    Say that to my younger less strong self, who's shivering in a corner over mean comments back there.. : P
  43. 2 points
    Starsea

    Sexual Expectations

    I forget who said it: sex is like oxygen. It's no big deal unless you're not getting any. That's supposed to be a joke, of course. But the joke can ring true and hurt your feelings if you let it. I think I was 34 when I had my first experience. I understand what you mean about society saying we're supposed to do it when we're 18, etc... Not "losing it" is a source of comedy in our culture. Heck, I sometimes still feel left out because I haven't had a lot of lovers. I felt defective; like a loser. I let what I thought "society felt" influence my own sense of self worth. I even hid my "status" while dating because I was afraid it would scare potential mates off. Ultimately, it didn't. Someone who cares about you won't care about your status. My first partner actually felt a little bad because she couldn't give me the same "gift." Frankly, if someone takes to the hills because you're a virgin, they're likely not worth your time. "It" was such a big deal for me that I was extremely nervous the first time, I was shaking. My heart raced enough to scare me. I had a dry mouth and numb fingertips. Looking back on it, I probably had an anxiety attack when I should have relaxed and enjoyed it. Afterwards I was so upset and disappointed that it took a month or more before I could try again. I was afraid I would lose my girlfriend but, again, all this won't matter to someone who cares for you. I've come to realize nothing really changed for me. It wasn't some magical turning point in my life. It didn't make me an adult. It didn't validate me. As you said, "what's wrong with that?" You seem to have a pretty good view of this subject already and you also seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You show good insight. Honestly, I find your attitude pretty healthy. Peace
  44. 2 points
    Hermitic

    Sexual Expectations

    GG333: I've wondered about that. I hear other guys talking about girls as if they are toys, and I think "Surely those girls hate that. If they have any self-esteem, why would they choose to associate with those awful guys?" I'm so bad at expressing myself that I never have an opportunity to show what I think or how I feel before I do something stupid and scare people away. I was afraid I was being arrogant when I thought I had a much more attractive personality than those other guys. Sometimes I felt like writing things like this on a piece of paper and posting it in a public place, but I was always too scared of getting in trouble. It means a lot to see you say that. One of the people who jeered at me in high school for my virginity was female, and that confused me a lot. Nobody ever told me "good job" or "I like you," so I internalized their beliefs about me and joined them in their ridicule of me. I don't know if "she" even exists. I probably shouldn't look for perfection, as perfection is impossible. scienceguy: I wouldn't ask either. I heard the guys in the dormitory express anger that their potential girlfriends had so many previous partners. How did they know about the previous partners? What does that matter? Should they be shackled by the past because you don't like their sexual habits? Shawn81: The dating sites take patience. It might be years of before you find anyone willing to meet you in person, let alone be your lover. I sometimes want to delete my accounts, thinking it's pointless, but then I think that I might as well try. If I keep sitting alone, I'll almost certainly never find anyone.
  45. 2 points
    ejc

    If she mentions having no plans?

    The thing about the gym is that there's a lot of risk involved. if you hit on a girl and she says no, well you're stuck, you might see her at the gym. I think striking friendships at the gym would be good. if you become a regular and see the same people around you could always strike up brief conversation at the watering hole. but hardcore gym people truly dont want to get bothered. you're right. though, i have seen a lot of girls that wear skimpy outfits and trot around like their working out. so i dont know. if the earphones are on that's a pretty good indicator that they wanna be left alone. whatever happened to tinder lady? and how is tinder working out? i've tried okcupid, match, and POF. not a lot of people on there. .... ok i checked to see what happened... so she's probably just fishing, usually if someone is interested they text right back, they're not gonna risk not meeting you or you losing interest. that happened to me with a guy. he messaged me, we met and there was no connection. but of course he busted this let's do this again crap... well after that i didn't hear from him the whole weekend. then on a monday he says good morning i reply back and then crickets! so F that, i was kind of hurt bc there's no reason to play games (which is what i suspect this chick is doing) of course he has the nerve to contact me a week later bc he's in the neighborhood. no thanks! and i replied as such. i left him hanging with his "whatsup" text too. no bro. you ignore me there's no room for that here. i think this lady just expressed interest at the beginning and decided in a rude manner to just fade away from you. it's so bulls***, we need to be more responsible and be honest that there's no connection. i'm sorry she did that to you, no excuse.
  46. 2 points
    Natasha1

    Some Day I Would Like To . . .

    Make everyone's pain go away.
  47. 1 point
    George1

    My Depression Feels Invalid

    Time is the medicine that is hardest for me to swallow, but inevitably always works best.
  48. 1 point
    George1

    Happy Kwanzaa !

    Being in Canada, this forum is the only place other than here http://ca.ign.com/wikis/futurama/Kwanzaa-bot that I have heard reference to Kwanzaa. To those that celebrate it, I am ignorant and mean no harm by the reference, I just don't think I'll ever get another chance to reference Kwanzaa-bot, so I figured I may as well. Happy Kwanzaa!
  49. 1 point
    GAJ123

    If she mentions having no plans?

    She never responded back again. There's no doubt she was on there again since I looked at her profile & her distance changed. So she was just ignoring me because she didn't want to say she wasn't interested. I deleted both my Tinder & Bumble accounts though & added more clear photos at least with my new smartphone's camera with new accounts. I'll see what happens with that. I got 1 match in a matter of minutes but nothing since. It's only been like 20 minutes though since I made the new profiles. And yeah, I just feel the gym isn't a good place to hit on women. As you said it would be really awkward if they say no, than you have to possibly see them quite a bit afterwards.
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