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Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/05/2016 in all areas

  1. 5 points
    Made the mistake of taking an afternoon nap and, as I often do, I woke up very anxious and with depression threatening. Maybe a workout will do the trick? Best, everyone.
  2. 5 points
    I'm sorry, man. I know how you feel and often wish for the same. I wonder why the severely depressed were put on this earth. We can never truly be at peace or happy in this life. Someday all pain will pass, I hope.
  3. 5 points
    This morning I find myself thinking about the concepts of acceptance, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness... along the lines of Buddhist philosophy and Zen Buddhism. This is the path that has helped me to heal and recover from multiple catastrophes and crises in my own life. I used to carry around a tiny book of the Dalai Lama's sayings. I don't know where that book is now, but I want to purchase another and keep it nearby. I have come to accept what is, even if my circumstances are not what I wanted or expected. I have forgiven myself and others, even my worst enemies who caused the most damage to my psyche. I am starting to forgive my boss for her abuse and mistreatment towards me. She does not know any better than to behave how she does. And I believe that treating others with respect and kindness is a pathway to inner happiness. I think I want to embrace Zen practice again. It helped me so much in the past. I have come full circle back to this path. There are so many kind people on here, who even in the darkest of moments, reach out to others to provide support and kind words. To me, this shows testimony to people's true character. So even when things seem most hopeless & bleak, being a good person to others I think counts for so much. Please be kind to yourselves dearest DF friends, as you are to others --- kindness & compassion are traits that not all people possess. These are amazing qualities and are truly special. I am so glad to know all of you.
  4. 5 points
    ((((((((feelinglost))))))))) thank you for your reply and for your kind comment on my poem. I have little hope for my own situation since the supportive letter won't come from my own doctor, but you're right -- who knows what will happen. I'm sure I will be anxious all over again soon, but yesterday I felt I could survive this. Very sorry you're having health issues caused by your work. I do know from what my own lawyer tells me is that yes it's a long process and they require lots of proof. So sorry you're going through that. You sound very motivated though to get out and move on, which is great. In the meantime, I hope they give you the compensation you need once this process ends. (((((((hugs)))))))
  5. 5 points
    Hang in there Duck. I hope today improves for you!
  6. 5 points
    I am listening to Lana Del Ray.
  7. 4 points
    I can also say that your replies have been very encouraging and helpful. You are doing a lot of good in this forum. I personally believe that each and every one of us has something good. It just takes sometimes a while for ourselves to see that good and even appreciate it ourselves. {{{{LaurynJcat}}}}} thank you :)
  8. 3 points
    Thanks ((((((Lauryn))))). Yeah that was a real disappointment for sure. Talked to my lawyer today and I will go see the law firm's appointed doctor. It should not hurt my case. They will know it's not my own doc though since I already gave my company the info. She sucks though, so I will not be returning to her. At this point, I am not hopeful that I will get the workers compensation. My lawyer also told me I could be fired at any point in the process. For some reason, and I have no idea why, I suddenly feel OK about all of it. Hence the inspiration for that poem... somehow I feel like I will land on my feet no matter what happens. And colds suck! Hope you feel better soon! (((((((((hugs)))))))
  9. 3 points
    Window

    The worst thing about depression is...?

    There is no "life" or "living" in it, it just makes me blank.
  10. 2 points
    Hiya all,I suffered a bout of depression in 2014 which lasted a few months caused by issues at home. At the time i was on a 20mg dosage of Citalopram once a day which lasted until i started to feel better down the line, which i put down to the drug mainly it really did work wonders for me. I came off it properly as discussed with my GP who advised dropping to 1 tablet every other day for a month before stopping completely. All was well, i still felt great and was doing well after i stopped.Within the month, i seemed to start to slowly regress again. I started to feel worn out emotionally, mentally exhausted, easily agitated and get angry over small things. I would feel dizzy at times too and fainted on one occasion which was unusual for me. It created huge problems in my personal life. Fast forward to today, i have found my family were spiking my food with my meds which has led me to wonder if this was creating the issues i was having and whether it kept me in a state of withdrawal. I would visit them every other weekend mainly, so a 20mg dosage at least although it could have been more depending on how many tablets they used, spread 4 times over 2 days, this went on for months. Occasionally i was there more frequently than every other weekend too. I'm in a good place again mentally and have stopped all contact with them for a while now and intend to keep it that way. Could the meds have been causing me to feel how i was?
  11. 2 points
    ((((((((((((((((feeling_lost))))))))))))))))
  12. 2 points
    I agree with this 100%
  13. 2 points
    Missing out on life.
  14. 1 point
    BrotherZoot

    Positive results

    A lot of people come here looking for reassurance when starting Lexapro/Cipralex/Escitalopram (whatever you want to call it)--I did back in April when I started it. The start up was difficult for me. I was in a really bad place to begin with, experiencing severe anxiety and pretty severe depression. I was also really worried about taking medication. At 10mg, I experienced some improvement, but the Cipralex made my insomnia worse, and Trazodone wasn't much help. When I bumped up to 15mg, the side effects didn't get any worse, but my anxiety got a lot better. Still struggled a lot with insomnia, until I got on Mirtazapine. At 15mg Cipralex and 15mg Mirtazapine, I was doing quite well, but still had regular periods of a few days when things were considerably more difficult. At the beginning of this year I increased my Cipralex to 20mg. In terms of side effects, I barely noticed the change, but it leveled me out completely. I am doing really well. I just wanted to come post this to give others some hope. I know it's incredibly difficult to believe when you're really suffering with anxiety and/or depression, but it can get better. It took some time and some fine-tuning of meds, but I feel like my old self now. If you search my older posts, you can see that I had the same worries and the same horrible experiences that you're going through now. Hang in there.
  15. 1 point
    on_my_own

    never mind

  16. 1 point
    tobias325

    No experience in dating

    I'm not sure how to reply to individual posts here so I'll do my best to summarize my responses to everyone's replies. And I'll try to be as factual as possible. I'm not shy at all. I talk to strangers all the time. Some of those strangers were attractive men who I approached, but that isn't really the motive. I've always been extroverted, so social anxiety is not my problem. My childhood was better than most but I also didn't really get to enjoy it either. My parents are Arab and that alone means high expectations in terms of success and relationships (there is not one divorce in our family, and they're all happy. They've also all married their first relationship partners). They were very strict on me. I wanted to do more tomboyish things such as skateboarding, but I was a girl, so they made me stop. So I always had issues identifying as feminine as I grew up. Now I wear makeup and dresses, but It took a really long time to embrace that side of myself. Because I was first born I had to break a lot of boundaries that my younger brother never had to deal with. I find a lot of my issues have to do with my parents' expectations. About two years ago is when I decided I needed to stop living my life for them and do what I want to do, hence moving out. I always got good grades when I was younger. I loved my drama classes and wanted to pursue that growing up but my parents said don't bother, it's not a real job. We moved all the time until I was 15 so I was always bullied and outcasted not just for being the new kid but also being "too smart." By the time I got to high school, I was ready to make friends. I walked up to people and introduced myself. I was more focused on having friends that my grades weren't as great, even though after school I wasn't allowed to go out, only on the weekends. I had to get a job at 16, and have been working ever since (total of 3 jobs in my life). In all this time I never had experience with boys, not even got a date to a dance that I liked, just two friends out of pity. Didn't even dance with me. When I got to college I had no idea what I wanted to do or what I was good at. I didn't grasp concepts in school as well as I used to. I tried almost every GE course to figure it out. When I got to upper division (last two-three years of undergrad college), I switched my major three times because I couldn't grasp any of them. My parents paid for my tuition because I didn't qualify for financial aid. Then they said if I don't graduate by May 2013 I have to pay the remaining semesters. I bulls*** my way through the last major I had to get out of there. My degree is worthless. It's helped me get a higher wage at my admin job but it's really of no other significance. I work M-F 8-5 (I get overtime if I need to, but don't have to). I like where I work and I like the schedule. I'll eventually look for another job but I'm not ready; my depression is making it hard enough to attend the current job I actually like because I debate getting out of bed at all. I've been doing activities to try and see what I enjoy. This includes artsy and crafty stuff, going on vacation to see Conan's show, trying out a church that my coworker goes to (I'm not religious, I'm agnostic, but she says they're more like a supportive community, so I'm open minded about that). i think I mentioned I started seeing a therapist awhile back. And started going to the gym. Exercise is supposed to release endorphins and make you happier but I don't feel like it's working. It's not solving the root of my problem/depression. the point of my initial post is, I've tried to figure myself out and find my identity and love myself and keep holding on for a really long time. But that's what everyone else is doing too. They've found someone along the way. I've had to go through it all alone. I've never once had to base my life goals or decisions on how it would affect a partner, whereas a lot of people my age have. I'm grateful that I didn't. but it doesn't justify the reason for why I'm always rejected and alone. The idea that if you live your life for yourself you will eventually find happiness, alone, or that that's how you'll meet the right person, feels like bulls***. It's all I've been doing the entire time. I am not happy alone, and I've not found the right person (or even one opportunity). That's why I have broken apart and my depression has finally taken over me. Does that make sense now? I don't mean to get upset with people trying to help me out with my problem. But I can't help it, it's all so redundant, and It always comes from people who are far more experienced and didn't have to try as hard as I did/do. It is so typical of people who have had at least one relationship experience to say you have to be happy alone first or live like you'll be alone anyway. That's because they've already had a chance. Maybe it didn't last, but they don't have to live with the curiosity of what it MIGHT be like. They know it's not impossible. They don't know what true, pure lonliness is. It's not their problem. They would have to get amnesia of the memories they already have, then live the next 10 years alone and only getting rejected. No kisses, no sex, no touching at all. No "I like you" conversations, no "yes I will go on a date with you", nothing at all.
  17. 1 point
    My heart has been stepped on in some form my whole life. And now that I feel this mistake by god is starting to windown. I wonder if i'll get the chance to ask god why before he cast me to the pits of hell. I just want to know why I didn't deserve the love of the women who rejected me? and why I never had any happiness in my life? Was I just a bad seed that was beyond loving or even liking? 0r was it no job or car and no money?
  18. 1 point
    I know its not that easy but i would be tempted to report them to the police. What did was just plain dangerous. Do they think they are mental health professionals. Yes random doses of psychiatiric meds could totally mess you up, Do tell your psychiatrist as that might help him evaluate the situation properly. Were you dangerous before you were treated or are your family naturally this intrusive?
  19. 1 point
    I am so sorry that you are suffering intJ ! ! ! Although It would be absurd for me to say "I know what you are going through," I would at least like to say that I have had and still have some experiences which are at least similar to those you describe. I am 61 years old and have had a very demanding relationship with my 3-pound brain over the years. I was diagnosed with depression and came to realize that in such a state, my poor brain was probably doing as well as it could for me given the entire situation I was in. Maybe I'm wrong, but I felt that "perhaps" my brain had to re-prioritize things to keep me and the 30 trillion [?] or so cells in my body alive and as healthy as possible. Looking back I think my brain was quite heroic under the circumstances, doing thousands of things each day that could be called strong, brave, clever, wise, good and beautiful. I don't know whether you suffer from depression linked to organic causes. Only doctors can diagnose that. It may be [hypothesis] that your brain is doing the best it can given everything influencing it. I was once hospitalized for severe depression and I know my brain had to "let slide" a lot of demands and expectations and dreams I tasked it with, in order to perform basic survival activities. What I thought was my brain being weak, and cowardly, and stupid and a failure turned out to be just the opposite. And I now see my brain as struggling heroically against one of the worst illnesses to afflict the human race. None of this is "advice." You are a complex human being presenting a data set too enormous to be over-simplified without doing injustice to you and to the truth. I can only share my own experiences which I cannot absolutize or pretend are normative for others. I do hope your brain recovers from the profound suffering you describe. I think you are a wonderful person, who as part of your life history has done perhaps millions of good, strong, wise and kind things. I do not consider you a "failure" in spite of your misfortunes. I consider you someone I can both admire and look up to in amazement. On a more personal note, I have always been a fan of physics and mathematics. Wishing you the best of all possible outcomes! Respectfully, Epictetus
  20. 1 point
    How I'm always aware of how close I am to being pitched into severe depression. How I'm always fighting, fighting, fighting: okay, now shower. Ok, now take a walk. Ok I'm giving myself 2 minutes to feel sorry for myself, then I have to get back to work on whatever it is. Ok, yes, it's fine to take a Xanax and a nap now. Or take a Xanax and visit the DF :D
  21. 1 point
    King of Medicine

    I don't know how to cope

    Well you have us for now, but it sounds to me like sooner or later you're going to have to face your fears and tell the people in your life (or a Doctor). Start with your dad. He understands it and I'm sure he'd rather you went to him for advice than kept it to yourself and doing who knows what. These feelings can come and go in phases... although alarming, at least you can then remind yourself that it's not going to last forever the next time you have a bad episode. Don't suffer alone in silence. There are always people you can talk to when things get out of your control, online, over the phone, and face to face. Hope you have some brighter days soon.
  22. 1 point
    Camellia

    Hug The Person Above You Thread

    I've posted an image with hugs for you Berry, but it didn't appear here. Tried it twice.... Anyway ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs Mulberrypie)))))))))))))))))))))
  23. 1 point
    _RADIO

    God, what the hell is going on...

    Opinionated suggestions in order: It's not ALL YOUR fault... it took both of you to get here and will take both of you to reach higher ground. You approach it by the two of you organizing and discussing person priorities, and then comparing those to the team goals. Then make a list of realistic avenues (taking your personalities into account) and examine the potential outcomes. Being honest and thorough about where your feelings and desires are coming from (as well as sticking solely to the point) typically helps the speaker stay calm. Keeping a listener calm involves paying attention to defensive behavior and addressing it outside, and away from the initial argument. No one is asking too much if these requests are essential to one's own personal inner peace. Living on your own is a great choice but isn't exactly beneficial to health and longevity, as we are social and communal creatures by nature. The minute anyone makes a statement towards what USED TO BE, the conversation must be reset to the present. Because NOW is the only thing happening NOW.
  24. 1 point
    feeling_lost

    Last One Wins

    I want to win - at least for a sweet short moment! :)
  25. 1 point
    Thank you for sharing that, ((((((((RiverLight))))))))!! It's so beautiful and inspiring. Such beautiful artistry arising from so much pain. I feel better after reading it.
  26. 1 point
    feeling_lost

    Hug The Person Above You Thread

    ((((((((((Camellia))))))))))
  27. 1 point
    Just wrote this poem --- I felt inspired. Survivalist I will survive.. By sheer will and determination I will pick myself back up again And live the life I am meant to Life can go on, life will go on I have survived many crises, Many heartaches, many losses, Many catastrophes And will continue to I am strong i am powerful, by sheer will To continue on Strength lies within Always and forever It is always there for me whenever needed I just need to see it, grab it and hold on This roller coaster will end And I will be OK, as I always AM I am the river of life Life itself I will flow over and around the jagged rocks They cannot stop or ruin me I will survive By sheer will and determination I will survive ~by RiverLight
  28. 1 point
    (((((((((((((( Waffles ))))))))))))) We're here to listen and support you, whatever you are going through! I felt like I was going crazy yesterday myself. PM me if you like... I can also jump on chat if you want to talk.
  29. 1 point
    I've been avoiding applying for jobs. I'm currently living (some would say scrounging) off my parents. I do voluntary work, the trouble has come each time that I try to hold down a paid job. When I feel responsible I fall apart when I make even tiny mistakes. Due to that I now have no proper work record. I dread work but I probably should be getting a job now.
  30. 1 point
    My empire of dirt

    What Are You Eating?

    Nothing at the moment.
  31. 1 point
    GSpolar

    Understanding Depression

    Sleep is king. Do everything you can to promote good sleep first, then you can see clearly which problems truly remain. Insomnia is the great amplifier. Depression is a slowness, not necessarily a sadness. As though storing up a great amount of energy for great change :)
  32. 1 point
    Lady Mozzer

    What Are You Eating?

    Coffee
  33. 1 point
    feeling_lost

    What Are You Eating?

    I want ice cream! Haven't had any in a while. I ate oatmeal porridge, some cottage cheese, half of avocado.. And a cup of coffee for breakfast a bit earlier.
  34. 1 point
    My empire of dirt

    What Are You Eating?

    Bowl of ice cream it sucks.
  35. 1 point
    Deadpool - The online reviews were great so I decided that it was a movie worth seeing. It was definitely not a generic marvel movie script and I would recommend watching it for a good laugh.
  36. 1 point
    SoulSurvivor

    What Are You Eating?

    oatmeal and decaf columbian coffee….
  37. 1 point
    Camellia

    Hug The Person Above You Thread

    I'm sorry. I can feel yr pain through yr song.. ((((((((((((((MyEmpire)))))))))))))
  38. 1 point
    Camellia

    Hug The Person Above You Thread

    Sorry, I used wrong command. The messages are hidden. Idk how to get rid of the command. I'm thanking and hugging everyone in here.
  39. 1 point
    Lady Mozzer

    What Are You Eating?

    Soup and salad and my usual diet coke.
  40. 1 point
    I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured and you have endured a lot. I know what you mean about the crying. I cry all the time because of the depression I am in. Two of my sisters have become overwhelmed or whatever with me and act annoyed a lot. One sister will not talk to me when I am crying. I get hurt more than I can say because I have had a long, painful depression. I have been in and out of the hospital the last few years and I cry all the time. I have found some people really understanding and some (doctors especially) very cold at times. Personally, I think it traumatizes me when this happens. As far as your doctor, I think only you know how you feel. I don't think you should have to worry about hiding your feelings, but that being said, no one is perfect. If you feel it was a good fit with one bad remark, you may want to give it a chance and see how it plays out. It could have just been one insensitive remark and you will end up with a great relationship. Whatever you decided, don't be ashamed of crying. You have gone through awful pain and personally I believe crying is a catharsis. You are very strong to have endured what you have and kept going. Take care. Hugs
  41. 1 point
    Knocks

    What Are You Eating?

    Chilled V8.
  42. 1 point
    Lack of meaning perhaps. When your hobbies become chores and you don't see a reason to do them. Or when you need job/school but you don't see a point in doing it, and the money not being a satisfactory reason. Basically just how everything seems so dark, negative, and hopeless. A second may be the fact that when bad things happen it hits hard, but when positive things happen it doesn't have much of a positive effect.
  43. 1 point
  44. 1 point
    Ianar

    The worst thing about depression is...?

    The hopelessness. Humans can endure a lot when there is guaranteed relief eventually. A luxury in many forms of suffering. When you're robbed of this knowing - as in depression - life becomes nigh impossible.
  45. 1 point
    Sorry this happened to you CloudsInMyChamomile! I feel as though I can understand what you're saying from the inside, at least somewhat, since I have had similar experiences with psychiatrists and psychologists. Its really really painful. I wish I knew what to say that would help. I'm also sorry you are abused. That is tragic beyond words! Sincerely, Epictetus.
  46. 1 point
    SpiralingMind

    What Are You Eating?

    I made a very healthy curried lentil stew for dinner. And now I'm contributing to global warming.
  47. 1 point
    Lady Mozzer

    What Are You Eating?

    A veggie burger,fries and a diet coke.
  48. 1 point
    SpiralingMind

    What Are You Eating?

    Trail mix from Farm&Fleet.
  49. 1 point
    Saliency

    I Hate "gay Culture"

    I don't particularly fit in anywhere. From what I can tell, I'm above average looking and have above average intelligence, but my interests and values seem to preclude me from being part of the gay community. I was introduced to a lot of gay people through my ex-boyfriend while we were dating. I felt like I was constantly excluded from conversations and there was always this pervasive sense of cunning Biotchiness in everything these gay men said and did. A lot of them were friends but had slept with each other. I find that psychologically unhealthy, and that belief was proven true when I found out that one of the guys in the group was self-harming because one of his "friends" who he was sleeping with didn't love him back. There is just so much drama in groups of gay men (from what I've experienced) and I hate the fact that no one gives a second thought to cheating. I don't care if people sleep around, but I find it very, very wrong to lie to your partner, tell them you only want to be with them, and then go and sleep with other people. That's how STIs spread. Giving someone HIV isn't exactly the best way of showing that you love them, but none of the gay men in this group really seemed to care about that. Having said that, I don't fit in particularly well with straight people either. I get along fine with straight people until someone starts talking about the cricket or footy scores. Then I feel like I've been thrown in the deep end and start to feel uncomfortable. I have no interest in sport really. I wouldn't mind watching it if someone made me, but I'm not going to be bothered looking up scores or players' names. So when someone brings up sport, I'm worried they'll think I'm "abnormal" because I can't convince them that I'm interested in it. Straight people don't seem to mind when I tell them I'm gay. They are generally fine with it and still include me in everything. But when it becomes apparent that we have different interests, things start to get awkward and I once again become an outsider. The other thing I hate about being in groups of straight people is that some "straight" people are actually closeted gays, and when I get mixed messages from a guy I'm never sure if he's trying to indicate that he's gay as well or if I've made a mistake. That's the one thing I like about being in a group of gay men. You won't be ex-communicated for mistakenly believing that someone likes you and acting on that belief. So what do I do about not fitting in anywhere? The gay community is just full of drama and old men preying on younger guys. It's gross and I find the whole culture to be unhealthy. I don't think it should have to be this way, but a lot of other gay people just accept it without question and passively contribute to the depravity of it all. Are there other gay people out there like me?
  50. 1 point
    Thank you Dolphin!
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