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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/01/2015 in all areas

  1. 11 points
    i have got to say... i feel great tonight!! i am full of energy i feel alive!! i am happy!!!!!!
  2. 8 points
  3. 7 points
    Stormy windy rainy day. My life seems very stormy right now. Complicated and confusing. Almost to that overwhelmed point we all dislike. I have a close friend in LA who has been very sick and is in the hospital. I wrote a poem about this in Creativity when Depressed thread as well. Haven't been able to reach him for a few days as he has been in ICU apparently in a coma which lasted a couple of days. Fortunately he can now breath on his own and feed himself. He has been moved out of ICU into an acute unit. He is diabetic, and has a lot of other medical issues. The newest is that his kidney has failed and he is now on dialysis. His sister who lives close to the hospital with her family, has been at the hospital every day. So I have been getting information concerning his condition from her I talked with him today, and he seemed so much better than before, but he is very depressed as any of us would be. He needs so much support, much more than I can give him. This is the fifth time this year he has been hospitalized for a month or more at a time. I am worried about him, and I know his sister is tired of dealing with this. The point is, every time this happens I feel so dragged down, and even more depressed. This sounds selfish but I have given, and given, and given to my friend and his family, but I feel if I don't step back some, I am going to go down with the ship. My therapist and Physicians agree. So, for my own health and mental well-being, I have been advised to take a step back. I need to create boundaries for myself as to how involved in this I should be. I guess that is all I can do. But then, why do I feel so guilty?
  4. 7 points
    thats awesome!! glad you had fun!!
  5. 7 points
    renee2

    The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

    I just got back from trick-or-treating with my grandkids. The community he lives in went all out. I swear it made me tired just looking at how much work they put into the decorations and tricks. The kids had a ton of fun, but got tired and sugared out by the end of the first hour. I dressed up as a very appropriate leopard. The kids thought it was great to see grandma with whiskers and a tail.
  6. 7 points
    Really down. Don't want to do anything, but the wife is insisting I don't just stay cooped up at home all day. She just doesn't understand.
  7. 6 points
    First the bad news: I've got a hangover. Now the good news: It's the last one I will ever have. You heard it here first, folks.
  8. 6 points
    feel slightl;y better. would feel even better if i stopped dropping weight (did i just say that). sad thing about my health anxiety..... when i dont lose im depressed, when i do lose i freak out .
  9. 6 points
    Terribly sad and lonely. Unwanted and unloved. Ugly and disgusting. Not sure if I want to live anymore.
  10. 6 points
    I'm distracting myself with old Star Trek re-runs. It's gloomy outside. I don't know what I feel. Grateful it's not a work day?
  11. 5 points
    Renee2, glad I could give you a laugh! I can relate to your rebellious spirit.. I am very similar and am highly resistant to responsibility! Dolphin, lol.. your tsk tsk gave me a chuckle.... I was in Grateful Dead moment, if you know/are familiar with that culture. And good for you with your newfound attitude! You go to it! :) Brian, that's cool about your cover band scene there. I hope you get out to see a show sometimes since you're a fan. About your son, I agree with Dolphin's thoughts... he'll have to get motivated at some point to support himself, if he is not financially supported otherwise. Don't put all the responsibility on your shoulders...sounds like you're doing a great job being as supportive as you can, & he has to come to the realization himself too that life isn't just handed to a person.. I think we learn that as we become more responsible adults. Ahem.. I say that in contradiction to the above that I myself hate responsibility, lol. Raven, hope these attacks ease up for you.. you're not a bad person for taking care of yourself when you need to. As for me, I just had the greatest moment of peace come over me that I haven't felt in a very, very long time. I took a leisurely walk to the pharmacy, window shopping and walking along the street aligned with quaint shops and decorative homes with Halloween pumpkins, with the changing leaves falling and the smell of Fall in the air, on a gray blanketed sky day. I sat in a graveyard on a bench for a little break and enjoyed the peace of the gravestones and walkways... I find great peace visiting graveyards... I bought a lovely Thai spiced scented candle that I am now burning, which also brings me a sense of peace & contented solitude. I know this moment won't last, but I will cherish it right now. :yinyang:
  12. 5 points
    renee2

    The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

    I so did not want to be responsible today. I think I have a rebellious spirit. I just don't want to do what needs to be done sometimes. I'm also secretly enjoying the fact that after a lifetime of having to consider other people I don't have to do that anymore. The bad news is I feel so anxious when there's a million chores to be done and I don't have healthy food in the house. So, I took out the garbage, did the laundry, paid a bill, went to the grocery, and had a healthy meal of turkey and salad. I now have what I need for healthy lunches at work, which keeps me from ordering out with my coworkers. I've sort of developed a dislike for paying too much money for food that isn't good for me and makes me feel tired and fat. I guess this is a good thing. I need to go get my scrubs out of the dryer and nap before work. I hope you all share some love today. Oh, whoever it was, hh, I think, that felt like dropping acid yesterday made me laugh. I had similar thoughts yesterday, but think it had a lot to do with the Halloween spirit. Ha.
  13. 5 points
  14. 5 points
    that goes for everyone here! if anyone here needs to talk privately to someone... i am here and i will listen to you
  15. 5 points
    I feel like a Mack truck hit me. I've had a cold this week and have had an emotional up and down week. Yesterday was a better day despite a situation last night that needs my attention and I'm not sure how to deal with it. Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say Hi. I don't have much to give these days, so my apologies for my absence. Be kind to yourself.
  16. 5 points
    I've been feeling kind of bad for the last couple of hours or so, even though I've been doing well today otherwise. I can't even tell what's making me feel bad, so I'm not sure how to deal with it. I can't tell if it's worry, or about what. Sadness is threatening, but I'm trying to keep that at bay because it can really suck me down into a vortex if I let it. I was trying to deal with several things at once, trying to decide what to do when I kind of have a lot on my plate. This happens sometimes when I try to do too much at once. I just wish I could tell what caused this. I was worried that I didn't do enough to take care of myself when I was around a smoker earlier (I'm really sensitive to it, and feared it may have set me back). Now I feel worse about myself because I have a lump in my breast and I'm trying to get it checked out to see if it's cancerous (still waiting on the insurance). So, I'm trying not to freak or to make myself feel worse because stress can't help, but I'm worried the lump is bigger. I'm almost positive that's impossible in a few hours' time, so I must be imagining it. If anything, it's been smaller since I started exercising and eating better. I'm trying to be patient with myself and take good care of myself now. And I honestly didn't even think of the connection for some reason when I was there with the smoker. I didn't leave because I thought I needed to be there, and also because I didn't want to seem rude. But I'm resolved to take better care of myself next time. It seems to be coming out of nowhere, but I'm tempted to give up - or not give up, but to stop trying. Not out of despair so much as tiredness, or some kind of timidity. But I'm remembering all the good things that happened. And something I realized: nothing can change who I am. And I've seen, in thirty nightmarish years, that out of everything, every time, the truth of who I am always rose up again and let me rise above what happened to move on to the next thing. I truly believe I can heal from this, too. I believe I have a good life ahead of me, something good to look forward to. I haven't achieved what I want most, and I believe I can and will.
  17. 5 points
    You care about your friend, so of course guilt feelings come. You know, though that he needs more than you can give him. I've been in that situation and it helped me to envision my friend in the care of a loving higher power. There was nothing I could do even though I did not like his living situation, or who was caring for him. I'm not a good caregiver to myself--if I were to run off to take care of someone else, I doubt I could jump in and take care of someone else. But that's my stuff. Please be gentle with yourself, highanxiety. You are a good friend.
  18. 5 points
    i know all to well about migraines... i am sooo sorry you have one!! i hope it goes away soon!!!!!!
  19. 5 points
    I'm sorry you're feeling this way again, Kaniro. I dislike it when this happens to me, too. The most upsetting part for me is that there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it. It just comes sometimes. I think I get fearful, when it happens, that this will be the time it sticks with me for the rest of my life. That hasn't happened yet, but I fear it. Hugs to you
  20. 5 points
    I'm bored.... I wanted a relaxing day and I am relaxing, but I'm bored. Wish I had something fun to do tonight, on Halloween night, but I don't... maybe I'll figure out a plan and get out.
  21. 5 points
    I've somehow gotten back in my taking forever to wake up, drowsy forever cycle. How did this even happen.
  22. 5 points
    It's so cool that you brought this up. I was just wondering the same thing about myself, but I am not as aware of why I sometimes feel better after hearing someone else proclaim their misery. I want people to be happy, so why does this happen? It's almost like I get an adrenaline rush when someone at work has some sort of problem going on where they may face consequences. I hate admitting that, but it seems to be true. Does anyone else have any insight as to why this may happen? Maybe it just distracts me from myself? It's almost as if I get some gratitude for being in my situation when others have it worse. I don't know. I'm just now trying to figure this one out. I know this feeling exactly. I certainly don't like that someone feels bad enough that they hate everything. I know that feeling. I usually feel like that. But there's this strange attractiveness about hearing someone say it. Like most other people would really look down on thoughts like that and think less of me for feeling that way, but here's this person that gets it and feels the same way. We have this strange understanding or connection that I would never have with most other people. That gives me a really good feeling. I feel very close to that person. I swear I actually develop a crush (depending on who says it) - it's that strong. I get that "rush" you mentioned. I can't explain it. I've been feeling this way a lot lately regarding a lot of other things lately that people have said online that I won't really go into, but hearing that someone feels the same way about something that is normally frowned upon creates a powerful emotion. It's definitely weird. For me, there's also something very refreshing about people who don't pretend everything is ok all of the time. There's an honestly to it that helps me. I find it hard to believe and or trust the person who seems to always be up on their game, ya know? Life just doesn't work like that, or at least if it does I'm not aware of it. Ha. Makes perfect sense to me.
  23. 5 points
    I reached out to someone a few days ago, and he seemed to be subtly nasty even while taking my offer of help. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not to react frightfully, since I'm afraid of isolation. But the day before yesterday, when I told him I was having some problems and won't be able to do something I'd hoped, he threw in a bunch of insults and accusations. It was all veiled, a snide, underhanded kind of approach drenched in general bitterness and cynicism, but I've sensed from the first that this person is really selfish and not interested in me or grateful at all. No expression of thanks, gratitude, concern, or interest in me. Nada. I was second-guessing myself, but from writing this out, I can see that this is not someone I need in my life. I'm just so...not angry, at least passionately, but... How dare he treat my kindness with cruelty? I don't owe him anything. I reached out because I felt for someone who was hurting, and all I got in return was self-absorbed disinterest and underhanded insults? No, thank you. I don't have time or need of that. I'm still afraid of isolation, but I certainly don't want to be connected to people like this. I'll take it as a learning experience, to be more careful of people from now on. I tend to have very good instincts about people, and they've seldom proven wrong. The only thing is, I've been so desperate for most of my life that I haven't listened to them, at least not until I got undeniable, painful confirmation. I was basically taught not to trust myself, as if I don't have a right to protect myself - or that everyone else's "right" to get the benefit of the doubt trumped my own rights to take care of myself, to be safe, and to be healthy and happy. I don't want to live like that anymore. This issue got buried under all the more urgent things that I've been dealing with lately, but it was still bothering me. It really helps to get it out.
  24. 5 points
    Hi Dolphin, very sorry you're having a hard time I can see how you might think it's history repeating itself and the universe sending a message, but maybe stick out the course since you decided to take it and it may benefit you in the long run, despite what happens in the group? It only speaks to those who dropped out.. it's not a reflection on you. Even if it's a little advanced, that may be a good thing.. you can pick up more than you may think. I think it's exciting this endeavor of yours, writing for a living! I don't know.. I've quit a lot of things myself when they haven't felt right that I have tried in my career... a new course, a new direction, and I typically regret it when I do unless I know for certain that it just wasn't the right fit for me or the direction I wanted to go in.. but maybe since this is the field you want & are interested in learning about... maybe stick it out and then decide whether it was worthwhile or not? You'll only know if you try.. just my two cents! And go easy on yourself about your mental state and lifestyle.. we can't expect perfection.. it's too high of an expectation of ourselves. :icon12: and
  25. 5 points
    It's so cool that you brought this up. I was just wondering the same thing about myself, but I am not as aware of why I sometimes feel better after hearing someone else proclaim their misery. I want people to be happy, so why does this happen? It's almost like I get an adrenaline rush when someone at work has some sort of problem going on where they may face consequences. I hate admitting that, but it seems to be true. Does anyone else have any insight as to why this may happen? Maybe it just distracts me from myself? It's almost as if I get some gratitude for being in my situation when others have it worse. I don't know. I'm just now trying to figure this one out. Hi Shawn and Renee. I too struggle with this. I want everyone to be fulfilled. But, we, as humans, are social creatures. And as depressives and people in constant battle with our own minds, it is a great comfort to know that we are not alone. It is that simple. We are trying to find a group in which finally fit. For myself, I get my most pleasure (boy this is sad to say) from the tormented tales of the deceased. Especially artists: Sylvia Plath, David Foster Wallace, Van Gogh, and on and on. They did great things and hated themselves all the way. I find that comforting, to know that I am not alone (although I haven't done great things LOL). I chalk it all up to my need to feel akin with people. I have been surrounded for 51 years with people (family and friends) who can not understand my pain. That is a very lonesome place to be for such a long time! That is why I love this site. There are people here - GOOD, LOVING people - who, no matter what, UNDERSTAND! Let's put it another way. Thought experiment: imagine if, when you are feeling the lowest you have ever felt, you found out that no one existing and no one in history had ever felt like you do. Would that not be the most crushing proof of your loneliness, of your solitary standing as the most dysfunctional person ever to live on this earth? Would you not be, then, the most inhuman, lonely, and worthless person who ever lived? Unfortunately for us, the pain of others gives us the comfort of knowing that we are not alone. And their successes give us hope that we can also succeed. We should not feel guilty about this. It is built into us as humans. We are the most social and deepest thinking of all the animals in an entire universe (that we know of). We need to feel that at least SOMEONE understands our pain! All that said: Let's all get better, OK! Bri Beautifully articulated, Brian!!
  26. 4 points
    Having a bad panic attack today, still don't have the 20 or 30 bucks i need to go to the doctor to get a rescue med so have been borrowing my moms Vistaril when I really can't handle the attacks, I hope that doesn't give the impression I am a bad person
  27. 4 points
    Brian, I don't know if your son is out of the house yet, or in school still, but when he's out and needs to support himself, that's when he'll start getting motivated. Especially if you say, "I can't support you financially." Or something like that. I was was unmotivated and when I was 18. And it wasn't until I was at the end of my rope with my mom that I made the decision to move--and worked at crappy jobs to make it happen. In my case, my grandfather offered me a job in his factory--it was a crappy, boring job and I got no special treatment. But I could pay my share of the rent (a crappy room in a railroad flat) and buy groceries...and not have my mom nagging at me. So it's good that you can get angry with your son. It means you care about him.
  28. 4 points
    ummm...I just discovered something... I was reading an old journal of mine from 5 1/2 years ago, from when I was on performance plans at work and just miserable and wanting to leave. In my journal, I wrote that I discovered my husband's salary, from a contract with his employer. More than decent wages. When I looked at the sum just now, I thought, why am I busting my b**t and feeling so ******-guilty for not making any money at the moment?! I know what we have in savings, and retirement funds (managed conservatively for the most part) and I know things can change in a moment, but what is the point of worrying NOW and feeling guilty? ARRRRRRGGGGH!!!! Got that out of my system. I'm going to take a shower and when I do write and make it my business, it's for me and my reasons. Not his.
  29. 4 points
    please dont leave the forums... we are here for you! message me if you want to talk privately i should be online all day! It's not this place. I don't know anyone here other than a rare reply. I started using another one, where I'm completely invisible most of the time, as usual. But every few weeks or so someone will strike up a conversation, and within 24 hours we've had some ridiculous argument or falling out, and I've actually been blocked by one person without even knowing why. I'm that bad at talking to people. I appreciate everything you have said to me. I know it is not easy to hold a conversation, I have problems with that to.
  30. 4 points
    please dont leave the forums... we are here for you! message me if you want to talk privately i should be online all day! It's not this place. I don't know anyone here other than a rare reply. I started using another one, where I'm completely invisible most of the time, as usual. But every few weeks or so someone will strike up a conversation, and within 24 hours we've had some ridiculous argument or falling out, and I've actually been blocked by one person without even knowing why. I'm that bad at talking to people.
  31. 4 points
    sings "There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best For my talents are renowned far and wide When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night I excel without ever even trying With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms I have seen grown men give out a shriek With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan I have swept the very bravest off their feet" i am happy im watching nightmare before christmas ^_______^
  32. 4 points
    Brian, a fellow Deadhead! Hooray!! :) Wish they came to your country too!! Since you like them, here's a Dead cover band called Dark Star Orchestra. They do complete covers of specific Dead shows, so when you go to a concert, you never know which show they'll cover. They have a Bobby look alike, lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmbIcefBwi0 Throwing Stones is one of my favorite songs.. last night I heard of cover of Scarlet > Fire by a band I saw.. So excited to have a kindred spirit on here! :) Good luck on your date tonight!
  33. 4 points
    I've had a few things go wrong lately... things that I could take care of by computer or phone if I didn't let this freeze me up ...If I can find someone to sit with me it helps;;; anyone else have this combination of compulsive procrastination/reclusiveness... maybe expressing it here will help me get started?
  34. 4 points
    I give up. Tired of trying. I feel like following bands around and taking a bunch of acid and saying screw it to just about everything right now.
  35. 4 points
    Oh Tami83. Big hugs to you!!!. I hope tomorrow is better for you. I think it will be. Please call the hotline if you need it. We need you around on here!!! Brian
  36. 4 points
    Down and blah. I don't know... maybe when I was not taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds I was more active. I was 3/4 crazy.. but now not much thrills me. Feeling kind of left out, probably because I just don't have much emotion. I really do not want to go back to where I was, an addicted, depressed, suicidal mess. But I do not want to be this zomboid either.
  37. 4 points
    Don't give up frozen. I'm sorry that you are feeling down right now. I had a rough day today too. I can relate to the lump on your breast and the stress it causes. I had a cyst about a year ago and had to go to get it checked out. My doctor sent me to get a mammogram but since I was only 28 at the time, they did an ultrasound instead, and it turned out that the cyst went away on its own and everything was okay. I hope that will be the case for you as well. Especially at such a young age, benign cysts can come and go. Fingers crossed for you. Sometimes when dealing with a lot at once it helps me to step back and take some deep breaths and do something relaxing for myself for a little while each day. We just take it one day at a time!
  38. 4 points
    Hey, thanks havehope! It can be a self-paced course, but the instructor wanted to have it be time-dependent. Still. I paid for it and I have access to the materials. I think I may write to the instructor before we're scheduled to talk and see what he recommends. I woke up with a migraine. I kept it together to eat and take my meds AND ibuprofen. I promised my son I'd take him somewhere, so I made it through our little outing and when I got home, I felt so terrible, I got into bed. I sometimes get chills when I get a migraine and I had them bad. My cat came and slept on the bed with me. I still have a hovering pain over my left temple, but I was able to eat some chicken and rice. I'm not watching the game on TV, I'm listening on the radio--while we had trick-or-treaters. No one's out now. just sitting in the restful dark.
  39. 4 points
  40. 4 points
    I feel..... kind of sorrowful and pensive. Reflecting on my life a bit and my relationships... it's been that kind of a week -- & very up and down. I had a nice night out with a girlfriend of mine whose friendship I had been worried about.. we've had some ups and downs, but things have improved immensely and she wants to make all sorts of plans which made me happy.
  41. 3 points
    I guess I am one of those people who doesn't post much. Been difficult to feel like doing anything most days. Life has become a chore for me. Same thoughts everyday just tire me out and I get caught in the loop.
  42. 3 points
    Raven, I hope you are managing all right, I know about those panic attacks, they are truly hellish - I've been woken from a deep sleep by them before; take care and be kind to yourself - you are not a bad person at all.
  43. 3 points
    Disappointed yet again. Why do I keep putting myself in the position to be let down? I should know better.
  44. 3 points
    nodding... I always have this feeling... hope things go well for you
  45. 3 points
    I wish that band would come to Canada. Jealous, here, hh. I'm a huge Deadhead. :) Good luck this week with your boss. I have a busy week of events, which should help me get through!! Sorry you R feeling this way, Shamy! Welcome. Please use us for support! As for me, OK today, I guess. Doing stuff with my kids today and then a date tonight. Cheers Brian
  46. 3 points
    You seem pretty cool. I wish I could say some generic positive thing to say but that's not really my thing, because I feel the same way pretty much all day. I got kinda flirted with online today. That never happens. It was a rush. Felt really good, even though it was really nothing and I won't hear from that person again. It was just three messages or so. I'm not sure if it was worth it, in hindsight, because I feel like it's just going to make me more depressed and lonely since it was just a one time silly thing. I'm already feeling that way. It's just a bigger deal to me than it should be. I'm pathetic.
  47. 3 points
    my dearest tami.. you are loved... by everyone here!! you are a beautiful person!!! and your not alone.... you have your DF family!! we are all here for you!! we know that each of us is going thru some type of pain and that we need each other... Hey Tami, don't make it bad Take a sad song and make it better Remember to let us into your heart Then you can start to make it better Hey Tami, don't be afraid You were made to go out and find us The minute you let us under your skin Then you begin to make it better And anytime you feel the pain, hey tami, refrain Don't carry the world upon your shoulders For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool By making her world a little colder Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Hey tami, don't let us down You have found us, now talk to us Remember to let us into your heart Then you can start to make it better So let it out and let it in, hey Tami, begin You're waiting for someone to perform with And don't you know that it's just you, hey tami, you'll do The movement you need is on your shoulder Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah Hey Tami, don't make it bad Take a sad song and make it better Remember to let her under your skin Then you'll begin to make it Better better better better better better, oh
  48. 3 points
    Haven't really been feeling myself lately...
  49. 3 points
    sairyss

    Creativity When Depressed?

    That Connection... i miss that connection we once had the dreams we shared the feeling you cared to wake next to you was heavenly bliss the connection we had the connection i miss i miss seeing you when you first woke you wanted me there when you first spoke i loved you with all my heart you never loved me from the start
  50. 3 points
    Been stressed out and shaky a lot. Dont know if it is my thyroid or what. But I did get a call from the senior vp of HP computers and was finally helped with my computer problems. Hallelujia! I was on the phone with him for 2 hours!!
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