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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/24/2015 in Posts

  1. 6 points
    I can drink a vast quantity and function reasonably well the next day. But I must have overdone it last night because my sorry @ss is dragging. I'm also a "functional" drunk. People don't even know I'm drunk--I don't stumble around, my speech doesn't slur...I'd call it a curse, actually.
  2. 6 points
    I call them falsehope pills... false hope is the only benefit they gave me...But they can make happy some of us..perhaps. Oh no happy... better said 'depression free' ...'cause happiness can't be a product of the pill. It would be so easy...
  3. 5 points
    I drank a happiness drug last night and I'm really paying for it today. Gawd, what a hangover. Addictions really SUCK.
  4. 5 points
    Tired, but feeling pretty good right now. My annoying co-manager and my #1 competition if we do wind up getting the assistant manager position in our store is stepping down from being manager. I am so happy about this I could cry. My stress at work is going to go down even though I'll probably be working a bit more until we get a replacement for her.
  5. 4 points
    It's because your body got used to it, man!! Well, you know it anyway..:) I feel unfunctional when I'm sober... I want to be you:))
  6. 4 points
    I visited a friend for a few minutes. I washed some dishes and put away some clean clothes. I did some sewing. All in all, not a bad day.
  7. 4 points
    trying to recover from an anxiety attack... its been a month since i have been back in town and have only left the house once to hang out with a friend... i tried to do it again... and it felt like the walls where closing in and i couldnt breathe.... i know i need to get over this anti social bit of depression but it is soo hard right now!!
  8. 4 points
    Pleas don't. If you feel this way, please call a crisis line asap. (((hugs))) awwwwwwwww I wouldn't actually do that I'm too unsidedown responsible with my meds but ty for the caring =)
  9. 4 points
    For you it was a mistake, but also a lesson learned that you can apply in the future! He died so future grasshoppers might live. Your effort was noble, Epictetus!
  10. 4 points
    I learned from a mistake. I thought I could save the life of a grasshopper by bringing him inside out of the cold. I placed him in a container with ventilation, food and water, including some organic grasses. Today I saw that he had passed away. I didn't have a clue why this happened until I realized that I had not made the air holes large enough to circulate the air. The grasses had decomposed in the container giving off strong gases which I think [?] were too concentrated for the grasshopper to breathe. And so he died because of my ignoranct kindness that turned out to be cruel. Perhaps he would have better survived the cold than my kindness. I hope to never repeat that mistake again. For me if was a mistake. For the poor grasshopper, a death sentence!
  11. 3 points

    Malicious Online Trolls

    Remember that these people should have no impact on you. They are not part of your life, they're just some random animals out there in the world somewhere whose opinion of you really doesn't matter. I'm sorry you are sufferng and I hope your situation improves. You're better than them.
  12. 3 points
    I always do this when someone says something disaproving towards me. I posted a post on reddit, the guy basically said I was stupid (in a nicer way). Yet this makes me feel worthless. There is a pit that just grew inside me and it is growing now because some random guy said something disaproving. Everytime I fail or mess up I get this growing pit. If I make someone feel bad by accident I start to cry and usually start saying how I want to just "****ing die" softly to myself (but out loud, not in my head). I can get from content (don't really get happy) to wanting to just be rid of myself in seconds. I seriously don't like most things about myself. I always will think I'm a loser, and even say it under my breath just throughout the day. I could write a novel talking about all the ways I suck, but I could only write 1 or 2 pages describing good qualities. I was just raised to hate myself due to school, bullying, adults disaproving of me, me comparing myself to everyone. I can't even stand to look in the mirror, I just want to punch the reflection until it dies.
  13. 3 points
    Read some information on a spiritual website and realised that being on a spiritual journey doesn't have to involve my suffering and if it does then I'm doing something wrong.
  14. 3 points
    Oh, JD, I know addiction is not something to smile at but you wrote it in such a funny way:))))) I think I cannot get addicted cause my hangovers are like flu...don't allow anything to do for at least two days...except take benzos and water.
  15. 3 points

    Good Vs. Evil

    I don't actually believe in evil partly because Im not religious and I dont think that we need "evil". I suppose I believe in evil acts though. I work a lot on radiccal acceptance as it has helped me a lot so I try not to spend too much thinking about the why of all the awfulness in the world. It is a horrible reality and I spend my time rather focusing on trying not to add to it and adding to the lessening of it when and if I can. Agonising about the awfulness and cruelty in the world has been a big thing for me and makes my life harder so I try not to go there too much and am sometimes successful these days.
  16. 3 points
    Hugs to all :O we better don't forget to take our anti-happiness pills to be more unhappy...pill companies want us to take them for the rest of our lives so they can make fortune out of us...maybe to sell more and more they modify the med to give that unhappiness feeling so we could buy more of them forever.
  17. 3 points

    Craving Affection

    I would absolutely talk to your doctor or therapist about it. I think sometimes when we are so starved for attention, the right kind of attention, that we will seek out anything and anyone who will show us any affection at all. It never really fills the hole inside but we for some reason keep trying the same behavior hoping it will work this time. At least that is how I am. We all act out in our own ways, good or bad, so try to now beat yourself up over it, the important thing is that you are recognizing you have an issue you need help with and are willing to search help out.
  18. 3 points
    I am utterly tired of depression it seems like a fight that I'll never win
  19. 3 points
    You want to know what is worse than being depressed and in pain? Absorbing it all from everyone around you. It can take me days, sometimes weeks of isolated intropsection to sort out all the garbage I pick up on a daily basis from what I myself am feeling at any given time. It isn't uncommon for me to wake up late at night hurting inside and I find myself crying. After focusing my mind I realize that it isn't me that is the one hurting. So there you have it; that is how I feel. I feel how everyone else is feeling.
  20. 3 points
    Hello. :) I'm so sorry you're struggling with this right now. It's such a hard place to be in. I'm glad you reached out here and I hope you'll find the help you need. All I can say is based on my own experience. And that includes feeling unworthy of love. So in my relationship, I'll often feel like I should end it just to save him the pain and suffering of dealing with me. Which is of course a cognitive distortion from depression/PTSD/whatever. You really didn't give any reasons in your narrative for why you would WANT to end it with this girl. You said several that indicated you wanted to be with her. So my guess is that it IS the depression distorting your mind. And that's what your therapist has said, also, correct? I'd say stay away from final decisions right now. It sounds like you can tell when you're "in your right mind" so to speak, and when you're not. So until you're feeling better, try not to make any decisions that will permanently affect your life. Give yourself a break and just heal for a while. Even if that means telling your girlfriend you need a break or something. As long as it's not final. Does that make sense? I hope this helps you. Keep hanging in there. I know it seems like it won't get better but it will. You're on a good path! Best of luck to you.
  21. 3 points

    Another "down" Day

    Thanks, I really wish I could disappear for a weekend, but he's not that much better. He can barely dress himself and takes care of his most basic needs (tg!). I have no vacation til next year because of flying out to take care of him in the hospital before he moved here. And actually moving him here. A life day though... Maybe I can steal hubby away and wander one of the nicer malls for an evening. Rightnow , I need to find a funny movie that won't make me cry (like it takes work ).
  22. 3 points

    The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

    I had a good day apart from being a bit tired. In fact the last couple days haven't been that bad except for fatigue. I've actually had some motivation, so I've been researching and planning something that I've been wanting to do for some time now, make and sell jewelry. Now I just need to save up some money for the equipment and supplies I don't already have. I've got some books and things I think might sell on ebay to make a few dollars. In the mean time I have supplies to make a few pieces.
  23. 3 points
    Just another moment realizing that if my depressive feelings alter my apperence or behaviors, that a lot of people will see this as an oppurtunity to use me to their advantage or to step on me. This is just another reason why I feel the need to hide how I feel when I'm down and out. Not just to perform to protect my paycheck at work, but to protect my dignity as well. Some people pray of the vulnerable because they know exactly how vulnerable some people are.
  24. 3 points
    I feel like a failure because I can't get what I want..
  25. 3 points

    Coping With Poor Self Image

    Well, I'm "plain-looking", to be charitable. And I've got a few other physical issues/disabilities going on, most of which I can and am trying to work on. OK. Let's say, for the sake of argument that we're all ugly. I'll bet together we can name many "ugly" people that have been great successes. Lyle Lovett, Danny DeVito... heck, Einstein wasn't a prize, but seems to have been a ladies' man. Look at some of your country's politicians! What else is up with you? Why do you let physical appearance - your opinion of which is probably distorted due to depression anyway - define you? How's your brain? How's your hygiene? How's your level of fitness? Can you get around and do the things you want and need to do? How's your personality - friendliness, helpfulness, etc? Do you have interests and/or hobbies? What are you PASSIONATE about? What about education? There are SO MANY facets to you other than physical appearance. And a lot of people will look past that, anyway, to see what else you have to offer. It's hard, I know. I've lived this for decades. And it took me the longest time to figure out that if I displayed something - anything - that people wanted, they'd accept me. Besides, think about it. Think about an "average-looking" man or woman. 50% of everybody out there is uglier. Take care!
  26. 3 points
    I would rather have not been born. i really struggle with the physical plane and always feel like i should be in spirit form. i feel like I'm dead in everything but body.i find everyday life like tidying, washing etc so exhausting. I've felt like this for years. i find the physical plane so restricting. Having said that I'm still scared of dying.
  27. 3 points
    Managed to get some stuff done today.I guess I`m feeling okay right now.Night is when I start t feel the depression the most.When I lie down to go to bed all the things I`m worried about overwhelm my mind.I just get this really low feeliing and I can`t shake it.
  28. 3 points
    Depends on the day but I'm thinking 3-4 times a day on average. Some days I hurt so much I spend the entire day thinking about how nice it would be to not exist. On other days I just think about it wmfrom time to time or when something even vaguelly unpleasant happens that makes me think I'd rather die than deal with it.
  29. 3 points
    I'm so sorry that so many here are struggling with so many things - I don't know what to say except I'm sending best wishes for things to look up soon for everyone; *hugs* to you all -
  30. 3 points
    Hey everyone's it's been a while since I posted here. Sending hugs to everyone. I've been doing better, but at the same time I'm still struggling. Next month I turn 21 and that's all I look forward to really as of recently. I've been going out more often but I can't exactly say if it's helping or not. I have crying spells throughout the week and it seems so normal to me now...
  31. 2 points

    Craving Affection

    I have a serious problem. I don't know where to start. I've been in a relationship for almost four years. We have recently moved away from each other. We don't see each other often. Our relationship used to be strong but it has been slowly falling apart over the last six months (we have only lived apart for 2 months). I don't know how much I love him anymore, or maybe better phrasing would be whether I am still "IN" love with him. He is an amazing man, but I feel so detached. I have been cheating on him with another man. We recently had sex but I didn't feel anything, emotionally or physically. So once again I was left feeling empty and unsatisfied. To fill the void I have been going on online chatrooms and meeting men over the internet (but not in person). I have internet sex with them, but am still left feeling empty. I talk to lots of men who see a possibility for future dating, but I feel like being with them is all a fantasy. Sometimes I think these wonderful (there are also a lot of jerks) men deserve better than me, that I could never date them. So I talk to them as if I plan to meet them one day and have relationships with them. The fantasy makes me feel certain things, maybe a piece of hope. Though the hope fades as soon as our conversations end and I am left feeling numb and upset. I am very insecure, that I am aware of. But I feel like I am never going to find someone who loves me the way I want to be loved and for me to love them as deeply in return. I feel so ugly, my nose is huge and my chin is huge and I am not in shape. I feel like these days image is what gets you a good guy. Maybe that's a backwards way of thinking, but it is hard not to think that way. The beautiful, intelligent, charming men are all unattainable because they want beautiful women in return. I wish I was beautiful. I feel like a reason I go on these video chatrooms is to feel like people think I'm beautiful, even if they don't actually see all my flaws first hand. I feel like I am able to wear a mask and hide the ugliness. They only see a piece of me and I feel like I can continue hiding the ugly parts of me. For a little while, I feel wanted. I don't want to be the girl who does this. But I don't feel loved. I feel so empty. Not sure where I was going with this. It's an awful feeling. How do I fix myself? Do I need to go back into therapy? Why am I so sexually promiscious? I don't seem to have any self-control when it comes to sex.
  32. 2 points

    Malicious Online Trolls

    Thanks. I think I'm doing better now, at least in terms of this episode with the troll. I'm still rather fragile, of course, in terms of the wider problem she inflamed. I'm trying to follow the advice of the members of DF here and take care of myself. This is kind of hard, because I've had it ingrained in me to be quite hard on myself. Which makes it almost unbearable sometimes when others are too hard on me, strange as it may seem. But it is helping as far as I'm managing so far. I did report the troll before I left, and I will be avoiding that forum for as long as necessary, though. The last thing I need now is more triggers. I've thought of calling a hotline. But I'm so scared of doing so. Would records be kept? And I don't know what to expect or to say. My problems feel like elephants trapped in a house with only human-sized doors. I've no clue how I would ever get them out.
  33. 2 points
    But then you would be old and bald and ugly! Maybe that's another reason I drink...
  34. 2 points
    I'm so sorry your mother never allowed you to follow your singing dreams. Singing can be really therapeutic and great for raising self-esteem. Maybe you could join a choir now? When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to be a West End/Broadway star (I still do to be honest). I've been told I have a really good voice but a few setbacks caused me to lose confidence and I haven't sang in public for 4 years. It's something I really miss... perhaps it's time for me to be brave and try again.
  35. 2 points
    At least you found several positions!! And it's only 10AM, good for you! Your determination and stamina on this job search has been incredible... kudos to you for keeping at it so strong, even though it ain't easy. Thank you, hh. I don't think I could do it without the incredible support and suggestions from friends. It really does make a difference when you aren't seeing any results as quickly as one would think they would especialy while dealing with anxiety and depression. So, thank you to all who have supported me through this. You are the best.
  36. 2 points
    You aren't alone. I absorb others emotions as well and it's taken me a long while to even realize this. I am better about it than I used to be but sometimes it takes a lot to put up the boundaries. There's a difference between showing compassion and being empathetic and taking on others emotions, pain and problems. Are you working on ways to help yourself?
  37. 2 points
    I just went through my Facebook timeline.... not a good idea. :verysad3: It made me miss my travels and adventures across country and feel nostalgic for those days. Although friends of mine keep pointing out how difficult a time I had while in California, which is true. But I still loved it. I loved the weather, I loved the flowers, I loved the culture and the majestic beauty. Sigh. What am I ever going to do? A part of me is giving up on even trying to make this decision and am just going with the flow. Or rather, I think I'm burying my head in the sand and am ignoring this looming huge issue. Hi desperados, Just wondering if a different anti depressant would help you, or a higher dosage? If you're thinking ECT or magnetic therapy, I'm guessing you've already tried... I think some meds do kind of numb the emotions? Could that be true?
  38. 2 points
    I too have been in that similar situation and reading what has been said above is very correct, but I'd like to add 1 thing I used to help myself and it works most of the time I find for me anyways...and yes it may feel silly at first. ;) Write...write down your thought at that time and try to put it out of your mind. (hardest part) Answer then if you can, but I tend to wait about 12 hours or the next day to make an answer for myself. Wait another 12 hours to a day and go back and read your question and answer(s). If they don't make much sense or if there is any doubt or uncertain feelings about what you wrote and answered then don't do it and start again with a new question or as i like to think of it...a new way of looking at the problem. And if you can take the notes into your therapy sessions with you...it may help give your doctor more insight to help you better. All my best to you my friend...stay strong and know there is always someone out there to help you :)
  39. 2 points

    Coping With Poor Self Image

    ratboy has some great comments here. Honestly, even if you start out in life looking great, aging takes it away anyhow, looks are so fleeting that I think it's a mistake to put so much emphasis on it. But that is how things have become, largely driven by the media, hollywood etc, everyone now is expected to be a supermodel. I'm glad that my generation didn't have "selfies" (I've never taken one, and when I was young, you would have been scorned and considered vain for taking photos of yourself, now it's all so "normal".) But as ratboy says, there is much more to ANYONE than their looks, and inner beauty is something much more valuable IMO. Sure, everyone would like to look hot for their entire lives, but even hollywood stars have to get work done to try to stay attractive as long as possible and have you seen how some of that turns out? that looks almost alien sometimes. your looks are just an outer shell, but it's not who you are.
  40. 2 points
    At least once. Often 6 days a week. I feel like I'm in everybody's way.
  41. 2 points
    I had a few carbs too. Today we went to this noodle/dumpling place for lunch--seriously. That's all they have on the menu! I got a pan roast, ate the meat and nibbled at the noodles (because I didn't want to seem weird not eating the noodles...which were good). I have to admit that I feel lucky with my current meds cocktail. There are things I'm happy about and I feel it. Or maybe that's why I've gotten into baseball so much...for the jolts of adrenaline and endorphins, so badly needed... In any event, for me, once we added Strattera and I got beyond the awful dry mouth, it's like night and day. Add a little caffeine every day and that helps even more. Also, coming here regularly is more help than ever! Now I have to talk myself into doing my laundry...bah!
  42. 2 points
    Oh thx brian :sheep: heh this is the life we are forced to live in...we want to be happy when we're trapped in stone houses and travelling in metal junkies and do the jobs that we don't like...humanity destroyed all the nature around them to call it modern life..life became a modern prison for suffering mentally.
  43. 2 points
    Went to the store, whew, cleaned both litter boxes, repotted plants, cleaned the toilet
  44. 2 points
    Meh... not too bad. Five on a ten scale today, maybe? Got some stuff to do, so will get out of the house.
  45. 2 points

    Random Thoughts

    I wish my brain would tell me what it wants
  46. 2 points
    Wondering how its going to "feel" living in a shelter? At least I wont be alone there.
  47. 2 points
    Built a PC... Have always wanted to so I got together some parts and put one together. Haven't had a Windows machine in a long time since in a studio we mostly use Macs. The PC is white and goes together with everything else in the room.
  48. 2 points
    Today I ~Cleaned my bedroom ~Folded and put away laundry
  49. 2 points
    Came to DF,and feel protected and safe with you hanging all around,bought my new med lamictal with a feeling of new hope in the horizon.
  50. 2 points
    I got 3 packages ready to be mailed and went to the post office. That was stressful but I made it out of there without blowing up. Then I cut my hair and did a terrible job, but it will grow out soon enough then I will like it.
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