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  1. 6 points
    I can drink a vast quantity and function reasonably well the next day. But I must have overdone it last night because my sorry @ss is dragging. I'm also a "functional" drunk. People don't even know I'm drunk--I don't stumble around, my speech doesn't slur...I'd call it a curse, actually.
  2. 6 points
    I call them falsehope pills... false hope is the only benefit they gave me...But they can make happy some of us..perhaps. Oh no happy... better said 'depression free' ...'cause happiness can't be a product of the pill. It would be so easy...
  3. 5 points
    I drank a happiness drug last night and I'm really paying for it today. Gawd, what a hangover. Addictions really SUCK.
  4. 5 points
    Tired, but feeling pretty good right now. My annoying co-manager and my #1 competition if we do wind up getting the assistant manager position in our store is stepping down from being manager. I am so happy about this I could cry. My stress at work is going to go down even though I'll probably be working a bit more until we get a replacement for her.
  5. 4 points
    It's because your body got used to it, man!! Well, you know it anyway..:) I feel unfunctional when I'm sober... I want to be you:))
  6. 4 points
    I visited a friend for a few minutes. I washed some dishes and put away some clean clothes. I did some sewing. All in all, not a bad day.
  7. 4 points
    trying to recover from an anxiety attack... its been a month since i have been back in town and have only left the house once to hang out with a friend... i tried to do it again... and it felt like the walls where closing in and i couldnt breathe.... i know i need to get over this anti social bit of depression but it is soo hard right now!!
  8. 4 points
    Pleas don't. If you feel this way, please call a crisis line asap. (((hugs))) awwwwwwwww I wouldn't actually do that I'm too unsidedown responsible with my meds but ty for the caring =)
  9. 4 points
    For you it was a mistake, but also a lesson learned that you can apply in the future! He died so future grasshoppers might live. Your effort was noble, Epictetus!
  10. 4 points
    I learned from a mistake. I thought I could save the life of a grasshopper by bringing him inside out of the cold. I placed him in a container with ventilation, food and water, including some organic grasses. Today I saw that he had passed away. I didn't have a clue why this happened until I realized that I had not made the air holes large enough to circulate the air. The grasses had decomposed in the container giving off strong gases which I think [?] were too concentrated for the grasshopper to breathe. And so he died because of my ignoranct kindness that turned out to be cruel. Perhaps he would have better survived the cold than my kindness. I hope to never repeat that mistake again. For me if was a mistake. For the poor grasshopper, a death sentence!
  11. 3 points
    verDominai

    Malicious Online Trolls

    Remember that these people should have no impact on you. They are not part of your life, they're just some random animals out there in the world somewhere whose opinion of you really doesn't matter. I'm sorry you are sufferng and I hope your situation improves. You're better than them.
  12. 3 points
    I always do this when someone says something disaproving towards me. I posted a post on reddit, the guy basically said I was stupid (in a nicer way). Yet this makes me feel worthless. There is a pit that just grew inside me and it is growing now because some random guy said something disaproving. Everytime I fail or mess up I get this growing pit. If I make someone feel bad by accident I start to cry and usually start saying how I want to just "****ing die" softly to myself (but out loud, not in my head). I can get from content (don't really get happy) to wanting to just be rid of myself in seconds. I seriously don't like most things about myself. I always will think I'm a loser, and even say it under my breath just throughout the day. I could write a novel talking about all the ways I suck, but I could only write 1 or 2 pages describing good qualities. I was just raised to hate myself due to school, bullying, adults disaproving of me, me comparing myself to everyone. I can't even stand to look in the mirror, I just want to punch the reflection until it dies.
  13. 3 points
    Read some information on a spiritual website and realised that being on a spiritual journey doesn't have to involve my suffering and if it does then I'm doing something wrong.
  14. 3 points
    Oh, JD, I know addiction is not something to smile at but you wrote it in such a funny way:))))) I think I cannot get addicted cause my hangovers are like flu...don't allow anything to do for at least two days...except take benzos and water.
  15. 3 points
    Fizzle

    Good Vs. Evil

    I don't actually believe in evil partly because Im not religious and I dont think that we need "evil". I suppose I believe in evil acts though. I work a lot on radiccal acceptance as it has helped me a lot so I try not to spend too much thinking about the why of all the awfulness in the world. It is a horrible reality and I spend my time rather focusing on trying not to add to it and adding to the lessening of it when and if I can. Agonising about the awfulness and cruelty in the world has been a big thing for me and makes my life harder so I try not to go there too much and am sometimes successful these days.
  16. 3 points
    Hugs to all :O we better don't forget to take our anti-happiness pills to be more unhappy...pill companies want us to take them for the rest of our lives so they can make fortune out of us...maybe to sell more and more they modify the med to give that unhappiness feeling so we could buy more of them forever.
  17. 3 points
    JaLee

    Craving Affection

    I would absolutely talk to your doctor or therapist about it. I think sometimes when we are so starved for attention, the right kind of attention, that we will seek out anything and anyone who will show us any affection at all. It never really fills the hole inside but we for some reason keep trying the same behavior hoping it will work this time. At least that is how I am. We all act out in our own ways, good or bad, so try to now beat yourself up over it, the important thing is that you are recognizing you have an issue you need help with and are willing to search help out.
  18. 3 points
    I am utterly tired of depression it seems like a fight that I'll never win
  19. 3 points
    You want to know what is worse than being depressed and in pain? Absorbing it all from everyone around you. It can take me days, sometimes weeks of isolated intropsection to sort out all the garbage I pick up on a daily basis from what I myself am feeling at any given time. It isn't uncommon for me to wake up late at night hurting inside and I find myself crying. After focusing my mind I realize that it isn't me that is the one hurting. So there you have it; that is how I feel. I feel how everyone else is feeling.
  20. 3 points
    Hello. :) I'm so sorry you're struggling with this right now. It's such a hard place to be in. I'm glad you reached out here and I hope you'll find the help you need. All I can say is based on my own experience. And that includes feeling unworthy of love. So in my relationship, I'll often feel like I should end it just to save him the pain and suffering of dealing with me. Which is of course a cognitive distortion from depression/PTSD/whatever. You really didn't give any reasons in your narrative for why you would WANT to end it with this girl. You said several that indicated you wanted to be with her. So my guess is that it IS the depression distorting your mind. And that's what your therapist has said, also, correct? I'd say stay away from final decisions right now. It sounds like you can tell when you're "in your right mind" so to speak, and when you're not. So until you're feeling better, try not to make any decisions that will permanently affect your life. Give yourself a break and just heal for a while. Even if that means telling your girlfriend you need a break or something. As long as it's not final. Does that make sense? I hope this helps you. Keep hanging in there. I know it seems like it won't get better but it will. You're on a good path! Best of luck to you.
  21. 3 points
    DesertDreamer

    Another "down" Day

    Thanks, I really wish I could disappear for a weekend, but he's not that much better. He can barely dress himself and takes care of his most basic needs (tg!). I have no vacation til next year because of flying out to take care of him in the hospital before he moved here. And actually moving him here. A life day though... Maybe I can steal hubby away and wander one of the nicer malls for an evening. Rightnow , I need to find a funny movie that won't make me cry (like it takes work ).
  22. 3 points
    Mia42

    The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

    I had a good day apart from being a bit tired. In fact the last couple days haven't been that bad except for fatigue. I've actually had some motivation, so I've been researching and planning something that I've been wanting to do for some time now, make and sell jewelry. Now I just need to save up some money for the equipment and supplies I don't already have. I've got some books and things I think might sell on ebay to make a few dollars. In the mean time I have supplies to make a few pieces.
  23. 3 points
    Just another moment realizing that if my depressive feelings alter my apperence or behaviors, that a lot of people will see this as an oppurtunity to use me to their advantage or to step on me. This is just another reason why I feel the need to hide how I feel when I'm down and out. Not just to perform to protect my paycheck at work, but to protect my dignity as well. Some people pray of the vulnerable because they know exactly how vulnerable some people are.
  24. 3 points
    I feel like a failure because I can't get what I want..
  25. 3 points
    RatBoy

    Coping With Poor Self Image

    Well, I'm "plain-looking", to be charitable. And I've got a few other physical issues/disabilities going on, most of which I can and am trying to work on. OK. Let's say, for the sake of argument that we're all ugly. I'll bet together we can name many "ugly" people that have been great successes. Lyle Lovett, Danny DeVito... heck, Einstein wasn't a prize, but seems to have been a ladies' man. Look at some of your country's politicians! What else is up with you? Why do you let physical appearance - your opinion of which is probably distorted due to depression anyway - define you? How's your brain? How's your hygiene? How's your level of fitness? Can you get around and do the things you want and need to do? How's your personality - friendliness, helpfulness, etc? Do you have interests and/or hobbies? What are you PASSIONATE about? What about education? There are SO MANY facets to you other than physical appearance. And a lot of people will look past that, anyway, to see what else you have to offer. It's hard, I know. I've lived this for decades. And it took me the longest time to figure out that if I displayed something - anything - that people wanted, they'd accept me. Besides, think about it. Think about an "average-looking" man or woman. 50% of everybody out there is uglier. Take care!
  26. 3 points
    I would rather have not been born. i really struggle with the physical plane and always feel like i should be in spirit form. i feel like I'm dead in everything but body.i find everyday life like tidying, washing etc so exhausting. I've felt like this for years. i find the physical plane so restricting. Having said that I'm still scared of dying.
  27. 3 points
    Managed to get some stuff done today.I guess I`m feeling okay right now.Night is when I start t feel the depression the most.When I lie down to go to bed all the things I`m worried about overwhelm my mind.I just get this really low feeliing and I can`t shake it.
  28. 3 points
    Depends on the day but I'm thinking 3-4 times a day on average. Some days I hurt so much I spend the entire day thinking about how nice it would be to not exist. On other days I just think about it wmfrom time to time or when something even vaguelly unpleasant happens that makes me think I'd rather die than deal with it.
  29. 3 points
    I'm so sorry that so many here are struggling with so many things - I don't know what to say except I'm sending best wishes for things to look up soon for everyone; *hugs* to you all -
  30. 3 points
    Hey everyone's it's been a while since I posted here. Sending hugs to everyone. I've been doing better, but at the same time I'm still struggling. Next month I turn 21 and that's all I look forward to really as of recently. I've been going out more often but I can't exactly say if it's helping or not. I have crying spells throughout the week and it seems so normal to me now...
  31. 2 points
    Skylark1

    Malicious Online Trolls

    Thanks. I think I'm doing better now, at least in terms of this episode with the troll. I'm still rather fragile, of course, in terms of the wider problem she inflamed. I'm trying to follow the advice of the members of DF here and take care of myself. This is kind of hard, because I've had it ingrained in me to be quite hard on myself. Which makes it almost unbearable sometimes when others are too hard on me, strange as it may seem. But it is helping as far as I'm managing so far. I did report the troll before I left, and I will be avoiding that forum for as long as necessary, though. The last thing I need now is more triggers. I've thought of calling a hotline. But I'm so scared of doing so. Would records be kept? And I don't know what to expect or to say. My problems feel like elephants trapped in a house with only human-sized doors. I've no clue how I would ever get them out.
  32. 2 points
    Orso

    Malicious Online Trolls

    Hi frozen, I am so sorry you had that awful experience. What a truly nasty thing to do to you - especially when you were reaching out for much-needed support. That kind of behaviour is just not OK. I hope that when you feel better you can report the person. They obviously don't understand what it means to be supportive. But please don't rush this. You need to take care of yourself first. How are you doing now? Do you need to contact a hotline for some immediate support? I hope you will be OK. thinking of you, orso
  33. 2 points
    But then you would be old and bald and ugly! Maybe that's another reason I drink...
  34. 2 points
    At least you found several positions!! And it's only 10AM, good for you! Your determination and stamina on this job search has been incredible... kudos to you for keeping at it so strong, even though it ain't easy.
  35. 2 points
    Gammaxgoblin

    Hello From Dysthymia

    Well not sure what to say here except that today and this evening especially are proving to be unpleasant. I was on the fence all day pushing through using my coping mechanisms and I went to get a bunch of storage boxes and was going to organize and consolidate things. I ended up finding this wonderful box of painful memories and since then I'm just feeling that gutteral sense of sorrow. In the box was a DVD with my wedding pics, divorce isn't a year yet, found vehicle magnets of great Dane and greyhound, both of whom I've lost to cancer 10 months and 5 mo that ago...what a wonderful box to find. It's times like these when I wonder of my life will ever be absent from these feelings. If my diagnosis of dysthymia is correct, and it seems to be, my default setting is down and has been so for so long that it's my normal...the diagnosis was over a year ago and it only really started to set in over the last several months. Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk
  36. 2 points
    Like you all above :rock: except i've a little anxiety. Neutral and empty inside...another dull day without emotions...i'm tired of this s hit as meds aren't working there's no choice but to keep suffering...when will we be able to feel normal and happy.Still thinking about ECT or magnetic therapy as a last resort.
  37. 2 points
    Wouldn't that be cool if we could? The whole introverted artist thing....I'm not even sure if that applies to me or not. I've talked on here before about my mother, k!lling every dream I ever had as a child. I was never encouraged to find my talent (if I even had one.) In fact, if I did have one, it's safe to say that my mother would have wanted to keep it stifled and never allow it to be developed for fear I might make something of myself in the future. What I really wanted more than anything in the world was to sing. I wasn't even allowed to join my school church choir to see if I had any singing talent. I used to draw too, but I never saw that as my thing...it doesn't feel right inside that I had any special talent for that. Just the scribbles of a child. But singing? I wanted that so bad...I still feel there's something inside of me that wants out. Even though I have no idea if I have the talent for it or not. These days when I'm alone I just sing along with my favorite Earth, Wind & Fire songs (my favorite band next to my CO's) ....nobody can stop me.
  38. 2 points
    bluegal

    Coping With Poor Self Image

    ratboy has some great comments here. Honestly, even if you start out in life looking great, aging takes it away anyhow, looks are so fleeting that I think it's a mistake to put so much emphasis on it. But that is how things have become, largely driven by the media, hollywood etc, everyone now is expected to be a supermodel. I'm glad that my generation didn't have "selfies" (I've never taken one, and when I was young, you would have been scorned and considered vain for taking photos of yourself, now it's all so "normal".) But as ratboy says, there is much more to ANYONE than their looks, and inner beauty is something much more valuable IMO. Sure, everyone would like to look hot for their entire lives, but even hollywood stars have to get work done to try to stay attractive as long as possible and have you seen how some of that turns out? that looks almost alien sometimes. your looks are just an outer shell, but it's not who you are.
  39. 2 points
    Kaniro

    Random Thoughts

    I want candy. I have no candy.
  40. 2 points
    Hi E2e1el, Welcome to the Forums! Let me first say how sorry I am that you have been stricken with depression and with the effects it is having on you! Something a psychiatrist told me once, comes to mind. He said: "In Schizophrenia,a person is stricken with auditory and or visual hallucinations of a very compelling and vivid nature. In Depression, a person is stricken with changes in mood and motivation, also of a very compelling and vivid nature." Reflecting on what he said, I thought, well . . . here are two different illnesses that profoundly affect how a person views himself or herself and others,as well as the past, present and future. However, when it comes to giving advice, I feel unqualified, really unqualified to answer. A book written by the psychiatrist Peter Kramer and entitled "Should You Leave" addresses the topic of depression and relationships. I read the entire book but was unable to draw any conclusions from it other than: be careful, go slowly, patiently and with as much deliberation as possible given one's depression. Sometimes I think he should have entitled his book: "Should you stay or should you go." Depression profoundly "messes" with one's feelings. I always thought it was good advice to postpone big decisions while in the midst of severe depression because clarity is compromised and one could have big regrets later on. None of what I have said is anything I would wish to call "advice" though. I literally "fear" giving advice about such things because first, I am not an authority on the subject and second, I am not an authority on you and third, anything I might say with even the very best of intentions could make your situation worse, which is absolutely the last thing I would want to do!!! I have read that "some" studies have linked "some" depressions to organic changes in the brain; specifically reductions in mass, volume and density of a part of the brain called the amgdala which is thought to affect things like fear, anxiety and emotion. "Some" studies using imaging technology have linked "some" depressions to decreases in regional blood flow in the brain and decreases in energy utilization [glucose metabolism]. "Some" studies have linked "some" depressions to regional thinning of the outer surface of the brain, an area thought to have something to do with conscious executive brain function and motivation. I would be totally remiss if I did not say that ALL studies like these are subject to limitations such as size of study, duration of study, quality of study, consideration of confounding factors, bias and new discoveries. All are subject to revision or even refutation by future studies. I am not a medical professional of any kind, and I only mention this because "IF' these studies are finally validated [and they might not be by future science] it "could" indicate that at least "some" depressions "might" involve serious organic pathology. In this were true, making a big decision, while depressed could be risky. If I was allowed to hazard a mere guess, I would suggest tentatively to postpone any big decisions until you feel better unless there is some extremely compelling reason not to postpone the decision. [Just my non-authoritative opinion!] I personally have made correct and incorrect relationship judgments during periods of depression so I personally try to avoid making huge decisions at such a time unless I am really compelled to do so by circumstances. Please forgive the "wishy washy" nature of my non-authoritative comments as a fellow depression sufferer. Others here may be able to advise you in a more helpful way. That is one of the good things about this site,: that it provides a forum for many different viewpoints. I hope things improve, improve and improve for you and reach the best of all possible outcomes!!!! I don't know what else to say. Respectfully yours, Epictetus.
  41. 2 points
    RatBoy

    The Post Anything Thread

    Dammitdammitdammit!!! I've got a mouse. Or mice. In the house. Grr... I hate ******* living things. But I don't want diseases. And I'm not going to catch and release here in the city. :verysad3: Got some baits, have cleaned and bleached all round the kitchen and utility room. It's always something, isn't it folks?
  42. 2 points
    Every once and while.
  43. 2 points
    Most days I don't. But when I'm near the nadir of one of my downward spirals, I can ideate this many times per day. It's disturbing. Especially disturbing since if I had the guts to go through with it, I probably would have by now. But who knows what the future will bring... Take care, all.
  44. 2 points
    Sent some emails, managed two meals, had a bath. Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk
  45. 2 points
    Unless my depression reaches a psychotic state, there is always some part of me that is somehow outside my thought stream, like some little voice that keeps telling me: "Hey Epictetus, don't take your automatic thoughts seriously when you are feeling depressed." That little voice almost gets drowned out by self-destructive thoughts that "pop" into my head. I feel as though, if that little voice were completely silenced, maybe I would not be here. But I am 60 now. Once when I was in a severe depression and in a psychiatric hospital, the little voice was almost completely drowned out. But somehow, someway it keep resisting. It was like my thought stream was: "There is no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope," and then there was this little interior voice: "You are not all-seeing and all-knowing. You don't know the future. You cannot say there is no hope. There is always hope!" There were times when I didn't think I would live to be 13 years old or 30 years old or 40 years old. My life was in the toilet so to speak. I am 60 now and some of the best things in my life happened to me when I was 58 and 59 and 60. And it was like those things completely redefined me. I find now that I like to help people and that this is important to me and gives me a sense of meaning and purpose and peace. And I realize that I had to fail and mess up and go through hell before I could reach this point. I can't explain it at all!!! It is like when you are reading a book and everything is going badly for the protagonist and you might even find yourself losing sympathy for him or her and then in the last chapter of the book something happens that not only redeems the present but makes sense and redeems the entire past of that character. I often think of the German Oskar Schindler, a man with failed marriages, failed businesses, broken dreams, bad habits and then he went and did something: he saved the lives of thousands of Jews who were headed to concentration camps. Even after that he failed at many things too and yet that one thing redeemed him. And it is almost like, well, maybe if all that misfortune hadn't stricken him, maybe he wouldn't have done that one incredibly heroic thing in his life, that thing that defined him. Sorry I can't put this into words. It is so difficult.
  46. 2 points
    Meh... not too bad. Five on a ten scale today, maybe? Got some stuff to do, so will get out of the house.
  47. 2 points
    Today I ~Cleaned my bedroom ~Folded and put away laundry
  48. 2 points
    Today I woke up. Which is always nice. But sometimes, more often than not, it's really difficult to get up and get out of bed. However, I got up out of bed, took a shower, got dressed (appropriately) for this weather where I am located. I also did some physical work, such as working out for a half hour. Haven't done that in ooboocachoo years. Worked/trained with my dog. Now that I did all that. I feel so tired. And exhausted. Fortunately, it's a good tiring feeling. I don't feel as down as I did yesterday where I did absolutely nothing... it feels so good to feel this way. I just have no words... I love it. But it's hard.
  49. 2 points
    Had the day off from work today (Geelong cup day) so i made the most of it. Called into work and handed in a medical cert to say that i wont be in tomorrow or friday. Saw my GP on tuesday night after work and having the rest of the week off due to work related stress etc. Saw my counceller in Melbourne today, first time in 8 months and all went well there. Called into Total Tools in Brooklyn on the way home and spent $300 bucks on tools, mainly for home, also called into Repco and bought engine oil for the XD (its due for a service) steering wheel puller and a set of spark plugs for the XH. Fitted the clockspring from my brothers old LTD and the horn now works, and i've decided to remove the LPG wiring as its been poking at me like a sharp tooth pick.
  50. 2 points
    I got 3 packages ready to be mailed and went to the post office. That was stressful but I made it out of there without blowing up. Then I cut my hair and did a terrible job, but it will grow out soon enough then I will like it.

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