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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/24/2015 in all areas

  1. 6 points
    I can drink a vast quantity and function reasonably well the next day. But I must have overdone it last night because my sorry @ss is dragging. I'm also a "functional" drunk. People don't even know I'm drunk--I don't stumble around, my speech doesn't slur...I'd call it a curse, actually.
  2. 6 points
    I call them falsehope pills... false hope is the only benefit they gave me...But they can make happy some of us..perhaps. Oh no happy... better said 'depression free' ...'cause happiness can't be a product of the pill. It would be so easy...
  3. 5 points
    I drank a happiness drug last night and I'm really paying for it today. Gawd, what a hangover. Addictions really SUCK.
  4. 5 points
    Tired, but feeling pretty good right now. My annoying co-manager and my #1 competition if we do wind up getting the assistant manager position in our store is stepping down from being manager. I am so happy about this I could cry. My stress at work is going to go down even though I'll probably be working a bit more until we get a replacement for her.
  5. 4 points
    It's because your body got used to it, man!! Well, you know it anyway..:) I feel unfunctional when I'm sober... I want to be you:))
  6. 4 points
    I visited a friend for a few minutes. I washed some dishes and put away some clean clothes. I did some sewing. All in all, not a bad day.
  7. 4 points
    trying to recover from an anxiety attack... its been a month since i have been back in town and have only left the house once to hang out with a friend... i tried to do it again... and it felt like the walls where closing in and i couldnt breathe.... i know i need to get over this anti social bit of depression but it is soo hard right now!!
  8. 4 points
    Pleas don't. If you feel this way, please call a crisis line asap. (((hugs))) awwwwwwwww I wouldn't actually do that I'm too unsidedown responsible with my meds but ty for the caring =)
  9. 4 points
    For you it was a mistake, but also a lesson learned that you can apply in the future! He died so future grasshoppers might live. Your effort was noble, Epictetus!
  10. 4 points
    I learned from a mistake. I thought I could save the life of a grasshopper by bringing him inside out of the cold. I placed him in a container with ventilation, food and water, including some organic grasses. Today I saw that he had passed away. I didn't have a clue why this happened until I realized that I had not made the air holes large enough to circulate the air. The grasses had decomposed in the container giving off strong gases which I think [?] were too concentrated for the grasshopper to breathe. And so he died because of my ignoranct kindness that turned out to be cruel. Perhaps he would have better survived the cold than my kindness. I hope to never repeat that mistake again. For me if was a mistake. For the poor grasshopper, a death sentence!
  11. 3 points

    Malicious Online Trolls

    Remember that these people should have no impact on you. They are not part of your life, they're just some random animals out there in the world somewhere whose opinion of you really doesn't matter. I'm sorry you are sufferng and I hope your situation improves. You're better than them.
  12. 3 points
    I always do this when someone says something disaproving towards me. I posted a post on reddit, the guy basically said I was stupid (in a nicer way). Yet this makes me feel worthless. There is a pit that just grew inside me and it is growing now because some random guy said something disaproving. Everytime I fail or mess up I get this growing pit. If I make someone feel bad by accident I start to cry and usually start saying how I want to just "****ing die" softly to myself (but out loud, not in my head). I can get from content (don't really get happy) to wanting to just be rid of myself in seconds. I seriously don't like most things about myself. I always will think I'm a loser, and even say it under my breath just throughout the day. I could write a novel talking about all the ways I suck, but I could only write 1 or 2 pages describing good qualities. I was just raised to hate myself due to school, bullying, adults disaproving of me, me comparing myself to everyone. I can't even stand to look in the mirror, I just want to punch the reflection until it dies.
  13. 3 points
    Read some information on a spiritual website and realised that being on a spiritual journey doesn't have to involve my suffering and if it does then I'm doing something wrong.
  14. 3 points
    Oh, JD, I know addiction is not something to smile at but you wrote it in such a funny way:))))) I think I cannot get addicted cause my hangovers are like flu...don't allow anything to do for at least two days...except take benzos and water.
  15. 3 points

    Good Vs. Evil

    I don't actually believe in evil partly because Im not religious and I dont think that we need "evil". I suppose I believe in evil acts though. I work a lot on radiccal acceptance as it has helped me a lot so I try not to spend too much thinking about the why of all the awfulness in the world. It is a horrible reality and I spend my time rather focusing on trying not to add to it and adding to the lessening of it when and if I can. Agonising about the awfulness and cruelty in the world has been a big thing for me and makes my life harder so I try not to go there too much and am sometimes successful these days.
  16. 3 points
    Hugs to all :O we better don't forget to take our anti-happiness pills to be more unhappy...pill companies want us to take them for the rest of our lives so they can make fortune out of us...maybe to sell more and more they modify the med to give that unhappiness feeling so we could buy more of them forever.
  17. 3 points

    Craving Affection

    I would absolutely talk to your doctor or therapist about it. I think sometimes when we are so starved for attention, the right kind of attention, that we will seek out anything and anyone who will show us any affection at all. It never really fills the hole inside but we for some reason keep trying the same behavior hoping it will work this time. At least that is how I am. We all act out in our own ways, good or bad, so try to now beat yourself up over it, the important thing is that you are recognizing you have an issue you need help with and are willing to search help out.
  18. 3 points
    I am utterly tired of depression it seems like a fight that I'll never win
  19. 3 points
    You want to know what is worse than being depressed and in pain? Absorbing it all from everyone around you. It can take me days, sometimes weeks of isolated intropsection to sort out all the garbage I pick up on a daily basis from what I myself am feeling at any given time. It isn't uncommon for me to wake up late at night hurting inside and I find myself crying. After focusing my mind I realize that it isn't me that is the one hurting. So there you have it; that is how I feel. I feel how everyone else is feeling.
  20. 3 points
    Hello. :) I'm so sorry you're struggling with this right now. It's such a hard place to be in. I'm glad you reached out here and I hope you'll find the help you need. All I can say is based on my own experience. And that includes feeling unworthy of love. So in my relationship, I'll often feel like I should end it just to save him the pain and suffering of dealing with me. Which is of course a cognitive distortion from depression/PTSD/whatever. You really didn't give any reasons in your narrative for why you would WANT to end it with this girl. You said several that indicated you wanted to be with her. So my guess is that it IS the depression distorting your mind. And that's what your therapist has said, also, correct? I'd say stay away from final decisions right now. It sounds like you can tell when you're "in your right mind" so to speak, and when you're not. So until you're feeling better, try not to make any decisions that will permanently affect your life. Give yourself a break and just heal for a while. Even if that means telling your girlfriend you need a break or something. As long as it's not final. Does that make sense? I hope this helps you. Keep hanging in there. I know it seems like it won't get better but it will. You're on a good path! Best of luck to you.
  21. 3 points

    Another "down" Day

    Thanks, I really wish I could disappear for a weekend, but he's not that much better. He can barely dress himself and takes care of his most basic needs (tg!). I have no vacation til next year because of flying out to take care of him in the hospital before he moved here. And actually moving him here. A life day though... Maybe I can steal hubby away and wander one of the nicer malls for an evening. Rightnow , I need to find a funny movie that won't make me cry (like it takes work ).
  22. 3 points

    The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

    I had a good day apart from being a bit tired. In fact the last couple days haven't been that bad except for fatigue. I've actually had some motivation, so I've been researching and planning something that I've been wanting to do for some time now, make and sell jewelry. Now I just need to save up some money for the equipment and supplies I don't already have. I've got some books and things I think might sell on ebay to make a few dollars. In the mean time I have supplies to make a few pieces.
  23. 3 points
    Just another moment realizing that if my depressive feelings alter my apperence or behaviors, that a lot of people will see this as an oppurtunity to use me to their advantage or to step on me. This is just another reason why I feel the need to hide how I feel when I'm down and out. Not just to perform to protect my paycheck at work, but to protect my dignity as well. Some people pray of the vulnerable because they know exactly how vulnerable some people are.
  24. 3 points
    I feel like a failure because I can't get what I want..
  25. 3 points

    Coping With Poor Self Image

    Well, I'm "plain-looking", to be charitable. And I've got a few other physical issues/disabilities going on, most of which I can and am trying to work on. OK. Let's say, for the sake of argument that we're all ugly. I'll bet together we can name many "ugly" people that have been great successes. Lyle Lovett, Danny DeVito... heck, Einstein wasn't a prize, but seems to have been a ladies' man. Look at some of your country's politicians! What else is up with you? Why do you let physical appearance - your opinion of which is probably distorted due to depression anyway - define you? How's your brain? How's your hygiene? How's your level of fitness? Can you get around and do the things you want and need to do? How's your personality - friendliness, helpfulness, etc? Do you have interests and/or hobbies? What are you PASSIONATE about? What about education? There are SO MANY facets to you other than physical appearance. And a lot of people will look past that, anyway, to see what else you have to offer. It's hard, I know. I've lived this for decades. And it took me the longest time to figure out that if I displayed something - anything - that people wanted, they'd accept me. Besides, think about it. Think about an "average-looking" man or woman. 50% of everybody out there is uglier. Take care!
  26. 3 points
    I would rather have not been born. i really struggle with the physical plane and always feel like i should be in spirit form. i feel like I'm dead in everything but body.i find everyday life like tidying, washing etc so exhausting. I've felt like this for years. i find the physical plane so restricting. Having said that I'm still scared of dying.
  27. 3 points
    Managed to get some stuff done today.I guess I`m feeling okay right now.Night is when I start t feel the depression the most.When I lie down to go to bed all the things I`m worried about overwhelm my mind.I just get this really low feeliing and I can`t shake it.
  28. 3 points
    Depends on the day but I'm thinking 3-4 times a day on average. Some days I hurt so much I spend the entire day thinking about how nice it would be to not exist. On other days I just think about it wmfrom time to time or when something even vaguelly unpleasant happens that makes me think I'd rather die than deal with it.
  29. 3 points
    I'm so sorry that so many here are struggling with so many things - I don't know what to say except I'm sending best wishes for things to look up soon for everyone; *hugs* to you all -
  30. 3 points
    Hey everyone's it's been a while since I posted here. Sending hugs to everyone. I've been doing better, but at the same time I'm still struggling. Next month I turn 21 and that's all I look forward to really as of recently. I've been going out more often but I can't exactly say if it's helping or not. I have crying spells throughout the week and it seems so normal to me now...
  31. 2 points

    Craving Affection

    I have a serious problem. I don't know where to start. I've been in a relationship for almost four years. We have recently moved away from each other. We don't see each other often. Our relationship used to be strong but it has been slowly falling apart over the last six months (we have only lived apart for 2 months). I don't know how much I love him anymore, or maybe better phrasing would be whether I am still "IN" love with him. He is an amazing man, but I feel so detached. I have been cheating on him with another man. We recently had sex but I didn't feel anything, emotionally or physically. So once again I was left feeling empty and unsatisfied. To fill the void I have been going on online chatrooms and meeting men over the internet (but not in person). I have internet sex with them, but am still left feeling empty. I talk to lots of men who see a possibility for future dating, but I feel like being with them is all a fantasy. Sometimes I think these wonderful (there are also a lot of jerks) men deserve better than me, that I could never date them. So I talk to them as if I plan to meet them one day and have relationships with them. The fantasy makes me feel certain things, maybe a piece of hope. Though the hope fades as soon as our conversations end and I am left feeling numb and upset. I am very insecure, that I am aware of. But I feel like I am never going to find someone who loves me the way I want to be loved and for me to love them as deeply in return. I feel so ugly, my nose is huge and my chin is huge and I am not in shape. I feel like these days image is what gets you a good guy. Maybe that's a backwards way of thinking, but it is hard not to think that way. The beautiful, intelligent, charming men are all unattainable because they want beautiful women in return. I wish I was beautiful. I feel like a reason I go on these video chatrooms is to feel like people think I'm beautiful, even if they don't actually see all my flaws first hand. I feel like I am able to wear a mask and hide the ugliness. They only see a piece of me and I feel like I can continue hiding the ugly parts of me. For a little while, I feel wanted. I don't want to be the girl who does this. But I don't feel loved. I feel so empty. Not sure where I was going with this. It's an awful feeling. How do I fix myself? Do I need to go back into therapy? Why am I so sexually promiscious? I don't seem to have any self-control when it comes to sex.
  32. 2 points

    Why Am I Not Depressed???

    All that I have to Deal with Seems I would Be this way..I read alot about folks ******* themselves ,using drugs because of depression..? Here is my life. I grew up my mother and father divorced, never much seen my dad,my mom dated drunks and left my brother and I at home, or with so called friends. never much told us she LOVED us..she was on well fair. NOT her fault she worked but got hurt at work.. disabled.. so we didnt get much christmas. or birthday presents etc. much less got candy much.. they were times we ate manoynaise sandwiches.. so I quite school started work. at 16, had pretty much cook. clean ourselves growing up. well worked into a career.then opened my own small business. got married ,had a child.. My wife has bipolar. so she would have a break down every 3 or so years have to change her meds around.. then my mother same.. she is bipolar have to put her in and out of hospitals every so many years. have to take care of her bils. etc.. plus try to work sometimes have to take off week at a time.. that hurts the budget.... then my brother. is a druggy.. he dont do a thing.. have to help him now and again.. get out of trouble or help him with money to eat.. worry about bills.. cause the time I have to take off,, dont get spent time with few friends I do have.. I should be totally depressed..and in a psych ward.. BUT IM NOT..I love life.. LIKE to still get out and do things. when I can.. from what Ive read. only one of these things get others down. .here I have over 4 or 5 things that should be ruining my life.. .hell Im probably undiagnosed bipolar myself.. but cant LET it stop me from achieving my goals.. the old saying SUCK IT UP and MOVE ON.... you gotta be strong and say .IM NOT GIVING IN to this crap.. IM strong..I can take it and keep GOING.... Thats what I do.. sure I could just give up.. but what good would that DO ANYONE especially ME..??? I keep going and going..
  33. 2 points
    A medication cannot actually make you do anything and does not have the same effects for everyone. Wellbutrin is a med known for giving more energy though as you said. How are you doing otherwise? Are you otherwise doing well or are you still having other symptoms? Your doctor will probably want a reason to prescribe it, and would take into consideration your other diagnoses as well. Wellbutrin can cause worse anxiety, and I'm not sure of its effects with ADHD. Your doctor would take these things into consideration though. It does sound like you are still having low energy though if nothing else? You could just mention that and then mention that you've heard Wellbutrin is known for increasing energy and was wondering if it might be an appropriate med for you. That might be a good gateway in.
  34. 2 points
    But then you would be old and bald and ugly! Maybe that's another reason I drink...
  35. 2 points
    I'm so sorry your mother never allowed you to follow your singing dreams. Singing can be really therapeutic and great for raising self-esteem. Maybe you could join a choir now? When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to be a West End/Broadway star (I still do to be honest). I've been told I have a really good voice but a few setbacks caused me to lose confidence and I haven't sang in public for 4 years. It's something I really miss... perhaps it's time for me to be brave and try again.
  36. 2 points
    At least you found several positions!! And it's only 10AM, good for you! Your determination and stamina on this job search has been incredible... kudos to you for keeping at it so strong, even though it ain't easy. Thank you, hh. I don't think I could do it without the incredible support and suggestions from friends. It really does make a difference when you aren't seeing any results as quickly as one would think they would especialy while dealing with anxiety and depression. So, thank you to all who have supported me through this. You are the best.
  37. 2 points
    At least you found several positions!! And it's only 10AM, good for you! Your determination and stamina on this job search has been incredible... kudos to you for keeping at it so strong, even though it ain't easy.
  38. 2 points
    Morning cool cats, To put it bluntly, I feel tired, anxious and a bit b1tchy. I started the day out strong and now 4 hours later I'm ready to call it a day and it's just 10 am. (shakes head). Positive thing of the day, found several positions that I applied for. I hope you all have a good Saturday.
  39. 2 points
    I just went through my Facebook timeline.... not a good idea. :verysad3: It made me miss my travels and adventures across country and feel nostalgic for those days. Although friends of mine keep pointing out how difficult a time I had while in California, which is true. But I still loved it. I loved the weather, I loved the flowers, I loved the culture and the majestic beauty. Sigh. What am I ever going to do? A part of me is giving up on even trying to make this decision and am just going with the flow. Or rather, I think I'm burying my head in the sand and am ignoring this looming huge issue. Hi desperados, Just wondering if a different anti depressant would help you, or a higher dosage? If you're thinking ECT or magnetic therapy, I'm guessing you've already tried... I think some meds do kind of numb the emotions? Could that be true?
  40. 2 points
    Like you all above :rock: except i've a little anxiety. Neutral and empty inside...another dull day without emotions...i'm tired of this s hit as meds aren't working there's no choice but to keep suffering...when will we be able to feel normal and happy.Still thinking about ECT or magnetic therapy as a last resort.
  41. 2 points
    Wouldn't that be cool if we could? The whole introverted artist thing....I'm not even sure if that applies to me or not. I've talked on here before about my mother, k!lling every dream I ever had as a child. I was never encouraged to find my talent (if I even had one.) In fact, if I did have one, it's safe to say that my mother would have wanted to keep it stifled and never allow it to be developed for fear I might make something of myself in the future. What I really wanted more than anything in the world was to sing. I wasn't even allowed to join my school church choir to see if I had any singing talent. I used to draw too, but I never saw that as my thing...it doesn't feel right inside that I had any special talent for that. Just the scribbles of a child. But singing? I wanted that so bad...I still feel there's something inside of me that wants out. Even though I have no idea if I have the talent for it or not. These days when I'm alone I just sing along with my favorite Earth, Wind & Fire songs (my favorite band next to my CO's) ....nobody can stop me.
  42. 2 points
    Hi E2e1el, Welcome to the Forums! Let me first say how sorry I am that you have been stricken with depression and with the effects it is having on you! Something a psychiatrist told me once, comes to mind. He said: "In Schizophrenia,a person is stricken with auditory and or visual hallucinations of a very compelling and vivid nature. In Depression, a person is stricken with changes in mood and motivation, also of a very compelling and vivid nature." Reflecting on what he said, I thought, well . . . here are two different illnesses that profoundly affect how a person views himself or herself and others,as well as the past, present and future. However, when it comes to giving advice, I feel unqualified, really unqualified to answer. A book written by the psychiatrist Peter Kramer and entitled "Should You Leave" addresses the topic of depression and relationships. I read the entire book but was unable to draw any conclusions from it other than: be careful, go slowly, patiently and with as much deliberation as possible given one's depression. Sometimes I think he should have entitled his book: "Should you stay or should you go." Depression profoundly "messes" with one's feelings. I always thought it was good advice to postpone big decisions while in the midst of severe depression because clarity is compromised and one could have big regrets later on. None of what I have said is anything I would wish to call "advice" though. I literally "fear" giving advice about such things because first, I am not an authority on the subject and second, I am not an authority on you and third, anything I might say with even the very best of intentions could make your situation worse, which is absolutely the last thing I would want to do!!! I have read that "some" studies have linked "some" depressions to organic changes in the brain; specifically reductions in mass, volume and density of a part of the brain called the amgdala which is thought to affect things like fear, anxiety and emotion. "Some" studies using imaging technology have linked "some" depressions to decreases in regional blood flow in the brain and decreases in energy utilization [glucose metabolism]. "Some" studies have linked "some" depressions to regional thinning of the outer surface of the brain, an area thought to have something to do with conscious executive brain function and motivation. I would be totally remiss if I did not say that ALL studies like these are subject to limitations such as size of study, duration of study, quality of study, consideration of confounding factors, bias and new discoveries. All are subject to revision or even refutation by future studies. I am not a medical professional of any kind, and I only mention this because "IF' these studies are finally validated [and they might not be by future science] it "could" indicate that at least "some" depressions "might" involve serious organic pathology. In this were true, making a big decision, while depressed could be risky. If I was allowed to hazard a mere guess, I would suggest tentatively to postpone any big decisions until you feel better unless there is some extremely compelling reason not to postpone the decision. [Just my non-authoritative opinion!] I personally have made correct and incorrect relationship judgments during periods of depression so I personally try to avoid making huge decisions at such a time unless I am really compelled to do so by circumstances. Please forgive the "wishy washy" nature of my non-authoritative comments as a fellow depression sufferer. Others here may be able to advise you in a more helpful way. That is one of the good things about this site,: that it provides a forum for many different viewpoints. I hope things improve, improve and improve for you and reach the best of all possible outcomes!!!! I don't know what else to say. Respectfully yours, Epictetus.
  43. 2 points

    Another "down" Day

    Can't you see your psychiatrist sooner if your meds aren't working? It sounds like you are indeed surrounded by stressors, but you're coping. Hang in there! Your dad seems to be doing better. And you seem to have a good handle on your work situation - you've got choices to make there. And maybe now that your dad is better, you can take a weekend or a couple of days off and go somewhere? Or treat yourself to a life "cheat day" - do a little shopping and take in a movie and maybe do dinner with hubby? All my best.
  44. 2 points
    I had a few carbs too. Today we went to this noodle/dumpling place for lunch--seriously. That's all they have on the menu! I got a pan roast, ate the meat and nibbled at the noodles (because I didn't want to seem weird not eating the noodles...which were good). I have to admit that I feel lucky with my current meds cocktail. There are things I'm happy about and I feel it. Or maybe that's why I've gotten into baseball so much...for the jolts of adrenaline and endorphins, so badly needed... In any event, for me, once we added Strattera and I got beyond the awful dry mouth, it's like night and day. Add a little caffeine every day and that helps even more. Also, coming here regularly is more help than ever! Now I have to talk myself into doing my laundry...bah!
  45. 2 points
    Unless my depression reaches a psychotic state, there is always some part of me that is somehow outside my thought stream, like some little voice that keeps telling me: "Hey Epictetus, don't take your automatic thoughts seriously when you are feeling depressed." That little voice almost gets drowned out by self-destructive thoughts that "pop" into my head. I feel as though, if that little voice were completely silenced, maybe I would not be here. But I am 60 now. Once when I was in a severe depression and in a psychiatric hospital, the little voice was almost completely drowned out. But somehow, someway it keep resisting. It was like my thought stream was: "There is no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope," and then there was this little interior voice: "You are not all-seeing and all-knowing. You don't know the future. You cannot say there is no hope. There is always hope!" There were times when I didn't think I would live to be 13 years old or 30 years old or 40 years old. My life was in the toilet so to speak. I am 60 now and some of the best things in my life happened to me when I was 58 and 59 and 60. And it was like those things completely redefined me. I find now that I like to help people and that this is important to me and gives me a sense of meaning and purpose and peace. And I realize that I had to fail and mess up and go through hell before I could reach this point. I can't explain it at all!!! It is like when you are reading a book and everything is going badly for the protagonist and you might even find yourself losing sympathy for him or her and then in the last chapter of the book something happens that not only redeems the present but makes sense and redeems the entire past of that character. I often think of the German Oskar Schindler, a man with failed marriages, failed businesses, broken dreams, bad habits and then he went and did something: he saved the lives of thousands of Jews who were headed to concentration camps. Even after that he failed at many things too and yet that one thing redeemed him. And it is almost like, well, maybe if all that misfortune hadn't stricken him, maybe he wouldn't have done that one incredibly heroic thing in his life, that thing that defined him. Sorry I can't put this into words. It is so difficult.
  46. 2 points
    Oh thx brian :sheep: heh this is the life we are forced to live in...we want to be happy when we're trapped in stone houses and travelling in metal junkies and do the jobs that we don't like...humanity destroyed all the nature around them to call it modern life..life became a modern prison for suffering mentally.
  47. 2 points
    Went to the store, whew, cleaned both litter boxes, repotted plants, cleaned the toilet
  48. 2 points

    Random Thoughts

    I wish my brain would tell me what it wants
  49. 2 points
    Wondering how its going to "feel" living in a shelter? At least I wont be alone there.
  50. 2 points
    nothing. just lay in bed all day. :verysad3:
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