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Showing content with the highest reputation on 09/23/2015 in all areas

  1. I'm nauseous, irritated and really disappointed. I've filled out 11 applications/sent resumes in the last 2 days and only one place has sent a response. I've called a few of the other places and "they haven't had time to review my resume." I need some damn interviews set up. My head is all over the place right now, I'm standing close to the edge of the abyss and I know having some stability in getting back to work will help me get my footing back. The unknown is just really scary. :( I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. ((((Hugs))))
    10 points
  2. I feel completely inadequate right now. I can't deal will feeling like a complete failure all the time.
    10 points
  3. Remember, we have a choice. So choose to indulge in something positive today.
    10 points
  4. Today actually hasn't been a bad day. I got more jewelry made for Christmas gifts. But no housework, we're seriously running out of clean dishes. Bah.
    10 points
  5. Yeah...inadequate. That word fits really well today.
    9 points
  6. Just when you think you've turned a corner.. WHAM!!! Depression's merciless wall of bricks stops you in your tracks..again..
    9 points
  7. Just wanted to wish everyone the best for today. Wednesdays always seem like a slog but hey the weekend's now in view! Hugs and rainbow kitties for all :D
    8 points
  8. I feel motivated again to work really hard towards some new short term financial goals. Part of me is scared that it's just another distraction I came up with to keep moving forward for the time being. I'm going to try to keep trying to be healthier these next couple months. I need to maintain this better balance in life I've had this month. I can't let myself get too caught up in work which leads to an inevitable spiral of depression and doom. We'll see how it turns out.
    8 points
  9. i find it interesting that before i had this depression, of course i never noticed the benefit of not having emotional problems and not having triggers... i just thought it was normal to be able to operate at maximum operating capacity. was feeling bad today from the second i woke up. i am not sure how it is possible to be super-depressed from second 1 after waking, nothing even happened yet. today i was noticing the maze of interconnected triggers that i have, and how they all feed in on each other. event involving roommate that may not actually be that bad (has not completed yet) leads to fear which leads to a different fear which leads to anxiety which feeds another fear which leads to feeling worthless and feeling like i deserve it if bad things happen which leads to more fear and anxiety and feeling bad, which led to me rushing around cleaning the house for 2 hours as soon as i woke up before i even drank any water as some sort of penance in hopes that the "event" above won't have a bad outcome. what the f-ck. i seriously need a new operating system in my brain. sometimes it's just too much. i'm just tired of dealing with all this stress over every dam* thing that could possibly happen. and i'm tired of not being able to function like normal people to complete the obligations that i'm supposed to complete. there are so many triggers that get activated for just about anything, and all feed into each other. i want to be a trigger-free zone. and i wish i had never met the abuser i lived with for a long time who is the source of many of these triggers. lately i am seeing the triggers from him and how they have affected my thought patterns. some of those things, had a lot wider ramifications than i originally thought. the long years of destructive conditioning have shaped the way my brain works and now i have to try to unravel these threads. i have unraveled some of the layers over time, but the insidious ones remain, the ones that you can't immediately detect why your brain works that way. anyway i am just babbling at this point. whatever. hugs to everyone out there tonight who is dealing with issues. i love you all.
    8 points
  10. ((Hugs)) to everyone who needs it today!!!
    8 points
  11. Amen, brotha... Oh man this makes me sad. I was in this shape for a couple of years, which just ended last summer and it was tough. I learned some things and thought I'd share them with you. Let me start by saying I called last summer my soup summer. It was horribly hot and the last thing I wanted to eat was soup but I was concerned about not getting enough nutrition and knew that unless I took a positive spin on my inability to feed myself I was going to just get more and more depressed. I came up with some alternative meal plans that were just as cheap as all the carbs I was ingesting. There really isn't much nutrition in ramen noodles. Eggs offer protein but little else and high in cholesterol, I think. So, I started making beans. I made everything imaginable with beans: bean soup, veggie burgers, bean burritos, dirty rice. To each of these recipes I added carrots and onions (the cheapest of vegetables), and spices, which are an investment at first but if you go to an Indian market you can get food a lot cheaper. The spices are good for your immune system. Dried beans are really cheap. I experimented a lot before I found a veggie burger I liked. I ended up using beans, drained of all liquid, sauteed onion, egg, crackers, and cayenne pepper, which is great for your metabolism, and salt. I still like them. I also learned to love split pea soup. I sometimes wish I could be motivated to eat that way now that I don't have to. I felt really great and have since gained weight with my splurges. Still, I'm sorry you have to go through this hardship.
    8 points
  12. Drained. I cannot emotionally and literally "babysit" others/adults on any regular basis (Note: This is in reference to my personal offline life and not moderating/DF/you lovely people )
    8 points
  13. I really wish I could move through emotions quicker. I am just now starting to feel better from the weekend. I wasted five days. On a brighter note, today I celebrate thirteen years of sobriety. I just watched Cinderella and loved it. Ha.
    7 points
  14. I just experienced an all-too familiar scenario. Out of nowhere I had an extremely lucid flashback to when I was with my ex gf. Almostly instantly a thought came to mind: 'I will never experience that again. Noone will ever love me again'. My head was ******* me, my heart raced, and my body seized up. I had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't. The only way I could calm down was by running out the house into my garden and have a cigarette. This happens all-too often and it has become quite crippling in my day-to-day activities. It was a major reason for me resigning and becoming unemployed. I'm still shaking...
    7 points
  15. Hugs to everyone having a rough time..heck, have one even if you're not! ((((Hugs))))
    7 points
  16. yep, inadequate is the word of the day :(
    7 points
  17. Oldest has an orthodontist appointment I have to take him to. I hate driving. I hate leaving the house. So really anxious and dreading this morning.
    7 points
  18. Wish you lived closer bud :verysad3: , I'd definitely take you up on that LOL Glad to hear you're not dead B haha. Ok, cold but not-too-cold parka hugs Love you guys too
    7 points
  19. We're trying to cut back on our grocery bill too. But I can't eat beans due to my digestive issues. I am eating more rice and less meat & I don't buy meat unless it's half off. I am now baking my own sourdough bread.
    7 points
  20. Drained now. Had a difference of opinion with my better half. My agitation led to me over-reacting. Now I feel like a dummy.
    7 points
  21. Feel pretty good, been having a good workweek so far. Thank you meds for leveling me back to relaxedness.
    7 points
  22. Confused about the future but I feel better then a few minutes ago because I posted an answer here and it might help someone and even it doesn't help them it might help someone else who is at DF. If it helps no one at least I tried to help.
    6 points
  23. Some creep on Linked In kept viewing my profile, so I blocked him, and now someone else, a strange looking "woman" from his company, keeps looking at my profile so i had to block her. What the hell?!? I think he created a fictitious profile. I'm so tired of all of this and am entirely creeped out. I've had it with stalkers... enough is enough! I'm completely irate. And there's my rant...
    6 points
  24. All I want is a regular day...with no headaches or distractions. I just want to enjoy one friggin' day without someone else ****ing it up for me. I swear I've become such a magnet for a******s. I liked it better when everyone thought I was nuts & left me the hell alone.
    6 points
  25. lol so the "event" i wrote about with my roommate that triggered a bunch of other triggers and caused me to clean the house for 2 hours, it didn't end up being anything at all, whatsoever. lol. f-cking ridiculous man.
    6 points
  26. Hi freckled - sorry for the job frustration! ((hugs)). I do think, though, that for the sake of your health you might want to accept that it is going to be a long process. The days of getting jobs fast are long gone, unfortunately. Please give yourself a break and try to approach the searching process as a project/end in itself (the old journey, not the destination thing). I know it's easier said than done. I am using the same approach with respect to dating (most days successfully, some days frustrated as all **** LOL). I read a lot of self-pressure in your posts - the expectation that you have to turn things around quickly. From where I sit, you have already turned things around,in that you are out there looking. That in itself is a victory!!!
    6 points
  27. Already feeling physically anxious about my psychiatrist appt. tomorrow morning. Took a Suntheanine last night, taking another one right now.
    6 points
  28. More here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/depression-101-yo#.no9OXDy6j I really like comics about depression (this isn't really a comic, but close enough), but I don't see them too often.
    6 points
  29. I'm okay. It was a long day but a good day. Just tired now.
    6 points
  30. LOL Els1e - my hugs aren't that cold. I am not dead. I am just wearing a cold parka (think Nanook from the North (Inuk (Eskimo, for you old timers - considered non-PC these days in Canada - as is Indian, by the way, but the yanks still use it)). Just know that we love you, E!!!! I've had a weird night - lots of communication from people in my analog life who apparently want to talk with me. Weird. I am not so used to that. It's usually just me and my cat.
    6 points
  31. Thank you so much everyone. Thanks again dw :) I loved the joke Lonely haha. Thanks I needed the laugh :-D. Dolphin - I'll definitely ask about Strattera. Thanks for that, looks like it's even available in Oz. *Rudely invites herself over to sit with Purple & steal her chocolates & tea* :-). I'll def. take the hugs Havehope & Brian, even if Brian's is a ridiculously (how-do-you-Canadians-cope-seriously?) cold one lol. Aw you're all such wonderful people. Thank you. I'm so sorry for everyone's pain xo
    6 points
  32. Took a ride on my Ninja tonight around town for about 20 minutes just to ease my mind. My back is still bothering me along with a migraine headache that I've had all day.
    6 points
  33. Christmas gifts already? Prepped!
    6 points
  34. I am so tired. I had one of the toughest weekends at work. The charge nurse used a bed sheet to tie a resident's arm to the bed. One of the aides found this and reported it to me. I rectified the situation, but had to do so in a manner that didn't involve his input. We comforted her and once she was protected I went back to my work. I sent my boss a text when I woke up that day instead of right when it happened. She informed me that this is a huge deal and should have been reported immediately. I feared I was in trouble and felt sick about it. Apparently this is the sort of thing that gets reported to the police. I had no idea. She had me gather statements about the incident from all of the employees. After doing so it became clear that this nurse had been doing this for weeks. I usually don't work with him and had no idea but he had scared the aides into silence and had been removing the restraint before the day shift came on. Though I didn't report the incident right when it happened, I did report it that same day and with the statements from other employees confirming that they had been aware but afraid to say anything it was determined that I handled it well. Still, I'm worn out from it all and angry that this man put us all in such a predicament. Not to mention how awful it is what he was doing to her. The cool thing about it is that I knew when I woke up I should have informed her right away and that my delay could mean that I would get into trouble but my conscious deemed it necessary for me to put her safety before my concerns for myself. Since I didn't know the severity of the situation, I didn't know that he would be terminated right away. There was a possibility, in my mind, that I'd have to continue to work with him knowing that I'd turned him in. It has been a scarey couple of days. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get that out of my system.
    6 points
  35. Hi Pess, love the pluck here, dude, but my yellow alert warning started flickering in my head when I read this, I have to admit. Sorry. This certainly reads like you are putting, or about to put, one awful lot of pressure/expectation on yourself. All these things, major changes, and all in an instant. Poof - like I Dream of Genie (from those not yet fossils like me, please look it up). I just want to ask you to please be careful. Excellent long-term goals, but please don't overwhelm yourself with expectations. From my experience, that is a very quick one-way ticket back to Depression-ville (just down the road from Palookaville, but the nightlife isn't nearly as good).
    6 points
  36. Finally got my pain block yesterday. I can already feel an improvement and although I've still had sharp pains a time or two, they were fleeting. The constant ache I've had for 14 months seems to be less. I'm able to get up out of my chair at work and immediately walk normally where before it would take me 4 to 5 steps to walk normal. I still have some tightness down the right leg. I'm realizing that I don't have time for depression anymore. I want to begin being the responsible adult again, I have no choice really as a single parent. I want to begin parenting again on schoolwork, chores, how to be independent. I have to take care of so many repairs and updates to my house after basically 7.5 years of neglect. I want to find a person with the qualities I desire and potential to become a spouse. And I have to start working hard again at my job...there is more work than I can possibly do and not enough time to do it in. I have to lose a little weight and exercise to further reduce pain in my back and for overall health. And, unfortunately, I have to continue to work on my mental health. Wow, I've got a lot of things to do. But being depressed isn't one of them any more. That's what I'm going with for now.
    6 points
  37. I've had depression for 3 years, and until now never was able to fully empathize with people who suffered extreme mental health issues. I would have some inner sadness, fatigue and so on but it would pass, and I would exercise and take supplements to improve my mood thinking I found the 'cure'. I would tell others that all they had to do was follow my footsteps and they would also be cured (i.e cut out carbs, check your hormones) and so on. Only when experiencing the effects this deeply can I begin to understand how horrifying and debilitating the symptoms can truly become. I can no longer make light of anyone's suffering because I know that it is possible to be so deep down without any possible glimmer of hope. If I do make another recovery, it will surely be my most tremendous. I hope this insight can help me give hope to those that need the empathy and understanding like they need water, because we already feel isolated and misunderstood enough in this crazy world. :verysad3:
    5 points
  38. I posted in a topic about disabilities just a few seconds ago. And now I feel the rage and sadness and pointlessness of everything. Didn't even realize how much of a trigger that subject is. Blah
    5 points
  39. Freckled - At least you are making a concerted effort, filling out applications/sending resumes. I can't even seem to get a decent resume put together... Depression-fueled inertia has led me to "settle" for a job that doesn't pay much and is more or less a dead end. At least YOU are trying! Hugs T
    5 points
  40. 5 points
  41. I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing, but I thought I'd give this creative writing thing another go. Sorry, this is pretty rubbish, & a bit emo-ish, but it was therapeutic. Sadist in my head There's a sadist in my head She steals wonder from my brain She carves wounds from which I've bled And delights in all my pain And she stokes the flames of fear That I've carried since my youth When she whispers in my ear Lies I know to be the truth She divests me of my hope And the light I cannot see She persuades me I can't cope And foments my misery And the blood from my veins Feeds a river that runs red As the barbs along her chains Cut & slay me in my bed As I'm taken from this earth From a life I cannot brave She spits upon my birth And dances on my grave
    5 points
  42. 5 points
  43. 5 points
  44. Feel good about saying no to two people recently. My boss asked if I'd go on a particular training session and I said I'd go if she asked me to, but that I prefer not to - she was cool with that. Turns out it was awful. And my niece asked me to an Amway presentation and I politely declined. I don't like how they say they're grooming her to be a "leader" when in actual fact they're grooming her to turn every human being into a "prospect" to make sales. Better to be true to myself.
    5 points
  45. Feeling like there's no way I will survive the next 4 years of teenage angst from my oldest.
    5 points
  46. OK for the most part. I'm completely broke, but what's new? Ramen noodles and eggs. The breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions.
    5 points
  47. (((((Freckled))))) So sorry :( I know that feeling.... I think I told you, but I searched for over a year recently and went through the same process. It's excruciating and requires a lot of stamina and patience... I remember the days when I was so frustrated, upset and disappointed. It is scary not knowing what will happen... you just have to maintain faith in yourself and your own abilities. Be sure to take breaks from the job search and treat yourself to any kind of relaxation activity that will help. Also, can you get a recruiter to help you?? I used to scour the agency boards for jobs then apply and follow up with a phone call. Once you have a recruiter (or a few) looking, then opportunities can come your way vs the other way around. That helps! Crossing my fingers for you that the right opportunity comes your way.
    4 points
  48. My knees are achy. The seasons changing and its causing me to hate my knees. Ugh.
    4 points
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