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Showing content with the highest reputation on 06/04/2015 in all areas

  1. 7 points
    Feeling the depression pretty hard since yesterday - unable to relax, discontent with everything, and possibly the worst part: even the smallest tasks fill me with the most immense sense of dread. WHY the dread and where does it come from? Oh right, depression! Writing a two sentence response to an important e-mail regarding my education felt like I was being asked to stand on hot coals for a few hours. I am working through the dread and getting some things done, but I really hope this passes soon. - Christina
  2. 6 points
    Hello everyone. I haven't been posting lately because I just haven't felt like I've had anything positive to contribute. But I have been keeping up with reading updates, etc. Sometimes I am torn about spending time here, as the concentrated misery that often comprises the posts here at DF can be overwhelming at times and actually make me feel even lower than I already do. This is not a criticism of the site or the people who constitute its membership, just an observation based on my own internal feelings. On the other side if the coin, I find the comraderie and bonding and community to be invaluable beyond measure. I want everyone here to know that your pain and suffering are met with the most complete and unadulterated empathy that I can muster.. Sorry if these words are a bit rambling and chaotic..I have not been doing too well either, but keep clinging to hope that things will get better, or at the very least, start to suck less than they do presently.. You are all in my thoughts, Peace, Tim PS I know I owe some of you replies to PMs, and I apologize for not having done so yet. I promise I will respond soon. Edited to add: Happy birthday to your son, freckled, sal is right, he is very lucky to have you!
  3. 6 points
    Sending lots of (((whatever it is you need today hugs))) out to everyone. As always on this day, I'm feeling nostalgic and as always, the "I should haves, I could haves, I knew better, Why didn't I, I failed as a parent"s are trying to ruin the joy associated with the day. It's my sons birthday....my first born. He changed the course of my path for life, and he's one of the most important anchors that keep me grounded to this earth. I just wish so desperately I could give him everything he deserves in this lifetime.
  4. 5 points
    Christina used the word "dread". Wow, that's perfect. There's so much of my life that I "dread". I have a meeting at 1 p.m. with my boss about my job performance. I really dread that.
  5. 5 points
    I had a lousy sleep, hooked up like a cyborg at a sleep clinic. IV'ing the coffee and preparing to sleep some more. Too early to tell how I feel. I too hope you all have the best day possible.
  6. 4 points
    First, I feel GREAT today. I mean, still tired and a little blegh feeling, but no headache! Really encouraging after the week I've had... My occupational therapist is retiring on the 26th. Soo...gotta start over again with someone new >.< In once sense that's annoying and tiring, but I also wasn't really connecting with this therapist, so maybe it will be a good thing. I also just TOTALLY screwed up with the guy I've been chatting with. I've been trying to distance myself and not chat as much so he doesn't get the wrong impression, but we were just chatting and what did I just do? Ask him a personal question that will probably turn out to be awkward and make him think I'm weird and might care to much. *****. with. guys. >.< (oh, and yeah, he's not responding.) EDIT: It **** out that? Wasn't a curse word, I swear, lol. I just replace it with "naive" :P
  7. 4 points
    Be strong, JD. When I have a meeting with my boss, I take the criticism I deserve and let the rest go like water off a duck's back. You're not responsible for your boss' feelings. You're just responsible for your feelings and your actions. I'll keep you in my thoughts today. Peace and love
  8. 4 points
    My life is crazy. Right now I'm driving junkie to a new rehab because she got kicked out for huffing dust off. And she is stoned. I'm gonna call CPS if she doesn't stay in this one. She is going through withdrawals from methadone. If she doesn't get some she will go into early labor that's the only reason I am helping. I know it's my baby to raise I want it as healthy as possible in this Fucd situation
  9. 4 points
    JD4010

    The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread

    Well. My boss has decided to set me up for remedial management training. I should see that as a positive, but with my thinking patterns, I see it as a "vote of no confidence". I know I've been failing so I'd better take advantage of it. This could be the final time that I get a lifeline thrown at me.
  10. 4 points
    Feeling better after a fairly productive talk with my wife. There is a lot of work left to be done.
  11. 3 points
    ((HUGS)) I sometimes avoid this forum because I know reading the posts will bring me down. Don't worry about it, LH. I hope you are feeling better soon. You're in our thoughts as well!
  12. 3 points
    Feeling a little anxious, but work and writing and social life (online dating) are going well. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop :) JD - hang in there bud. Take the training. I know it's tough to stay motivated and at a functional level at work! Christina - here's hoping you feel better. I know with me, sometimes there is an unidentifiable click that happens in my brain - like someone threw a toggle switch - and, suddenly, I feel better. God I wish I could throw that switch myself :) Epona - that is tough stuff. But, you are an angel for doing what you are doing to help out! Cheers B
  13. 3 points
    feelings hit hard this morning. Not sure why but it's already a benzo day...not a good start. hopefully things will clear up soon & I will shake it. Hope you all have a good day today :)
  14. 3 points
    Feeling peaceful. I had the therapy session I'd been waiting for, and I kept my promise to myself to be completely honest about all of the symptoms I've experienced. To my surprise, I was genuinely listened to, and we both agreed that my dissociative symptoms are the root of everything else, including my depression. So I've now got some more intensive psychotherapy arranged to start working on it. The prospect of digging up old things scares me, but I've reached the point where it's the only way forward. I know that my future will end up being more of the same fractured, grey slop if I don't, and I want my life to be summarised as something other than 'wasted potential'.
  15. 3 points
    I hear you, flight. I'm facing all kinds of ungodly deadlines, but simply can't get my sorry @ss motivated--in spite of getting "threatened nicely" by my boss. *** is wrong with me??
  16. 2 points
    It seems so stupid to say that....but I really wish I was capable of crying. My numbness scares me.
  17. 2 points
    So an update on my crisis from yesterday - I ended up hustling all day and FINISHED both the assignments. Granted, they are not good at all, but I will not be failing this class after all. Ended up writing 17 pages today. And I've gotten quite a few nice birthday messages today, so i guess my first day of being 25 is not soooo bad ;)
  18. 2 points
    Happy Birthday to your son, Freckles! What a nice post. Well, my boss did b*tch me out, but he also offered me another chance. I'd better grab onto it, otherwise I'll throw 27 years of hard work away. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone.
  19. 2 points
    Well, I totally understand that it's hard to stop cutting, and finding other ways to cope with your emotions can be tough. But it would seem that indulging in something like this just puts you back on the path to cutting. So, perhaps it would be a good idea to let your therapist know you're struggling with this, and see if she has some other coping mechanisms to suggest to you during the times when you can't see her. Maybe even find a support group in your area, so you can speak directly to someone who knows what you're going through when you're facing the temptation to cut or scratch? I've heard of an organization called S.A.F.E Alternatives that might help you find something like this if you want to google them. I think they also have articles on there that might give you some suggestions on things you can do to keep yourself from cutting, as well. For instance, I know I've read that finding ways to keep your hands busy when you're stressed, like sketching, scrapbooking, journaling, cooking, etc, can be good solutions depending on your interests. So, just a couple thoughts. Hope they help! #girlluvs2garden#
  20. 2 points
    *hugs* *HUGS* for everyone! I'm feeling a little spaced out today. You know, like when you wake up early in the morning and you just stare at the back of your eyelids for over an hour, hoping that you can just visualize your day away. Well, I thought of some inspirational things and eventually crawled out of bed. Now my head is back in the clouds. ha ha
  21. 2 points
    Yes Christina, the word dread is perfect. I often think about how I'm never without something I'm dreading. Even during the best of times there's always something saying, "Hey, I'm over here. You need to dread me!" JD congrats on the training assignment! I see it as a positive for you, because apparently your boss feels you are too valuable to let go!
  22. 2 points
    Like I didn't have too many problems already. This one psychiatrist thinks she's being helpful and is trying to put me to involuntary treatment. I'm not that depressed, I haven't had any major mood swings in weeks, I take care of myself and my apartment, I'm not suicidal, I have zero interest in self injury, my own psychologists says I haven't been psychotic in the last year... This situation is so f*cked up I don't know what to do anymore. She thinks she's helping me, but she only makes me feel stressed and scared. But I don't want to think about that now. My day has been quite good. I'm still in a hospital, but I've been able to move around a lot more than before because they gave me a smaller wheelchair. The last one I had was so huge I could barely reach the wheels. Today I made it around the hospital wing twice! I'm going to have huge muscles by the end of the summer, that's for sure. :)
  23. 2 points
    Beautiful, Freckled. Your son is lucky to have you!
  24. 2 points
    Hello Ip44, there is nothing at all "stupid" about wanting to cry. I would give anything to have myself a good cry and somehow release some of this pain. I hold everything in and it just makes me more and more numb everyday. They say that talking about deep down stuff to another person helps, but not yet for me...I hope you the Best...
  25. 2 points
    Cautiously optimistic. Might be the meds talking but, at this point, I'll take it.
  26. 2 points
    Wrenn84

    Im In Deep Sh*#

    Hi fading light sorry to hear of your situation . Depending where u live, some areas have "SIL" placements for 15-18 year olds which stands for semi independent living, it would mean u get your own apartment and CPS will provide u with some money for groceries clothing etc and cover t he rent, and there is a worker who either lived in the apartment building or visits there regularly to offer support. May be a better option than a foster home. Another thing CPS can look Into is having a family like an aunt or grandparent or friend of family like a friends parents Eric that is an adult set up as a .foster home that is specific for u, so the people hosting u would get some money to provide u with room and board . The idea is it's less foreign than staying with people you have never met. Very often, a person in your predicament might thing oh I don't have anyone I could stay with like that, but the truth is, once a CPS worker is assisting you in reaching out to ask people if you could stay with them for awhile, people sometimes tend to realize it's pretty serious and will offer to take u in for awhile. Besides what CPS can do, be sure to check out youth emergency shelters and programs in your area. They may have additional resources for u in your area. I used to be a CPS social worker and there is some good foster homes some excellent ones and some awful ones. There's also never enough foster homes and I'm assuming you are at least 12 years old or older which makes it harder to find a foster home. In terms of CPS there is also some good workers some excellent ones and some awful ones. There's also never enough workers so it sometimes can be unless the situation at home is so physically dangerous, CPS won't do much. Do u have any mentoring programs in your area like. Big Beothers big Sisters? Maybe you could use to have a mentor so u have some more people in your life that can support u throu difficult times. If u have any questions about CPS systems etc please msg me anytime.
  27. 2 points
    Wrenn84

    Random Thoughts

    F @&$. Those jerks they have an UGLY PERSONALITY
  28. 2 points
    Hi lp44, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way - it is not a stupid thing to say, it's honest and understandable. Have you been experiencing this for a while? Are you in treatment? I hope things start to improve, and look forward to hearing more from you.
  29. 2 points
    Fizzle

    Im In Deep Sh*#

    Hi Fading light. I truly hope you get the support you need. May I ask more about the situation? Only if you are ok discussing it. What is it about the air and how old are you? Is the vernal abuse a new thing and what is your mother on about? Is your mum a hoarder? I think going to the friends house that you can have mental space to think this through a little is a great idea. Planning tends to work best when making big decisions so if you are able to hang in there whilst you do that then that is likely to be helpful. I think someone professionally trained or who works in this area may be the best type of person to advise you. Someone that first has access to all the information. The fact that you have been thinking of cps for so long says a lot about what you are going through.
  30. 2 points
    Fizzle

    What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    Welcome back shio and Topekak. Definitely noticed you were both gone. You for quite a while shio.
  31. 2 points
    PoeticProse

    Random Thoughts

    Apartment searching is probably one of my least favorite activities. Right up there with packing.
  32. 2 points
    I turn 25 tomorrow. I feel like a god damn failure. I had so much opportunity to finish the course work for this class and tomorrow is the very last day and I still haven't done it. Now I won't graduate for another full year and I'll probably never get into law school now because I have too many failing grades. I hate myself.
  33. 2 points
    Hi there, First, I would say that not all men are like that; I wouldn't even say a majority of men are like that. Regardless, many people get nervous or fearful of their partners not remaining loyal. The main point is whether or not the fears are based in reality. Are there legitimate reasons to suspect that your boyfriend would be unfaithful, has he ever done so? Because hearsay, and the statements of boys who are making immature generalizations, are not evidence of anything. Your boyfriend clearly didn't give you a very reassuring response - I understand that it may trouble you. Why not be direct and honest about it? Tell him that it bothered you, and discuss it further. But also realize that, while it wasn't the best statement he could have made, it doesn't make your fears true. Thank you for sharing, and good luck!
  34. 2 points
    I feel like a drudge. I drive my son to work. I bring him home. I shop for groceries. I make dinner. I do other odd jobs around the house. Oh wait, I do all the paperwork for my son's stuff (that is drudgery!). And my son told me, "It su.cks to be me," because he thinks his back is too hairy. Son, you don't know what really sucks.
  35. 2 points
    Just blah and bored. Wondering what to do for two hours before I take my kids to dinner and head over to the sleep clinic. Normally, I would sleep but I don;t want to interfere with the results. The drudgery of everyday life is sometimes dispiriting. Flight and JD - stick with it at work. There are so many soul crushing jobs these days, I know, I'm in one. Any consolation, you are probably doing better than you think you are right now. Don't get me started on sexual side effects of these meds. Perhaps too much info but, although I can show up for the game, I haven't been able to score my own touchdown since I've been on Effexor. Sorry for the metaphorical language. This actually was one of the causes of my marriage breakdown - she took it wrong and I did not know what was causing it. Also, 5 years with my ex-girlfriend and no orgasm pour moi. Although I explained the issue and although it let me "go all night" (i.e. without the organism, I was indefatigable) I am sure it weighed on her. As Ron Weasley used to say - ****** Hell! B
  36. 2 points
    At work, but doing less and less work everyday. Unmotivated, uninspired, can't focus or get on task let alone stay on task. I have my own personal problems that aren't the fault of any of my coworkers, but damn the depressed atmosphere in this place is ******* me and has been for a long time and it's not just me. But I think I handle it worse than my coworkers. Poor management at the top. The agency Director is sweet as can be and never rides me, but I still hate being slack! I want to work, but just can't get going. If she were strict, maybe that would help me, or maybe it would send completely over the edge. I don't know, but I can't see 9 more years of this (until retirement). I get good yearly evaluations that I don't deserve, but how much longer can that last? Either things will get better or my job may be in jeopardy. I wish I could hit the lottery!
  37. 2 points
  38. 2 points
    shio

    What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    Hi Jarrod I look forward to going to bed early --- 7 or 8 pm --- and watch tv until i fall asleep. It's the time to myself thing i love doing. MInd it makes for the day to be dragging long.....
  39. 2 points
    Tense. A really unsettled feeling hit me last night and I had three nightmares in a row. Hopefully, this feeling passes as the day goes on! I might PM someone today for an opinion on something (I know, so delightfully vague) that I feel uncomfortable posting. Brian- Thank you. I hope your anxiety subsides today! Wow is anxiety like the pest that wouldn't go away. Emme99 - My guess is that those few days without drinking were progress for you. Mistakes happen. I'm sure you have it within you to get it right in time duck, remove, and smithci - I'm sorry you are in so much pain right now. I wish that I could say more, but I just really hope that the pain passes soon for both of you. - Christina
  40. 2 points
    Duck - big hugs to you brother. It really saddens me to see you're hurting so much. I hope today is much better. I am anxious, but, what else is new. Another day. Lets go!
  41. 2 points
    InfinateandDistant

    A Positive Thread!

    Ms. Lesley, Thank you for your support. In around about way, I know she is better now. We'll meet again 1 day, Chloe and I. She was a very well behaved and dear friend. She would always get in my lap and love on me as I was scratching her head and ears. She was the best. Almost solid black too. Unless you really looked at her neck, you would think she was black. For as long as you and I have been associated with each other, you're last post to me was the first time that you ever posted your name. Thank you for it. I appreciate that. It's really hard to get to know someone online because most want anonymity. I hope you have a great day and God Bless! Sincerely, Curtis
  42. 2 points
    JarrodM

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    Thank you, emotionally I am doing great actually. It feels as if my brain has been let out of jail, if that makes sense. Physically, I am still pretty bad. I haven't vomited this much in my life, especially at work. But I see signs that it's coming to an end! I just hope I'm doing okay by Saturday as it's the Pride Parade here in Edmonton. Should be fun!
  43. 2 points
    feelinglostagain

    Im In Deep Sh*#

    I too suggest you talk to someone who may be able to help like a counselor or doctor. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. As another poster mentioned, many people have rough home situations growing up. That is not to discount what you are going through, just mentioning it to let you know you are not alone. Foster care is not a great option , in my opinion. I truly hope things get better for you, that you find someone in some position of authority and trust to speak to about your situation and who may help you with options and coping skills.
  44. 2 points
    PsychT1987

    Im In Deep Sh*#

    Not sure if in high school or college at the moment. Can confide privately with a counselor about your concerns. Other option is contact 211 or local help hotline. Not just for suicidal thoughts it helps you get directed to services that may be beneficial. If best since don't feel comfortable at home maybe make the phone call at a family or friends house can trust. Not sure if you do see a clinician, but can confide in them as well. Continue to be strong
  45. 2 points
    Fading light

    Im In Deep Sh*#

    thanks for the advice poeticprose ive been thinking about calling C.P.S for some time now and i fear that there my only option, and as far as explaining my situation to an adult theres none that i can really talk to all i have are my friends and this forum, and yes my mother is on mood stabilizers. im aware that foster homes arent always the best in terms of how they treat you but at this point i just want to be in a home were i can breath withought feeling like im about to pass out
  46. 2 points
    It's fine a lot of the time, but in the end being alone all day every day isn't that fun.
  47. 2 points
    JarrodM

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    Thanks! I know I'll start feeling better once I'm through! Hi Jarrod. I take a combination of extended release Seroquel and immediate release. I stopped my extended release a month or so ago after running out and had to go right back on it for the same reason- being on edge. I'd love to live med free, but it just doesn't seem to be an option for me. How are your withdrawals going now? They're bad, but tolerable. I've been going to work, living my daily life. Keep distracted.
  48. 2 points
    Abandonedalways

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    I feel okay. Not Too good not too bad. I guess thats better than awful =p
  49. 2 points
    i recently have forced myself to quite a lot that i think is absolutely necessary to better myself first i forced myself to quit drinking any and all sodas 5 months back then i forced myself to eat less and bathe and shave regularly after i had that under control as well i promised myself that i would quit doing drugs and now that i have a handle on that im forcing myself to move out of this place and into a place where i will not be allowed to be as lazy as i am because i know that given the opportunity i will be as lazy as possible and that moving will help me greatly in starting to live a productive life and set myself on the right path i dont know if everything will pan out but i do know that i can not give up on myself
  50. 2 points
    Starting and sticking with therapy.
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