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Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/09/2015 in all areas

  1. Mikayla

    A Quote A Day...

    The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision. -Helen Keller
    4 points
  2. Wish there was a way to say thank you to everyone here. Those who replied, those who did not, but are staying aboard this ship, riding turbulent seas. It does help to know you all understand what this is. Depresssion is so . . . insidious and confusing, particularly if you're prone to judging and criticizing yourself. Cried some today and yesterday. Don't feel the better for it. I've been on and off medication for years. Where do you go when something stops working? Back to the drawing board. Thought I'd tackle it with supplements, aiding certain hormonal systems. Helped a great deal for a while--till the money ran out. I can get pharmaceutical assistance, but fear the weight gain side effect of chemicals, as body image has been an issue all my life. Looking for a way out of the darkness.
    4 points
  3. I feel like playing in traffic.
    3 points
  4. I feel like it's Monday. I also feel like I woke up an hour earlier than I should have. Curse this daylight savings time crap.
    3 points
  5. My body's aching from working out so hard yesterday but I feel good at the same time
    3 points
  6. Almha

    A Quote A Day...

    "Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain". —Vivian Greene
    3 points
  7. I haven’t posted much here but on the endless search for what the heck is wrong with me I’ve done a lot of reading and research and have taken a ridiculous number of years to find what I think is my own personal solution. I never thought of my problems as problems until certain events in life brought them into focus and left me with nothing to distract me from them, so now at the age of 30 I have already lived a life as someone I perhaps shouldn’t have been, if only I’d noticed earlier. Anyway, here’s a list of ‘symptoms’ I identified in myself and considered to be the results of depression: 1. Lack of focus (difficulty listening to others, finishing work at last minute, overlooking details) 2. Focus on inappropriate things (when playing games - lose track of time, ignore others, relationship problems) 3. Disorganisation (poor time management, don’t keep track of tasks, chronic procrastination, bad prioritisation) 4. Forgetfulness (mainly related to keeping track of tasks, where I put things) 5. Impulsivity (interrupt in conversations, rush through tasks, buying things to satisfy need for something new, change pastimes a lot, can't find anything that satisfies) 6. Emotional problems (depression, boredom, unsatisfied) 7. Poor self-image (very doubtful of myself, underachieving, can’t commit long term from fear of failure) 8. Lack of motivation (can’t seem to kick start myself, can’t visualise long-term success, can’t focus enough to get going, no meaning in life) 9. Restlessness & Anxiety (focus on negative outcomes a lot, can’t keep my mind still, has to have some new info to chew on, or turning over thoughts constantly) 10. Health (very poor eating habits, lack of consistent exercise (no motivation)) 11. Relationship issues (inattentive, easily bored, talking over people, uncaring) What this all added up to was a diagnosis of ADD. The symptoms are something that I’ve always known about myself since childhood (and ADD/ADHD is something that must be present from childhood) but never considered to be abnormal - I just thought that’s how we humans go through life, like it or lump it. Only recently when I started to lose all interest in life did I consider I may be abnormal, and depressed. However, I believe if I hadn’t put 2 and 2 together and done a little extra research I wouldn’t have considered ADD/ADHD, and would’ve gone straight for depression meds, which I think would have done more harm than good in my case, and not actually solved anything. I actually scheduled myself for a depression/counselling session but in the week running up to that meeting I accidentally honed in on what the real underlying problem was after connecting a lot of long-ignored dots. When I went to the doc, we went through a lot of details and she agreed that ADD seemed the main factor, which was possibly causing the depression. She gave me Concerta (a long release version of Ritalin), which has had a huge impact on me. My biggest problem was my inability to focus, and tendency to procrastinate and avoid tasks. When I first tried the Concerta I felt slightly nauseous/dizzy and my heart rate really increased for the first few days (this all settled down after a few days), but the focus and attention it allowed me to have was amazing. Of course I’d expected something to happen and had changed my mindset to a certain degree to be a bit more diligent, but I’ve done that before and failed to sustain it, whereas with the meds I can maintain focus on a task for hours if needed and when I sit back for a little recreation my mind doesn’t zone out but rather starts thinking of what better things it could be getting on with. It doesn’t eliminate procrastination/avoidance, but when you sit down to work on something, more likely than not you will get the job done. I know this won’t apply to most of you, but I’d be willing to bet there’s a bunch of people out there that are as ignorant of their own issues as I was, and never made the connection. If you match some of the symptoms above, and have done since childhood, it would be a good idea to go and discuss it with your doctor. I used to think ADD/ADHD were just buzzwords to sell meds and take the stress out of having a hyper kid that should be channelling their energy in other areas, but the fact is having it for 30 years hasn’t benefited me in any obvious way, it has only harmed my studies, work, relationships and self-image. I guess I’m pretty good at computer games and IT, but not to the point that it’s worth anything to me. I haven’t had feelings of depression since I started the meds, as they’ve given me hope that I can start rebuilding and accomplishing things again, and I can already see how my extra diligence at work is improving my image and self-respect. I expect that ADD and depression are not mutually exclusive and there are people out there with both, but if anyone hasn’t yet made the connection, I hope this helps.
    2 points
  8. Mikayla

    A Quote A Day...

    Be not simply good - be good for something. Henry David Thoreau
    2 points
  9. Definitely. Diet can affect my mood and energy levels to a great extent. Eating empty calories feels good for about an hour, then the rush is gone and there is a "comedown" that makes me really lethargic, sometimes outright depressed.
    2 points
  10. “To lose our grip on the costliness of forgiveness will result in a superficial, perfunctory confession that does not lead to any real change of heart. There will be no life change. To lose our grip on the freeness of forgiveness, however, will lead to continued guilt, shame, and self-loathing. There will be no relief. Only when we see both the freeness and the cost of forgiveness will we get relief from the guilt as well as liberation from the power of sin in our lives.” ~ Tim Keller
    2 points
  11. * * * * * * * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** * * * ** I rarely have strong, positive emotional responses. Sometimes I get really angry. When I lose something or someone, I can become very sad or distressed. I often want to cry, but rarely do. I often fantasize about suicide. About once a day I will imagine myself getting hanged. I imagine the sensation of suffocation, how my whole body would tense up. Or putting a gun on my temple and shoot. Sometimes I identify with the character named Todd in the movie The Visioneer. He works in an office, and according to his doctor, every hour he must point an empty gun at his head and pull the trigger, or otherwise he will explode. Sometimes I fantasize that a shooter comes to my office and blows everyone's brain out including mine. I am anxious most of the time. I wish I could quit medication. I experimented it. I get less anxious, but I become less able to function. With medication, I can sleep 7h/day, not feel tired and function all day long. Without medication, I must sleep 10h/day, and I have trouble waking up. I hate society. I hate having to socialize, do activities, just to feel normal. What is vitality? Vitality is work. It's like a plant you must care for. Socializing is like watering a plant. When I look back, most of the things I did these past years seem like part of a rat race. I really like Swedish massages. Sugary foods relieve the anxiety, but I have to limit their consumption. I wish I could go back to late 2006, and not go back to university, and not start taking medication. I should have started therapy first. That's what would have been right. Maybe I would have been able to by-pass medication altogether. Taking medication was supposed to last one year. It's been more than seven years now. I hate anxiety. Anxiety is my engine. Can I get another one?
    2 points
  12. I`m feeling ok right now because the day went well.I just start to feel low at night though.
    2 points
  13. Nope. Not hopeless. And not helpless. And not alone. Fight and persist. The sun comes up anew each day.
    2 points
  14. Hopeless, helpless, very, very sad and alone.
    2 points
  15. 'We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.' -Pinterest
    2 points
  16. afflicted

    Boys Vs Girls

    Haha seriously what's the point of this? Dudes are going to be vastly outnumbered on a forum that discusses feelings (unfortunately). 44. Just so it takes a post longer to get to 0, again.
    2 points
  17. Yes it's amazing when you see an exact description of you and realise there's hope ahead. Just a bit of extra info if anyone does start on Concerta: Apparently the dosage is the tricky part, if it's your first time they'll probably give you 18mg, which you can try for a week. If it has no effect you can then take 2 for a week, then try 3 for a week etc as it will have the same effect as buying the same dosage in a single pill (although will hit your wallet a bit harder at first). I found that 18 worked and within a few days the main side effects had gone, which made me wonder if it was still working. I tried taking 2 for one day (so 36mg) but I felt a lot more nauseous and not exactly focussed but a bit numbed, like it was hitting my brain too hard. I went back to 18 and that seems fine for now. You can skip days but the effects will obviously wear off on those days but if you know you're not doing anything taxing then that probably won't matter. Apparently tolerance increases over time but does tend to level out at a certain dosage, so it should be sustainable. The main issue I've found is that I don't get as much sleep and will toss and turn a lot/wake up several times through the night. But to be honest, I'll take that in return for the benefits it gives.
    2 points
  18. Almha

    Random Thoughts

    Man it sucks when you want to dance to rockin' music but don't know how and think you'd look stupid doing it, as well I ain't got no energy for that! Time to bust the moves in ma head~ Oh & yes... SPRING IS COMING!
    2 points
  19. I feel much better right now. I forced myself to do things and got them done. Husband should be home in about an hour. It will feel so much better to have him home and not be so alone.
    2 points
  20. Barrier Maiden, You shouldnt change for other people. If you want to change, do it for yourself. You are in depression now. Its understandable that you are feeling this way. Maybe your goal should be just to get better. Make that your only priority right now. Best to you!!
    2 points
  21. I don't mean to play to stereotypes, but I see female commentators mentioning their SOs and "fixing it." I would therefore add to the foregoing suggestions: it may help to be explicit about what you want or need from your SO. Our (men's) default is to try to "fix" the problem. Sometimes I wonder why on Earth someone would tell me about a problem if not to have it solved (I jest a little). Men can suffer from particular anxiety when faced with loved ones' problems that can't be "fixed." Years ago, before I had fully matured emotionally, I was in a relationship with someone suffering from uncontrolled bipolar disorder w/ psychotic features. I saw all the aspects of her illness as variables that I could try to combine in just the right way to solve the complex puzzle. It took me a while to realize that most of the variables were beyond my power to influence and, more importantly, that wasn't the kind of support she needed from me.
    2 points
  22. Fides

    A Positive Thread!

    Yesterday out of the blue I decided to go to a Buddhist thing dealing with depression. Three hours, $25 and I figured what the heck. It was an eye opening and brain opening experience. Broken into two sessions. I have never done anything with Buddhism. Went in with an open mind and left with an even more open mind. Some good meditation stuff that I have never done before, some good discussion and I am glad I went. I left feeling better than when I went in which is a good thing.
    2 points
  23. notheil

    Still Fighting

    Hi Stephanie, thanks for the kind message. You're right, I am still alive, haha. I've actually thought of that as an accomplishment before, but never said it; it sounds weird to people who haven't been in a similar spot. I'm sorry you deal with the fatigue, and hope you're working to feel better. It's always a mixed bag when you know someone relates to you: relief that you know you're not crazy and not alone, and sadness that someone else is similarly suffering.
    2 points
  24. Stephaniej12112

    Still Fighting

    Welcome, and it's nice to meet you!. You do have something to show for all the years of struggle: you're alive. I'm glad that you're going to go into therapy soon, and I wish you luck in such. For me, depression definitely makes me fatigued. Some people can't sleep at all, and some people sleep as long as possible. Honestly, I become a slug, and I don't want to move, and I don't have the motivation to do anything. I'm so glad you have a support system, and I wish you the best of luck! :)
    2 points
  25. kattogat

    Ruined Career And Life

    Thank you guys for your responses; I know I often think in overdrive, and hearing what you guys have said is definitely comforting. I just need to overcome the feeling of shame and regret that is the root of my depression; it's hard to be around people who thought you were going to be the next hot designer, when instead, you end up at a repair company. Just plain stupid, but thanks again for sharing your guys' positivity and encouragement with me! I just need to grow up, be positive, and remember to be thankful for what I have.
    2 points
  26. Crumpet

    Ruined Career And Life

    Hey Kattogat! I can relate to an extent having a computer arts degree myself. Here's my advice. Breathe. Your life isn't over. Your job doesn't have to define you. When it comes to creative industries your portfolio means a lot more than your experience. You don't have to follow the trajectory you're on, if you don't want to. Treat your job as a means of independence. It brings you income, a home and puts food on your table. That's nothing to scuff at! It casts no shade on your reputation as a creative one way or another! Spend your free time working on your portfolio. Keep searching for an entry level position in the field you do wish to work in. Find out what skills are in demand and develop those.
    2 points
  27. T on C

    Ruined Career And Life

    Hey, long posts are OK, everyone needs to vent. All of us go through the hurdles in life, never lose faith. Better opportunities will arise, just give it time and try not to beat yourself up too much. If you're leaning towards talking to someone who can professionally give you a hand then take it. Hang in there, you're not alone.
    2 points
  28. Hi Life Sample, Beyond talking to a professional (who is also a support system) and all the great advice above, have you thought about joining an IRL support group? They can be useful for making friends, networking, or just having some real-time venting around people who understand. Depending on where you're at in the world I can suggest an organization. I've also found educating myself on my own health has been empowering, and that's something I can do by myself. You probably already know this but, you never know who else is suffering; some people hide their depression quite well. You might find someone like you when you weren't expecting it. Maybe you have friends who are going out thinking the same thing as you? Maybe they too are looking for support, but assume that you would never understand? (As I'm typing this, I'm realizing I might apply this to my own life.) Sorry if this post came off jumbly, my brain's not been working great these days.
    2 points
  29. Wow. This fits me pretty well also. I checked out more online and sent it to my wife. She said it was like reading a description of me on the internet. I'll be seeing the doctor for her input. thanks for the info.
    2 points
  30. "I feel a-tragic like I'm Marlon Brando….." *David Bowie
    1 point
  31. I feel like the tin man when he runs out of oil. After completing the most minimal task, I wind down entirely. I feel ashamed for staying home from school AGAIN. I feel flighty and foggy and stupid and boring and bored.
    1 point
  32. Yeah I have the same problem as you when I am depressed like now. It usually happens at night though. I developed a terrible habit of going straight to pathmark after a 3 to 7 internship twice a week and buying things like gallons of icecream and entenmann's cakes and just eating them for dinner and falling asleep quickly after. And of course all leftovers are had for breakfast. A big issue with me is just knowing it is there. I used to rationalize eating an entire box of twinkies so that I wouldn't be eating them twice or three times, and that i would be done with them.
    1 point
  33. Hi lp Just a thought as I've done this before. Would you consider writing out what happened this weekend and just giving it to your T? Takes the pressure off you having to tell her verbally. Callie
    1 point
  34. 1 point
  35. I worked through a tough weekend, doing most of the things I wanted and know can help me be and feel a little better. Got together with a friend I've been working through this pain with, got up at reasonable hours despite the time change, went to the gym twice, did a little planning for work (after a really bad week), spent some time with the family, helped out with shopping, watching the kids, etc. I guess I can feel okay about this. I'm going to go read and meditate a bit before it gets late (another positive step for me). My prayer for the week is that I may be able to turn things over to what I believe is a power greater than myself, and just live in smaller increments. I can do handle pain in 10 second increments and even often be happier in that short a span of time. (This isn't an original idea, but it is one I want to practice). I pray to be able to let go of the ego in acceptance of even uncomfortable moments. I ask for the courage to work on what I can and the faith to believe things won't always feel as they have.
    1 point
  36. Thats great, duck! It is so nice to get those dang taxes done and out of the way! You should feel very good to have taken care of that!!
    1 point
  37. Mot happy not unhappy. I don't really feel like anything right now
    1 point
  38. My mental health and its unpredictability.
    1 point
  39. notheil

    Abilify

    You can contact the pharmacy fulfilling the prescription and ask them how much it will cost. I'd call around and find the lowest price I could, sometimes it can vary considerably. Edit: Also, if taking name-brand Abilify, you might be able to get discounts through the manufacturer. It's definitely worth a try.
    1 point
  40. totally agree with SoulSurvivor-boorish indeed! I don't quite understand all this narcissism. What makes you think I care in the least about the mundane experiences of your life or what to hear it in the first place. Facebook? I'm glad that you're doing well but I really don't care that little Susy has the sniffles or Johnny's little league team just lost a game.
    1 point
  41. I couldn't sleep last night. It felt like my mind wouldn't stop. I finally fell asleep at 5 and I had to be up at 6. When my alarms went off I decided to stay home today. I finally woke up a few minutes ago and I actually feel pretty good. I'm really shocked, I don't feel that bad.
    1 point
  42. So glad to hear you are feeling good now. I can totally relate. I dont take cymbalta but I take paxil and have been decreasing it because my sodium level got too low and wanted to see if I was okay with lower dose (mood and sodium). Did well and then recently have not done well at all. Its so confusing. You wonder if its the withdrawal effects or if your depression is back because you needed the higher dose. Went down from 45 to 35 since August. Now at 35 Ive been having a rough time. Weird because I when I was at 37, I was okay but went to 35 after two months. Anyway, so glad you are feeling good. If it means 60 mg. then that may be what you need. Not worth it to be depressed.
    1 point
  43. Daniel5

    Ruined Career And Life

    I would not be so hard on yourself, especially if you just graduated college this year. I won't even tell you what my first job was out of college, ha.
    1 point
  44. Well, my relationship with Mom is messy. She always says something like "oh, so you need me only when you're sick/desperate?" or "come on, you have a bad life? Look at me... blah-blah". So as much as I love her, showing my weakness to her is definitely just gonna make me feel worse:( You're lucky to have such a great Mom!
    1 point
  45. Optimistic. Wut? That can't be!
    1 point
  46. As some you may know I have decided to thrust myself back into the world of dating and realationships..a part of my life that has largely eluded me. I was typically way too shy and had too much anxiety and no confidence in myself to mingle with the opposite sex but today I managed to message 2 girls on tinder despite how much anxiety I had about doing what some people would consider such an easy task...I do not even expect any of them to ever reply to me and if they do not then It is alright..I was able to take a step forward and try to put myself out there. My friends do not have any hookups or connections for me.. so this battle I am on my own. It is extremely difficult for me to approach woman outside of normal cirumstances and I can barely look them in the eyes in public even when they are clearly make eye contact towards me. Social anxiety and depression is tough lol! I refuse to give up under any circumstances...even if it takes me the next 5-20 years of my life to be in a realationship I will embrace all the little victories I am achieving to try and get myself to that point...So I guess here is to trying to be positive! I am exploring the idea of creating my own blog and cataloguing my journey and the ups and downs and the goods and bads..perhaps blogging might give me a bit of extra confidence who knows right?
    1 point
  47. Hey Elicia! How are you doing with everything right now? I agree that finding a good therapist is a bit of a needle in a haystack. I do think I have "one of the good guys" however. Its just a struggle to stick with it.
    1 point
  48. It's hard not to feel envious when I've worked so hard for years trying to obtain what others were born with.
    1 point
  49. @inflames (Congratz on being legally female that's cool! ;) Well I'm glad u have informed her.....ignorance and indifference are often the most powerful forms of hate. I do honestly believe there are more good people out there with honest enough intentions and positive energy, that don't intend harm.,,,than the dark, malicious evil doers, (although they certainly exist unfortunately ) Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to share tolerance with people who haven't considered the weight of their words. I know I have certainly had countless situations where I have offended someone, without realizing it, taken stock after being informed and adopted a more open minded perspective. And truthfully I think due to the taboo and lack of info on trans issues paired with the relatively small minority of the population that is actually trans, there's a lot of people who have never considered, encountered or even thought about a transgendered person, not out of hate just simply that is their experience. I remember the first transgender person I ever met and had a conversation with I think I was about 18 or 19, I had never really thought about it before - why would I? I m just an average "normal" gendered straght female, grew up in the most boring suburb in canada . And,...now I'm back to my point about educational reform! F$&@ reading bridge to terebhia kids should be reading and learning about modern society! And shouldn't we be trying to elevate as a civilization?... Isn't the communal goal world peace and happiness and all that ?
    1 point
  50. JD4010

    What Scares You The Most.

    Illness. I watched my grandfather die a very slow, agonizing death from cancer. Towards the end, he couldn't even hold his own head up. And he was sick, constantly. To me, death would be far more preferable to "living" like he did at the end.
    1 point
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