Jump to content


Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/28/2014 in all areas

  1. 2 points

    Supported Living

    i went to visit supported living today...the place is nice but scary at the same time. you get your own little unit with shower and washing facilities. but no tv or cooking there is a group kitchen and there are 3 groups and dinner is to be eaten all together. and two rooms with tvs in them. there is an hr group once a day. i can still work if i want to but i am not sure about that yet. i still havnt decided if i am going yet.... you can stay 2week to 4weeks i have a really good relationship witb my cm and she is very understanding so that is good. im still not sure... i can decide on tuesday i guess when i see my cm again.
  2. 2 points
    Cleaned my apartment, completely. Now I can stop stressing about it.
  3. 2 points

    Reality (Crashing Down)

    Your username and the thread title immediately made the song "Alias" pop into my head and now I'm going to play it while I read your post... Anyway... If I've understood you and your past posts correctly, you have been perceived as a man but identify as a woman? That's my impression, though I try not to make assumptions about peoples' gender until I'm told by them directly. But if there is one thing I've learned from my transgender friends, it's that everyone's gender identity is equally valid whether they are cisgender or transgender and that transitioning is not what makes you who you are - you already know who you are. I know that doesn't diminish your need to transition but I want to have hope for you that you'll somehow be able to. I'm younger than you, and I have no idea what gender dysphoria feels like but I do know what being stuck in a s***ty place with people you don't want to be around feels like (high school, lol), and I also know the feeling of hopelessness and thinking I'd have no future except for an early death or a bad life, like you fear. You can always start over. You may have to fight like hell to do it, and I know it seems so daunting that you might feel more comfortable thinking about death than going on. But you deserve the chance to not see a stranger in the mirror. Again, if you don't mind me comparing my issues to yours, because they are totally distinct, I didn't seek help until this year for my mental health problems, either because when I was underage I didn't want my parents knowing about what was inside my head, or as an adult because I thought my family I still depended on would reject me or because I started self medicating with recreational drug abuse. And that is different than you coming out. But we both waited too long to do what we had to do. I wish I could do more for you. I don't think there are words eloquent or empathetic enough to take away even a fraction of the pain you're going through that can come from me or anyone else. But you've just reached a turning point. Please try to hold on longer. Do it for no one but yourself.
  4. 2 points
    I went to a class to learn about weight loss surgery. I'm at the point where I must consider it. It was informative but I asked some questions and now I hate the way I sounded. My anxiety gets the best of me every time. I feel like a fool for the way I talk or the things I say. I'm sure I probably sounded fine, but to me, I imagine that I looked and sounded dumb. So stressful.
  5. 2 points
    Well been up late reading , got up late. Had a great time with the grandchildren. Been online talking to people. So for me a good day indeed.
  6. 2 points
    Lucerne, good for you for taking that hard step and reaching out for help. You should be very proud of yourself. I hope you get your call back soon so you can move forward and get out of this feeling of limbo and waiting. The stress you are feeling right now is understandable...you've put the wheels in motion and that can be very scary. But I think once you get your appointment set and go to that first appointment you will feel a sense of relief wash over you. You will no longer be waiting but doing. I went through some very difficult circumstances with trauma in my life and the whole time I felt the need for counseling and support to get through it but never reached out and took steps to get it. When I finally did--much after the fact--I wondered why I waited so long. I was so glad I finally did it. I can remember the feeling of anxiety by taking that step--nervous to make the call, setting the first appointment, that first meeting, etc. I hope by now you've gotten your call but if you are still waiting, maybe try to do something that will distract you and calm you that you can focus on when your anxious. For example, I can't read when I'm feeling anxious but I can do a jigsaw puzzle. If you are worried about what to say when the counselor calls, perhaps write down a few thoughts? More than likely they will ask you questions, but if there is something important you want to be sure to say, having a note might be helpful. Please let us know how it goes. ~LucyLynn
  7. 1 point

    Investing In Goodness

    Henry David Thoreau said that the only investment that never fails is goodness. How could you go about investing in goodness? - journalingprompts.com The first thought that comes to mind is "empathy." To invest in empathy, the ability for nonjudgmental and compassionate perspective-taking, is the good that would keep on giving and expand one's own horizons, as well. It's one thing that the world is sorely lacking, while there's an abundance of platitudes, presumption, and pats on the back. I have my fair share of problems (more than, if I have anything to say about it!), and when I turn to friends I'm not looking for a magic cure for my childhood, my depression, or my fears. I'm looking for someone who sees that I'm in pain and who sees what I feel is ugliness, but reacts with understanding, curiosity, acceptance, and compassion. This is empathy, and it gives me strength and perspective - much more than simply being told what I should do, what I should believe, what I'm experiencing, or what I should feel. Empathy is a kind of healing, and to learn to better provide it would certainly be investing in goodness. I sometimes worry I can't repay the kindnesses I've been shown.
  8. 1 point


    finally getting some rain here in Cali, not much but every drop helps, especially here in the desert areas. really lifts my heart. this is the best time to be riding in the back roads but maybe not the smartest n safest but definitely the most fun. hope no one minds me posting this chit chat
  9. 1 point
    Yes. I do. I find I go on the laptop just about all the time because I have nothing better to do. I have bad social anxiety issues and I also don't really involve myself in anything with other people often, but I think I'm not very attractive or chatty because I don't have fulfilling days. I think I'm a cool guy who could indeed blend in if I met the right sort of people. I want a girlfriend badly. Peter is my actual name. Not Rebecca. That's a character in a game. Well, I also sleep a lot during the day. So I end up missing the ordinary hours. Yet I sometimes don't care, as each day yields nothing. I had thought about making little movies like I did in college. That may cheer me up. :)
  10. 1 point
    Welcome to DF, whatever_1234, Please, get help for yourself. Call a hotline, your doc, 911 or go to the nearest ER. They can help you. Censoring is necessary to keep from triggering other, more fragile members. Sheepwoman
  11. 1 point

    Another Bad Thing To Happen Again.

    Hi Lucerne , After reading your post I realized what a traumatic childhood and young adulthood you have had? At no stage could I read that anything was really happy and pleasurable about your early memories. That is just my opinion of course. You really need to take great of yourself as you are overwhelmed by everything that is happening around you. I was sorry to hear your Dad died and your Mother is in such a bad physical state. Have you been to see anyone about how you feel? Have you got any good friends or a close relative you get on well with ? You really need to see your Doctor for advice and ask for a referral to see a therapist who can help you sort out your feelings and how you can deal with your emotional trauma . Firstly sincerely believe in yourself, and that means loving and caring for yourself regardless of what has happened to you in the past. You need to build up your own self esteem and self confidence by believing in yourself and loving yourself for just being you. Deep inside you have issues to deal with , but also the real you who is unique and beautiful. So my advice to you is too get some support and counselling for yourself. Also take some time to appreciate yourself and understand that as a child and young person you were supposed to be cared for and loved by your parents so that you would feel cherished. This you may have never had? Best Wishes Jim Bow
  12. 1 point


    I'm in Southern California too and just loving this! Rain always lifts my mood. I'm in the garage listening to the wind and rain hit the garage door while I work. Just amazing :)
  13. 1 point


    We also have sites like rainymood.com, for when it's the middle of winter.
  14. 1 point

    I'm Baaack! :)

    Just a little update. One week back on 50mg, this is usually when I notice the hair starting to thin so I'm off for a shower and will let you all know. LOL Other then that, sleeping pretty good. I'm not having the same SE I had when I was on Zoloft the first time, one gut issue one time and that's it. The anxiety is not here...I might for for the 75mg soon if everything goes this smooth. Remember, I stopped because I was loosing more hair then normal but this med has been by far the best for my moods etc.
  15. 1 point

    Smoke And Mirrors

    That's all I am until the smoke clears and the glass shatters and it has. I haven't changed. I have no right to come here to try to help anyone or seek help for myself because in the end there is none it's like waking up and realizing you didn't actually make it out after all. So I'm not coming back here for awhile, if ever but I just wanted to make it clear to the people I've met on here that's it's got absolutely nothing at all to do with and I'm sorry for letting you down. I hope everyone here finds peace however & wherever, take care.
  16. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    I'm doing ok almost happy thats strange for me
  17. 1 point
    Ya, dsm, I always feel foolish after I say something. I'm shoved into lots of meetings every day and I try not to say anything unless I absolutely have to, for fear of saying something really stupid. And, if I do actually speak, I look around the table to see if others are silently thinking, "Gawd, how did that cretin get chosen for the position?".
  18. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    :console: :console: -jmg
  19. 1 point
    I got up around noon, took a shower, and ate lunch (bean salad, rice, and vegetables)! My first real meal in days. Otherwise, I can't stand the thought of food and all I can manage to get into my stomach is biscuits and ice-cream. I think my weight is dropping again. At least if I do force myself to eat, it is high-calorie foods. Eating is a big accomplishment for me. But I did see my pdoc two days ago and I also cleaned my flat! I don't know how I'll ever be able to work again, but today I decided to get this idea out of my mind and try to accept my mental state and unability to cope with normal every day life, at this moment. Just surviving from day to day is a big feat, I think.
  20. 1 point
    I did some work at home for my boss then emailed it to him. Went to work but was exhausted all day.
  21. 1 point


    I've been thinking a lot about the various roles that certain family members may have played in my depression. As I dig through this mess to try and heal myself, I am finding that I am often surprised by the feelings I have about other people. I was just wondering if any of you might share how you think your family factors in? Both in regards to the past or the development of your depression, and to how they help or harm you presently.
  22. 1 point

    Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

    I am exactly the same way. For me, the only way to really 'get over" a CO is to have a new one come along. That's usually how it works with 'real" relationships too. You love someone, they break your heart, you struggle trying to get over it for a while, but you really don't until someone new comes into your life and that person kind of takes the place of the old love. It's called "being on the rebound". So when I am broken hearted over a celebrity, then I am "on the rebound" and someone new comes along who catches my interest. It would be really nice if I could pick and choose, but alas, it doesn't work that way. Someone just steals my heart, the same as they would in "real life". If it's a situation that is easier to deal with, then that's great, but I don't get to choose who I will fall in love with. It just sneaks up on me and I am not even aware I have fallen in love with someone until it's too late to nip it in the bud. Sometimes it is possible to discourage a crush if you really don't want to develop one. But the key to that is to be aware that a crush is developing in the first place. If you are fully aware of it, you can sometimes *not feed it*. Like for example, one way to stop a celebrity crush from forming is to stop watching their videos *before* actually falling in love with them. That way you might forget about them and not think about them anymore. But if you keep watching until you have fallen in love already, then there is no going back from that. Once you've fallen down the hole, there is no climbing back out, lol! At least, this is my own experience.
  23. 1 point
    There is always a very nice way to be assertive. Like "I really appreciate the time you've taken to help me, but I really feel uncomfortable with you touching me". Also, avoid being alone with him anymore. Maybe you want to mention this to your uncle, I'm assuming he knows Ace as well?
  24. 1 point
    I applied for two summer jobs with city administration today and worked with a colleague in getting some people ready to join a group's board of directors at their AGM on Saturday :)
  25. 1 point

    How Do I Tell Him To Stop?

    Tell him straight out, "I don't want you to touch me" is a good place to start "please stop touching me" is slightly more subtle. In the unlikely event he becomes violent when you ask him not to touch you call the police. You just have to say so, he can't read your mind but that won't stop him from mashing you and taking advantage of your shyness and mental illness if you let him.
  26. 1 point
    Today I went to see a neurologist and my psychiatrist. Tomorrow it's off to the dentist and the chiropractor.
  27. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    Well I feel pretty goo today. I was playing with my Grandchildren (yes Barbie Dolls and all. Yes watching CBebbies !!!! :coophaha: )H ave a great day.
  28. 1 point
    i decided that I can't go back to work at the same company so I put in an application somewhere else
  29. 1 point

    Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support

    I wish I had the answer to that. :(
  30. 1 point

    Panic, First Dose :(

    Im now 7 weeks into 100mg Zoloft and can honestly say it gets better. I had crippling anxiety to start with, now I feel I am functioning well and anxiety is low. Mood is elevated and I can cope much better. Those first few days even weeks for me were not pretty.
  31. 1 point
    Just came back from an hour walk. In 0F weather (actually, wind chill is -20F). There's something about defying the elements that cheers me up. :) And yeah, this thread is great!
  32. 1 point
    I forgot to post yesterday, which might be a good thing because I was actually tired and fell asleep pretty easily. Yesterday I wrote 25% of a research paper that's due tomorrow. I also got all of my homework assignments done that had hard deadlines for yesterday. So far I haven't missed any deadlines. I only have to make it through next week (I have 1 major final and a 10 page research paper due that I haven't even started yet) and then I get a two week break. Deep breaths! I also folded laundry, although I didn't get it put away. And I washed more laundry, which refilled the bins, so the laundry room looks EXACTLY the same as when I started. Oh how I need to stop letting that bother me! Today I am working on finishing the research paper due tomorrow, moving the laundry situation forward, and cleaning up the pretzels my kids have crushed all over the family room floor.
  33. 1 point
    p.s. thank you for having this thread. It definitely helps.
  34. 1 point
    So far, I have: gotten out of bed walked my 2 dogs had a cup of coffee and a pumpkin muffin arrived at work sent an email stating my plans to take a vacation day tomorrow I actually feel really accomplished because I am sitting behind this computer and I made it to work. Every step leads to another.
  35. 1 point

    Lamotrigine (Lamictal)

    I have been on Lamictal for a few years now and I have to admit that it is a good fit for me. I cannot recall having any initial side effects nor do I have any side effects that stand out in my mind right now. I was originally put on Lamictal to stabilise my moods (to supplement the antidepressant Effexor (generic). I have seen therapists and psychaistrists for many years (since age 18 - I am 37). My therapist thinks that I am a HIGH functioning borderline with depression and my psychiastrist thinks that I suffer from a mixture of: bi-polar II, depression and ADD. Regardless of the prognosis the basic gist is that a) I knew something was not right in my head b) my moods oscillated many times throughout the day depending on: others' moods, what I've eaten, any interactions with other people, whether or not I drink coffee, etc. and c) life was unmanageable. I lived according to my erratic moods, not by reality and/or common sense. So back to the main point, Lamictal has worked really well for me. I don't have the black/white thinking as much. I see the grey areas and I don't react according to my moods, I actually sit and think first! (which is amazing!) I used to be really impulsive (not thinking before doing) and that has also lessened. Before Lamictal I impulsively: adopted a dog, bought a house, got married after knowing the guy only a few months, got separated after 9 months, divorced 6 months after that, maxed out credit cards, credit line against house and had to declare bankruptcy. After starting Lamictal: took a break from dating, got a second bachelors degree, got a better job, got a masters degree and have lived at the same residence for more than 3 years (and yes, I still have the dog!) ;) So, a life changer for me. So, I hope that it works for you. If for some reason it doesn't, keep searching..... you will find the right combo that works like a lock and key.
  36. 1 point
    I was never bullied as a child but I was as an adult, also both by female bosses (!?!? Laurynjcat lol) The first one was at an office job when I was 18, this woman, my boss, she just hated me so much. She was so rude to me from the very first minute I met her I have no idea why. She would come into work, state at me coldly with ice eyes , walk past my desk, not say hello or good morning, then she would go straight to her office and say hello to all the other staff on the way, and she would call me from her desk phone and when I picked up, she would say "coffee, now" which was my curl bring her her morning coffee. She called me vicious names behind my bak to all the other staff and just basically be really mean to me all the time. But that was nothing compared to the second bully, who was just an evil, soulless excuse for a human being! She used to out tape recorders in staffs' offices to spy on us and any vacation request or anything she always used as leverage to toy with us. She would be vindictive to our clients, she took great joy in creating barriers for parents to see their kids and was so awful people would constantly quit their jobs. Eventually we all banded together and got her fired, thank god. I still have a mini panic attack very time i check my work email! It's likely you will have to deal with bullies in the workforce one day unfortunately but the good thing about work is it's frowned upon generally and you can take a course of action to get them reprimanded. If you are being bullied at work keep a daily log of incidents and make sure you tell the bully to stop the behaviour . And record it. And keep your paper trail. We got that bully fired because she would lie and say we did something or didn't do something, and then someone would whip out an emails to prove she was lying !
  37. 1 point
    See your GP. He/she can prescribe an AD that will help to lift your spirits. You may also consider getting some CBT counseling. I've had CBT in the hospital and continue on with it with my tdoc. It has been very helpful even with all the hard self-work I've put into it to make positive changes. Sheepwoman
  38. 1 point

    Boring Update

    Hi! Its been a long while so I figured I would/should update my blog. In a kind of abbreviated format :) I took a month long break from DF from around Christmas until about the beginning of February. I've been around since then, but rarely post outside the Water Cooler/Forum Cafe. During that period of time: -Christmas was cool, just a small gathering of local friends and good food. A few gifts were exchanged, but Christmas really isn't the same as it once was for me. -My birthday was Jan 26th and, since my brother's is the 27th, we celebrated both on the same day. It was pretty fun :) -My depression was pretty bad throughout the month, and I was physically ill as well. When I saw my doctor for my routine 6 month psych meds refills/update appointment he noticed my lungs didn't sound so good and that I had a fever. Basically I had been sick for some time, and was put on meds for that, and am now finally recovered. Nothing serious. -My depression is currently not too bad. I'm going through one of my better phases. Who knows how long this one will last... Anxiety is ALWAYS an issue. Going to the store during the day can be hard for me. I don't get acute panic attacks very often these days (due to klonopin), but anxiety rears up frequently...especially social anxiety. So anyway I'm doing ok at the moment. Hopefully the next time I enter a depressive episode I won't retreat from DF like I did the last time. Thanks for reading :) -AG
  39. 1 point

    Guilty For Feeling Happy?

    I'm the odd one out here, I guess. I have the opposite problem. I feel guilty for feeling depressed, not for the days when I feel happy.
  40. 1 point

    Depression Is Awful.

    Thank you everyone for the positive feedback. I am on depression meds, and anxiety meds. But sometimes, it just seems like they just don't work. It feels good to have a place to talk where others know exactly how you feel. A lot of the times, I feel so alone in this big world. I have a Therapist, but I barely ever go see her, it's been so long, I called today to make an app, but she retired lol. But they are gonna get in touch with me, to get a new one. I thank all of yall for your kind words, and I will keep in touch. I'm very glad I posted on here, I wasn't going to, but yalls comments really touched me. Thanks again.
  41. 1 point
    Hi, jorili! Only a mere youth here at 55. Have apparently suffered from dysthymia since I was... who knows? Ten? Fifteen? Abusive father, lack of social skills, dirt poor, bullied at school, etc... blew many opportunities at improvement/happiness. "It'll never work, why try, I can't." Was diagnosed after a full-blown depressive episode during my divorce in 2001. Have had several AD's and a few therapists since. Only EMSAM worked for me for a few months, and that wore off. Kinda "shame on me" for not following up with my psychiatrist when that happened. Ultimately, my crutches are Buddhism and some simple platitudes that remind me to quit dwelling on the past and quit looking negatively toward the future. The only place/time I can impact is HERENOW, and I'll never get this moment back. Ever. As well, as Michael Jordan once said during an interview, "I miss 100% of the shots I DON'T take". So what are your goals? If you're in reasonable health, you've got twenty-thirty years left - that's a ton of time. And what are you doing toward accomplishing those? Includes positive actions as well as removing negatives - I'm DOING this, as well I'm STOPPING that. AS a business book I read once said, dare to be excellent, starting NOW! Live for the moment. Be realistic with yourself - a bad day here and there means you're human, not a failure. Move on. Best of luck - hang in there, and stay in touch!
  42. 1 point

    Good Luck!

    good luck at getting through make sure yoi give yourself a small kind gesture just for you.
  43. 1 point

    Good Luck!

    Good luck hope u feel better soon and get all you work sdone. Crying in the dark make me feel good after.
  44. 1 point
    For me, it's always been Creep by Radiohead. Or Loser by Beck. Those are the two that sound like my heart feels.
  45. 1 point
    I took my shower and got dressed before noon. I shower and dress every day, but getting that done before noon is not always possible. I have so much stuff that needs to get done. It's so overwhelming. When I wake up, it's all dread and doom. It hits me like a ton of bricks. Today when I woke up, I thought about everyone in this forum and it helped to know I'm not alone. I can't afford counseling right now due to changing insurance and now have a $50 co-pay (I miss my therapist soooooo much), so coming here helps!
  46. 1 point

    None Of Them Are Any Good

    what is a good therapist
  47. 1 point


    You are NO wimp, you are struggling to survive through something crushing. Yes, depression can present as extreme exhaustion/wanting to sleep. In my worst depressive episodes I've slept literally whenever I could -- get up in the morning (literally crying because I couldn't bear the thought of facing my day), dragging my way through getting the kids ready for school, coming home, doing the minimum of my projects and then lying down to sleep until it was time to get the kids, dragging myself through my/their afternoon and evening holding on to the minute they'd go to bed so I could go to bed too. I was getting my stuff done (at its minimum) -- but I was probably sleeping 13-15 hours a day and even that didn't feel enough. I'd wake up exhausted, literally bone-tired, sometimes I'd feel like I could hardly lift my arms to do the dishes or lift my feet to walk forward. Major, major symptom of severe depression for some people (not all). ETA: also in my most depressed times, I have not wanted to shower or wash my hair. I literally felt "what's the point?" It's very odd how that can happen. I didn't care about dressing, either. I'd wear old yoga pants (though I admit those are comfortable, LOL) and one of my husband's gigantic old rock band T-shirts literally every single day. I didn't want to see or feel my own body, I didn't want to look at or feel myself, I just wanted to slump around wearing bags, basically. And then go unconscious whenever I possibly could.
  48. 1 point

    None Of Them Are Any Good

    I don't think the medical community has found the answer to depression. I don't think they know what causes it and therefor they don't know how to treat it. depression is something wrong in the brain. they dont know what.
  • Create New...