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Showing content with the highest reputation on 06/29/2013 in all areas

  1. For more then a year I am on Vitamin D therapy. May be because of this therapy I am not getting any negative thoughts (most of time) and most underlined thought of Su**cide has also disappeared (most of the time). I tend to give credit to Vitamin D that I take.
    2 points
  2. I also come from a dysfunctional family, though our dysfunction is considerably less than what you've described. My honest opinion is that you probably are going to have to make a very hard decision. It seems that your family is rather toxic and manipulative and it seems that you being happy with an "outsider" makes them unhappy for whatever reason. If I were you, I would focus on getting your life together with your fiance since that seems to be working out well for you, unwanted parental visitations aside. You may want to either stand up for yourself and your life choices to your family and see if they accept it (which, going by your description, is unlikely) or you may have to disconnect from them completely. If your brother and sister-in-law are more understanding, try to keep in contact with them though you may end up having to battle your parents' negativity as they may tell your sibling(s) terrible things about you. This is your life and you need to do what's best for you, not do what everyone else wants you to do because it looks to me like your parents have control issues. Try talking to your fiance as well and get his imput if you can. You're in a rough spot, but I'm sure you can make it through. From what I can tell, your fiance might be a valuable asset and support during this time. I'll be sending positive energy your way.
    2 points
  3. I opened some mail and paid my credit card, utility, power, internet, and phone bill. Some of them were three+ months overdue. My pdoc says I should be proud of getting things like that done. Frustrating it took so long, mostly.
    2 points
  4. It is easy to blame ourselves when we are depressed. It is easy to blame our reactions on our depressive state. Obviously I am overreacting or I deserved that or I misunderstood. Sometimes it is true, depression can cause us to overreact, accept blame, read into or hear things the wrong way...but not all the time. If someone calls you a name that is not pleasant it is not overreacting if you take offense to it. If someone does that on a regular basis it is not being a biotch to call off the friendship. You deserve respect and the fact you recognize you deserve the respect and are not getting it is a sign that you are about ready to move on. It is very difficult, but the best way to make someone else respect you is to respect yourself. I am glad you were able to speak to your therapist. Perhaps in future before your therapist goes on leave you could ask him what to do in emergencies - what he suggests. I am sure he cares about your well being as a patient so he may have someone who can see you in an emergency or suggest a hospital to go to...or he may even suggest you do what you did. At least asking in advance will give you peace of mind of how to deal with your health when he is not there. Everyone needs to talk, needs to release. Don't ever feel guilty for reaching out when you need to. You deserve the help as much as anyone else does. As for your desires in friends, you are not asking too much, in fact you could ask for more. Just remember that you are important and deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
    2 points
  5. Thanks NorthernStar. We are now back home and go back to work after the weekend ends tomorrow. Our holiday was a huge success and I really would encourage others to try and find the strength to become more assertive. Like anything you work on.... It doesn't come good overnight, but if you don't try in the first place then for sure nothing will change, so go for it...... Dig deep. Get reading up on assertiveness or perhaps if its too much to embark upon alone, seek the help of a counsellor or therapist, the end results really do justify the hard work that goes into these things, And for me? I am determined to keep chipping away. To stick at it. I know there will still be ups and downs in the future as that is life, isn't it?
    1 point
  6. makemesmile

    Memoir Or Bio On Bpd?

    I've just started 'The Buddha and the Borderline' by Kiera Van Gelder, it's amazing so far and I couldn't put it down (and I haven't been able to read a book in months so that says a lot!) Set me off crying though as I can relate so much to most of what she says.
    1 point
  7. NamelessAria, I totally agree with everything written by GekidoYuuga. If a family is dysfunctional in extreme ways and you are trying to deal wtih them as if they had normal thought processes, where logic prevails, you will only prolong your own misery. They can't be reasonable because they have an agenda to maintain a family system that suits them--not you. As GekidoYuuga wrote, it seems that they do have control issues. How lucky that you have such a wonderful fiance, who has stood up for you, and for what is sane and reasonable. He sounds like a jewel. Best of luck, Nopawn
    1 point
  8. The very fact that you received an email directly after a session rings alarm bells with me. In my experience, if there is (ever) to be any contact between scheduled sessions, then boundaries are drawn up for what method of contact is permissible to use. My understanding would also be, that as a general rule, therapists would not contact their patients ever between sessions. I don't even know whether this would be normal even if a patient is considered at risk. Again, were there to be contact initiated between sessions by your therapist, I would have thought this would have been discussed it agreed somehow, rather than just being random - especially when it appears needless as in your case. To my mind, having been in situations (more than once) where I have been drawn to my therapist and/or counsellor (both in a friendship sense and sexually.... On my part only and in an "imaginative" sense only as well) I know that patients can very well be vulnerable. As such, they could easily be preyed upon. Any time I read posts such as yours, as I said.... This sets the alarm bells ringing. Usually once treatment ends, there is a total break in contact with the therapist. Once the patient is able to resume life normally, or has (such as in your case) sorted out their issues, again it is usual for contact between therapist and patient to end. So...... I would find contact of this nature by any therapist I have seen as being both confusing and misleading, as such I would feel I should steer well clear and that's whatinbeeve you should do too, I'm sure I read a similar thread here not long ago where someone said that a therapist cannot have a sexual relationship with a patient for a designated time period after treatment ends. This email u received, and it's suggestive nature seems dodgy to me!!
    1 point
  9. I'd be willing to bet his funny way of picking up potential partners really involves preying on his female patients' vulnerable mental state. Seriously though, it sounds like a pretty creepy situation. Reminds me of this pamphlet in my therapist's waiting room that's all about this big issue with psychologists sexually taking advantage of their patients. I was shocked this sort of thing was big enough of a problem to garner such attention, but there it is.
    1 point
  10. modern family, masterchef
    1 point
  11. Yea it's hard but I can think for hours and then feel like I ran marathon
    1 point
  12. In general, I probably don't watch that much TV but I have to admit there are some specific genres I prefer: crime, quirky drama, comedy and animals. My favorite all-time TV programmes -- excluding the Finnish ones -- are: Criminal Minds CSI Las Vegas Boston Public South Park Mad TV Matrioshki Keeping Up Appearances Smack The Pony Bottom DCI Banks This Is England mini-series (the movie is brilliant as well!) RSPCA Animal Rescue Animal Hospital, with Rolf Harris
    1 point
  13. Hi flubber, I don't have any advice but I can relate as often I spend days thinking about the smallest of things and worrying about all the things that can go wrong. It is not good for me to think too much but it's hard to stop.
    1 point
  14. Hey there I often feel as you do, I live in a quiet area, however need my space I can hate people too, feel like I want to lash out, it's not just you !! Always here to listen Panda
    1 point
  15. 1 point
  16. There should really be more help for obsessions. I don't think society realizes how profoundly this impacts us.
    1 point
  17. its not good you think like that about this situation, you need to be understood, if he acts like that, you should not consider him a friend, maybe you have some type of confidence to talk, due your past relation, but if he only makes you feel like that, then he is not the friend you need... dont worry about dont have any, you can send me a PM if you want to talk with someone, or if not with me, i bet here you will find many other who will be able to talk to you. Wait for the therapist, i think he will give you a better solution, just live day at day, dont worry too much, its not bad to be down, actually, many of all the depressed people is stronger than any others, have a terrible and misunderstood problem and still have to handle with a life and so on :) so, you are a great and strong person, think like that, its not bad to be down, and with the time, you will be a lot better :) i wish you the best
    1 point
  18. I am very proud of myself and my passion for keeping myself well.
    1 point
  19. jmg

    What Are You Proud Of Today?

    Epictetus, Congrats for one year, 3000 posts, and 1366 likes!!!!
    1 point
  20. My one year anniversary here today amongst all you good folks on the Depression Forum!
    1 point
  21. Brokenme

    Storm Clouds Gathering

    sending you some ((((((hugs))))))
    1 point
  22. You know there are a lot of us who do respect it, because we take it very seriously and have thought a lot about it in the context of our own lives. But while I respect your feelings, I also respect the fact that you have the username "SweetSmile" which touched me when I saw that. And I wondered where you heard that, because someone must have told you that you have a sweet smile. It makes me sad that a young man such as yourself can see no future for himself to the point where he would remove himself permanently from the scheme of life. I have obsessed about suicide many times, and I know how many things I can tell myself about why I shouldn't be here. I have also explained to others that I am a waste of space and that I should be the one to die of cancer instead of some young and vital person who has his or her whole life ahead. I should be the one to be gone when other, far better people, die senseless deaths. So many of us are thinking or have had the same thoughts that you are having right now, but we are still here. Just take it one day at a time. You always have tomorrow. Please be sure to be frank with your doctor about what is going on. Please.
    1 point
  23. LouBird

    Well, Here Goes...

    Hi there, thanks for your courage in sharing your story! I really believe getting it "in writing" and sharing it is often a part of our healing process. Do you journal? I sometimes type out my entries, as it is a lot faster for me than trying to write things down and I don't think so much while I'm doing it. And there is always the delete option if I don't want to worry about it being "out there." :) Anyway, I totally understand the desire to change that battles with the "stuck" feeling. I do agree that a support group or counselor can often help you identify why you keep running into the same invisible wall when it comes to all of that. The book "Changes that Heal" might also be worth looking into. I like the authors a lot. You are doing a lot of things right - continue "rebuilding" one brick at a time. Hope for your journey today!
    1 point
  24. This guy is toxic and you need to stay away. You're allowing him to mess with your head and self esteem. You will never get better, if you allow people to mistreat you. Cut all communication with him and focus on yourself.
    1 point
  25. Brokenme

    Hello, Everybody

    welcome:) I'm sorry the police job didnt work out. its great that you have the determination to finish your degrees. don't underestimate what you have done. hang in there and i hope to see you more around here.
    1 point
  26. I often have the tv on in the background. I generally prefer to watch NetFlix and dvds, as I find most commercials to be incredibly annoying. Whatever happened to funny tv commercials? Some shows I like are : Simpsons, Seinfeld, Big Bang Theory, Star Trek (big trek nerd hahaha) and a couple others. Game of Thrones is great I love that show! I also like Animal Planet, Science Channel and some cooking shows (although it seems all cooking shows are reality shows now )
    1 point
  27. Drama series on BBC America and classic movies on TCM.
    1 point
  28. I agree with the comments above. Don't hate God just because he is not answering your prayer. Always remember you are not the only human in the world. We all pray to Him in different ways. Don't also think that he might forget you or doesn't care about you. If he is not answering your prayer, there must be a reason for it. I believe that He will help you at the right time. Maybe it's not now. Just wait for it patiently and have more faith on Him.
    1 point
  29. Instead of turning on my computer when I woke up and wasting all day online, I chose to read library books. I've only been online for an hour, and it's looking highly likely that I'll log off soon. And I was up at 10 as opposed to sleeping until the late afternoon.
    1 point
  30. jmg

    What Are You Proud Of Today?

    I got some things accomplished, in spite if feeling grouchy.
    1 point
  31. And yes, it's a great place. You won't find better people anywhere :)
    1 point
  32. I've seen you be very supportive to a lot of people here. So you're not a nasty person. You're just in an unfortunate situation.
    1 point
  33. History Documentaries about empires/countries/time periods/battles/great leaders
    1 point
  34. That I managed to find a whole four snails today that seemed to make my little nephew very happy That despite being tired I got some jobs done when I got home that I had been putting off.
    1 point
  35. 1 point
  36. There is a forum for Borderline Personality Disorder, but honestly having mental illness, no matter what category it falls under, is not an excuse for abusing friendships. Getting upset with a friend - a really good friend, for not doing exactly what you want is not ok. I am bipolar. I am depressed the majority of the time. I have been suicidal many many times. When I know I am being unreasonable or unrealistic or am falling into an abyss (or even if I don't recognize it but someone else points it out to me), I know I have to get professional help. It is not fair to my loved ones to deal with me when I am either in a manic, depressed, or suicidal state. When I know I am suicidal I know I have to see a doctor, Psychiatrist, whoever I can get into, because there is a fine line between idealizing and attempting. I am not trying to be harsh, but you need to take responsibility for yourself and your mental state. You know you are BPD, suicidal, depressed, agoraphobic, etc. - it is up to you to seek medical help, take your medication if it is prescribed for you or attend therapy if that is recommended. The suicide hotlines are volunteers, they are meant to help you until you can make it in to a professional - to be an ear when you need one. If you have a Pdoc it is worth re-visiting him/her and explaining your issues so he/she can help you. If you do not have a pdoc it is worth asking for a referral to one. Having a mental illness is not an excuse for behaving poorly toward a friend. We have all done it, nobody is perfect, but if you realize you are being unreasonable or difficult and know the underlying reason why, you are cognitive enough to seek help to prevent it happening again. My two cents.
    1 point
  37. I don't really watch much tv; I do all my movie and show watching on Netfix, but when I do watch tv I like to watch the History Channel (when they're showing something not about aliens) and Boomerang, part of Cartoon Network. Right now I'm watching Dexter's Laboratory, I love this show! Haha! I also like WealthTV, just because they show some good history documentaries sometimes and I like watching the travel shows on it :) Also Tanked and Too Cute! on Animal Planet, except every time I watch Too Cute! I tend to fall over from all the cuteness :(
    1 point
  38. hi, just reading your post and I'm wondering if your doctor has told you about a medication called Latuda? I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in March and one of my worst symptoms (other than depression) was agitation and anger outbursts. I have been on Latuda since my diagnosis and I can finally say that I feel relatively stable.
    1 point
  39. ncis law and order criminal minds duck dynasty
    1 point
  40. Stormy13

    ____ My Therapist Says

    Those things are pretty much exactly the things I say to myself everyday and I feel worse because of it. I don't think I would pay someone else to say those things to me. Just saying.
    1 point
  41. bought myself a sticker book full of inspiring quotes that I can give to people. treating myself and my friends kindly!
    1 point
  42. I have never felt fever in my eyes - in fact I'm not even sure what that means, sorry to say I've found a few more clues digging around: MELANOCORTINS MAY HAVE AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN ANHEDONIA: This theory of anhedonia would make more sense than the glucocorticoids hypothesis, since when dopamine is depleted it can simply be replenished (it would not make sense that excessive glucocorticoids depleting dopamine would cause prolonged anhedonia). http://medicalxpress...onia-major.html http://www.ncbi.nlm....pubmed/22785313 This is interesting - it states that during stress, melanocortins turn off the brain's ability to experience pleasure. Both chronic stress and direct injection of melanocortins caused signaling strength in the synapse to decrease. I wonder, if melanocortins are in part responsible for the anhedonia since they blunt reward, why is bremelanotide (a melanocortin agonist) useful for sexual dysfunction? Maybe I will make some sort of profound discovery with the bremelanotide! Read more at: http://medicalxpress...-major.html#jCp The scientists found that both chronic stress and the direct administration of melanocortin diminished the signaling strength of some of the tiny electrochemical contacts, known as synapses, on a set of nerve cells in the nucleus accumbens that contain receptors for melanocortin. When these receptors were removed using a sophisticated laboratory trick, the same stressful confinement no longer caused changes in those nerve cells' synapses. Simultaneously, despite the weeklong stressful experience, the mice's sugar preference was returned to normal. Plus, the animals no longer lost weight. To test whether preventing these stress-elicited biochemical changes in the brain also reduced the effects of stress on the mice's behavioral response to things besides food and sugar water, the research team substituted illegal drug for sugar. They got the same constellation of results with illegal drug as they had in their earlier experimentation — further strong evidence that the chronic-stress-induced changes in the brain due to melanocortin action cause an animal to lose its ability to experience pleasure. Importantly, Malenka and his associates also demonstrated that the brain circuit transmitting melanocortin's morose message to the reward circuitry operates independently of the circuitry responsible for making a mouse give up the ghost when the game gets too tough. Manipulating the melanocortin-associated pathway in the nucleus accumbens had no effect on the mice's performance in the forced-swim test. The stressed mice gave up just as easily when the melanocortin receptors in their nucleus accumbens were depleted as when they weren't. Instead, the researchers decided to use chronically stressed mice to explore the effect of a naturally occurring molecule, melanocortin. “A few scattered studies had suggested that chronic stress increased melanocortin levels in the brain,” Malenka said. “And it was known that stressed animals have heightened numbers of receptors for melanocortin in the nucleus accumbens,” which is a key region of the reward circuit. What wasn’t yet known, however, is whether melanocortin actually affected the nucleus accumbens or how, he said. “We wanted to find out, because we were wondering if by modulating melanocortin’s activity with a peptide hormone we could relieve or prevent a major symptom of depression,” he explained. AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO BE DOING WITH THE BREMELANOTIDE But... If melanocortins create anhedonic responses, how can they also be used to create hedonic responses like high libido (as with bremalanotide)? One thing is for sure; that melanocortins are involved in mood and reward, and may be the link we are all looking for. Expression of the MC4 receptor is regulated by stress exposure. Reports also indicate that stimulation of the MC4 receptor activates the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis, and that the MC4 receptor mediates stress-related behaviors and anxiety in rodents. Recently developed selective MC4 receptor antagonists have demonstrated antidepressant and anxiolytic effects in several animal models of depression and anxiety. MC4 receptor antagonists are effective, particularly under conditions of high stress, which may be consistent with the etiology of depression and anxiety I'm going to make a youtube video of me and the bremelanotide when it comes - my youtube channel is in my signature below my posts
    1 point
  43. Let me join the club. I haven't been here in a while, but this is the most bothersome symptom of my depression and I felt I had to join into this discussion. Like ItsTrevor says, I don't feel particularly depressed in the generic sense of the word. I don't feel really down or suicidal or anything, mostly I just feel flat. I do sometimes feel hopeless and irritable, but I don't know if that's a symptom on it's own or if it's caused by my reduced ability to feel emotions. Along with my general apathy towards things, I also felt a decreased ability to focus and concentrate when the anhedonia set in. I've read through this whole thread and I believe that you, Trevor, said an antipsychotic (I'm remembering abilify) helped you regain your ability to focus. I'm considering adding a mood stabilizer or atypical antipsychotic to my current regimen to see if it'll help with concentration and anxiety issues. I've been going through this for a while. It's been 6 years for me since the "blah" feeling started. I'm determined to improve someday, but in the meantime it can often be frustrating. All I can do is try to stay positive and keep going. If you guys have any questions about meds I've tried/am taking now, feel free to ask.
    1 point
  44. Interesting. I'm suffering from this type of depression (anhedonic depression) I believe. I wasn't numb in the beginning though (of my depression) I started feeling numb just recently. I just feel emotionally numb, lethargic (fatigue) and have no libido at all. I believe I started feeling numb last month, but I'm not quite sure. I also have a hard time remember what emotions feel like... I don't remember what happiness is... because it's been 5+ years since I experienced it. itstrevor, it's really good to see that a smart person like yourself is trying to find the answer, because not only would help you, this would help others who suffer the problem as well. I'm currently taking Effexor... I think it might be working, not exactly sure. I felt down, yet emotionally numb at the same time. Really hard to explain. But I want to try Wellbutrin if Effexor doesn't work, and I hope it'll work.
    1 point
  45. Brokenme

    What Are You Thankful For?

    right now I'm most thankful for my psychiatrist and my therapist, who both have been wonderful, and also my friends here on df :)
    1 point
  46. Well, I'm not alone in this particular misery, either. Here's my oh-so-familiar experience: After my first meltdown (first of only two, hopefully ever) and bipolar II diagnosis, I had to take a medical leave of absence from work. I was a university lecturer in literature. One would think that academics, intelligent, well-informed people, would be understanding. One would be wrong. Only two people in the entire department were truly kind and welcoming to me when I returned to work the next semester. The rest avoided me like my mental illness might rub off on them. In part, I think many of them didn't want to recognize how similar my situation was to their own, a sort of "there but for the grace of god go I" situation. (I found out later, from one of the only two friends I discovered I actually had, that it was a running joke amongst some department members to take bets on new faculty members as to whether they were on depression medications. Turns out 3/4 of the department were on them!) My Mother tries hard to understand but doesn't, really. She's moved beyond the "get over yourself" mindset of her generation, but she still doesn't understand why I can't get over it just a little bit. She wonders the same about my brother, who suffers from anxiety and depression. She thinks he'll be 'cured' if he just leaves his job. He does hate it, true, but he's always been miserable and nervous. My parents just labeled him "odd." My soon-to-be-ex thinks similarly to my Mom re getting over it, if only just a little bit. Intellectually he knows I have no control over bipolar disorder, yet that didn't stop the divorce that's upon us as the result of it. I get that it's a lot to take; I live with it daily. I more than get it. What I loathe, though, is how I sometimes allow myself to internalize all the ill-informed notions of depression as something to "get over." I sometimes am ashamed that I had to leave work and go on disability, berate myself for not being able to control myself better, and tell myself that all I am is a weak navel-gazer. I know better, so if I as a person who knows better can think such things about me, how can I reasonably expect others to do anything else, either? Ugh.
    1 point
  47. Mine started when I was about 18/19, possibly triggered by my leaving the "safe" educational environment and having to cope with the real world and being a grown up. I think for me there is a combination of nature/nurture factors including: being a naturally sensitive and shy person being born with a genetic predisposition to depression having a severely depressed mother who was at times unable to give me the emotional attention I needed, has always made communication very difficult and is extremely negative sexual abuse as a child low self esteem from being overweight as a teen many years of bad mental habits, poor coping skills, chronic negative thought patterns etc. difficult life circumstances now (financial, career, relationship, home etc) stemming from bad choices and my past inability to cope with certain aspects of my life
    1 point
  48. I blame most of it on social anxiety, because it always kept me from leading a happy life and made me feel like I didn't belong. However, I used to be an optimistic child and firmly believed that my problems would go away on their own someday. But as I grew older, I realized it was getting worse instead of improving, so it became harder to keep up the positive attitude. When I was about 13/14, the situations where I would feel cornered and helpless increased and insecurity and some bad luck caused me to make stupid mistakes. So I started hating myself, self-punishing and thinking I deserved to be mistreated. I guess that was the point when my depression started. I felt like I didn't have the right to be depressed and was ashamed of my irrational fears and selfish suicidal thoughts, that increased the self-hatred. In between were episodes when I felt great without a reason, thought I could achieve anything and had pretty unrealistic beliefs. I thought I could change the world on my own. But something would always cause me to fall down again, to see no sense in life and wish I could be erased from existence, so that nobody would miss me and I couldn't do any more damage. I hated people for destroying each other, the world and all life on it. And I hated myself for being a failure and of no use. I ended up confused and empty. I was sick of living behind a mask, lying to everybody and not knowing why I wasn't able to change. That's where I am now. I can't trust anyone, am scared of people and afraid of being left alone. I worry about everything, all I do is bound to fail and I don't want to go on like this. So I finally decided to get help. Let's see if I can get stable again...
    1 point
  49. Well Effexor has been my miracle drug. I have tried Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, and Cymbalta, but Effexor is the first drug to make me feel human again. It hasn't lifted my symptoms completely, but has done so to the extent that I can go on leading a pretty much normal life now. I've been on it since August, and my doctor recently bumped me up to 300 mg a day, which has helped relieve some of my more persistant symptoms. I am having some side effects but compared to the depression, they are negligable. Glad there is a drug on the market for me. I was really losing hope.
    1 point
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