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Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/05/2013 in all areas

  1. Something happened just now that makes me realise what crap I have put up with in my life and am still putting up with at times. Whilst I havent allowed myself to be bullied since I completed CBT several years ago, I have made a realisation today that's quite an eye opener for me as I continue to "heal" from my past. OK, so I might not be letting myself get bullied anymore but I have realised I'm still allowing myself to be walked over to some extent by some people. The simple thing was ...... a colleague offered me a cup of coffee. Well... I dont drink instant - I prefer coffee from a machine we have in the office. When I said to him how I'd like him to make it, he couldnt be bothered. He offered me instant or nothing. The reason he irritated me so much is I've made him countless cups of coffee using the posh machine & always made sure I make it in "the way he likes". That's be cause I'm considerate. He really touched a nerve I must say. In an open plan office I couldnt say what I wanted to - which would have been.... "either you get off your ar$e & make me that drink the way I've asked, or you can forget me ever bothering to make you anything other than instant, you lazy g1t". OK, not a big thing really but at last it's made me see I do still let people take advantage. He's not a bad person by any means but can be lazy in his work too. I have seen him dump on others. So, finally it makes me realise I dont have to put up with his crap or the crap of anyone else who in these small ways tries to dump on me. I wont let this change my nature - I'll still be a kind, considerate person. But it makes me see (at last) that I do still try to "make people like me" (even if I dont realise I am doing it). I put up (here & there) with crap like this. I had to post to make sure I dont forget this new lesson in life for me. What I must remember is...... I dont need people like him. I can quite happily live without his approval. I dont need to please him ever. I do find it very difficult to shut off towards people or not do nice things for them (to go that extra mile). But I need to see what it is doing to me. Ages ago a colleague told me not to let them take advantage (exactly in this way). So at last I now realise I have nothing to lose from not nurturing a relationship with him or other people like him. Instead, I'll save that "little bit extra" for people who do show kindness towards me & do those little things that make the difference. It was such a simple thing that happened but such an important realisation. It's highlighted to me that I am still making efforts to please people when really I dont need to. This includes those who don't bother show the same levels kindness or even consideration back towards me.
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  2. Why is it that I can make it through the day and even have a pretty good start to my day but crash by evening?? This is becoming a pattern that I am so tired of. I'm trying to do what I am told to do by my doc and mental health worker. I'm trying to rationalize, do like I have learned so far with CBT, and am trying so hard to get better, but feel like I'm getting nowhere. The rational side of my brain tells me that I am making progress. Yet come evening, I fall apart. I try to distract myself by doing things, even though I don't feel like it. I am working on crocheting an afghan and try to work on it when watching tv. Tonight I am not getting the stitches right so gave up. Then I tried playing a simple game on my laptop, but don't have the concentration to get anywhere in it. I start crying for no reason. I should be getting ready for bed, but don't want to because I am not feeling tired. I so dislike that it takes meds so that I can sleep. Without them, at least for the time being, I cannot get to sleep easily. I cannot shut my head off. I feel restless yet don't have the ambition to do anything. My thoughts are racing and my emotions are on a roller coaster. What more do I have to do before I start feeling better?? I'm trying and believe that I am doing my best, but it just isn't enough it seems. If my best is not enough.... what happens then?? Oh, I do hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep having such rough nights. I wish I knew what more I need to do. I feel so lost and confused and that I am not in control... even though the logical side of my brain tells me I am. I have to believe that tomorrow will be another day and with it promise for a better day. Hugs ~ Angel
    1 point
  3. Syrinx

    Why Do We Isolate?

    I think the isolation, like oversleeping, is a kind of defense mechanism. It's our minds shutting down so we don't have to face or feel things that stress us out. It might provide short term relief, but only makes things worse, because your depression doesn't want you to participate in healthy activities or social interactions. Your depression wants to keep you its prisoner and listen only to its negative messages. The antidote is to get out of bed, wash up, get dressed, and go outside. I like to visit friends, attend support group meetings, and go on events with my outdoor exercise clubs.
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  4. Hi Phlebas been there done that What your are experiencing is completly normal , and is to be expected the first few weeks. The Somnolence should fade slowly into the 3rd week , by the 4th week you should start seeing some light. I doubt you will fall asleep at the till , its more of a strong fatigue than something that will put you directly to sleep in my opinion , coffee might help some , but if it ends up making you more restless forget it. take it easy , hang in there , it gets much better. , don't expect immediate benefits , until : Just something to keep in mind is that you can get slightly worse before getting better with Lex. 4-6 weeks seems to be the gold standard time frame , even though this can vary also.
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  5. same boat, i believed i was just anhedonic for a year and then i realized one thing: most of the people here are anhedonic AND depressed: their despair is just something i dont experience i kinda do have emotional peaks, extreme laughter and sometimes i cry too, but the emotions dont give me a feeling in the chest i realized i was not depressed and something else was wrong my situation includes a lot of lethargy and brainfog, but my libido has been restored and i am quite horny, even tho in the moment im underaroused and think of a thousand other things. which results in my D. goin limp after 10-15minutes and getting back to work with a bit of effort a minute or two later (sorry for the details!), the whole thing takes an hour or more for me... i believe the permanent underarousal is the culprit. the underarousal is probably due to the distance with which i feel my emotions. I have tried Ritalim (methilphenidate) to no avail, it had literally no effect on me: the psychiatrist tought i had ADHA-inattentive- might be. im going to try provigil next: a very simple research on wikipedia makes it look like the panacea. lets see, after the big delusion with ritalin i like to take it easy...
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  6. Most people probably are, mental health sites/forums often attract the minority of people who have more complex cases/issues. The ones who get helped straight away don't really go online to post that stuff works fine.
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  7. @itstrevor: While this will probably offer only minor relief for now, probably your situation will improve a lot once your life becomes more stable. I notice that a common refrain of yours is the inability to date. Since I may experience similar problems, I would be interested in your take on it. I find most people and most discussion boring, I can't let myself go and can't participate in the fun. This makes it very hard to connect with people in general. More to the specific, I do believe that anhedonia is directly connected to my lack of confidence. If my brain never gets any reward, how can I feel confident about anything? This is a huge problem when approaching to opposite sex. Also: has anyone tried to address depersonalization and derealization apart from anhedonia?
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  8. Thanks for your replies :) I have decided to keep it to myself. Hopefully I come home with one!
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  9. Hi and welcome! I'm glad you have reached out and think it's great you have empathy and insight to share. We would appreciate it!! I'm pretty isolated myself right now but I don't really have too much social anxiety, I just have a hard time making friends. It's hard to explain, I guess. Glad you are here! :)
    1 point
  10. csh611

    Why Do We Isolate?

    It's a difficult question. For the most part, I like people. I work with people all day. But, it seems that when I am off work, I don't want to be around anybody including members of my family. I live alone, and I like it. To be honest, I couldn't imagine ever being married, or living with another person again. The thought of it puts fear in me, because I don't know if I could handle it. I'm in the same boat as davey118. I don't want to be isolated. I would love to hang out with some people, but it is an anxious feeling. And, I agree, I think this line of thinking does lead to the depression in some ways.
    1 point
  11. davey118

    Why Do We Isolate?

    Initially I started isolating because of my anxiety. Whenever I want to go do something I think of all of the possible horrible outcomes and usually I just end up staying at home. I think this line of thinking was one of the things that led to my depression, which now causes me to isolate more than I ever have. I don't leave my house, or my bedroom even unless I have to (work, food shopping). Sometimes when I am severely depressed, I don't even want to leave my bed. The funny thing is I don't want to be isolated. I want to be a part of the world. This isn't how I used to be. In college I was a completely different person.
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  12. I'm feeling much better than I did a few months ago. I had some scary images of my future today, but I'm hoping things don't turn out the way my imagination sometimes makes it appear. I hope you all have a good day.
    1 point
  13. itstrevor

    Numbness

    When I got depression I was very surprised about the way that I felt. I had always imagined that depression would mean that I would be crying all of the time or feel negatively about everything - I had all of that to a certain extend, ut to a larger degree, I instead found myself emotionally numb and unable to feel. Like you, I have kept myself at a high level of functioning, but simply cannot enjoy much of anything or find a "release" for psychic tension (feeling "better" or feeling "good"). At some times I felt more depressed than others, but underneath all of it was a sense of numbness. I have been in this depression for 15 months, and started a thread about the symptom here: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/83323-answers-to-curing-anhedonianumbnesszombienessno-emotionsapathyno-libido-collective-experiences/ Users are sharing their stories, discussing possible theories behind why this symptom exists, and possible treatment strategies.
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  14. It's really hard, but I think you have to accept that the answers you're looking for just aren't there. Or, at least, they are beyond the scope of human comprehension. It's the curse of being human... we've been trying to figure this out for thousands of years; that's why there are so many different religions and philosophies. There is no one answer to the meaning of life, and what we should do with ourselves. People can convince themselves that their purpose is to follow a certain god, but someone else will be just as convinced of another god, or that there is really nothing higher than us and that we might as well just live for our own pleasures. Humans are amazing in that, as far as we know, we are the only creatures the universe has created (by design or by pure chance) that can even come close to trying to understand the way it works. We are the universe made self-aware. Every atom inside us heavier than hydrogen or helium was manufactured inside a star. We are the earth and we are the galaxy and we are the universe. That alone, when I think of it, is enough to awe me into respect for our attempts to understand existence, however faltering they may be. Imagine a cell of your body becoming self-aware and trying to understand the infinite complexity that is you; that's basically what we are to the universe. We are not inside it, we ARE it. And perhaps that's all that matters... But it's entirely possible that there is some alien or spiritual being who is as wise and knowing and loving compared to humans as we are compared to ants or bees. Or it might be that ants and bees understand more about the universe than we do. Who knows? If the universe's lifespan thus far were a year, human civilization arose just a few minutes ago. Cosmically, it wasn't all that long ago that we were just monkeys. So what I mean is, as a species we have a long way to go, if we can survive that long. There are some things we just can't understand right now. Perhaps there is nothing to understand, but I think it much more likely that there is simply more to comprehend than we possibly can. I'm not saying that any of us should just give up and stop thinking about it- quite the contrary. But, don't be so frustrated when you don't find the answers. We just can't. In the end we have to cobble together the philosophies of other people and our own insight into something that fills our soul; something that seems true and right and gives us a reason to get up in the morning. But the amount of people who follow a particular philosophy of life has no bearing on its validity. We have to pass on our ideals to the next generation, and so on and so on. Have you ever read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? One of my favorite books. Douglas Adams looks at it in a humorous way; a hyperintelligent group of aliens builds a supercomputer to come up with the answer to "Life, the Universe, and Everything." After many years, the computer reveals its answer: 42. And the race realizes it never really knew what the question was in the first place. So they have to build another computer to find the question, but just before it can finish running its program, it's destroyed in a terrible stupid mistake. But mostly what I got out of those books is that life is pretty absurd, but as a human you were blessed with something amazing; the ability to laugh. So make use of it as often as you can :) So, I recommend that book for laughter... I was also in a play recently that really helped me re-evaluate life and consider the worth of humans trying to create and discover and understand, and build on each other throughout the generations, even if an individual never quite finds what he or she is looking for (or at least, it is never recognized during their lifetime). It's called Arcadia, by Tom Stoppard. I recommend finding it and reading it and digesting it. It also happens to be really funny in parts too. :) Gradually we build on each other to find the answers. I think, my friend, you ought to realize that you can't do it alone. You mustn't get so far stuck in your own head that you forget to live, for how can you even start to know the meaning of life if you aren't living? Don't beat yourself up for getting caught up in these fascinating but tormenting questions thus far, but there's no use running in circles. Get out there and fill yourself with experiences, and who knows what you'll begin to understand, or to feel. Personally I do not believe medication will be a miracle cure for your problems, but since you are already starting it, see if it helps. Love and best wishes! Keep us posted.
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  15. Oh, and I am so happy I could indirectly help you with your email dilemma, Beth :-)
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  16. Beth, thank you. That was such a heartfelt reply and what you said made a lot of sense. Thank you. I realized reading your post that this feeling I get that I'm losing him... I think a lot of it is the depression talking, but some of it comes from my partner just not knowing how to help me. I have been interpreting his helplessness and this tendency he has to shut off as him getting fed up with me and wanting to leave me. What you said about the roles we each have to play seems spot on. Over the last few days I have been discovering heaps of resources on this forum for family members of people with depression. Perhaps I will point him in the direction of some on these posts and that will help him understand how he can help me. It's so true what you said about him looking after himself, though, too. Him becoming depressed because of my illness is one of my biggest worries. But I'm so happy that everything worked out for you, and I know it will for us, too. it won't be easy but I know we can do it. That was a bit of a ramble... again, thank you! Also if anyone happened to stumble across this post and hasn't yet heard of MoodGYM, and online cognitive behavioural therapy workshop, it has been so so helpful for me and I hope it can help others, too. I have been learning so much about where my emotions come from and how to stop them at the thought stage. Here is the link: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/ Michelle
    1 point
  17. Thread

    How Do You Feel Today #31

    Stable, I think
    1 point
  18. Happy! Happy and proud. For the first in a long time in I've been to all my classes this week.
    1 point
  19. I finally watched The Hunger Games (perhaps the last person on earth to do so) and really enjoyed it. I haven't read the book and didn't know much about it but now am looking forward to the sequel. Lenny Kravitz is serious eye candy and Stanley Tucci is always wonderful, no matter how detestable the character.
    1 point
  20. The importance of hard work? This is a very open-ended question. First of all, define 'hard work' in a particular context. In most cases, the only thing required out of anyone is what that person wants to get out of the job they are tasked with or otherwise have in front of them. For instance, if a high school graduate has aspirations of moving onto post-secondary education, he or she has a variety of options. How hard does the person in question want to work? Does he or she want to spend every opportunity studying, doing well in class, and applying to the most prestigious universities around? If so, the sky is the limit. Would he or she be satisfied with a neighbourhood junior college, a possibility which comes with its own set of pros and cons? If so, then he or she would probably have to work substantially less hard. Assuming we have a fixed definition, how do you impress upon someone the importance of hard work? The best way I can think of is through example. One must set goals and stop at nothing to achieve them. Anything less would be not trying particularly hard, or not hard enough. And what about motivation? Should a person living for him or herself 'work' as hard as a person that has to work in order to provide for a large family? Presumably the person with the large family would have a much bigger motivation than the person working for their own self. Circumstances are different in each situation, and they all matter. Therefore, we go back to the issue of, "What does 'hard work' mean?" Regarding your co-worker, do you know for sure that he or she is depressed because of their hard work? Might it be that he or she is depressed because of circumstances unrelated to the extensive number of hours? What is their situation? Perhaps he or she has big goals that they feel they aren't quite reaching despite all the effort. At least that would probably be the way I would feel.
    1 point
  21. I went back down to 50mg and my chest is feeling just fine with no pounding heartbeat. I'm never increasing dosage again
    1 point
  22. Lisa15

    Guilt

    I will offer my meager two cents worth. I am in my final year of seminary, training to become a Lutheran pastor. I have suffered with depression off and on all my life, and I'm currently in my worst bout ever. So I will keep this brief. I seriously doubt that people who judge, condemn and otherwise make life miserable for others are actually "Spirit-filled." What my friend Epictetus said is right: Christianity has been used for both great good and for great evil, but if you're going to look for anyone who has fought against great evil, triumphed against it, and who gives us even one sliver of hope, that person is Jesus of Nazareth. How do I know this? Because he suffered horrible torture and was condemned by those claiming religion as their reason. I sometimes wonder if I'm fit to proclaim that good news, given my own deep depression, but then I remind myself that God has never used "perfect" people to proclaim God's love, because such people don't exist. So try to be good to yourself and others, and leave the rest to God. Sorry this isn't more helpful - it's the best I can manage right now.
    1 point
  23. I thought my husband was depressed for years; and then he said that he is NOT depressed. Well, then I became depressed due to loss and abuse in marriage and found that he was not very sensitive to my needs and did not give much support. Listening is a valuable thing to share with a loved one when they are depressed...listen and care...it means a lot.
    1 point
  24. moiraine

    Fighting Overweight

    I just read this last page of this thread and figured I could join in. In the beginning it seemed like people were banding together to deal with their weight and I wasn't ready to diet. I am still not ready to diet. The motivation just isn't there. I wholeheartedly sympathise with everyone above who struggles. It's like I know what I should do, I've tried everything, read everything, and know the contents of a food..calories, fat grams, carbs etc. People usually ask me if I am walking. I tell them my job is very physical and I am on my feet all day. Some say that isn't the same as steady walking, keeping your heart rate up for / hr. Some say any little effort you makes helps. People really don't understand how I feel when others insist everything would be just peachy if only I would "do that daily walk." Of course I've tried it but it's the worst punishment in the world for various reasons, to me. I'm real glad some people love to walk and look forward to it everyday....I have to get ready for work but I will return to this thread later and complain some more,lol
    1 point
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