Leaderboard

I am so sorry for everyone who is hurting right now. If you're anything like I was when I saw my celebrity's wedding pictures, I know you must be going through terrible pain. Everyone might have a different way of moving past it but for me the only thing I could do was make myself stop feeding the beast of my obsession and shun all media concerning him or his woman. Focus on looking after yourselves and things will eventually get easier. I'm not obsessed with Renner, but I can definitely put myself in your place and sympathise. The worst thing is you can't tell anyone what has hurt you so much. I keep a journal and found writing it down and working through emotions on paper really helped. Also I'm sure some of you are feeling red hot hatred towards the mother of his child and it's healthy to acknowledge those feelings exist but not to dwell on them or let them consume you- that takes so much energy away from you that you should be spending on yourselves. As Doggymama said, it is not the fact of his relationship/bond with this woman you are mourning so much as the loss of your escape mechanism and being able to dream about him, which I'm sure is tougher to do now he is someone's parent. You are mourning the loss of the fantasy, not the person and being able to separate the two is key to keeping your feet on the ground. Please ride it out everyone, it does get easier -and you're lucky to have each other to talk to and to know at least 3 other people are sharing your pain. Maybe for some of you it will be the turning point that spurs you to banish him out of your world. That's what happened to me and I suspect that if I hadn't seen those pictures and read the things I did I would probably still be wasting my life on him and telling myself it wasn't that bad x

xKarenx - I agree with what Cktv said, its IS a shock. Take some time to absorb it, and don't try to fight the pain just yet as its all just a bit confusing. You have to acknowledge that pain. Say out loud "I feel f***ing terrible" or "my life just SUCKS right now", and let the pain happen. Know that its completely OK to feel this pain - you are NOT wrong for feeling bad. In a day or so when you are feeling stronger and slightly better about things - thats when its a good time to look at things again as things will start to make more sense in your head. Its a slow road to acceptance when we see our 'guy' with someone else but acceptance will come. And we are here to listen or be a sounding board. I'm available for PM's too if you need a chat . Cktv - love what you said about treating ourselves as good as we would want anyone to treat us. Its so true - would we let a guy we actually know cause us hurt feelings and yet put up with it? Well, I for one would be telling my friends what an ***** he was, and recounting the story of how I'd sent him packing. I can't give my obsession a special pass to crush me, albeit through actions of my own. Which comes back to us treating ourselves better. Keep on truckin', folks *hugs*

Hey xkaren. We've all been there. Its like a kick in the gut.When I learned of my guys girlfriend last year I had to sit down and keep myself from sobbing. I knew that was the end of my escapes. Since then she's been outted as his ex but is still pregnant with his kid. We don't want to lose our fantasy worlds. I'm not as hung up on him as I was but I'd be thrilled to learn its over for good and she's only a baby mama/sperm receptacle. Its hard to fathom now but it will get easier. Eventually you won't feel the hurt. You're in shock. It was a blitz attack of reality. You are 100% correct. We all deserve so much better. Be good to yourself. First and foremost you should treat yourself as good as you want anyone to treat you. And settle for nothing less than you deserve. PM if you need a pep talk. C.

1. Bought some scented candles 2. Bought a dark chocolate bar (low in sugar) 3. Got some comfort foods at the store

For the last couple months I have been getting more and more depressed. It's only been the last couple weeks since it became very obvious to the rest of the family that something is not right with me. My mom doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. She just tells me to "focus on school" and "do something nice for someone else and not focus on it. While in theory those are good ideas, I barely have the motivation or energy to get up in the mornings much less go to class or anything of that nature. She also says that it's been only been going on for two weeks and that it's made worse when I don't go to class. I told her just because it's been visible the last couple weeks doesn't mean it hasn't been going on longer then that. I just get the feeling that absolutely nothing I am saying is getting through to her. I have struggling to hold it together and not break down for the last 48 hours but it is very hard not to. I am exhausted. I've tried explaining this to her multiple times but it's not getting through. I am about a year away from graduating college and I think that's all she is caring about right now. It infuriates me to hear her tell me to "carry on" like it's no big deal. I really can't talk to her about it anymore because everytime I talk to her she says something along those lines and it is beginning to really upset me. I am really considering moving in with my dad because he is much more understanding of how I'm feeling. I feel very alone in the house I'm living in right now. I just need advice or guidance or something. I really have no idea how to explain to my mom in a way to make her understand what I am going through. I just started going to a therapist last week so I'm hoping that we can figure something out and maybe get me on some sort of medication. Please if anyone has anything that might be able to help me, I just need someone to talk to right now.

I was supposed to babysit my nephews while their parents went on a mini getway. about 5 days, but because im emotionally unstable, they wanted someone else to help me so they were going to send my cousin out here and now they are sending my nephews to my aunts thats 1400 miles away. Am I justified in being upset? I cant stop crying. Im hurt. oh and did i mention... I live with them.

Hi, (1) Has anyone else exprienced this problem? >>> Yes I had this problem. (1a) If so, how long did it last? >>> every night! (1b) Did you need medication to help regain sleeping habits? >>> Trazodone will helping you for sleep and Sexual Dysfunction in future. (2) Might a simple Melatonin supplement help? (3) Does it matter what time of day I take Fluoxetine? >>> Morning is best time but you can eat Fluoxetin before lunch.Fluoxetine will reduce your sleep in night.so you need to add a Benzodiazepine (Alprazolam,Clonazepam &...) or other Meds same as Trazodone.

Hi solarwinds.... Yes, I suffer from the dreadful S.A.D. too. Ironically, I have a phobia of tornadoes so I'm not crazy about the hot summer months either, but I definitely feel my depression more in the winter months. It can go both ways, some hate the summer, some hate the winter. I love taking care of my yard, planting flowers, mowing, walking my dog, etc. (and I'm a rummage sale FANATIC, looking for treasures to refinish for my home and to sell online, it's amazing what people will sell not knowing what they have...) so when the weather gets cold....(even though fall is my favorite season), I get blue. I've been busying myself this winter painting every room in my house and now that I'm done, I'm even sadder (even though it WAS a lot of work, and I still have the trim but I'm not looking forward to that, especially in the carpeted rooms!). I've been trying to pick up some hobbies, the selling online, making bracelets, painting pictures and plates, fixing up some thrift store furniture (found a chair for $5, a storage ottoman with wooden legs for $3, and a bookshelf, solid wood, for $13, spray painted them, recovered the fabric and they're GORGEOUS! I also found my dining chairs there for $5 each and painted and recovered them too, looks like I paid hundreds). I guess what I'm trying to say in not a long winded way at all (sarcasm) is if you can find a hobby you enjoy (I HIGHLY recommend Pinterest, a website FULL of things to look at and do) and keep as busy as possible, the gloomy weather is a little easier to bear. Every night I lie awake and plan what I will do the next day (starting, of course, with my cup of coffee) and it makes getting out of bed a little easier. Then when it's time to relax, I come here and hang out with you fine people and catch up! Remember, spring is just around the corner....it'll be here before you know it!

I would never never tell an employer the truth about things like that. Tell them you were physically injured, extremely ill with some communicable disease, tell them anything but that truth. Behind everyone's pretty words about not stigmitizing mental illness is the fact that the mentally ill are simply a lot less productive than those not afflicted. I think behind the BS smiles and meaningless pleasantries HR people & hiring managers are heartless & calculating and they know about the mental illness productivity gap and they know even if you're better now you're more likely to have a relapse into depression. I may be a bit biased since I lost a good job for being stupid enough to tell an employer this. I am of the opinion you can NEVER trust employers, coworkers, etc with that kind of information.

Post whenever you feel like it...that's what we're here for! I know what it's like to get too busy to even turn my computer on for days...kind of nice, actually.

I can relate to your post...I'm a 47 year old female with a beautiful, healthy 12 year old son, nice home, loving family...but got hit hard with depression around 2 years ago too (although I've battled mild depression on and off for years, never like this). I have health problems, chronic pain and an 86 year old father who is healthy, strong, and living on his own but I worry about him CONSTANTLY (I lost my mom in 2008). We visit him every weekend but during the week I worry...it's hard, isn't it? Our parents are our strength most of our lives...it's rough to see them sick and getting older. I hope coming here will help you as it has me. We can help you through your dark days, I know I'm here on mine. Best of luck to you!

Maripapi that is so true. If it wasn't for seeing his gf I would still be sitting here lusting over him right now but instead im facing the reality of the situation & thats a good thing for my sanity. Thanks guys, it means so much to me to feel the support. I wish nothing but happiness for all of you. x

I'm sorry about your dad, I can imagine that's hard to deal with and I'm not surprised your depressed with it. About the hyped up moods it could be bipolar but I don't really know much about it but I do know that people with it are manic for a few days and then go down again. Definitely tell your doctor about it, he'll know more than me :) and I'm glad you have support from your wife.

Fools

to the king of

I feel very anxious, nervous and apprehensive today. I am waiting for a call from the hospital to be admitted when they have found a vacant bed for me. I have to face detox from a long codeine addiction and fight off a bad depressive episode that I am dreading. It is 1pm and no call yet. The psychiatric ward has 80 beds. Its scary that they are all occupied. There are so many people struggling with depression, the hospitals are full! What is becoming of society? In order to release some tension I did a bit of Self Injury. Although it felt good, initially, I felt bad afterwards.

I would not want to be any animal. I prefer my position on the top of the food chain.

I am married and we have 2 boys together. I often feel like a burden, but I try ti remember that the kids need me and that my husband loves me.

Hello. This is more of a rant than anything constructive so don't feel obliged to reply or anything like that. I am a software engineer and I work in an open plan office full of people who like to spend all day having loud conversations and turning the air con up to 23. It's warm, noisy, and I can't concentrate on anything. The job was good a year or so ago but after a change in management and the loss of some more enjoyable colleagues it's just gone downhill. I don't have any passion for it. I try and tell my senior this but I don't think he realises what I really mean. I don't mean I don't enjoy it; I mean it's destroying me. Every day I go in is just another day I feel closer to my depression. I can't tell people this. I tried explaining to one colleague and he said he'd listen, but that it was offputting. I think people want me to put my problems aside and just focus on my job. I mean no one really enjoys their job right? There's just so much pressure to get things done, and when I can't deliver my senior gets annoyed. Last thing I want in this job is to annoy him but he keeps triggering me. I just want to punch the wall and leave in tears. It's taking every ounce of my will to stick this out. The company don't care either. It's probably easy to say that about any company but I genuinely feel like more of a resource to them than a colleague. They posted important (private & confidential) letters addressed to me to the wrong address for over a year, and I only found out when one was delivered to me at my desk a couple of weeks ago. Because of one of these missed letters I'm £300 poorer this month. They don't realise that this is a complete data protection screw up. I tell them I don't trust the company and that this is a big issue and they just drag their feet. I come home and have no one to talk to. No face to see. No friends to call. The senior is the only person I ever see outside of work, and even then it's once every few months. I don't want to be here any more. I want to be back home with my friends and family or with my partner. Moving for a job is a stupid thing to do.

Hi there. Sorry to be posting again, I dont mean to spam up the forum but im in a really bad place right now. I feel a whole lot different since the last post I typed. I dont have anyone to talk to and I dont go to therapy so I use this to get things off my chest. Today I found out the celeb I like has a girlfriend. Apparently they have been together for nearly a year. It was a random name I seen on his profile. Somebody posted wishing him a happy birthday and said "I hope to see you and her (I wont say her name) sometime soon. I was like oh no... I knew it was gonna happen. I was basically sitting around waiting for him to fall in love cause lets face it, it was never gonna be with me and never will be. But it felt like I had just lost all I had left of my happiness. I have never felt so alone as I do right now and all I could do was cry. I am so over this! I just dont want to feel like this anymore. I dont care what anyone says, you guys know more than anyone that this type of thing hurts just as much as real life heartbreak. I want this to end but at the same time I dont want to lose that feeling I get when I see his pictures or see his face on my tv because it makes me feel alive and gives me the most addicting butterflies you can imagine. This guy I am obsessed with is a real person out there right now somewhere.. but he is not the guy I know. The guy I know is made up. I give him the personality I want him to have when I fantasize about us together. I have to remind myself of that everyday. Ugh im beyond upset right now. His girlfriend is from his hometown too so he must know her ages. Its not even jealousy, it was just a giant smack n the face from reality. and thank you DOGGYMAMA for responding to my posts. Its always a great feeling to know my story has been heard and it makes me feel that little less alone in all of this. We ALL deserve better than this. We ALL deserve real love. xx

Well Depri, we have already talked about this so I don't know much advice I can give you. I used to postpone eating until I was near passing out as well. I wasn't anxious about food though so I can't really put myself in both your shoes. But this does seem to be something that a psychologist of some sort will be able to help you with. I'm sure there are also a lot of people going through this same thing. Don't lose hope! I know you've taken action in the past few days so keep it up! Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

Well, if you don't feel you trust the Dr who came to see you, then you need a second opinion. I'd go to another Psychiatrist and see what they say. I also agree with Kaity that you would benefit from therapy too. You have one great thing in your favor, you want to get better. You know some physical things you can do to help yourself, like eating better and exercising. That is all a step in the right direction. Don't worry about University right now. That is something your Mother wants, but I don't think you should even think about it right now. I have to say that I now take medications and it has helped me tremendously. Many people don't want to do meds or don't have to. But, you need to remain open to the possibility. You have to be willing to explore all avenues to getting better, even things you might not want to face, like taking drugs. I waited over 50 years to go for help and get medication and there are many things in my life I regret because I was unmedicated. Please don't wait as long as I did to go for help! We are here for you to talk to whenever you want and we will give you as much support as we can!

Talking to people who understand is one of the best ways to make progress. I see good people throughout these forums who despite their own constraints manage to give support to others. I have a theory on this based upon the fact that depression is not so much hereditary, some may argue, but very much to do with the opportunities you have once life becomes real and the training you had to deal with these situations. For most of us, to become anxious means we care, to become angry means we care, to deal with our own problems and guide others means we care. Do you think that everybody in the world cares about others, I don't, I think however its only a small percentage. How many cars do you drive b y each day without a problem, but it only takes one out of hundreds to ruin your day. The message, we care and we must keep our perspective of the world in check. You are a good guy, I believe I am but there we share a problem. You don't want to change who you are but with the others in check you might find that small positive steps each day, will show you who you are and restore your confidence. I'm still trying because the mind is a powerful tool, and I haven't beaten it yet, but I know I will.

Taysmom: Well, I do cope. I have made a mistake with my economy (don't know how it happened) and thought I had to sell my home and starting to live in a small cottage for a very high rent. What a shame in my age. I have gone trough every paying at my bank account, and have to accept that every number is correct. That made me annul my summer vacation. I will have to spend the summer at home ... I have also made a plan about how to save money. (It took an amount of time to find out of this ). I hope this doesn't happen again. I think that when I was so depressed in January and in this month I haven't been able to understand that there was more money going out (small amounts) then coming inn. It's very dangerous when the small amounts become BIG amounts!! Of course I cannot really prevent that I never get depressed again and don't have all my thoughts with me. Still I can do something to not use too much by my credit card. My solution is to take out in cash what I need to use for one month to pay my groceries and separate that amount into four parts for the next four weeks. That will help me to see how much I can spend, even if I'm slowed down by drowsy thinking ability. I also want to have cash for my spare-time. Then I know if I can buy a cop of coffee at a restaurant or not, or if I have money to buy a ticket for the movies or not!! Hope it works! Hope the snow has gone away in your part of the world. It's sunny here and spring might start ... Shio: I'm so sorry to hear what you are telling. Life must have been some sort of a hell for you since you have had to abandon your emotions. Still I hope that this is a beginning for you to have some relief. bh: Sorry to hear, bh! Hope the meds helps! Have you tried CBT? Some people get helped by medication alone, some by psycotherapy alone, while others need a combination. There are lots of therapies, but CBT has a very good reputation as one tecnique that really works. PM for links if you want to know more (now or later). Ocean: Yes that's true. One has to try the meds for three to six weeks before one can be sure about that they help or don't help. Taysmom: Oh, yes, that would be really nice to hear from our old friends! I send my best wishes and hopes for everybody! :hearts: :hearts:

... it is late and my thoughts are racing through my events of the day, of appointments I have coming up, and trying to lower my anxieties and stop my emotional rollercoaster I find myself on. I hear my neighbor come home, and with each step up the stair, my anxiety grows. I live in a secure building, so I know that the person climbing the stairs won't be coming to see me. I have buzzed in no one. So, my anxieties are useless... I am in no way in harm's way. Telling myself this does little to calm myself. My phone buzzes, and again my anxiety climbs. Which is another useless reason for hightened anxieties. I control who I talk to and when, yet my anxieties still climb. I should be trying to sleep as I have an appointment with an intake worker through Mental Health in the morning. It's been 1 1/2 hrs since I took my night meds, but sleep is not to be my escape from today as of yet. When this happens, I have the desire to consume chocolate or carbs, as being a diabetic, it will bring on sugar high related sleep. Not a healthy way to get to sleep though. Then I wonder what is wrong with me that my coping skills are all floating down river in a hand basket?? What is wrong with me that I cannot control my anxieties better?? What is wrong with me that I cannot control my emotions better?? I used to be able to wear my masks when needed. You need me to be happy?? Just give me a moment and you will see me smiling and joking and laughing. You need me to be serious because you need someone to talk to?? Just give me a moment to clear my thoughts and I am there for you. Those masks are not coming out like I used to be able to use them. I feel so heavy hearted, discouraged, and scared. I want to learn what is assisting me to feel what I don't want to feel. I want to learn what brings on the tears so easily?? What is it that wants me to run?? What am I running from?? Where would I run to?? What do I have to do to lead a productive, healthy, happy life?? Why can I not get a handle on my emotions... I feel like I've almost reach the end of the line as far as having control over my life. I know that depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder and PTSD are all forms of illness. There may not be a cure for these, but there has to be a way to control them instead of them controling me. Once again... tomorrow will be a new day... and hopefully with it will come some answers to my questions. I know that the answers are within me. Just have to believe that I will do what I need to do so that I can get past this rocky part of my healing journey. Thank you to all for traveling it with me.

I'm really sorry to hear this. But I know how it is. Your family and even your closest friends may not understand, and your attempts to get help, love and support may only come off as a search for pity, attention and compliments. The best thing you can do is poke around and see who is willing to listen (like your dad, hopefully) and at least hear you out and comfort you even if they don't fully comprehend, and continue to talk with your therapist. And of course, you can always talk to people who have been through it here on these forums. We understand. :) *hugs* What has been making your depression worse recently, do you know? It won't be easy, but try to hang in there and finish college; it will help you out in the long run, and you've come this far. College really isn't an easy environment for those with depression - I mean, nowhere is, but at a university you always seem surrounded with people who seem happy and arrogant and party it up all the time. Just know that you aren't alone - in fact there has been a rising movement lately to expose mental illness on college campuses and remove the stigma. With support, I know you can make it through!

Ocean, Thanks for the encouragement.

My ideal day would be to go for a ride in the country on a crisp Fall day with my dog and my sweetheart. Maybe stop and get cider and donuts and just enjoy the day. Come home and light some candles, turn on the fireplace and watch Dr.Who or movies all night long!

I have a question for you. When was the last time you had an awesome, memorable day? How did you feel and how did you use your time? What did you enjoy more than anything? Thank U

Welcome, theone11! As the mother of a 12 year old son, I commend you for what you are doing on behalf of bullying...I hear so many scary and sad stories, kids can be SO cruel! And I'm sorry you had to go through all that but I'm glad you're making something good come out of it. I look forward to seeing you around!

Welcome to the forum! Are you seeing anyone for your depression? I know it sucks, I've been dealing with it on and off for years (I'm 47). Some days are worse than others... I'm glad you joined the forum, this has been a great help to me since I joined over a year ago. Everyone here is going through their own stuff and understand what you're going through, no one judges, only support and understanding here. I hope it helps you as much as it has me....I look forward to seeing you around!

My six-month-old kitten enjoys watching the TV channel, "Animal Planet". Today, she had her paws placed up on the front of the stand, and was avidly staring at the crocodiles on the screen! Yesterday, it was dogs.

One of our little doggies when we brought them home a bone from the butchers, the look on her little face and the dance she did when we got it out the bag :-) Oh and listening to monty python in the car, we have listened to the cd so much we can now recite it word for word.

a jellyfish of course! with no nervous system, I couldn't be unhappy. other things from that biological stem would make me happy, too- coral, for instance. but jellies are thriving despite the pollution and changes the planet is going through. if I have to be a more complex creature, sea otters are nice.

I think it's better you stay on both as Zoloft and Wellbutrin work on different biochemicals and receptors. It's a very good combination.

I would be a dog. I envy my old hound who spends like 23 hours a day sleeping and is totally content with it. I envy the simple joy they have at a new toy, a bone, a new friend, or learning something new. I am amazed every day by their resilience at being able to overcome their pasts.

Some churches do counseling for free and obviously at your gp surgery although it depends on where you live on how quick you get to see someone also how severe your problems for example I live in Wales and took me months to see a counselor and then they told me she only deals with mild depression so it was a waste of time for me. Good luck!

http://www.ukpsychics.com/freecounselling.html http://www.southeastlondoncounselling.org.uk/lowcost.htm

Hi, Woman32 It has been a little while since we've talked. Your situation saddens me, yet it inspires me to know that I'm not alone in this difficult situation. It helps me to talk to my kids about my mental illness, to educate them about it in a way that's appropriate for their age and capacity to understand. By letting them know what's happening in general, as well as how I'm doing from day to day, it helps them by reducing the uncertainty in their lives. They better understand what's happening during my bad times, and they actually help, both by trying to be more self-sufficient (it hurts me that they have to be) and by being understanding and generally terrific about my needs such as extra sleep or my difficulty going out in public. I'm constantly watchful for signs that my problems are negatively affecting them, but so far I've been worried for nothing. Take care, Jeff

Generation 3, Thank you for the kind words. I cannot adequately express my sorrow for your loss, but I want to share with you from my own experience that our instinct to nurture and protect our children is the most powerful motivating force there is, and if your dad's depression overwhelmed even that, there is nothing on this earth anyone, especially you and your siblings, could have done to change things. And for what it's worth, having a glimpse of what you endured might be what gives me that last little bit of strength I need for MY kids someday in my own constant fight with suicidality. I, too, am a 3rd (that I know of) generation depression sufferer, through my maternal grandmother. That I might have passed on that genetic predisposition to my children is one of my greatest fears, one I didn't expect to ever face, since doctors told my ex-wife that she would be unlikely to conceive and unable to ever carry a child to term. I'll bet her OB-GYN felt silly having to shift gears into prenatal-care mode. Twice. I'm overly watchful and protective, given the possibility of their eventually suffering from organic depression, especially as my son enters puberty. Perfectly normal isolation and broodiness fills me with angst, and as a result I check on him and ask him how he's doing frequently enough that it probably annoys him. (If that's the worst thing in his life, he's not getting much sympathy!) I'm feeling much better than I did when I first posted. In fact, I'm having a pretty good (for me) mental-health day. Sleeping later than my kids triggers guilt, and today I woke up early. I was a bit surprised to see just how late they sleep! Now, if I wake up at 10:30 or 11:00 and find my kids already awake, I'll know they probably haven't been up long. My kids are great. They know they can wake me any time, day or night, if they need something, but most of the time, my son helps his sister if, say, there's something she can't reach. They roll with my quirkiness and are remarkably understanding when I have to change plans because of pain or a bad anxiety attack, though, of course, I wish they didn't have to deal with those things. I talk about my kids so much that sometimes I fail to mention my wonderful wife (Tuesday is our 1-month anniversary!) and how much she helps me. The list of ways I would be lost without her is long, but distinguished. All I have to do is look back to what my life was like before we got back in touch and started a life together in order to see how lucky I am even on my worst days now. After my ex-wife left, I expected and even planned to be alone for the rest of my life, putting all of what little energy I had into being a dad. Then along came my best friend from when I was my son's age. We had lost touch years ago, and after her divorce several years ago, she started actively trying to find me (which stuns and humbles me), and she succeeded at a time when I was lost and really needed to be found. There had never been anything romantic between us when we were younger, but it just happened like the most natural thing in the world. My health problems make most "normal" things impossible and even the simplest things into huge challenges, but at the same time, I have had so much good fortune. Things could have been infinitely worse.

BH, this is a wonderful thread! to you! 1. Made a tasty carafe of cinnamon coffee 2. Took my vitamins 3. Danced with the cat - Interpretive dance, I sang a capella, it was hideously spectacular

I just got some retail therapy too! And I got a scented candle and a white chocolate/cookie candy bar, a big bone for my dog which she is happily tearing into now, and a new squeaky toy for her, all at the dollar store. Got a few other things i needed, only spent about ten bucks. :)

Louie, I had a funny thing happen the other day. My counselor has been telling me for a long time to, 'celebrate my neediness.' I think that is nuts. But here is the funny thing that happened. I did celebrate it and it felt good, a little weird, but good. I realized my codependency and frustration with not making the changes I want is like a wall. I push against it. I use it to put myself down. When I celebrate it I don't fight it. Sometimes I can even laugh about it. There is a heavy burden to bear when I feel I need to be different for someone else to love me. I have sabotaged relationships from that perspective. The idea of celebrating my neediness, although it sounds silly, has helped me extend more kindness to myself.