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  1. "If I can do it then anyone can." Few statements can make me more defensive and sometimes angry. I find it far from motivational and downright ignorant and insensitive. I don't mean to sound harsh to anyone who may use this statement (I think many of us here have more right to it than others). I think it disregards the different genetic and environmental factors that have shaped who we are as individuals. Even people who succeeded through overwhelming odds can't expect other people to do the same. They may have an innate resiliency, a higher IQ, a support system, or simply caught a lucky break that helped them succeed. I never want to diminsh other peoples' accomplishments, but I also hate when people diminish other peoples' struggles because of what they personally overcame. My anger mainly comes from hearing people who had few obstacles make the statement. My friend recently gave me the, "If I can do it then anyone can" when I was discussing my difficulties with grad school. His reason for finding grad school difficult?? He was partying too much and having too much fun. That's a far cry from having major depression. I'm tired of people being so clueless about something that affects me so deeply.
    3 points
  2. Absolutely, easier said than done. It's not an easy process. But this is weird. My Dad actually apologized yesterday ! for a particularly mean tirade the day before yesterday. He never apologizes. :)
    2 points
  3. Greetings MusicLover2, I learned a lesson in graduate school. The only way to advance; the only way to progress towards advanced degrees, to teaching positions and to tenure was through teaching or publishing something "against" the status quo. I could not get published or invited to speak at conferences if I said that I "agreed" with the status quo. But if I disagreed and could make a convincing argument, then I could get my paper published, I could get invited to speak more often, I could get the attention of the academic world. Sadly, truth was not that important. Novelty was important. What's the "new" thing? The human mind works dichotomously. The mind thinks one thing and then thinks the opposite. I am NOT criticising this at all. If I publish a paper on the wonders of Vitamin D, I can be sure that some graduate student, some professor, some up and coming journalist or researcher is going to publish something about the evils of Vitamin D. It is as certain as that the sun will rise. And this is good. I am not saying that anyone involved in this is insincere or dishonest or doesn't have the highest of motives. I don't think anyone publishes or teaches something they know is wrong. I advanced in my career by opposing the status quo when I actually and sincerely disagreed with it. I never pretended or faked it. I was sincere. But that leaves the big question. What is the truth, because contradictories cannot both be true at the same time and in the same respect. The best we can do is to be human, to look at the research from both sides and to try to reduce our biases to as much objectivity as possible. If we lean one way we should bend over backwards to read the arguments or those opposed to us. That's all we can do. Of course depression and the brain are still poorly understood and of course the "best science" of 2012 is not going to be the best science of 3012. I try to keep up with the research from both sides as best I can. I think that depression has psychological, biological, sociological, anthropological and chemical dimensions. I have been helped by both medicine and psychotherapy. One can always say that the medicine simply had a placebo effect on me. But the same could be said of psychotherapy, that it had a placebo effect on me. Each of us has our own brain and must decide for himself or herself what is best. We each struggle against ourignorance and our biases. We each strive to reduce these to as much objectivity as is possible given everything influencing us. I grew up in a time when there were mental hospitals and asylums everywhere and when medication was a novel idea. People got sick and were locked up. In my lifetime I have seen the number of mental hospitals shrink dramatically and asylums almost disappear. I wonder why? There has been psychotherpy of various schools since the 19th century. Why did all these asylums close around the time psychiatric medicines were discovered? I am not drawing a conclusion as much as I am asking a question. Are there powerful financial interests and lobbies for psychiatric medications. Yes. Are there powerful financial interests and lobbies for psychotherapies. Yes. One has to look at the total picture and find the truth. I feel like I am alive today because of medicine and therapy. But I am not you. You will do what you think is in your own best interest at each moment of your life. That's all you can do.
    2 points
  4. That's when you really have to shut off and rely on only yourself and your gp/psych/therapist. I agree with the environment issue too. And (what I'm trying to achieve) is to believe that when I'm feeling ok, I am really feeling ok. With support or lack of it, especially when you have family members who have had or continue to suffer and you try and find a link, genetic or not, I think all I've really been able to do is gather little bits and pieces of advice here and there and just basically make use of it or not. It's so individual this illness although common in symptoms in a lot of cases.
    2 points
  5. katersbee

    Genetic Component?

    Not to mention the family, friends or spouses who try to keep you in a depressive state as they like the control element it brings. good luck x
    2 points
  6. Amen to that brother! I have suffered numerous battles against formidable physical illnesses [including my current hospital acquired infection for which there is presently no cure], and nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to depression. People feel compassion for those who are totally blind and compassion for those who are paralyzed, but those who suffer various disease pathologies of the brain: almost no compassion at all as witnessed by the offensive remarks: "oh, just snap out of it;" "oh, everyone feels down sometimes, it's nothing," or "just get over it." And then there is what you heard: "If I can do it, anyone can do it." Or the variation of that: "what one man can do, another can do." I have been in serious depressions when loved ones have asked me to do things as if my depression was a hangnail or a runny nose. I read that in depression one part of the brain can lose 20% of its volume and another part can lose 28% of its surface area . . . and I think . . . how could someone NOT be affected by such profound losses? But it seems that most of the world is clueless. It does wear one down.
    2 points
  7. I have found that those that are the most judgemental are those that are of the evangelical fundamentalist mindset, especially if said fundamentalist mindset are of the Calvinistic mindset. At least Martin Luther (who frequently suffered from depression) and John Wesley (Founder of Methodism) acknowledge that depression exists.
    2 points
  8. This is to remind you that you do not have to be everything to everyone, and that YOU are IMPORTANT. PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS 1. I have the right to ask for what I want. 2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet. 3. I have the right to change my mind. 4. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect. 5. I have the right to follow my own values and standards. 6. I have the right to express all of my feelings, both positive or negative, in a manner that will not harm others. 7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values. 8. I have the right to determine my own priorities. 9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems. 10.I have the right to expect honesty from others. 11.I have the right to feel angry at someone I love and to express this in a responsible manner. 12.I have the right to be uniquely myself. 13.I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid." 14.I have the right to say "I don't know." 15.I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, beliefs and values. 16.I have the right to my own reality. 17.I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time. 18.I have the right to be playful and frivolous. 19.I have the right to be healthy. 20.I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment. 21.I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people. 22.I have the right to change and grow. 23.I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others. 24.I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. 25.I have the right to grieve. 26.I have the right to a fulfilling sex life. 27.I have the right to be happy. Source: (Adapted by Mary Ellen Copeland from the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D., 1990, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA.)
    1 point
  9. I'm curious to see what everyone's most common emotion(s) is/are. Is it anger, frustration, europhoria, irritation ....? I've wondered this for a long time and I thought it'd be neat to actually see what the response would be! Mine is anger, rage and irritation. I seem to be absolutly fuming on the inside most of the time.
    1 point
  10. I showered AND brushed my teeth. Maybe I'll shoot for the stars and try sleeping...
    1 point
  11. Sometimes it's necessary. On the one hand, at age 60, I feel like there's precious little left for me any longer. Work is entirely unchallenging and unfulfilling. I've largely lost interest in social affairs--indeed, I find social conversations varying between painful, boring and downright annoying. Hobbies and other interests that once held my attention can best be summed up in the single interjection, "meh". And after 38 years of marriage, the spark is long gone. What passes for a love life (and I'm being quite generous) is entry level, perfunctory--and worst of all, I get the distinct impression that my wife tolerates it (at best) to humor me, and that it's an extremely low priority for her. To be more succinct, I have given serious consideration, including the timing and methodology (yes, I can be that detached) to...well, you get the idea. The catch is this: it might solve (to use the term loosely) my problems but it would create more for others. Of those, the most heinous of all is the potential emotional damage to my grandchildren. I cannot and will not subject them to that: period. That is as absolute, immutable and inviolable as the laws of thermodynamics. I can hear the next question: have I tried therapy? Yes, and it was little better than a placebo. I don't need someone constantly asking "how do you feel about..." and having to formulate answers. In the first place, whether it's true or not, I feel like I'm being judged, and there are right answers to the questions asked. Further, if I have to answer all the questions myself, why am I paying a therapist? They're supposed to supply answers, not ask questions and make things more complicated. Thus, therapy so far has been pretty much a bust. It comes down to this: I'm left with one option-namely, suck it up and continue to slog through life, unpleasant though it may be. It's a choice between hurting many but solving my own problems-which as noted above is an attempt to violate an absolute and is therefore forbidden-or bearing the pain myself. No, I haven't discussed how I feel with those around me, including my wife: she wouldn't understand-or may indeed not be capable of it-and I'd get bogged down in a succession of explanations that would obscure or hinder any possible benefit. Thus, I pretty much keep my mouth shut and keep my feelings to myself. Once in a while it's necessary to vent quasi-anonymously without having to answer questions or feeling like I'm being evaluated: hence this post. Carry on.
    1 point
  12. Tribe416

    I Finally Graduated!

    It is in this forum where I share many of my woes and problems.To people who are struggling, you can do it too! I went from being suicidal to alive today. You can read my story here http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/78697-im-at-a-complete-lossover-academicfamilymyself/page__p__872581#entry872581 I didn't do well academically at all for the overall course but I went back to school to retake the 2 modules I failed and I finally graduated with pleasing grades in my diploma.I once told myself I hate chem engineering. I never took a maths or physics for gcses, in fact I'm always better at the humanities(arts). I ended up with major depression over failure issues and a complete loss of direction over the field I want to pursue. Back in my mind, I kept telling myself I'm a failure,worthless and I can't even score well. I'm always not the top in class or the competitive one since young, but I knew I was above average and faring badly for the course each semester dealt a severe blow to my esteem. During this period, I was also being bullied in school, not psysically but through gossip and rumours. I started my course in 2005, got removed in 09 over 2 failed modules. Enrolled in a fashion course but decided it was not for me. In 2010 till late 2011, I was in an arts course but I was feeling depressed and anguished all the time. Though I told myself an engineering diploma is not what i want at all, but deep inside I want it. If i really get it, I will be happy that all these years spent were not futile. Many people told me I've wasted alot of time. Yes i did. I could have concentrate on passing the 2 modules in 2009 but I did not as depression made me lose any form of concentration and motivation. But after I posted a few topics in this forum on my worries and had so many helpful people who advised me, I finally did it. I chose to listen to the helpful comments here instead of the insults others gave me. Getting good grades is an easy task for some people and used to be for me too until I had depression.For people like me who have lost interest in the course or motivation in life(job,school), its very hard to push on. In fact, I was so concerned about the despised looks people will give me for failing the course,that I didn't divulge about this to any friend at all,except my family and this forum and my docs. It is a long struggle and there'll be more struggles in life..new job etc in my new stage of my life. I hope this forum will continue to be a place for me to share our feelings!
    1 point
  13. Ok... As you guys know, severe depression affects your ability to think straight and adding a crap load of medication makes it worse! I can make a list of all the dumb things I have done, but I don't want to get into that. The most recent stupid thing I have done, has just come back to bite me in the behind, big time! A few months ago, I was (and still am) in financial difficulty. I was threatened to be kicked out of my apartment for not paying rent on time. So, I got desperate and since I have no family, friends or decent credit, I took out a title loan on my car. (BIG MISTAKE) This did cover paying my rent, food, medication and bills for 2 months. I was happy at the time. But, because my loan required me to pay over $550 a month and me only getting $603 a month from the Canada Disability Pension Plan, I knew it was going to be tough paying it back. The thing is, if you get behind a couple months on your payments, you can kiss your vehicle goodbye. Of course I was not making the payments for 2 months AND I was ignoring the phone calls from the finance company. This is a big no-no. After procrastinating about getting some kind of a job to pay my bills, i finally got a job interview today at 2:00 this afternoon. A good paying job too as a skilled tradesman. I was excited, because I knew I would get it because of past experience and I would be able to catch up on all my bills in a month or so, including rent and that dumb title loan. So, as I was getting ready around 1:00, someone was pounding on my door. I was naked, so I didn't answer it. At 1:30, I was heading out the door and what did I see? A friggen tow truck next to my vehicle! The guy that was pounding on my door was a Marshall and was servicing me with a seizure letter for my 2011 Lincoln MKX. Out of all the times to finally come pick up my vehicle, they decide to do it while I'm on my way to a job interview to pay for this loan! lol Something in the back of my mind last night, told me to park it far away from my building. I didn't listen to myself. I figured that if they didn't see it, they couldn't tow it. It would have worked if I would have stuck to my plan. The Marshall showed me his badge, just as soon as I was getting into my vehicle. Threatened that if I went into my vehicle and drove away, I was going to be arrested! So, what did I do??? I took off in the vehicle like an *****! lol The only thing in my mind was making the interview. I thought I would lose him by driving around the block. It didn't work. So I pulled over an expected the worst. I never ran like that before and was scared sh*tless. The guy was actually nice about it as I explained my situation with having a mental illness, on medication and going to a job interview. He gave me the opportunity to call the finance company and arrange something, so they would release my car. I called and the woman was such a Biotch. Almost smug like haha, you lost your car. So, it's now sitting in an impound lot and will probably cost more money for storage. So, I called to reschedule the job interview for tomorrow at 7:00am. Now to find a way to get there. Plus I only have 21 days to pay the $1185.22 amount of arrears before they auction off my car. And I have to still come up with Septembers rent ($1150) and October is coming up and will need ($1150) for that month's rent. This is what happens when you put stuff off! You might end up losing everything! I had to tell this story to someone, since I have no one else to talk to. I thought it was kind of funny when I was trying to out run the Marshall, but with out going over the speed limit and stopping at the stop signs. He mentioned that he would not put it in his report, so thank God for that. I could be in jail now lol
    1 point
  14. I found a site where you can test yourself on the most common depression scales (and one anxiety scale) and they are scored for you. You can print out your results , let's say in case you wanted to take them to your doctor. Or use them for your own interest. Only one is a self-report scale, the rest are written from the viewpoint of a clinician interviewing you but I would think most people would have no difficulty with the other tests, since they are based on you. One of the tests (the Montgomery-Asberg scale) provides an interpretation of your score in terms of normal, mild moderate or severe depression. The rest I found the interpretation of the scores is easily available on Wikipedia. The tests on the site are: Hamilton Depression Scale - this is not a self-report scale, it is written from the viewpoint of a clinician interviewing you Hamilton Anxiety Scale Montgomery-Asberg Depression Rating Scale Zung Self-Rating Depression Scale and 2 for geriatric populations The link is to the Montgomery-Asberg scale, the rest of the tests are found at the bottom of the results page when you finish. http://farmacologiac...o/scales/MADRS/ Just click on "start now" in the middle of the page, you don't have to become a member or be a member of anything to do these tests. If it asks you if you want to join their association I just back-paged out of there and started over. :)
    1 point
  15. LibraryLady

    Hello.

    Hey Starla! Don't worry about where you posted. It's all good! If one of the Admin people think a post of yours would be better in another part of the forum, they'll move it and let you know. That's happened to me plenty of times! So, don't worry about it! I'm glad you are here and I'll be looking out for your other posts! Welcome!
    1 point
  16. lheiserman

    Ohmatt's Thread

    Just wanted to stop by and tell you that I hope you have a good day.
    1 point
  17. Welcome to DF Katherina! Have you ever talked to anyone about the problems you've been having? Have you talked to the principal about being pushed down the stairs? If you haven't yet I'd really recommend trying to see a professional who knows how to deal with depression. I'm not sure what you mean by 'healing center' but it doesn't sound like the people there understood what to do. An understanding and professional therapist psychologist can make all the difference. I hope things improve for you.
    1 point
  18. Thank you Epictetus so much! I always love your posts and responses. They always make me feel better. Yeah i have been trying too much than I can handle and need to take a breather. I will make note not to beat myself up. I am usually very hard on myself. Again thanks for the response and take care!
    1 point
  19. katersbee

    Genetic Component?

    I think that one of the only facts is the longer it has been going on the harder it is to crawl out of it and out the other side to be in the position to tell the tale.
    1 point
  20. Hi Icarus, Wow, sorry you are having it so bad right now. I can really identity with many of the things you are saying. I think most people are still living intellectually in the 19th century as far as depression is concerned. They are not aware that it involves serious disease pathology in the brain. They think it is an inconvenience like a runny nose or a hangnail. One reads that depression is linked to serious atrophy in the brain . . . as much as 20% here, 28% there. That's HUGE. That is not a runny nose. That is not a hangnail. People have many expectations for me to do this or that for them. And even though I know I can't, or know that it is not good for my brain to do it, . . . I still cave in and give in many times. Old habits die hard. Try not to beat yourself up mentally when you cave. Just keep trying to do more for your brain each day. Little steps they say. You have the truth on your side. That depression is linked in some way with atrophy in the brain has been demonstrated. That depression is linked in some way with reduced regional cerebral blood flow and reduced regional glucose metabolism has been demonstrated. That depression is linked in some way with thinning of areas of the cerebral cortex has been demonstrated. Some people do not know the truth. Some won't accept it. What can we do? We can only do the best we can. I know from your posts that you are a good person. Reclaiming lost boundaries is not easy. People cross the line. Sometimes we cannot resist or fail. If you can't win the war, aim to win battles, even little battles for yourself. If you cannot win, choose "how" you will lose, choose the "way" you will lose. Keep empowering yourself whether you win or lose. I was once in a situation where many people were calling and asking for help. I wanted to quit answering the telephone. But I couldn't get myself to do that. So I set little goals: I will only answer the phone after the tenth ring. Or, I will only answer every other telephone call. It isn't easy to reclaim lost boundaries. People are going to test your resolve over and over again. Just do the best you can when you can. I am so sorry to see you going through this. Take care Icarus!!!
    1 point
  21. I'm with you, wanderer82. I find those kind of statements incredibly offensive and ignorant. I don't insult others by pretending to know their pain and suffering. Everyone is different and everyone copes with things differently.
    1 point
  22. I'm of two minds about it. It's meant to be encouraging...to try to show you that you can do it. But some people use it as another "Just stop being depressed already", and that's something that enrages me. I don't like being like this. I DO know that I do at times go out of my way to perpetuate my own depression, but breaking out of that isn't trivial and I don't like my struggles being treated as trivial.
    1 point
  23. I agree with Katersbee. Your children are probably old enough to know what is going on and would not want you to suffer like this the rest of your life. If you have no love left in your marriage and it is taking so much from you then perhaps a trial separation would be helpful. You could see what life would be like on your own.
    1 point
  24. Lilysparkles

    Genetic Component?

    My father had (and still has episodes of depression). His sister has it too as well as anxiety. My sister has depression and anxiety and has self harmed. I've been diagnosed with depression...... in fact during my initial appt with the doc when I was diagnosed I was asked about my family and when I told them about my sister, she asked what meds she was on and said "I'll put you on something similar, as you're sisters what works for one will probably work for the other". Makes one wonder doesn't it.....
    1 point
  25. I'd second that Ep1ctetus. Hi wanderer82 - Thanks for the post, a brilliant idea: The all or nothing - "If you can't do it properly don't do it at all" or "If you did it properly to begin with you wouldn't have these/this problem." The runner up - "No prize for second best" The impatience - "Move it or lose it sister" or "Use it or lose it" And my most favourite of all, the big headed: I'm right and your wrong because I'm........... Although the last one isn't really categorizable in this sense, just thought I'd throw it in.
    1 point
  26. cleaning I rub my forehead to try to relax I know it`s kind of nuts but I rock myself.It`s oddly soothing I pet my dog Listen to music Write Read (I`f Im able to concentrate that day
    1 point
  27. itstrevor

    Apathy?

    Hello, I am feeling exactly what you have described. I too was confused about this, as I have often heard that depression involves sadness, pain, hopelessness, etc, but instead I just feel flat/numb/zombielike. I have always viewed myself as a "no BS" solution-oriented guy, so I made a thread about all of the solution strategies I have gathered so far, and my experience with them. I encourage you to contribute to the conversation so we can all get out of this together by sharing our experiences and research: http://www.depressio...ve-experiences/ So far, what I have gathered is that depression can develop into this state. The scientific term for this is "anhedonia," and it encompasses the lack of emotions, apathy, and inability to feel pleasure. It is a zombielike numb state. I would even go far as to say that sometimes I feel dreamlike like the world is not fully real or I am not fully here. It seems as though anhedonia is one of the longest lasting symptoms and usually stays when all other symptoms go away, though sometimes it goes hand in hand with insomnia or anxiety. I was battling both of these, but my anxiety and insomnia vanished after I began taking various antidepressants (effexor, abilify, and wellbutrin apparently got me out of the anxiety, and trazodone helped me stabilize my sleep. The positive effects stayed with me even after I discontinued those medications). It is theorized that anhedonia is a result of the breakdown of the mesolimbic reward pathways in the brain involving the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinepherine, and so when people find relief from it, it is usually from dopaminergic or norepinepheric medications. For some reason anhedonia is usually triggered by extreme panic or stress. The difficulty is that it is hard to treat anhedonia, even in patients with other mental disorders such as schizophrenia, who also experience this symptom frequently. As you may read in my post, there are several hypothetical strategies. I have tried many of them with no success: Wellbutrin, Abilify, Effexor, Desipramine, Adderall, l-tyrosine, DLPA, SAM-E, Mirapex, Vitamin B Complex, FIsh Oil, Magnesium, Zinc, Calcium, Vitamin D, etc. I have felt invariably flat this whole time and my libido has been zero. There are several anecdotal reports of the strategies I listed in the thread working to put anhedonic symptoms in remission. I am currently on a trial of Vivactil (Protriptyline). I did find marginal success with Ritalin (Methylphenidate), but it only worked briefly. Other solutions might include Parnate, Selegiline, Cyproheptadine, and more. It seems that serotonergic antidepressants contribute greatly to the numbness described, yet curiously it seems that many members here report the opposite effect. As far as vitamin D goes, recent findings show that there is a definite link between vitamin D deficiencies and depression. The cause for this is unknown, and it is unknown if vitamin D deficiencies contribute to depression, if they are a result of depression, or if they perpetuate depression. The mechanism by which vitamin D is involved with depression is unknown, but research shown various ways that vitamin D works in the brain. My vitamin D levels were checked and they fell far below the accepted norm, and, even with supplementation, I'm struggling to get them up. http://www.scientifi...ke-a-difference
    1 point
  28. HunterMarie

    Apathy?

    I get this numbness too, lack of any kind of feelings, not happy, and not sad, more often than not....After telling my psychiatrist about this, and how desperate I was to change it, she explained it to me scientifically: Basically, the chemicals that the brain recycles in order to help us feel "feelings", such as serotonin, melatonin, endorphins, etc., are being recycled too fast, causing anxiety and numbness. because my brain lacks the proper nutrients it needs in order to function and recycle these chemicals properly, I am not able to feel many feelings. Now, I don't necessarily believe that prescription medications can cure everything that is wrong with a person, in fact, they might prolong the process, but after taking Lexapro 10mg for about 2 years I no longer felt numb during that time. My feelings were returned to me, and it was a proper balance between not feeling too many emotions like when I was depressed, and not feeling too little to the point where I wished that I could feel more. Lexapro helped my brain to recycle it's chemicals properly. I'm not on Lexapro anymore, though, because lately I have wanted to challenge myself and put myself to the test: I want to try to function normally, and work on positive thinking and fixing myself, without having to depend on a pill. I think that's the best way to go. You can try asking your doctor about Lexapro if you want, though, it won't hurt. To cure the numbness, my psychiatrist recommended taking Vitamin D3 supplements, as vitamin D also helps the brain with feeling emotions and recycling the chemicals to do so. So far that has helped a lot. Lab work done on me has shown that I have a Vitamin D deficiency. ...And....*whew* I'm only 18 >.<
    1 point
  29. I usually hang out with my friends to try to pick myself up out of a slump, or go on a walk and browse a store somewhere, no matter what the store is. For some reason, that helps, because it distracts me and takes my mind off of things. But, if I'm by myself and just too lazy or too tired to do any of those things, I usually write poems that personify inanimate objects, because it requires me to think about something else, from a different perspective and challenges me to think about something else that is creative and lighthearted.
    1 point
  30. Im in a house alone w. 3 sharpei dogs :) Crazy dog lady, lol...but its better than living with the chaos of a bad marriage. I think it takes awhile to learn to not be so hard on ourselves.
    1 point
  31. My ex was alcoholic and verbally abusive. He would push my buttons and call me"too sensitive", Sometimes I think, as we have depresssion we can read others moods, and pick up on things...its like an instinct. I isolate also, which I know I need to change. I dont think theres anything wrong with being sensitive, as long as you arent being hard on yourself and tearing yourself up over every comment... One thing my dr told me is Im brutal on myself, and give others a pass, Im learning to change that but alot of times it is how we grew up, even if so long ago bcs its a comfortable 'pattern' hard to break.
    1 point
  32. I agree that forgiveness is a laudable goal. My only point is that it can be very difficult to do, especially in the absence of an acknowledgement of wrongdoing on the part of the person who hurt you. And in the case of the molester I spoke of in a previous post, I truly don't think he was himself abused, nor did he have any more difficult things to deal with in life than I did (we're siblings). I'm not saying I won't forgive him. I'm just saying I don't know how to do it.
    1 point
  33. I think it is helpful to realize that many cruel things are done by people who were themselves treated cruelly. Like my father who is abusive at times -- not all the time. If I didn't forgive him, and refused to have anything to do with him, I wouldn't have a father anymore. And I come from a small family, there is no extended family. Other than my sister, who is in very little contact with us and who is even more abusive towards me -----I would have no family whatsoever. Would I be better off? No. Also, with regard to my father, he left a worn-torn country in his teens, basically a child, and never saw any of his family ever again. He NEVER speaks about his childhood or family --- I don't even know my grandparents' names. He experienced a lot of hardship and so I have compassion for his limitations. No one acts like my father does who hasn't suffered himself. And even think of it on a global scale. If the Jews and Palestinians in the Middle East could forgive each other and figure out a WORKABLE solution to their differences --- would that be better or worse? If the Muslims who are rioting because they are so offended over a film that insults their religion could have just forgiven it, would that have been better or worse? When has lack of forgiveness ever HELPED anything or made the world better?
    1 point
  34. That's good news, and it is. You've identified poor self esteem, self confidence, self worth and inappropriate guilt which are very common symptoms of depression. This is a major step forward as you can now be more confident that the self-harm is not attention seeking but the more likely result of a treatable illness with the right meds and counselling. Please do look into my recommendation as it is a valuable resource for depression.
    1 point
  35. Tim 52

    When People Say...

    I'll add my "amen." If a great athlete said that to me, I'd say "no way." It is a little like someone saying "You can be anything you want to be." Or "you can do anything if you set your mind to it." I can do many things. But I can do any or everything. We all have different stories. Different issues. Different contexts. Best to folks posting here.
    1 point
  36. yesican

    Genetic Component?

    I definately think there is a genetic component to depression. The problem is exactly what you suggested Grovette ^^^ People are afraid of what they do not understand. Personally I have gotten tired of trying to explain depression to my very judgmental family.
    1 point
  37. Seabeach

    So Scared Of Everything

    Right now I am a person needing help but sometimes reaching out to help someone else builds you up. My thoughts would be a warm cup of tea with honey or brown sugar. A soft blanket on a warm (or cool) bed. The sound of the beach or rain in my ears. A picture of someone or something I love in my hand. Knowing that you will wake up tomorrow and all will be well.
    1 point
  38. Ever since we got new tiles in our bathroom we have agreed to dry off the shower-tiles after each shower - to try and it clean - however somedays - like today - just thinking about that (very hard work) makes me not want to shower!
    1 point
  39. I'm a newbie; spent the last month reading other people's experience of depression and decided I wanted to join in. I totally relate to everything you guys are saying. If my mum hadn't nagged me to shower I'd stink right now. Thank God I moved back. If I brush my teeth it's usually for about ten seconds.
    1 point
  40. Dear Tamer, It is a fact that you could be sensitive to this benzodiazepine as you could be to another medication. Xanax is usually given for a short period only until you get into a regular sleep pattern or get over some difficult situation. Do go and have a word with your Doctor as it sounds like this is not a suitable medication for you. Best Wishes Jim Bow
    1 point
  41. I don't think forgiveness has much to do with the actions of the forgivee, i.e. I don't believe in conditional forgiveness as in "you agreed not to do it again, so I will forgive you." Sometimes you will see parents of m***** victims forgive an unrepetant killer. I think forgiveness has to do with releasing your heart of the anger, condemnation, hurt, resentment,suffering that you yourself or someone else has caused you. It is certainly not just a simplr action or words: saying "I forgive you" is meaningless unless it affects your heart. The act of forgiveness releases you from the burden of hate and anger and hurt. In terms of self-forgiveness, I'm not religious but the Bible says that God has already forgiven you, you don't need to confess or repent. By confessing, or repenting, or not repeating the "sinful" actions --- YOU gain release from pain and shame. That is the benefit of self-forgiveness, the release from self-hate, regret, guilt. So I see forgiveness as something that you might have to work at very hard over a period of time, and struggle to achieve.
    1 point
  42. Just Adam

    Feel So Crushed.

    Brandan, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm going to tell you the same thing someone else on DF told me about my love life a while back: You deserve someone who loves you and only you. Take care of yourself, and if you need help for your depression, don't be afraid to reach out for it.
    1 point
  43. Tottering

    Sleep Question

    Sleeping is the thing I do to escape, even though sometimes my dreams get a little too weird, it still isn't reality and interacting with people who somehow can't see the huge raw nerve covering you, or the great big black cloud surrounding you, and say insensitive things like "hello how are you"!! Yesican is so right, sometimes you just have to give yourself permission. I struggle with the guilt that I am not functioning like I should and drop balls everywhere, but depression is an illness like cancer, and no one would frown and say "just pull yourself up for heavens sake" to someone taking a little extra time out. You could ask a doctor for something that would help you with energy levels...but all meds come with a price, so you have to weigh up the side effects with the benefits. I like to give myself a few days of leeway then, like a good boss, try to set some achievable goals for the day. If I get a few hours of doing the things I should, then I feel better about the hours of uselessness. In any case, it is a way to take just that one bit of guilt out of the mixture I tend to beat myself up with when the black dog is sitting on my chest. Mostly, it helps to know I'm not the only one who does this. Thanks for your post.
    1 point
  44. Denninmi, Our world looks to blame someone for anything bad that happens whether we have a mental condition or not, so I don't think you'd be held accountable, unless you were truly accountable. Your anxiety and severe depression seem to warrant a call to your Dr., because I think you are feeling some paranoia and taking this way out of context. Sincerely, MaddieLouise
    1 point
  45. Good topic. I had an aunt wo would say praying would "cure" depression. Everyone judged me when I first went to therapy. (Ten years ago). My dad had depression and went untreated because "its the American wauy to pick yourself up, hold your feelings in, etc) I went through hell growing up in denial. At this point I have paid my dues, and if people want to be snarky and judgemental, or pollyannas "Its all in your head" then so be it. It is sad that we are in 2012, and some "friends" still judge us, or act like it's just fake drama. I cannot be friends with someone who will sit there and judge my moods, and say its all illogical, etc. Recently broke off a friendship from a woman who was emailing me pollyanna type advice. Some people are just insensitive, its best not to make a project of convincing them to understand the biochemical facts of depression.
    1 point
  46. How often do you get maintenance treatments??
    1 point
  47. I was *not* raised with a save-money mentality, which has led to some serious guilt after shopping... not regular shopping... I mean binge shopping! We're talking defaulting on credit cards, ruining credit rating, unable to pay the bills, no room in the house for all this stuff binge shopping. Luckily my previous therapist was pretty good with this issue and I've mostly worked through it. I've learned coping techniques when the urge to hardcore shop hits me. But it's hard. It's so hard. When I start to feel down, my online shopping fingers go all twitchy!
    1 point
  48. Wow, to say that about depression!! she'll be saying she doesn't believe in cancer next!! MI is just that, an illness, we can't help it, we don't choose to have it. Seriously, people who have never had MI can't even begin to understand it. Don't bother to talk to her about it again, she doesn't seem to want to take it seriously. I'm quite open about my MI, the reason I am is because if I tell a person and they judge me, I don't bother too much with them. I don't want to wait years before telling a person and then have them judge me or dismiss me as a friend, all that'd be is a few years wasted on someone who was never really my friend in the first place. I know this may seem cynical, but life is too short to waste being around judgemental people who won't understand and accept you for who you are.
    1 point
  49. I think I will print this out and keep it on my fridge as a reminder. Sometimes it's so hard to remember to do the simple things. And it's always important to take time for YOU.
    1 point
  50. That saying is a way people have to completely dismiss your feelings when they don't feel like helping. I understand your annoyance. Like there is no difference between someone with clinical depression and a child crying because he/she didn't get a toy.
    1 point
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