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Showing content with the highest reputation on 03/03/2012 in all areas

  1. 3 points

    This Has Helped Me Today

    Things are worse in your head than they are in reality. I've been repeating that to myself all day. Everytime I get stuck on a defeating thought or feel like I can't do one more thing. "Things are worse in your in head than they are in reality." It hasn't relieved the fatigue or made me happy, but it's helped me get through the day a little. Telling myself this helped me leave the house to pick up my scripts when I was feeling too anxious. It may even have lessened my self-hatred. Because it's true- things ARE worse in our heads than they are in reality. This is in no way intended to minimize the very real circumstances some people are suffering from. But I hope everyone can apply it in some way to help negate a faulty perception depression has created or enhanced. Look in the mirror and tell it to that person you may hate. Remember a time, any time no matter how brief, when you felt okay about yourself and remember that's the real you. The reality not clouded by the lies of depression. It's hard to believe, but it's true.
  2. 1 point
    Beginning of January. Coworker gets her hair dyed. It looks great, and I consider that I have never had my hair colored by anyone professional. Got the name of the salon, made plans to make appointment. One, two, three weeks go by, name of the salon printed neatly in the corner of my day planner. Nah, I'll do it next week. Nah, I'll do it next week. Okay. Today is the day. Today I will do it. It's 8AM. What time do they open? Google search. Salon has no website. Curse. Salon has phone number. Curses curses. Are they open at 8AM? Some places don't open until noon. Some salons are afternoon/evening only. But some salons are morning/afternoon only. Maybe I should wait until 9. 9AM. Well, maybe I should wait until 11. That seems like a reasonable time. Wait. At 11 they might be at lunch. How many people even work there? Is it one person? Lots of people have one stylist that they've used for years, maybe this is one of those situations. Google search. Nothing. If it's one person and she is at lunch I should probably call after lunch. 12 noon. No. 1. 1PM. I have to go to work for a conference call. I'll call after. 2:30PM Okay. Time to do this. Gonna do this. Number is right here. 3PM Still looking at number. This number looks strange. Is it a cell phone? What kind of salon has a cell phone for a contact? Google search. No, it's a business number. Hmm. 3:30PM Okay. Go time. Call number. 3:31PM Hang up. It was an answering machine. I didn't rehearse what I was going to say to an answering machine! 3:32-4PM Rehearse answering machine message. Seriously, let's go, brain 4:01PM Call salon. Get answering machine. Leave hurried but seemingly coherent message. 4:03PM SALON IS CALLING ME BACK, WHY, WHY!? Deep breath deep breath deep breath hello? 4:05PM Find out salon has an opening for an appointment, at the end of March and I don't have my work schedule for then so I'll have to get back to them maybe, or try to find another place and repeat this whole process over again. 4:06-4:30PM Endure usual nervous hiccups and have nothing at all to show for it. Annnd that's how it took me two months to make one phone call. Anyone else procrastinate like this? Well it's not procrastinating exactly, because it was on my mind the whole time. Like heavily on my mind, for no reason. I always worry disproportionately to the task at hand, but particularly when it comes to things involving the phone. Arg.
  3. 1 point

    Hello I'm Abriana

    Smile for the camera: Happy family I used to be very confident as a child I was the funniest and loudest one in the class with everyone wanting to be my friend. I was a tomboy and didn't care what anyone thought about my appearance or what I said. I then started high school a bit late and was the new girl. I started Puberty and was soon known as the sexy girl, I was still a tomboy that time and when a guy asked me out I ended up cursing him out even though he was my closest friend. The girls in the school started labelling me as the slut and I ended up getting harassed in the gym locker almost every week, with even my two closest friends participating and once physically hurting me. It's crazy but even then I didn't feel victimised I just started to hang out with other people. When I was around 14 I started to have an interest in older guys and would leave the house wearing my tracksuits go to my friends house get changed, do hair and make up and meet up with guys 10 years older. That was all fun until one day one of the boys asked me if he can escort me home I was happy to let him do so, but then he said let's go through the park. We were going through the park and all of a sudden he made advances to me and persisted against my will. It was then that I started disliking guys, I hated the fact that boys were so disgusting and I hated the fact the girls were treated with such great injustice. I ended up paying less attention to my look and much more to my education I told my dad that I will be a doctor, and it was the first time he was proud of me telling all his friends and family but I started gaining weight which made my dad angry he would get the scale everyday drag me to it and make me step on it, just so that the whole family would laugh and when I started crying he would curse me out and tell me that he'll show me a reason to cry. I didn't care I was now fat but the smartest in the class getting top grades which I was very proud of. But the arguments with my dad continued I would often run away from home for 2 days 3 days and show up when I didn't know where else to go. I ended up becoming close friends with this girls staying at her house a lot but one day my friend came and told me that she has been raped, that girl never came back to school again and when I told my dad what he would do if I got raped he said he'll disown me, because something would be wrong with me. I ended up distancing myself from everyone didn't care about anyone and ending up just eating everyone. My arguments with my dad became more extreme and I ended up walking out living with a guy friend. He ended up being the first guy I was with and I was very happy with him, I lost interest in school again and we would talk about our future and he would ask me to have his child I was happy again. My teacher told me you'll never be a doctor and I accepted that only going to college once a month. The guy I was living with turned out to be a control freak he started cheating and ended up making very bad rumours about me. I ended up coming back home and my dad started arguing with me I was quick to run away again. I took the bus and ended up surrounded by four drunk guys. They made advances to me and I was just asking them to stop and I wouldn't get out of the bus with them I ended up sleeping on the bus and was woken up at 5am. It was very cold and I started walking about this car pulled over and I was quick to get on. The man asked me where should I drop you off he said it's not safe, but I just told him we can go anywhere he decided we gonna go to his house I was alright with it. A couple of hours later far from where I know I was at his house we jumped over the fence to his house he run the hot bath for me and seemed very nice. But the second day he said I owed him. The next day he apologised and then drove me back home I was home now, I missed all my exams was a failure in my dads eyes I felt disgusting and ugly and I hated every single man in this world. I hate home life and resent my sister for self-harming and I being put in a care home whilst I still have to live here. I hate the fact that my mum idolises my dad and doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that he is a bully and a control freak! I used to absolutely adore my dad, thinking that he is so strong and respected but he's just a coward who beats up my mum until she can't take it anymore. I saw her down a lot and at her lowest when I was 10 she shouted at me and threatened suicide. I still now live with my parents but havent spoken to my dad for a year. I don't know what to do anymore, sometimes I really just want to end it I look at different options and cry myself to sleep take pills and really hope that I don't wake up, but I don't want to die and prove my dad right, I never seeked professional help and am sure my family will laugh if i mention depression to them. So I adopted several different personas to cope with it all; but now I really am hoping to find people who understand me and don't think that its all just fictional.
  4. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Today #24

    alot of us here feel lonelysometimes x at least we have DF x
  5. 1 point
    Hi ivy whispers and welcome to DF! It's really nice that you're offering support, I'm sure you're not the only one here who is feeling lonely. It can be very difficult to maintain friendships when they cannot understand your problems, but if your friend is bipolar, she should be able to relate. I don't think you would drag her down, I always want to support my friends when they are feeling bad, even if I'm having a hard time myself. And you seem to be very caring, so I'm sure you could both profit from talking to each other. Apart from that, you can always join conversations on these forums, or start your own. Our members are very understanding and you are not alone with us. Please make yourself at home. Nocturne
  6. 1 point

    Please Help Me...

    Wow thank you all so much. I know i have a very long journey ahead of me to get myself on the right path to be a new person. Is it ok to have some very black days tho? yesterday was very difficult for me as my son was with his father and i was on my own and had too much time to think. I need to find something to do to keep these thoughts at bay. I also suffered with ocd and used to constantly clean my house, i found this helped me to stop thinking about everything. Im not on any meds as i was told to stop them when i found out i was pregnant, i dont think that has helped my feelings very much either! I do agree with what addict1968 said, it would have been so difficult to have another child on my own. Also marbo, i didnt hold my son for a very long time after he was born, i remember shouting at the midwife to take him away from me. I think it was because i had such a traumatic pregnancy with my 'barsteward, of a sister in law. I didnt feel that 'rush of love' and its only recently that i have started to properly love him and do feel like i have let him down a bit even tho i dont think that i have been a bad mother, Im not sure what has happened to the font here so i apologise!!!! You have all been so supportive and i only hope that one day when im strong enough that i can give support to others.
  7. 1 point
    Ivy - something that you can try to do is to take your hands and put them together. Move your hands (thumbs pointing to your neck) to your face, and form a seal over your nose and mouth (your index fingers should be on your nose and your thumbs should be at your neck). Try taking 2 to 3 slow deep breaths - then release the seal and breath normally for a few moments. I agree with Violet - I think CBT will be able to provide you with some techniques to help you with your anxiety and to help control panic attacks. I think it is important that you talk to your doctor about this - they are there to provide help for you.
  8. 1 point
    T on C

    Acceptance And Commitment Therapy

    Nice article, thanks for the link Helium! I'm currently on the immersion type of therapy for the fire I was in 2 years ago, going to ask my therapist about the ACT.
  9. 1 point

    Acceptance And Commitment Therapy

    Very interesting article. Something I will ponder.
  10. 1 point
    Hi ivy whispers and welcome to DF. I think that under extreme stress and during a severe panic attack you can hear voices and sounds that make you scared. I have heard as well that it is also common on cold turkey from a drug. I understand you´re scared, but I think it would be wise to tell your doctor. Breathe deeply to stop the panic attack. You can also try to sit down with your head down and breathe in, or stand with your head down and breathe. You will calm down when your breathing is under control. You could call an SOS line and share this anonymously, or if you still feel very bad, go to the ER. Try not to worry too much. I think you could benefit from CBT. There are some good books out there and CBT therapy can be really good for you. My best wishes to you. Don´t worry too much.
  11. 1 point
    Hi all and big hugs to all of you on this thread. Most of you know that I have struggled for years with an artistic project I created two years ago and forced myself to keep it going. I must share with you that my project was nominated for the annual cultural award with the city of Reykjavik. I cannot believe it! It´s a shock. Two and a half year ago I was in bed with depression. I cannot believe it, but I want to share this with you on this thread. You have helped and supported me when I had my doubts - and I still have them. Support is so vital and I cannot thank you enough. I don´t care if I win or not - being nominated is going to help my project so much. In fact, if I would win, I would get scared. I really mean it. Many thanks, all of you. Tomorrow I will start my day with yoga. Have my coffee and breakfast in bed. Do a little work around the house.
  12. 1 point

    Time Flies

    It's been interesting catching up with a few people from Chef school and seeing where they are at in their lives since graduation (back in Jan 2009). Most are working at places that don't serve food at all. Some have had kids and gotten married. It's this reminiscing that gets me down, because all I can say is that I've been very ill and had to drop out of College because of it in this time frame. And before you know it the years have rolled on by and you start to question who you are, what your worth is, and where you belong and I've been doing a lot of introspective work trying to figure who I am. I've asked a psychiatrist this question before and it usually stumps them or they reply back with "well who do you think you are?" - hate it when they do that lol I know for starters that I'm totally content to be alone with my own thoughts. Some say it's a hermits lifestyle but I find it to be peaceful, low stress, and drama free. Working on the low stress thing right now since my Dr. insists I be in a low stress environment. I just can't handle it very well and I end up having crazy episodes. I've reinforced this to dear old Dad and I think he has finally gotten the clue to just let things be, because I am the way I am. Maybe over sensitive, maybe not, but a lot of past trauma was at his hands, and others as well, so to be sharing the same with him has definitely tested me. New water heater was installed today. Why? The "Co-op" has it's own board of directors, so a bunch of mid 40s housewives with nothing better to do decided to have all of our perfectly functioning water heaters removed for these brand new shiny ones. Apparently they are energy efficient, but will I really notice that on my bill? Probably not. In the midst of a ST:TNG marathon. My how the years have flown by. -ck and yes, I'm a trekkie :)
  13. 1 point

    How Do You Feel Today #24

    I feel very relieved and thankful, because my mum came home from hospital today and she seems fine
  14. 1 point
    I am on Lamictal and I do occasionally sweat more than normal. An interesting thought though - I was on Effexor for a while several years ago and it made me sweat like crazy. I went off of it and the sweating never went away completely. I don't know if something permanently changed in my brain to make that happen or what. I truly don't think the Lamictal is causing anything different. Maybe for you it is still left over from the Zoloft and will eventually subside.
  15. 1 point

    Acceptance And Commitment Therapy

    I´m glad to hear that you are doing well with it. I will certaintly look into it. Thanks for sharing! I never heard about it before.
  16. 1 point
    Hi, I take lamotrigine 200 mg and have been as high as 600 mg. I've heard (and experienced) that lamotrigine can cause cold hands and feet, but I've never heard of it causing sweating. It certainly doesn't for me. I have had antidepressants cause me to sweat, but not lamotrigine. I think that you need to work this out with a doctor since there are physical problems (such as the hormones you mentioned) that can give a person night sweats. Also mention this to your pdoc as well. Sorry that I couldn't be of more help. I just wanted you to know that the cold feet are kind of normal for lamotrigine.
  17. 1 point

    Which Term Do You Prefer?

    I think hiding does no one any good, I don't advertised it but I certainlly don't hide it either, from anyone. I didn't ask for this, didn't go out looking for but I have it, whatever one chooses to call it. We are not monster, misfits nor anything else; we are not evil nor malicious so if others have a problem with it, thats just what it is: their problem. The more you hide something the mysterious it becomes and the more people what to be to pry. Better to deal with it on your terms and not anyone elses.Be strong my friend. vega57 Thanks for your insight. You seem to have a good grip on your mental illness or whatever it's called. Do you have any insight on why I feel such shame about my depression and anxiety. I recently had to fill out a medical form listing all my current medication and I am literally embarrassed to write "Cymbalta". I actually hope that who-ever reads the form doesn't know it's an "anti depressant" although I know that's highly unlikely. I have similar feelings with other problems like recent prostate surgery, I didn't tell many people about that either. I definitely don't want friends and family to think I am crazy. As for my avatar name, I guess I felt that way when I signed up. I know how you feel, CrazyGuy. I work in a very small town and am a pastor-in-training. I cringe whenever I have to have my Zoloft prescription renewed because the pharmacists all know who I am. you dont have to call it mental illness if the term bothers you aqua just say you have depression, etc. if people want to know more and your are comfortable with it than tell more. i think some people want to know mostly because they are afraid that they may get "it" too, i really do think this, some do want redicule and some are really interested for other reasons. when i tell others they response is mostly positve and if its not than or well, its their problem not mine, i just have to continue working on it and educating those who want to know. crazyguy from what i have learned and expereinced dealing with it for so long i truely think that the feeling of shame comes not directly from us but what society has impressed upon us, it other words many think its a weakness of the mind, character or soul, they dont see it as a genuine illness so they pass those feelings on to us. when all is said and done i also think its about fear: are we truely crazy, are we going to harm them or their family or go just plain bazerk and those are genuine concern to them again because they are ignorant of mental illness thats why i believe in educating others but just talking it about it in plain, everday language; remember when aides first came out, people were totally afraid but now its accepted way, way more, still carries a slight stigma but not like at first. if you indicate that you are ashamed of something that you didn't ask for that others will respond in like manner, like i always say, i didn't ask for this, didn't go out looking for it but i have this condition and i have to deal with it the best i can. one other comment, when people see those poor souls who are maybe homeless all dishevled and talking to themselves or what the case may be they associate it with everyone who has a mental illness not understanding that most who do can live with it very well if and only if they take care of themselves with meds, etc. so please try to get over the shame of having a mental illness and please be tolerant of others' ignorance, you will have a much better life. Lord bless, Rev. Frank Vega57. Thanks for the excellent post. No, I didn't ask for this and I am going to deal with it the best I can. I'll try not to think of myself as weak or ashamed of being depressed. Unfortunately that is how I felt about mental health before I was diagnosed with depression and it's hard to change bad habits! It's easier to be compassionate when you know what it feels like. I almost feel like the one pharmacist (young lady about my daughters age) knows more about depression than the rest because she will freely ask me how I am feeling and is genuinely caring. I'm willing to bet she has had depression experience with close family or maybe even herself. I am an introvert wintergrace so I definitely know how your feel. Lisa15, when you are getting your prescription if you have a private moment you should mention to your pharmacist how you feel. Tell her that you feel like a new person or something like that. I recently had surgery and the surgeon was quizzing me on why I was taking cymbalta. I told him for depression. I was on the table at the time and slightly drugged and irrational. Finally I said "I don't know how to explain it except I feel like a new person". The nurse replied "maybe they should start putting it in the water". I knew right then she understood. I have thought that many times.... That was the end of the conversation. There are more people in need of medication that are receiving it. Hope this makes sense... I have to run. Take Care my friends! God Bless :)
  18. 1 point
    Hi raybeam, and welcome to DF! We are glad to have you here. This is a wonderful community, filled with kind caring people, who can relate and offer you emotional support. I personally am not familiar with Lamictal, but I'm sure some of our other members who are, will come along soon and respond. You will find a lot of good information on this forum, and the people here are really friendly. So please take a look around the site. This is a great place to receive support. Take care.
  19. 1 point

    How Do You Tell Time?

    If only we could hibernate! Warm cave, no eating, driving, rush rush rushing.... Couldn't take living in Northwest, though, too gloomy.
  20. 1 point

    I Want To Die

    Hi Kite, The fact is you have depression, are in debt and you do not believe there is a way out because you have tried everything. You seem a pretty intelligent person and have tried your best to beat your depression. But to be honest you must start again. Death is not the answer for a young person like you ; Can you move to another EU country and try and find employment there? You will have to pay off your debts at some stage so you need to be looking at what you can actually do !! You really do have to get the most effective AD medication for you. This is trial and error and one combination may be fully effective you. That is what I have found. Do not give up trying to beat your depression, get out of debt and get a good life. At any moment things can suddenly change, however you must be ready doing the best you can to heal your depression , look for any opportunity to move forward, try moving to another place (if that is possible) and see what another place can offer you. Never believe that nothing is going to help or get better as life will often open doors and create opportunities and you must keep yourself ready for them. Best Wishes Jim Bow
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