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Thanks!! I got a tooth pulled!!! 🙄😒

Got a lot done today without having a meltdown.

I feel good I made 50 but there were times I just didn’t know if I would get there. I’m looking forward to the next phase of my life. I pray that it is better than the first half. 😊

Young man at the supermarket checkout asks, Dude, what kind of rock is that around your neck? I tell him it's a lava stone and it holds a scent that I find relaxing. He replies, Whoa so it's like, jewellery that like... calms you down? I nod and tell him I have an anxiety disorder, that my head is right now inside a 2-foot "bubble" of green grass and floral fragrance. Helps me cope in crowded places. His face lights up, Bro that's soooooo... wow like, you're in your own chill zone! And you made that? Guy made me feel like I'm kind of a big deal in some sorta bespoke-aromatic-necklaces-for-coping-with-mental-illness-conditons... industry? Whatever! I rode the good feels for a couple of hours.

Better today. Meds secured, anxiety lessened. So... improvement. Just got through reading everyone’s recent posts. Wow. We all seem to have a lot going on. Stressful presentations, physical pains, on and on. I just want to acknowledge everyone this afternoon & though I can’t respond to each individually right now, thoughts & prayers are with all of us. Finally, a million thanks to everyone for their interest & concern. That’s the thing that keeps me coming back. I’m better than yesterday, thank God. Thanks to all. Adam

try and build on what is making you feel better right now, but we all have been there, keep your head up

Appointment went good 👍😊made her smile 😂

Continuing to feel just a little bit better each day as I put forth more & more effort to change. Since Oct, I’ve really been struggling. As you guys know. So now, small, incremental, reasonable growth each day as I strive toward some EXTREMELY important/“HAVE-TO” goals for myself & my kids. I’ve been in this rut for too damned long. Sick & tired of being sick & tired, (and broke 🤣). I’ve got one job interview scheduled for tomorrow, another one for next week & continuing to search & set up some more! The search is going to be successful & it’s going to be successful quickly. Onward & upward. With a TON of help & communication with a few members here, I’m doing it. We ALL can. “Despair not; REPAIR a LOT!” - @Oscar K

Now that sounds like something I might find interesting. Off to YouTube I go!

Nothing new to report. I am watching a television show called The Neighbours. 🙂 I need more physical activities.

I feel so good!!!🤪

i dont know why when i give advice or my opinion to others, they say it's great, and thank you, but then when i think about me, like i want to try something new, i'm afraid i am going to fail, or why bother, you are a loser....yet last week i was telling a girl who is older than me to not give up on her dream, and i'd help her if i could with anything that i know and can .. i think it happens to many of us, like we give better advice to others but when it comes to us, we have our own self-doubts, i don't get it. how am i supposed to convince myself that i wont fail, that i wont like a fool trying something new, .....any advice you guys have would be appreciated...helpful..thanks

Well, I'm sorry to hear about your break up and the depression problems that are causing you some problems. Hopefully, things will begin to get better for you and I'm looking forward to talking with you real soon, Be blessed my friend

It's my birthday and my wish is to do absolutely nothing at all today 🙂 Just staying home and relaxing. This afternoon my parents are treating me to dinner and I've decided we'll just order in. I'll probably use DoorDash to get some burgers or maybe some tacos. Oh my parents got me a new printer, which is awesome as my last one broke years ago and I never got around to buying a new one.

Not too bad.. My therapist tells me every time I see her that I need to go out in the sunshine that it will help me feel better. I don't go out because of people. get rid of the people and I will go outside.😆

i am truly sorry that you are feeling this way, please feel free to talk to us, maybe getting it off your mind can help

I had to work today so now I'm sitting here and thinking about all the work I have to do tomorrow morning as well. I mean I'm sitting here "resting".

I guess at the end of the day we have to be true to ourselves and live with consequences. It’s all anyone of us can do.

This is profoundly true. Sometimes you need to tell it like it is and call people out. The best case scenario is where you can do this without having to resort to being cruel - but some people just cannot hear it. One of the worst things I ever did was also one of the healthiest. When I was pregnant with my youngest I was quite depressed. I had two other small-ish children and was not getting much sleep. We went up to the cabin to stay with my parents for a week. All that I had the energy to do was sleep and read and I was happy to have help with the boys. One night at dinner my mother started in. She was complaining that I was not doing enough with her. I tried to "be nice" and explained that if she wanted to do something like play cards, she was welcome to interrupt my reading and I was just doing it for something to do. She kept on and finally I said, "Look Mom. I am so depressed I can barely get out of bed." Her response hit me like a slap to the face. "You think it is hard being you, try being me." At that point in completely snapped and yelled across the table, "God, you are such a bitch." I stormed out of the house, hid behind the cabin and burst into tears. I felt really guilty for calling her such a horrible name, but it was really good for me to stand up to her. I would love to say that things between us have changed - but that would be a lie. What has changed is the fact that I will not put up with it from her anymore and I will not let he treat my children the way that she used to. If she wants to think that I am a horrible person, fine. But I know the truth and those who really love and care about me know the truth too. As far as everyone else goes, well - you know where they can go. So, not really an argument for being a nice guy. There is a difference between being a "nice guy" and being a "good man."

I am honestly looking forward to spring/summer i feel better than, not so much anxiety & depression and I get out of the house more so I am looking forward to that.

Don't confuse being nice with being a good. Being nice will make you a victim. You can be a good person without letting someone cross your line. It's better to be disliked by some for who you are, than loved by many for something you're not. Everyone is a bad guy in someone else's mind. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting you walk around being an asshole. 😂

Did almost a mile with Etta, where it was surprisingly nicely chilly out. It will feel great tonight, so maybe I'll take her the long way through the neighborhood so we can look at the moon again.

Grandma's doctors are going to do surgery on her and said they should be able to remove all of the cancer.

Did a bit of walking with Etta this afternoon. Didn't use my app but it was around 1.5 miles or so. It feels great out here (60F and breezy) so it was perfect walking weather, I'm just still feeling a bit lazy.

I woke up so late that my day is just starting. lol

Realized my phone was essentially dead so I just did a medium length walk with Etta. I should go to the gym tonight, as tomorrow I have to wake up early to take my husband to physical therapy, but we'll see how it goes. I can always do stuff in the house too.

right now i feel okay. sore and okay, but not great. kinda proud though too. but i was having trouble breathing when i did my cardio tonight. i tried cardio after doing weight training. It wasn't a lot, but i did chest and back after a very long time and I guess it was just too tight to breathe. *inhales deeply :)

Wrong Train ~ The Lonesome Valley Singers (196?) "I'm sitting here, riding on the wrong train I ain't never had any fortune or fame I guess it's just the story of my life seems like I've always been aboard the wrong train." ----------------------------------------- I had been looking for this song for decades. I remember hearing it as a kid but then could never find it again. 50+ years later and I finally found it.

Thank you @Nightjar, @JD4010, @SoulSurvivor, @evalynn and @Atra! I had a very nice and quiet birthday (though my parents did sing happy birthday haha). Can't believe I'm 44 😲 🙂

A big thank you to everyone's support, i really appreciate it, <3

🎆🌜Lunar New Year🐀🇨🇳

7 billion people is a lot. Counting to 1 billion takes over 30 years non-stop. So the illnesses are getting more common, because of genetics (having children), increased lifespan, knowledge about them, new subtypes and variations and the like etc. My mother had some form of delusional disorder and PTSD; my father had a political schizophrenia diagnosis. That's back in the Soviet Union. But nothing was reported, because the Soviet Union was pure. Mental illness is a 1st world thing. I've heard a lot of people were ill back then too; but they were hidden by shame. But now I'm just ranting... Question: Are they getting more common. Answer: In my view, yes.

Oh no sorry 😔hope things get better for her and you get same rest

Thank you. Wow. What a beautiful post. I live for those little lights...yes, cats and my daughter, plus my collection of books (I'm on a first name basis with the staff at Half Price Books 🙂 ). Walking in the snow is also a treat for me...though I haven't had much time to do it recently. I really appreciate this message, WOTL. Thank you again.

Preach! 🙏 I am a raving purist about only one thing: pizza. There is a holy trinity of pizza and it is crust, sauce and mozzarella cheese. If any or all of these are terrible, then toppings just cover up the shame. Shame! Bad pizza is a worldwide problem. In my travels I have come to understand that pizza eaters will accept lousy product when there isn't a fine example of it where they live - and I pity them. I'm calling for pizza missionaries. We must deploy good pizza to these people immediately as a matter of principle and compassion. And in my own land, where we create pizza abominations I shall not name here? We must install window shades, for children should not have to be exposed to depravity known as California Pizza. Ok I'm done ranting about pizza. For a day. Maybe two, I haven't decided yet!

@anxiousE No news just a you tube marathon.

'Seat of the Pants' airlines -- a wholly owned subsidiary of 'Fly By Night Industries'.

That’s good it’s always a blessing when you have enough energy to do what you have to. 😊

I walked about a mile from the station and back to do some shopping.

5 miles on the treadmill. Monday starts 4 days in a row of highs in the 50s. I might walk those days. I'm ready to throw the treadmill out the window!

Excellent! I'm happy you made that call. I often fall into that same line of thinking. I feel guilty for wanting to enjoy myself and spend some of my meager "earnings" on myself, rather than tossing it all at my ex and daughter. I am still of some use to my daughter I guess. It keeps me from ending it.

I understand the 'vicious circle' guilt, etc. That is one of the nasty symptoms of anxiety/depression, and no it is not a "small thing". Every time around the circle the monster gets bigger and uglier. Congratulations on kicking that bully in the shins (not exactly the phrase I was thinking, but need to keep it clean). I stumbled into a way of keeping contact with one person. I got into the habit of calling him at the same time on a specific day of the week, and now that is our set time to talk. Maybe that will work with you and your kids. That is awful. The rules at a place I used to work said that every opening must be 'advertised'. Sometimes they created a job for a specific person. They still went through the sham of advertising the job, accepting applications, and interviewing candidates before giving the job to the person they intended from the beginning. I always thought that was cruel and unfair to everyone else who applied for the job. ☹️ Hope you find a position much better than that one!

Am doing very good 😊I haven’t thought about it but I don’t live close to him so I guess just bug him every day 😂and try to be there for him as much as I can be but not liveing close to him makes it hard 👎 he’s not even talking to me at the moment witch I understand he’s been seeing friends and family to tell them the bad news 😞I feel bad to that I feel so good but its how am dealing with all the bad things that happened and is going to happen my doctor said it happens this way at times and that it might just all hit me at once witch am not looking forward to but that’s life

I'm so excited to be about to put my forties behind me and embrace my fifties. I"m praying that my life be a whole lot better during my fifties than it was during my forties.

Well today tested me. It began with a plea from my mom to bring lunch to her and help her make her favorite pasta dish because her arm isn't healed enough to lift a pot of water. I arrived to find my brother was already there. I received apologies, acknowledgement that I didn't need to come today and that I could've worked on my grad school application instead. Ugh. I got so close to screaming. Felt like the pasta pot, ya know - close to boiling, lid shaking from the pressure beneath. Later at work, I got called in to my supervisor's office because a caller left feedback about me, unhappy, claiming I said things I never did or would. Again rage and frustration began erupting but I understood that the complaint was unfounded. I work with people with mental health conditions like me. We often feel marginalized and invalidated, unheard and dismissed. Sometimes that pain lands on me as I'm accessible and I'm accountable, no matter if the actual target isn't in reach. My supervisors were very supportive of me - and they have to follow up on these things, I get it. And yet it still stings. Just me and one other counselor worked tonight's shift and we were overwhelmed by calls and internet chats. We couldn't keep up. I didn't take my second 10-minute break because I was too busy and that's not cool. I will try to put my self-care back in the forefront next shift. Burnout is a always a threat. A new group of counselors are being trained this week. Hallelujah. To top it off, my poor friend continues to struggle with trauma flashbacks. PTSD can be the worst disorder to endure, mind and body together reliving the event. They reached out to me in desperation despite knowing I couldn't respond at work. They have even called the emotional support agency I work for and talked to a counselor but I can't speak to them because that's a professional ethics issue and violation of privacy protection. I sent a text to them just now to let them know I care and how to cling to hope when it's too dark to see. I hope the sentiment will help them through the awful night they have ahead. Atra word-vomit! The purpose of writing all this, a way I can do one self-care before sleep. By journaling I'm getting it out of my. I'll talk it over in therapy group Wednesday. The emotional wave will have passed by then, I think. I'm just riding the foam for now.

I have that too. I think it's the only thing I've stuck with my whole life.

Sorry to hear Sober. I will pray for her.

I feel like going home, I'm tired after 9 hours of work with three more hours to go.

😊

Waay too much chocolate. I've binged today. Thought I was cured but it turns out that sugar still has me my by the b*llocks. *OK so I haven't got b*llocks but it has a nice ring to it, no?