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  1. Past hour
  2. tired. i cried a bit. i dont think i will ever feel any happiness in this lifetime.
  3. While I was over in domestic relations court this morning, I won a motion for summary judgment for a personal injury client. Now our case gets to proceed to trial. Too bad it is a TERRIBLE, horrible, no-good, very-bad case. I wish I was exaggerating. This might help me upwardly increase a settlement offer from insurance. Or maybe not. That's how bad the case is. Which makes it somewhat more gratifying that I won...and the judge only took 3 days from close of briefing to make a decision...it's about the first decision I've seen a court hand down in one of my cases in the 8 months I've been practicing again. The opinion won't load properly on the docket, so I can't read the decision, but can see that I won from the docket entry notation. Good result thus far. The thing I get most nervous about still is managing the deluge of documents, in files, electronically, and exhibits in court. It's literally the thing I'm most nervous about in court - keeping organized with documents so that I have what I need, when I need it and can find that exact words, and then go through the tedious process of authenticating, laying proper foundation, over objections, of documents, every one of which must meet 3 distinct evidentiary thresholds - authenticity (ability to prove they are what they purport to be), relevance (germane and not excluded by numerous policy exception rules), and non-hearsay, or admissible under one of I think 28 hearsay exceptions. I'll get better at this with time. And if I get a good paralegal at some point, who can free me up to listen, and think and react and question witnesses.
  4. Oh, yah. I mean that I've had some bosses where I wanted to meet them in a dark alley away from the protections of boss-hood and see who the better man was. Or at least tougher. That probably sounds primitive and chauvinistic, but in fairness so were the bosses in question.
  5. i really wish i had advice because i felt like that pretty much all my life. i avoid working because of my anxiety. it stinks. i guess my advice would be to keep trying, keep putting yourself out there, and keep risking.....you are young, you will get rejected many times ( we all have) maybe its for the best until something better comes along! Also i'd probably go on youtube to look at interview tips and ideas , or to the library to get a book on that, or ask your therapist if you see one if they have advice.. i think it's normal the way you feel, everyone does ...we all might think we aren't qualified enough or dont have much experience, but i also think self-esteem is important in an interview. i would say practice and keep telling yourself you can do this, and everyone starts from the bottom anyway, before getting to a better position, so build a little on your confidence, i think that matters when you are being interviewed .. keep practicing and telling yourself you can do this
  6. Today
  7. i am with you on that. a lot of times in the past when i wanted something really bad, it hurt me when i couldn't have it.. but then as time went on i realized it was for the best..
  8. On days where I really know it's out of hand I try to eat more but it's almost like I physically can't. Its almost like I can't emotionally handle eating anything with too many calories, carbs, or fats. My boss told me I look sickly and to stop dieting yesterday. But this is the best I've felt in a long time. And I still see weight. How did you all move towards eating normally again?
  9. I'm beginning to feel strong again because I finally know the way out of this hell. I'm right up to the fence that's always been blocking everything my whole life from the ground to the sky. I can see everything I want through that fence but this time there is a door and I'm going through it!
  10. I more or less told off all of my toxic family yesterday. Of course it's not that simple. Over the next couple of weeks I have to do some things and July 4th will be my independence day from all the toxic ones. They're not all bad. My brother and I are actually getting pretty close. My aunt has been very good to me as well. It's that time in my life where I need to weed out the ones that are trying to bring me down and destroy my life.
  11. MrMisery

    Hard Days

    I've got an illness, and sometimes it makes things hard. I'm always strong, around people. That's the way I'm meant to be, but they get used to it, expect it and rely on it, and dump more on me because that's just the way it works for them. That's fine, I like the illusion that I matter in this world, and that I can help in some small way. But the weight is heavy, and I'm already not doing very well. I've got to be honest, the only plan I have for tonight is pretty dark. I was tempted to go to the hospital, but I don't have any money, so what good is that. Dumb idea. I've got a good plan for the next five weeks. I think I can change things, I think I can make things happen. I think I can change my life in big ways. I just need to hold on. But ultimately, does it matter? ... **** it. I'll do work. I'll get things done, we'll re-assess in a few weeks.
  12. I felt funky all day. My mood was low, I was overthinking everything and physically I felt as if every nerve in my body was on edge and I didn't know whether to cry or scream. It still kinda feels like my neurotransmitters are out of whack. I dunno what's messin with my think-meats but I hope it passes soon. Something I said to a friend earlier this evening came out wrong. Twice. "Are you going to blow up that group of friends you're with?" I was meaning to ask if their drama was concluding but it came out sounding like she's evil. I might have done better to spit a mouthful of hot soup in her face the way she looked at me. Wow. I'll try and fix that tomorrow.
  13. diet Dr. Pepper + Malibu coconut rum
  14. My impression is he's determined to update the place. He's playing his cards close to the chest, as well. In my brief encounters with him, I don't get a warm, fuzzy feeling.
  15. It's 3 am and this bird keeps chirping! I've never heard it before and it's kind of annoying.
  16. Alcohol can increase the nervous system side effects of ARIPiprazole such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use ofalcohol while being treated with ARIPiprazole.
  17. My Aunt and my cousins (even the older one who was nice to me) has unfriended my mum on Facebook. They are still friends with my dad which shows it was a personal attack against my mum. It makes me angry seeing my mum upset like that. She looked after those kids when they were younger like they were her own kids, whilst my aunt was busy working all the time. There must be a lot of lies about us spreading in that house for them to do this to my mum. They're favourite aunt who has loved them like her own children. It breaks my heart. She doesn't deserve to be pulled into the mess I've created.
  18. Hey crewneck, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I wish I had more advice on how to ease your anxiety on an interview, but I always find myself rather anxious myself for interviews. For example, an anecdote. at my first job interview ever they asked if there were any brands I was loyal to, and in my confusion of not knowing what to say, I said Dorito’s. I mean... I could’ve given any other answer! But in reality, it’s not that big of a deal, and I think I cared much more about my fumble than my interviewer did. I can understand where you’re coming from when you think “I’m not skilled enough,” or “there are better people out there,” but you can’t think those things, because they aren’t true. I always try to remind myself when I think those things that it’s my brains way of convincing me to stay afraid, and to stop me from trying something new. A friend posted on Instagram once a quote that read “there are less qualified people doing the things you want to do because they believe in themselves. period.” And while I don’t love Instagram, there is some truth in that, isn’t there? I’m sorry you have so much anxiety over job interviews, I know it isn’t fun, and I wish I had better advice. My best advice, as corny as it is, is to believe in yourself. Because you are skilled. And talented, and qualified, and deserving.
  19. Getting better at being alone. 29 years with some one always there, thats a hard habit to break - even while recognizing the abuse, manipulation and isolation Have had really good talks with my children...thats a new experience! Psyc intake/assesment tomorrow...
  20. Well I am glad that you have gotten some financial relief, interesting about the Medicare I always thought that was related to income (not that I have ever bothered to look). Don't suppose that te new owner of your place would let you stay on as a tenant when the time comes?
  21. Going downhill fast it's only a few hours now til when my life changed forever and so much for the worst, the beginning of the worst depression I have ever faced and the one I don't I will ever even sort of recover from. five months since my world ended, five months since my life lost all meaning and five months of being alone.
  22. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It’s so beautifully written, and it feels like a weight has been lifted knowing I’m not alone. I’m going to try and keep reminding myself to be kinder to myself, and also remember I am only human, and humans make mistakes. I remember the first time I ever remembered this specific memory of the mistake- I was 16, and my mom was out of town, I was wracking myself with grief! So I told my friends, asking for advice on what to do. They laughed at me and said they’d all done the same thing, and that I shouldn’t define myself by a mistake. That I should let it go! You’d think years later I’d listen to them and remember what they said, but my OCD is always sniffing for a reason to make me feel guilty, afraid, or unsure of myself. Sometimes it’s hard for me to find logic when it comes to forgiving myself. Your post helped me feel a lot better, and reminded me of my friends words and that I need to forgive myself and move on! Thank you.
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