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  2. Thank all of you so much for your support. No, she was not a fan of my list. Not of the list of "Things that make me Happy", either. If I can get your opinion on something, off topic... I've been dating a man off and on for over 6 years. I love him, but I let the littlest things of him or his family just grind on me. Surprisingly, he loves me, still, and wants to be together. So are the tedious things that bother me due to my depression? Just wondering? Thanks everyone.
  3. @nojoyThank you as well...and to the rest of the DF family. I honestly would not be here now if not for y'all.
  4. @CentI'm very sorry, my friend. I come from a broken family myself. I look back and realize my dad was afflicted with depression in much the same way I am now. Although my mom and dad weren't actively abusive towards me, they were very aloof. I guess it's a blessing, eh? Yeah. I essentially live for my daughter, who is turning 25 this year (!). She and my cats are the reasons I'm still here.
  5. Para-ratched. Ahahaha! My boss is pushing all of my buttons today. I've never read any Camus...I guess it's never too late, eh?
  6. I agree. I consider the people here family. Mom's birthday needs to be a turning point in my life not in a bad way. From this moment forward I need to be strong and make her proud. With the rest of my family they have had 40 years to do better in my life. They should make me feel better now in my time of mourning. Instead they have made me feel physically and mentally sick and afraid every step of the way. What the hell kind of life is?
  7. Yeah, ditto. Sometimes it feels like anyone I let into my life is only there to take advantage of my kindness or to hurt me. This is what's so frustrating about it. It takes so much energy to rebuild your life and then everything comes crumbling down again. How many times do we have to try until enough is enough? Yeah, pretty sure. I am very unattractive, my personality sucks, I don't have any money... Given that I've never been in a relationship I am confident that this won't change, too many red flags and no redeeming qualities, there's absolutely no reason anyone would want to be with someone like me.
  8. idk where I heard it, perhaps here or an episode of "Pose." The gist of it is that those with whom you share genetics are relatives. Family is the people you choose. 💓
  9. @lonelyforeigner Are you sure you can't still have a family? 40 is young.
  10. @lonelyforeignerI don't know exactly what you're going through but I've had lots of moments in my life where it seemed like there was no other way than to die. In my life there have been so many people that have gone out of their way to hurt me. I've lived many years of my life under the threat of death from one person or another. Day after day looking around every corner for that person thinking this would be the day they would **** me. That plus I have ruined my life over and over my whole adult life. Build a mountain and do well for a while just to smash the mountain to pieces down the road. I'm 40 and your reality could become my reality any day. Tomorrow I might wake up and have to go on the run. It's been my life most of my life. I know how you feel.
  11. Yeah... If I were still in my 20s it would be a different story but I'm in my late 30s, I can't keep starting over from 0. I already missed the window to have a family of my own.
  12. Today
  13. It feels very good. He's the main poison in my life. He's the main poison in everyone's life he has ever been in. Now that he's my only parent left I was desperate to have a relationship with him to fill the hole in my heart but he's been manipulating me the whole time since he moved back to town. It was the last straw when he faked an injury to manipulate me into helping him.
  14. @lonelyforeigner me too. I dont even see the point in trying anymore. When things have been the same your whole life then it's most likely going to be the same for the rest of it. So boring routine predictable and not enough good to outweigh the bad.
  15. I hope that brings you a measure of peace. You deserve it.
  16. Desperate... I'd **** for a hug and someone to tell me that things will be OK but I don't have anyone who'll listen to me, let alone hug me. Last night I spent hours researching different poisons and how they work, my suicidal ideation is getting out of hand. It seems like the only reasonable option at this point 😫 Only thing that keeps me alive for now is that I'm a coward but I expect my life to get much worse soon at which point the pain will be big enough that fear won't be enough to keep me around.
  17. We have an employee who has some form of mental illness. People talk behind his back, calling him names and complaining about how he does his job.
  18. Had a super lucid dream where I slashed my wrist. The fear and desperation felt so real... Only weird thing is that it's not my method of choice but then again, dreams don't have to be realistic.
  19. That's wonderful! I don't know how SSR works. I hope it means you have Medicare now to help with your health care.
  20. Went to work. Came home, played some video games.
  21. Recurring theme in this dream of mine. I talked to a friend through a window. She kept trying to tell me something important, but I ignored (or misunderstood) the important bits. As in real life. God damn it!
  22. Ah, well, I just walked down the hall with the partner in question, and he volunteered that it would be nonsensical to file a motion to strike, so I'm clear on that. In looking up some other stuff, I realized that a while back, I had uncovered a new Ohio statute that was passed to clarify and codify a big Ohio Supreme Court decision that is unfavorable to plaintiffs' damages claims under tort reform. This became the basis for a motion two of the other attorneys wrote a great motion to instead interpret the statute literally according to the plaint meaning of its text, and in this case, the legislature's mistake, and we won in one of the trial courts (and then I ably defended against the onslaught of hospital and defense motions to overturn). I had completely forgotten that I had initiated this issue by putting the statute in a memo to the boss. Good for me. : ) Now, if I can stay awake to finish right a motion to exclude an expert witness who is unfortunately preeminently qualified, it'll be a good week. Ah, might as well decide to have a good week in any case..... Also, I started reading The Fall, by Albert Camus last night, and thoroughly enjoyed his mercurial soliloquy about conscience and ulterior motives....much better than Crime and Punishment, largely on the same subject.
  23. Cent- I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say. I suffer from pretty bad depression but I have three kids and they mean to world to me. I think they are the only things that keep me sane. I am divorced from their mother but I still see them all the time. I have a pretty decent relationship with my ex and she lets me see them at least 1-2 days a week extra. My uncle completely abandoned his children and his wife over 15 years ago and hasn't checked on them once since he left- I just don't understand what can drive someone to do that. To me, leaving my kids isn't an option. Honestly it is probably the only thing keeping me from ******* myself since nothing else brings me any joy at all.
  24. godddammit (see, it's not blasphemy the way I spelled it), the dumb paralegal emailed one partner about an opposing counsel's late reply to one of my filings, saying--erroneously--that opposing counsel's filing "was over a month late!", and she's objected to our filings, so we should file a motion to strike her late filing. She should have filed a motion for extension. So the partner replies, and says, "this is Rob's* baby. Have him file a motion to strike!" Thing is though, Rule 12(F)'s grounds for a motion to strike do not include untimely filing (because that would be stupid). Nonetheless, I have a motion to strike about done when I'm referencing about 5-6 different sources of information for this...docket, local rules of practice and procedure, state rules, facts, and I notice her filing was only 2 days late. Sr. partner and my direct boss comes in, I ask him, and he says, in affect, yah that's stupid, don't do it. I probably should have gone to the first partner, although he made quite clear he doesn't want to bother with it. Do I: a) reply or go tell paralegal-Ratched that she got the date wrong, it was only 2 days late b) do nothing or c) get a little more creative and complete my in-process motion to strike based on the rule's actual grounds, which include claims or defenses that are "redundant, immaterial, impertinent or scandalous matter"? Actually, when I first read her low-quality Reply to my Response in Opposition to her Motion for Summary Judgment, my first thought was, this is both redundant and immatieral...so maybe I'll go that way, and hope it irritates the judge less, meanwhile, gets me out of conflicting directives a little. I have 2 other (bad) cases with this same judge, who isn't loving the fact that I'm taking them toward trials. This would not be granted and would just p*ss him off or make us look like aholes. It would be great Para-Ratched, if you'd help instead of getting facts wrong and erecting obstacles here. She's usually sharp on facts and procedure, but this is the second time in about a month that she's just gotten something blatantly wrong, with me to pick up her slack. I'm not amused, but can't really do anything....I was about to email her back, and contemplated cc-ing the partner, just to clarify and clear up that it was only 2 days late (impliciation: we'd look like total jack-a**es...actually we would even if it had been a month late - the judge doesn't care, and anyway, this is one I'm pretty confident I'm going to win on the merits, because her motion for summary judgment was weak tea, and my response was good and right on the law and facts. Should be an easy decision for the judge. It matters not at all in the case; only in the dumb politics of the firm, and potentially the court. I think I'll get 2 other things done, call it a morning, go to lunch with Matt and Kevin, and ask about the politics and my notion to file a motion (odd that that rhymed) on slightly more substantive grounds to strike. Jesus, the nonsense...well, it isn't just me, this is the kind of mind-numbing minutiae that is part of practice and procedure for all litigators. *also, I've tired of worrying about my name here. Hi I'm Rob, to anyone I haven't divulged that to yet.
  25. @MarkintheDarkYou wanted me to honor mom today on her birthday. I did exactly what mom would want me to do on her birthday I cut off dad for good. I stood up to him took a stand and it's over!
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