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  3. My mom is like my best friend too. I can't imagine what I would do without her so I feel for you. We didn't always get along though. During those times I would do things that brought me joy. Are there any hobbies you like?
  4. Do what you can its the only you can do.
  5. oh hun I am so sorry for the distressing news. The risk cancer is scary but now that you know about it you can keep an eye on instead of not knowing there is anything wrong. This means that if you do get it, you can catch it early always a good thing with cancer. I believe they can find out more about the baby if you want them to, but if you only care about healthy does it really matter if there is downs or not? Sending you hugs.
  6. Well I haven’t posted in a little bit but I thought I’d give a small update. The past few days have been up and down. Yesterday started off really bad and I broke down crying in the evening sometime. Later that night I felt much better though and went to bed with a great feeling of future happiness. Today has been good but here at 12:40am I’m kinda feeling sad again. I’m going to bed soon and I will attempt some mental exercises to help me feel better.
  7. LOL I am with ya, my friend. George Carlin is my hero too!!!!
  8. I may make an exception for Kylie Minoque, my friend. LOL. But, then again, not. No one is worthy of me who brings me down. Also, just got to say, you and I are old buggers referencing Kylie Minogue!!!! But, dang, she was cute. Not as cute for me as the girl in The Bangles who sang Manic Monday, but there you go... 🙂
  9. Yes I want to get married to someone I love for sure. I do want to have kids more than anything probably. I cry about it every single day. It's just taking it's toll on me right now. My mom was the best mom ever. I could talk to her about anything. We were always together and were best friends. We did everything together. Now I have nobody to talk to about anything ever. I'm afraid of everyone. I don't trust anyone. I have no safe place on earth not even here at the house. Somehow I'm supposed to keep my sanity when this is probably what it's going to be forever.
  10. Its really important to take care of yourself. Your walk is very important but as you suffer with knee or joint pain, is there an alternative you could try, cycling? Or swimming?.not sure if these are options but think about what could work for you? understanding partners is a skill all to itself, they are often not sure how to handle us when we are depressed or tired or whatever we may be. Is there somebody they can talk with about your own circumstances, not necessarily a therapist but empathetic friend. Would they be interested in coming on a forum like this? just know we-are hear to listen to you, and offer advice or experiences if asked
  11. Whatever you do, dont stop the meds whilst you are in a bad phase without tapering properly..... stopping the meds can be harder than starting, and whilst most extremes reported are rare, they can be quite painful, and mood altering. iunderstand your willto stop, but think of your current state and decide if now is the time. Switching might be a good option, either another big pharma or an alternative coping strategy,
  12. You have come to the right place for helpful suggestions. First just take a few moments for yourself. Take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth...... tell yourself tet up, and do it. then, set yourself two or three small objectives for the day, yes, the day. Take a shower could be one, go for a walk....reflect back in the evening as to how you did achieve those things, start slowly, baby steps then add things, slowly. seek a medical consultation or go to an alternative to discuss options. let us know jow you did
  13. That sounds terrible. I can't imagine living with so much pain. Maybe instead of telling your partner she should take care of the cat if she wants to keep it, say you can't clean after it because it's too painful on the joints. She should at least understand that, right? At least I hope so. If she knows, then I don't know what to tell you.
  14. Sometimes I get this too 😞 My dad especially, he tells me I should get married soon and that I won't be young forever, yeah like I don't know this. We have really different views on this. I'd like to get married if I'm in love and know for sure this is the person I want, not because time is running out. Besides, I think love can start at any age. I'm not too worried about having kids. It's not really what I want anyway. edit: I think he's just worried about me not being able to take care of myself, yet he says I'm codependent. Wouldn't that be the same thing? If I married now for convenience, it wouldn't make my situation better. I would just be repeating the same old story as my mom did, and she suffered a lot so no thanks.
  15. It's different parts of the family all 3 days that I have to pretend to be ok for. Do I have to no but if I don't they might come here and see me on days like today.
  16. Please tell me if I'm missing something, sober, but is there a reason you MUST be with them all three days? Or at all? Obviously it causes you distress. Are there other choices?
  17. Saturday Sunday and Monday I will be with family and I will feel alone the whole time. If they saw me today this would be my last day posting because they would probably stuff me away somewhere that would "help". Nobody in real life has given me a reason to stay in this world since mom has passed away. They haven't given me one word of genuine support through any of this. If I would die I think the best reaction would be someone shrugging their shoulders and making some grunting sound. I doubt I will ever have friends again in real life if I'm being honest. I also lost all the weight and take care of myself and dress nice and treat people nice. It hasn't made a bit of difference with attracting someone out there none.
  18. Yesterday
  19. I keep feeling ill and exhausted and people keep treating me badly and I just don’t want to be in this world anymore, I am struggling to get help Today I went for a walk and got back and was so exhausted, my partner was fed up so was I because the cat did a poop on the carpet again and I refused to help because A: I was in so much agony with my joints that getting up and down was agony and B: I told her if she wants to keep that cat that keeps messing the carpet she’s gonna take care of it. I ended up going to sleep with no dinner because of it, half the time I can’t sleep and end up only getting to sleep after I take drugs and pass out, but that’s my life, I’m not coping any other way i think this is a good as my life is going to get and I just waiting for something in my body to give up so I can leave this messed up world, I don’t believe I was ever meant to be here, I was an accident and I stumbled through life barely making it through. I’m fed up of fighting and all the battles I have ongoing i look across the sea and I see an Island and I wish I could flee there and live on the Island to live out the remainder of my days away from everything Maybe one day I will find my way out people keep saying aww those cats look so happy and I just think I am glad they are happy but I’m never happy and I’ve been searching for happiness since I was a teenager many years ago, all I found was violence, abuse and people screwing me over and every day I am in agony with my joints and I keep having many issues with my stomach and I think to myself when’s it gonna end in order to get better I need exercise but exercise causes me to hurt and feel exhausted for days after, I don’t want to try the experimental operation where they saw my bones in half and recast them as there is no guarantees it will make any improvements according to the doctors, I needed help for my knees when I was a child and no one got me any medical Help so they became twisted and now they hurt me so bad
  20. JD makes an interesting point, Fentanyl is schedule 2, and CBD oil schedule 1. If I had the energy I would lobby. I believe the law for CBD oil changed in 2014, under the farmers bill, in the USA, making it legal in the 48 states, but still illegal federally. I live in Canada and buy my CBD from both the USA and Canada, where it is since March of this year fully legal. I also buy Kava from the USA which is legal but not sold in Canada, and does help with anxiety too. Verification could be good as CBD does help me, but I do know I cannot enter the USA with any.
  21. If I was 55 I could access the supported living system, kind of like a condo, you all have your own place but a community room to socialise///// You look after yourself which is cool. I actually was with two friends today but still felt really alone. I cannot explain that other than I am deliberately sabotaging myself
  22. Oh goodness, I've so been there...and welcome, btw. From my perspective, the bath is a huge accomplishment. If you can, give yourself credit. That's no small feat. For me, that bath has opened the door to sometimes then getting another task or two accomplished, say, like eating. Yeah, I'm serious. I completely concur with @BeyondWeary, particularly on seeking out help when you feel you're able. Meanwhile, you can count on us to be a sounding board whatever you're feeling. You may also find sometimes you might just need to vent. I do it a lot here. Welp, that's useful, too.
  23. I would go slow and try to do things one at a time so you do not get overwhelmed.
  24. Unsure. Glad I got my workout out of the way and did some cleaning.
  25. Welcome Lenora! Sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand how that is. I had to lower the expectations I had of myself and accept that I have a debilitating illness. So I let more things go like cleaning, activities, and cooking. I also needed to work with a therapist and a psychiatrist which have helped a lot. On my own, I just couldn't cope well at all. I also give myself extra time in the morning to get up and get ready. I'm afraid there is no easy answer for needing more energy. Hope you keep coming back, reading, and posting. You are not alone in this. BW
  26. I, too, welcome you back! I understand how hard it is to make good friends. Relationships aren't easy. This forum is a good place to be yourself, not be judged, and find others who understand the awful illness of depression. Hope you find that to be true also. Hope to see you around some more. BW
  27. @Laura123 Thank you for your post and your encouragement. Will keep updating (good or bad) just in case it's useful to someone later on. Can you elaborate some on the positive side effects you have experienced with Bupropion?
  28. Can anyone help me. I’m finding it hard to just get out of bed and when I have to take a bath it takes all my strength to do so. Any ideas on making it easier to do normal activities please ?
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