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  2. MrMisery

    In A Bad Way

    I'm not doing well lately. It's almost daily now that I'm having these episodes. I'm really struggling. It's the illness too. None of the stress is about real things. But here I am, every other day. I don't want to talk too much in detail about my past hour. But it's ****ed. And it's becoming routine. I want to be strong. I want to be the example of taking the burden in stride and getting functioning in life, getting better and doing better. Honestly, just making it to tomorrow is hard enough. I've done a lot of really good things for people. A few people in this world even love me. I'm my own hero, I'm really proud of a lot of things I've done and the way I've lived, and continue to live my life. But I feel like maybe I just wasn't meant for this world... I don't belong, and I'll forever be swimming upstream, fighting an unrelenting current. Some days I'm okay with that. Times like this... it's hard okay.
  3. I don't trust anyone ever so I always wear the mask because I've always attracted people who are constantly looking for any weakness in me. They are looking for any small thing they can attack in me and I will not give them anything!
  4. I have to lose 7 pounds by tomorrow at 3 PM. That's my life. I'm sure it will be fun.
  5. Today
  6. t=That will be in five years, the way we like to do it! lol.
  7. Yeeeessssss...... exactly. After living that way for a week, it was sooooooo hard to come back.
  8. Thank you. There's nothing anyone can do to help me anymore to be honest. I jump into a river full of snakes and crocodiles everyday and have to survive it and most of the time I wonder why I even care if I survive it. I have nobody I can trust in real life and I never will have anyone I can trust in real life. Everyone that will ever come into my life until the end of my life will try to ruin my life any way they can. There will never be a good person that comes in my life. I will never have love in my life and I will eventually take myself out.
  9. They fill you up for a couple of hours that's about it.
  10. Yesterday was a disaster and I gained a pound. No surprises there, I was depressed. Feel better today and have a plan to do yoga and eat well. If I stick to it I should lose the pound by tomorrow. I did walk yesterday but it wasn't enough to curb my unhealthy choices. It wasn't even a lot of food. Ugh.
  11. Hi I am new to this site. I am also having the same issue with both breast. Not just tender, but seems to get bigger :-| . I really don't want big breast. I am currenty on Wellbutrin xl 150. Thinking if I maybe switch to the generic it might not have the same side effects, not sure. If not, I will have to go off. Does anyone have this side effect, and what can one epect. 1,2,3 sizes bigger or does it stop after some time. Thank you
  12. You could buy a pill splitter and start off at 5 mg..Work up from there.
  13. Parnate at 30 mg per day really made me, lose social phobia and I felt a sense of well-being. I a man and was able to feel emotions again. I could cry again and could do things impossible when I was on SSRI's as I suffer from social phobia. Parnate got rid of that pronto. Unfortunately after 3 months It "pooped out" om me. Am scheduled for dTMS in a week so , but if it doesn't workout I will change to Nardil. I am pulling out ll the stops and will consider Vagus nerve stimulation VS as a option. ECT will be my last stop, as I dont wish to lose memories. i ]
  14. Hey. Just figured I would share a story in the hope it would help someone , I remember the first girl I was with , lasted 7 years this checker at my retail job asked me who I liked and he asked her and it was good both ways so she walked up and gave me her number one day , whew!!! Made it easy for me lol , anyway we didn’t work out so there I was 24 or 25 never having asked a girl out the right way and oddly enough this guy fell into my life at the exact perfect time almost like it was timed , so me and him were hanging out and he was helping me with the breakup the best he could , so we went to the mall and he was like dude your going to ask a girl out and until you do I’m going to sit in this chair , so I look over at the hot dog stand booth thingy and there is this girl and I walk over and I start asking about all this shit on the menu and she explains forever and ever and I’m like... can I try a sample and she gives it to me and then I just say the real reason I came over here isn’t because I thought you were cute and I wanted to know if I could have your number and she smiles and sorta giggles and says I am flattered but I have a boyfriend , now I felt sorta good because she was flattered lol but not so good because she was taken but the result wasn’t as bad as I thought , so then I went up to another store and asked another girl and another lol , and then another . I got no phone numbers but what I did get was it out of my system lol. Not everyone will say yes , but just trying creates more experience with the situation , even now I would have a hard time with it because I meet girls online a lot now but yea , it took a lot of guts to even ask the hot dog stand girl lol , I was so hesitant but hey , I did have my wingman sitting at the table , who believed in me and I believe in you as well . Because you could be one question away from some girl who is going to break your heart or make your life so much better and even if she does break your heart , that’s what superglue is for lol
  15. Agreed. Do something nice for yourself if it is in your budget.
  16. Unsure and somewhat impulsive. Knowing that asking my boss to tell the client to get things going will not go over well.
  17. I have been watching ST:TNG. Plus YouTube (Joe Rogan, Tim Pool and a few other channels).
  18. Hey, This response hopefully helps, so I totally can relate, when I used to play world of Warcraft I would join guilds and the first thing they ask usually is do you have a mic , I would say I have a headset but I dont like to talk, the reason for this was because I was so nervous and so shy I was afraid of what people would think .. so for like 2 years I wouldn’t talk, I remember a friend of my brothers was at the house one day , he asked me why I was typing everything to my guild and he said how the heck do you play like this , they rely on you to be able to say things when In a boss fight or if you need to be healed. I replied dude I’m embarrassed to use the mic , I remember he didn’t quite understand , but what I do remember was that my guild had a chat room thing and I used to go **** monsters with these two people , and we all went into a small chat room , and that’s when I first spoke , and I told them prior about my issue and they were very kind and supportive and were like dude you sound fine to me , I even made some funny character voices to take the edge off , after that it got easier and easier , and then I wouldn’t shut the hell up lol, maybe ask a friend to do a Skype call with you, and you can practice a fake session with a friend . Your not a coward , it’s a scary thing because people can sometimes make other people feel like shit , the truth is your probably amazing and have so many cool things to share with people , you got this man , I was afraid to speak ... even phone conversations were hard sometimes , now I run a side business and chop peoples trees up and if you ever get nervous . Breathe and remember ... you can change peoples day with your creative information and even bring smiles to peoples day, and sometimes we all just need to smile a little more . Good Luck
  19. Rambling's good. I'm an expert. 😉 I concur with @salparadise6132, too. From this side of the screen, it sounds like you're also facing some challenges on your personal space, figuratively and literally. Not only do you have a new T to break in, your physical space was violated. Make no mistake, imo, those ARE big deals, particularly for people like us. idk if this is useful, but my friends come in all flavors, plus they can come and go. I've become a li'l more picky in my old age, too. My energy is limited. If someone's sucking the energy outta me, I don't really care if it's Kylie Minogue. I'm outta there.
  20. Thank you. I really needed to hear this. If I could be as gently reassuring as the way you write, maybe I would actually be happy. I'm sorry your friends are not so understanding about your feelings and finances. I always prefer hanging out at someone's house over eating out at a trendy restaurant, but doesn't seem like my friends feel the same. Maybe need to pick up other depressed introverts as friends 😀
  21. Let me assure you, EA, you're certainly in the right place, ok? Certainly it's the right place to vent. Glad you decided it was ok for you to come back. No doubt, too, plenty of us dread birthdays for a variety of reasons related to our depression and/or that can TRIGGER our depression. Maybe we can help you get through. I'm wondering if, in the interim, you've been able to get any relief for the depression and social anxiety disorder. Is there some way we can help? One thing I'd like to emphasize is that the depression and social anxiety are NOT your fault. Depression is insidious. So many of us wish we could just flip a switch and be "normal." Welp, depression doesn't work that way. Depression is a disease. It's biochemical. Put another way, would it make sense to blame yourself for cancer? That might take a while to sink in, particularly when so many of us have heard from too many people things like, "Just get over it." Believe me, if I could just get over it, I would. I'm still confounded about days - sometimes days on end - when I can't manage to take out the trash, shower or shave, let alone drag myself out of bed. But that's what depression does. At the very least, I've found myself in good company here. And, like you, I vent...a lot. Is therapy an option for you? Have you spoken to a doctor? Just tossing out a couple considerations, but I want to tread carefully. I know how overwhelming "just one more thing" can feel when I'm in the depths of that hole. Fill us in as you're able.
  22. You are actually not the "bad friend." You are simply not up to meeting them all the time. We do tend to isolate. That is part of our disease. If you like them, and see them now and then, then you are a good friend! We depressives can't be expected to be the lightning rod of our friend's social life, or some kind of social butterfly, any more than someone living in an iron lung could be expected to paint the town red and hit the dance floor all night long like no one's watching. Give yourself a break. You are there for them every now and then. That's all you can give. Take it from someone going through the very same thing! My friends wonder why I am not able to attend every outing, and spend what they spend (they have means, I have none). They feel I'm dissing them. Well, I'm depressed and anxious and scrambling and desperate and poor. If they can't handle that, well, that's on them, not me. Hugs Kogent!!!!! Give yourself a break - and a big one!!!
  23. I am the same. I hear a lot of people saying protein shakes fill you up and keep you from eating carbs and sugar? The pessimist in me doubts this. If anyone has any ideas on this, I, and maybe lostonesweeping would be interested in hearing your experiences.
  24. Hey there! Well, I have experience with this, so I would definitely recommend a very slow taper; as slow as possible without having too much serotonin from both meds, and without running out of prescriptions halfway through and having to go cold turkey, (which is very dangerous with Effexor.) So, first up: your stomach will get upset for a few weeks, most likely. You must be sure to stay very hydrated and eat lots of nutritious food, and try and avoid prescription anti-nausea drugs, because some of those are actually antipsychotics and can make things worse in withdrawal. Secondly, you may experience either insomnia or hypersomnia, and may need short-term medication, herbal supplements, or relaxation techniques to overcome this. (or in the case of hypersomnia, coffee 😉 ) You could get a lot of aches and pains, so make sure to have over the counter pain medication to counter that. Above all, be kind to yourself, and be determined. It's a hard one to wean off, but it can be done. I've done it multiple times. Good luck! Let us know how you do.
  25. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and take Zoloft. Now I have two kids and I’m ehhh. I love them I play interact but sometimes I feel numb I guess. Now I will admit I’ve gone two weeks without meds but I’ve been dealing with sickness in the house and lot of bill stress. (On a side note sometimes I feel I have bugs crawling on my skin when I don’t) the bug crawling isn’t getting better. And I’ve found out that I have mood swing that I don’t realize happen. Does anyone have thoughts?
  26. Okay so it’s been awhile since I was last on. I now have two kids and I love them to pieces. I was diagnosed quite a few years ago with major depression and I take Zoloft. Now I will admit the past week to two weeks I haven’t taken them but that’s because everyone has been sick and I’ve been stressed about bills. Now I will say this, since I can remember I’ve had a problem with feeling bugs crawling on my skin even though there isn’t any. Lately it has been worse usually it comes and goes but lately it’s like I feel stuff move against me even though there isn’t anything there. And apparently I’ve had mood swings that I don’t really notice, it seems I never notice when my mood changes. Does anyone have opinions?
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