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  2. I didn't mean ordinary people. I meant those filthy rich ones and those who control drugs and research. Whatever you and I are going through, if Jeff Bezos for example went through it, he would recover sooner and easier than you and me. I don't blame them it's not their fault that I am poor. But big pharma and their puppets is in the way to people being cured from many diseases. There was a breaking news several years ago where Canada found cure for cancer but the FDA didn't allow to proceed.
  3. Today
  4. Yes I am still on 150mg at 8pm. I sleep fine and feel fine now. I don't feel crazy happy but not depressed and I can focus alright as well. I am glad I waited this out as I believe it is finally helping me without the side effects that I had the first 2 weeks to a month.
  5. I am at about 9 weeks and feeling fine now. I take the 150mg of Wellbutrin at 8pm each night and sleep is ok, I don't feel any crazy stimulating effect so this is good. I take my cipralex in the morning now.
  6. Looks like the hospital is the only option. He is totally bed ridden. We all fear hospitalization for him because like I said his lack of sleep is worsening if not causing all the mental issues. Being chronically sleep deprived will torture and **** any person if there is no remedy. But there is no help at home. He is getting just worse. The major fear is drug intolerance. In the hospital they will force him to take it hoping after 2-3 weeks he gets better but it is like stabbing one with a knife and turn that knife around for weeks until (if) it gets better. Even many health professionals don't understand psych-ache. He would do ECT but his memory is already almost zero. His arms are full of writings on them for reminders. They look like heavily tattooed. It is so sad. If I were healthier maybe spending more time with him would help him. I would convince him to force himself to talk to a therapist. But I am now again in distress myself. This is really one of those situations where one says only God can help. Suffering happens every day to many people but I am too emotionally ill to lose my brother and to watch him suffer. Plus our old mother is hiding her pain but his illness is ******* her as well. He said he hasn't killed himself so far is mostly because of our mom. But if something happened to her where does that leave me? How would I survive it? I apologize for complaining this much because I know most of you on here have your own demons to fight but I have to share it with someone. I need hope. I wish there were any drugs to help us cope but there are none. I have tolerance to benzos like he does. PS> We believe amphetamine caused the sleep deprivation but doctors of course won't admit it.
  7. Well since posting this I got the virus and believe she was here with me a couple of the worst days at the bed. If I believe in anything anymore it meant even god didn't know if I was going to make it. If I was given the choice I would have chosen to leave with mom. I've never really wanted to be here so having a belief that I might actually go to heaven I'm ready when you are god.
  8. I am sure you are not scum. For one thing you have overcome addiction which is very hard to do. As far as how i feel today, not well. My loneliness will not go away no matter what i try.
  9. Yesterday
  10. Keep it up, Duck! I've been walking more recently. Still in dreadful shape but one has to start somewhere. Sorry you had to attend a funeral though.
  11. Or! Maybe remove ourselves from underneath the rule of sociopaths altogether.
  12. Thats a good idea. I walk for 5 or 6 miles a day and it lets me clear my mind and temporarily forget about my problems.
  13. I hope things get better. I know the feeling all too well. No one cares if im alive or not.
  14. I hope you give yourself more chances. One thing to do is participate in activities so you expose yourself to more people.
  15. The only place i feel safe is when im asleep. I used to have a person to talk to but she is gone now.
  16. Glad you are feeling better. Also glad you discovered the source of the shortness of breath.
  17. Ignore the idiots!! Wait!! Thats means you wil ignore me, lol
  18. I feel pretty bad. Mostly lonely with no one to talk to. I was going to walk over to a restaurant to eat but the waitress i usually talk to isnt there. Yes, im down to talking to a waitress for company.
  19. Glad it works for you. I seem to have alot of negative people in my life.
  20. Overall I had a good productive day. I'm not going to let one idiot mess me up today. It's how I need to look at every day from now on.
  21. Hi all. I took Wellbutrin for about 2 months a couple years ago. I initially took Effexor for about 2 years but then stopped it because it was no longer doing anything. I tried 2 others over six months that didn’t do anything until my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin. I was taking the 150xl. The first couple weeks were really good and I was really excited about the new mood and interest I had but then I started to have intense anxiety. It became a regular thing to wake up at 3:30am and then just lay in bed for an hour or so overcome by intense worry. That anxiety eventually got to be too much so I stopped taking it. I have contemplated taking another run at Wellbutrin because it did have very positive results, although those results only lasted a couple of weeks.
  22. I don’t take Effexor anymore. I got off of it maybe 2-3 years ago. But it was the first med I went on and it has been the only med that seemed to help me. I tried 4 other meds since but none of those did anything that Effexor did. I eventually got off of Effexor because it wasn’t helping me. It only seemed to help in the 3-4 weeks after upping the dose but then in a few weeks it would stop helping. I upped the dose several times and was eventually up to 300-something mg. Anyway, I chimed in on this thread because YES I used to have crazy vivid dreams. In fact, I had awesome dreams the entire time I was on Effexor, which was about two years. In all that time I had maybe 3 or 4 bad dreams. But the dozens and dozens and dozens of other dreams were all good, all exciting, all SO interesting. I actually got to a point where I was wondering if I was getting addicted to the dreams. I felt that way because I realized that all I wanted to do each day was end the day as soon as possible so that I could get to bed. I ended up loving my dream life WAY more than my real life. That was exciting at first but it eventually got me down because my real life just could not compete with my dream life. And who’s could. But getting to bed each night so that I could experience the dream world became my whole focus. So enjoy those vivid dreams of you’re having them but not too much. I would suggest keeping a journal and documenting those dreams when you wake up. I have a couple dozen just epic stories based on dreams I had.
  23. Added vitamin D supplement and this sickening physical weakness started to go away.
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