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  2. Well now, I have been struggling with how to put this into words all afternoon. I had an appointment at my local hospital today. It was for the results of the tests that they have been running for almost 18 months. I have felt numb since the diagnosis. It just seems weird, like it's not happening to me. I feel removed from my body and mind right now. The Dr. Was very good, gave me my diagnosis and explained to me what this meant in terms of treatments, side effects and gave me a load of information and contacts for support groups. I already have a will in place so at least I dont need to undertake this while I process the information. Starting from tomorrow my treatment is going to be 2 aspirin, 4 times a day to thin my blood enough for my monthly (at the moment) phlebotomy treatments. Thankfully the Dr did not see any issues for me at the moment in terms of exercise and activities. I am really enjoying my martial arts and want to compete in the near future. We need to see how the first three or four sessions go before we can discuss other treatment options that maybe available. So since then I have pretty much been staring into space, or on here chatting with other members. Trying to help in any small way that I can. I honestly dont remember my walk from work to the station but since I am on the train I know that must have happened. I dont feel too bad or shocked, I had pretty much made my mind up before the diagnosis that I'd be more likely to have this then not. Although there is no science to this at all. ****. What a day
  3. Well..I'm not big on psychiatric labels anyhow. Call me cynical, but the more different labels they can stick on us., the more pharmaseutical crap they can impose on us. Sorry, rant. Or begins of.
  4. I'd rather be a cat but adopt a dog. I love dogs so much and really wish I could have one but my living situation won't permit it. I feel like I'd be doing much better with a dog around, tbh.
  5. I believe that there have been many tests and theories linking the lunar cycle to the bipolar mood cycle. Non surprisingly most came back inconclusive due to small sample size Personally I think that there is a correlation, we didn't get the word "Lunatic" for no reason
  6. Well to tell the truth, things aren't terrible right now. Got a new car, so that was a good place to start to lift my spirits. 🙂 She's shiny and new and she smells nice, so driving doesn't suck as much! I'm on my way to another meeting. Getting back on the horse, as it were. Hmmm. We shall see. Got a text from my son so he's still alive. So there's that. Work is whatever. I could complain...but I won't. 👍
  7. I feel for you seadraem we have so much to deal with we are constantly overwhelmed. A leave maybe helpful, but I can't help but wonder if you would stress at home over your work anyway. Is it possible for you to take a step back at work? Don't work on the project that was a move upward, even if you don't have a complete breakdown what other health affects will it have. You also need to ask yourself is it worth moving up? Moving up will mean more work, more stress, and more expectations. Are the consequences worth the money? Good luck.
  8. Pretty good. Borderline mania Saw my on/off therapist (don't ask, I am an on/off person). Have a few ideas. Rollercoaster. Full moon approaching. Is their such a thing as luna-bi-polar?
  9. Today
  10. Sex Gang Children - Beasts Say! You're strong, you think that I don't belong, but you can't see the smile on my face.
  11. seems like i need to be listening to “Perseverance” by Hatebreed or "3AM" by Matchbox 20 at the moment
  12. Same with me. My choice of music at any given time is at least to an extent dictated by the mood I happen to be in. Vice versa at times. Ska and Punk. Pretty much the music I grew up with. Still love both. Oh and 80's goth, ie. Bauhaus, the Cure, Virgin Prunes.... Listening to Bauhaus now as it happens.
  13. If you feel that there is no other way to move forward and you will be able to support yourself then go for it. Please make sure that you are able to support yourself if you cannot then you will only make things worse. It is so hard when loved ones do not see or try to see what is best for you. Good luck.
  14. Probably should add I've been a Type 1 Diabetic all my life and been through three separate and different orthopedic surgeries in the past three years, one last year for a work related injury that their doctor called "arthritis" and caused a five month delay on treatment until I found a doc who actually read the original MRI. At this point I'm ready - almost - to quit my job and garden for a living - or alternatively drive into a cement wall - something to take me off my feet for a few weeks. No I won't but it crosses my mind from time to time. I make too much money to just quit, tempting as it might be, and I have a very specialized tech talent so finding something less stressful will be a challenge. I need options - ant a leave seemed the only one open for now. Maybe I need to curl up in a ball in our closet and just cry until I have no more tears left - is that even possible? Or drive until I run out of gas - but the cal to hubby would be painful so no... Just lost.
  15. Feel mixed, received a medical diagnosis today. It means an end to the tests but overall I think i prefer not knowing
  16. I have a person like that in my life. He always talks badly about others and talks about how stupid everyone else is in the beginning of our conversations and then he goes into his own opinions and beliefs and says some of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
  17. I was inspired to try something today. I don't make much effort with my appearance (I rarely wear makeup now) so as not to attract attention. But today, I put more effort into my hair. I call it my Melania Trump Do. I'll wear a little bit of makeup, but not a lot. This is good. 🙂
  18. Music plays a massive part in my life and my moods. However just lately I have noticed that I listen to a lot more of Ska and Punk than i used to, I'm not sure why but there seems to be a theme of dealing with mental health within those genre's I have to say as well that my mood is currently a lot lighter than it previously has been, personally I think that this is related
  19. When the person calling you a dummy is an actual dummy, now that's a dummy!
  20. Personally I would like to be a Mastiff breed that works, where I would work not so much of an issue. A farm would be nice i think, would like it to be Cattle farm. I have also adopted both cats and dogs (and others) I love cats, so much but I will always be a big dog fan (fan of big dogs and a big fan of dogs)
  21. As @MaepleSyrup says "Do whats best for you" I've moved several times in my life and looking back each time has been a great step forward to me
  22. Firstly it is not your fault, you are responsible for your own emotions and no one else. I know that this sounds harsh but don't stay in a relationship because you love each other, you need to figure out. Both of you. What makes you happy and if the relationship is worth it. You really need to find out if you are both as committed to the relationship as each other. To answer your question, yes it is possible to pursue a long term relationship while both suffering mental health issues. For me personally however, it did not make me happy so I had to leave Trust me this sucks so, so much but it is worth it in the end.
  23. I have been watching a lot of History Cold Case. Really insightful
  24. Wow... it's been nearly two weeks since I put an entry in here. Last week was really crazy for me, but I'm not sure what happened the week before that. Last week we all went to a conference for work. Sitting in classes, routine upended completely, no hubby.... Sleep did not come easily and did not stay for long. I messed up my exercise routine big time, but I"m getting back into the swing of things now. We are renovating at work, so there is upheaval there, too. I am so thankful for one particular person at work who has taught me by example how to maintain a polite, professional demeanor in most circumstances. I cannot explain how valuable that has been to me. There are quite a few things about this person I don't really agree with, but it has been such a relief to have the example of someone that I can be reasonably sure that their interpersonal reactions are relatively healthy, at least within a work environment. So I am getting back into my routine. I had a bit of a meltdown the weekend before last - I ran out of my anxiety meds, and didn't realize it until after the pharmacy was closed. I wound up walking for over an hour that day, completely freaked out hubby.... It was not pretty. I couldn't get refills until Tuesday, and I ran out on Saturday. They told me to take 2 Benadryl every four hours until I refilled. Guess I should be lucky I got a refill, because technically there were no more until my appointment. Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print... here at least. I wish I could say more, but this IS the internet...... I have been working on developing a Karl Urban collection - a collection of all the movies and TV shows he's been in. So far, I've got the Almost Human series (binge watched that last weekend), Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness, & Star Trek Beyond (yeah, I'm a bit of a Trekkie & damn proud). Dredd (loved his version more than Stallone's, sorry-not-sorry). I'm working on getting the Comanche Moon series, which is a sequel to Lonesome Dove. But I only care about Lonesome Dove if I find out it's got a lot of Karl Urban in it. I'm also working on getting some horror flick called And Soon the Darkness; Doom is still on Netflix, so I'm not worried about getting that one until Netflix ix-nays it at some point. (ix-nay means gets rid of, cancels) Better get to work...
  25. I hope i get no anxieties, which I think I will. The best I can do is try my best, and don’t panic at work. And try to block out the co-workers daily bragging.
  26. I hope you have a happy peaceful day today my friend. You have been through hell and it's time you have some peace.❤️
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