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  1. Past hour
  2. Pulled my weight at work. Finishing a course I'm doing. Done my physiotherapy exercises. Doing whatever I can to feel better about myself. Being there for people. No sense of accomplishment though. No satisfaction. Just emptiness. I've never felt true satisfaction in my life.
  3. Tired of fighting with myself

    Hi SpeSalvi, Depression is awful. Beyond awful. There really are no words to describe it. Although I am not in your shoes, I feel a kinship with you because it feels like we are in the same boat or maybe in different boats in the same stormy ocean. The battle is so tiring. One small thing can drain one's energy in a split second, Sometimes I feel like a snow pack on a mountain top. Everything is precarious and then it is as though just one teeny tiny flake of snow can cause an avalanche. I often feel so tired and spent. You put what I am feeling into vivid words. I don't know if it will be any consolation to you, but I see you as a very noble human being of great worth and stature. You help people here on the Forums with your posts. You help me. This is healing and life saving. I could never see those who save lives as worthless. Quite the opposite. I can only look up to them in awe and great respect. There is an old saying that goes something like this: "Whoever saves a single life saves the world entire." That you help save lives here on the Forums is astounding in itself. But what is even more awe inspiring is that you do it in the midst of the most terrible personal agony and pain! I am certainly eternally grateful for how you have helped me with your posts!!! - epictetus
  4. ED Recovery Reading List

    The mindfulness and acceptance workbook for bulimia Author: Emily K Sandoz, Kelly G Wilson, Troy Dufrene The approach to moving beyond bulimia in this book is different than other treatments you may have tried. Instead of encouraging you to avoid or fight against the conflicted feelings you have about food and your body, this workbook invites you to welcome and accept your deepest fears, learn to live with them, and put the things that are really important in your life first. Source: Eating Disorders Victoria
  5. 4 months off prozac - soooo depressed

    Hi and welcome to the Forums, Apollo555, I am so sorry you are undergoing such anguish and pain ! ! ! How awful ! ! ! Since I do not have any personal experience with Prozac, I am hoping those members who use Prozac or have gone off of it will respond to your post. It is just heartbreaking what you are going through! Just heartbreaking! ! ! Wish I knew what to so or say to help. But I am at a loss here. So sorry I am unable to be helpful! - epictetus
  6. Today
  7. In my experience, any SSRI or SNRI will actually reduce dopamine activity because of the overall percentage increase of serotonin and norepinephrine which then begin acting at the receptor sites normally occupied by dopamine. Basically, dopamine gets drowned out / diluted.
  8. Effexor Withdrawals

    Hi, You have my complete sympathy on Venlafaxine withdrawal... I may be experiencing something similar after I attempted to cross taper with Trazodone last Thurs (I lasted one night on that garbage - never again!). I've been feeling exactly those exact same symptoms you describe - anxious and depressed, plus yucky, wired and brain-stupid all rolled into one. A month is a little while to be withdrawal free, then again Venlafaxine is a strange drug, plus you're pregnant and I won't even pretend to understand all the hormonal aspects which may or may not be contributing. How fast did you come off it? I can totally understand why you would fear this impacting on your unborn child... that can't be easy, hope you don't feel too guilty - its not like you are being this way on purpose and you followed doctor's instructions. Are you afraid your baby is somehow picking up the strong feelings you've been having?
  9. Depression Advice.

    Tim thanks very much for the reply. Going to doc tomorrow so il see how it go,s. The fack that I made the appointment has made me feel better. Maybe the physcology of knowing I was going to doc made me better. Woke up today and feel a lot better in terms of side effects. With regards to work my problem is that if you make a mistake it's a very costly mistake but I understand where Ur coming from. job is also very stressful so I don't want anything to interfere with me getting better. I think id rather stay out longer and go back well rather than go back and after a few weeks becoming unwell again. Iv drummed it into my head now that my health is more important than any job. I think I'm gonna try struggle along on the cymbalta for another couple of weeks. If u think about it I'm only on the higher does 4 weeks. It takes 6-8 weeks for most AD to work anyway. So hopefully the side effects subside. Tim again I really appreciate the time you took to reply. Cheers
  10. Don't Feel Well

    Thank you for sharing! My heart aches for your challenges. It is unfortunate that you are unable to find relief. Seeking a second opinion is always important or a fresh pair of eyes. It is unfortunate that you are only able to see a therapist once a month with the VA, thank you for your service. Have you considered connecting with any live counseling. I hope this link will offer you the ability to call when wanting to talk with someone. Also, I wonder about the resources in your community, check with the senior resource center that services your area as to what is available to you. As a diary writer, I am sure that you are continuing to write. That being a great resource and also can be a great release. Please know that I understand your struggles and will hold you close in meditation.
  11. I've NEVER had a good work experience

    Did you just describe what looks like the PERFECT DREAM job for some DFers? More information about the job title & description, Ms Supervisor
  12. What Are You Doing? (9)

    I'm watching the voice battle rounds from last night. It's absurd that some of these people haven't been noticed before coming on the show.
  13. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)

    If I want to work full time I am going to have to end up doing what my grandpa did. He mowed 30 yards during the warm months and used the same mower for snow removal during the cold months. He realized he could not work with people and survive mentally and I need to understand I am the same way. I actually enjoy working but the people around me at normal jobs wear me down more every day. If I work with people I will have a breakdown every time. It is just a matter of when that happens.
  14. for any advice or help about your problem talk here!

    thank you so much! Same goes to you! ~MARIA
  15. First time on Wellbutrin

    How does one go to work feeling like they want to snap at everyone the first chance they get???
  16. I've had a favorite person my whole life. Twice those people have died. There is nothing worse than that.
  17. I have a crush but i suffer from depression

    You did the right thing 100%. Now, you know what the deal is with her and you can slowly get on with your life. Avoiding her will be the best thing possible you can do. This may sound strange, but you might want to consider trying an online dating service or something like that. Not necessarily to find a rebound relationship, but to bring yourself back into reality by understanding that there are other women out there that you could have a relationship with and that this previous girl isn't the be all and end all.
  18. Depression & Work Forum?

    Friend, I think you have an absolute right to "quit". In the sense that, what you have been doing previously is not working and you are not going to do it anymore. There is no reason to keep doing something that doesn't work, and all the jobs you have had at least since I have been on this forum meet that criteria. Before hunting for another job again, you may want to sit down with your family and tell them that the present course isn't working and you need to make a big change. I would tell them straight up it is a life and death issue, make a change or die. Let the dominoes fall where they may. There is nothing you can do to change the outcome remaining in your present course.
  19. Lost

    Well, you have 3-4 months to think about it. When a department got shut down at my work last month, the people only had like two weeks to figure out where they were going to move. I would start looking at other places you could work. It's certainly possible you could find something even better than what you have now. Maybe there is another employer out there who has a job available like what you were doing.
  20. Funeral attire

    That's what I was thinking when I was getting yelled at. Brown pants and green shirt it is.
  21. Getting hurt accidentally.

    Hmm, never heard about that. Some people with BPD can be very impulsive (i.e. easily getting into fights) or take excessive risks (speeding, substance abuse, etc). so perhaps this could explain it?
  22. Advice for the Lonely Girl

    If you're dealing with depression and poor self-esteem I honestly wouldn't recommend any X-rated jobs, it's fast money but it can REALLY mess with your mind if you're vulnerable. I used to go to college with a woman who used to strip and am friends with a former prostitute and their "past" has definitely caused some psychological issues (self-esteem and trust) and has made it very difficult to get a normal job due to missed work experience and difficulty adjusting to a much lower income. Art school is tough, seems like most people don't finish it, don't learn what they want, or find out that it's very difficult to find a job later. Have you thought about applying for entry-level marketing jobs? While not directly art-related it can be very helpful to be creative and have some art experience even if it's only to more effectively communicate with agencies. At least it would be a semi-interesting job.
  23. What Are You Eating?

    Toast with jam.
  24. Questions!

    Cheesecake. Who do you admire most?
  25. What's On Your Mind Right Now? (2)

    I remember one day here it was 80 degrees and snowing in the same day. I need consistency for sure. In the winter I am very depressed and in the spring I am very manic. Neither way is really good but I just want to know what to expect. This time of year where the weather could be either way is very emotionally exhausting. It wears me out.
  26. Prozac for Insomnia

    Gives me great sleep! I was apprehensive that it would give me insomnia as escitalopram once did, but nothing of the sort happened. I also agree with my doctor that prozac is "activating" while escitalopram is "sedating."
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