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      A Reminder that we are a PG13 Site   12/09/2016

      Please keep in mind that NO content can be posted that is not PG13!  No sexual content and definitely not images which is not permitted in a post! We will delete it.  Not even memes or humorous images should be posted, if you want these forums to continue. NO IMAGES! If you want to post an image, post the URL pointing it to your gallery.  Again, Depressionforums.org is PG13!! Thank you~ ~Forum Admin  

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  1. Today
  2. So I'm watching the movie 'The Accountant' and there is a scene. Where the guy's dad tells his kid to confront and fight the bullies. I wish I stood up to my bullies. I'm in my 30s now and it still f'n stings. Not because of I didn't stand up or because those kids were f'd up. The truth is we were all kind of immature (Teenagers right?). What angers me is the consequences of not standing up. Like when I go out everytime and anytime I see a group of young people (High School students), I feel threatened. Though physically I can easily woop them now but that feeling of fear is still there. That fear of them mocking me for some reason. Can you imagine feeling like this for the past 15 years? There are TONS of things like that that I go through every single day. For example: Only recently I've come to realize that I am different in front of pretty much anyone I meet. It's like having multiple personalities. I've identified 8 of them. The fearful / coward, the confident alpha, The Happy Kid, and 5 others that I wrote down. These are just something I created to protect myself in different situation. It all stems from not standing up for myself. Today I was walking around and I was like "Maybe I should confront someone for something and start a fight with them". Just to see what happens. Just to show myself that now, I can stand up for myself. When I did try standing up for myself in the recent past (Bad customer service, etc), my body and voice starts shaking, etc. It's all noticeable. Not because I have some weird physical thing but because I never confronted ppl or stood up for my self in my childhood. Stand up for yourself or change the city you're in. Change of environment helped me instantly. I will move soon again (Had to move back to the city I got bullied in). I hope before 2018.
  3. Yes, I've heard that Buddhist philosophy. It's a hard one to hear.
  4. Finished another week. The therapy ws definetly beneficial to some extent. My phsycAL sysmtops are still there but my visual cortex, mood and hippocampal regions show a lot of inprovement. I feel the inprovement. Unfortunately I can't the ell if it did too much for the physical sysmtoms. I think it may have done something because I feel some improvement but I still have a lot to work on. I will continue working on it but am taking a break for 2 weekes. When I start again I will be looking into doing it only twice a week with a specialized protocol. Until then I will be taking mitazapine and possibly attend a ketamine clinic to see if it can do anything for me. I will also be looking into acupuncture as well. So far I would recommend neuro feedback for anyone who has the money and who can find a good practitioner who does full cap neuro feedback. It's gonna take a lot of time and a lot of money. So far I only had 17 sessions and am still not fully recovered since I'm in a very chronic position. So if you do chose to go this route be sure to go to someone who knows what they are doing and try to are void surface training. Surface training can also be effective but I know patients who had to go to over 300 sessions to fully recover. It is simply not as powerful. Neuro feedback in general is a very long term process and at this point still very expensive. I still can't say that this is a cure all but it does help. I'll keep you guys in touch as I go through future sessions. Let me know if you have any questions. And please let me know if you have valuable information you can tell me. Don't give up. Peace.
  5. maybe trust her for now. it would take some time to develop right? although i think you arr the person where your numbers are up? did she seem concerned about that? maybe there is something different to try instead?
  6. My wife, daughter and grandchildren went to the park today after church, I was listening to kid's laughter and it reminded me of how much I miss my own kid's laughter. Grown-ups laughter just isn't the same.
  7. In my experience a few weeks shouldnt matter, but a few months, i had slight withdrawls and tappered. A lot of not being able to sleep and anxiety coming back.
  8. I think it is too early. it takes up to eight weeks for this meds to kick in. you probably should go to doctor after that period if nothing is better.
  9. I loved the Waking Life and it is my greatest hope in life that we will continue to evolve and in fact accelerate the pace at which we evolve for the good and that maybe that acceleration is really coming to a head soon in our lifetimes.
  10. "I'm all by myself As I've always felt." Soma -- Smashing Pumpkins
  11. Hi Nick, I'm sorry this happened. I pray you find a good friend, a family member or counselor that you can still confide in. I found that sharing my thoughts and feelings with someone helped. Do not give up on yourself; you will find support here at the very least. Don't let depression win!! Best wishes for a brighter day!!
  12. Sorry that you are passing through this man.
  13. I couldn't find a color on there that's ugly enough, so let's call mine "diarrhea flambé."
  14. LoL
  15. From what I read, that should have happened within the first couple weeks.. But it didn't start happening until yesterday. I'm hoping that means I just have a slow metabolism and that this will start working soon?
  16. Yes, some sort of white noise, like a fan or something.
  17. Yeah, I had 2, 2 year relationships and 1, 5 year. Sometimes I wonder if the guys I didn't give a chance would have worked out better. There's nothing I can do about it now, at least I tried. I think it's best to break up with someone as soon as you know it won't work out. Either you waste your time in a bad relationship or being alone, unless you get lucky. Maybe that's why people are so picky.
  18. Cant really give medical advice here, but you usually need to titrate up on antidepressants due to side effect. See if there is a backup pdoc for your pdoc while he is gone.
  19. Hey! Sorry to hear about your lack of motivation.. Have you heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? My counselor recommended the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. CBT is a way of learning how to change your depressive thoughts, and in the book he goes over motivation! Pretty much the way he describes how motivation works is that you don't wait to be motivated.. Instead you push yourself to start doing what you can, and more motivation will follow. Of course there is more to it than that, but that's the basic premise. I think it might be helpful for you, here in the US it's very inexpensive, like 10usd at most.
  20. Thank you for your kind words. I too find writing to be helpful, in fact my sister in law suggested that I write notes then burn them; I did this for sometime and I think it did help, because I was able to write things I wasn't ready to share with others. As well I've found that when my depression isn't at its worst I too question how I could ever think thoughts of suicide... It's such a strange feeling.. Otherwise I haven't been tight with God like I used to be, and I've been questioning Him and His existence, not good stuff, but this depression is powerful for sure..... Thanks again for the reply, I'll also try to look out for your posts.
  21. Grateful that I saw an acupuncturist last week (even though I saw the wrong Dr. Chen) and that the pain I've had for the last few years is not so bad today. Grateful for my hearing, for music of all kinds, for my vision, my intuition, that I have learned from past mistakes, that I still have my parents and the love of three of my siblings. For the American Southwest deserts; the caretakers of the American West; for the beauty I have seen in this world; for the moon, for the night sky in Winter; for the Universe, the Creator, God/Goddess/All that Is. For my computer; for my command of the English language; for my new talk therapist; for my disability benefits, the use of which will hopefully restore my health. For my mind--though I wish I could erase certain events and people from memory. For the passionate vocals of Lila Downs, who wrings out my heart with sorrow and joy.
  22. Skblue - I'm glad I was helpful. My boss was horrible even before that so it was to be expected :). I didn't communicate much with anyone while I was out. After a while I did reach out to a few who I am very close to and some I told the absolute truth, while others who I wasn't as close with I just reassured that I wasn't dying as they were concerned about that. Overall, I was pretty quiet about it and just said I had a medical issue to deal with and not to worry as it wasn't life threatening. Two knew of my issues before I went out. One, well I don't think he really understood - not in a bad way, just clueless, and the other suffers from bipolar disorder so she got it. My leave was explained to my coworkers very simply - she is out on leave until xyz date. They really can't legally say anything else. If you do go in Tuesday, you can say you had a medical emergency, which is the absolute truth and you are very sorry you weren't able to reach out to anyone. As my support system kept reminding me - if I was in an accident - I would "just go out" and it would be ok. Do NOT feel guilty. I know. I felt it and pushed myself to the breaking point. It really is amazing how things will chug along just fine without you. And, when I came back, well I had a special situation with my icky boss so I had to fight my way back into projects but with everyone else it was if I hadn't left. It was very easy to come back after just a few months. If you want to talk about STD or anything else, please don't hesitate to PM me. I hope to be able to check this boards during the day while working but am not sure if I will get too busy. I will do my best as I know how it feels to be waiting for that person to answer! Hugs to you!
  23. Hi Justin! I'm sophie and i'm new as well, if you need anything I'm here!
  24. Hard wod at crossfit today! 20 rounds for time 15 air squat 20 pushups 10 pull ups 5 turkish get up 2 wall climbers my whole body hurts :P
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