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  1. Today
  2. All I wish for right now is to feel less depressed and not so hopeless.
  3. You're absolutely right. I have lost just about everything at this point. But I am so fearful — or should I say convinced — of rejection. I think that is at the heart of my social isolation and failure to engage the world as a mature adult. I saw a therapist about 15 years ago who makes more sense to me now than he did at the time. He used to say, "You don't expect to be received." He meant emotionally, but I didn't get it back then. Now I do, since I have more insight into the emotional abuse I suffered as a child. The abuse prevented me from maturing emotionally and I over-intellectualize to compensate. That has led me to this directionless life where I don't know what I want and I don't connect with other people. I am sorry to hear "just how bad" things are becoming for you right now. Those are the exact words I used talking to my physician in January as my finances started hitting the rocks.
  4. Thank you so much for this response, it means more than you know.
  5. But you do. You're stuck at a job that constantly undermines your sanity, you're responsible for paying for a house you don't even live in, for a woman you're not even with anymore, all while being in perpetual debt yourself. And yet, day after day you do what's required of you and persevere! I'd say you're pretty damn strong!
  6. Feeling much better now that I've had dinner. Also, it's past 7 pm, which is when the afternoon blues start to fade. My life is still a wreck, but I'm not so focused on the tragedy. That will happen again when I wake up at 3.
  7. to the forums Saprkzz! It was very brave of you to open up to us given your past experiences with therapy and other forums. I have been apart of this community for over 6 years and I can assure you that this is one of the most welcoming places you will find on the entire internet! The people here will listen to you and won't judge you like so many have in your personal life. We just "get it" because we've been through it ourselves. I'm so sorry to hear you've been hurting for so long. The weight of panic attacks, depression, and anger must be immense. I can only imagine what you're going through. Feel free to continue to share your story with us and we will help you to the best of our ability. Wishing you the best!
  8. to the forums! Feel free to browse the forums and read everyone's stories. And don't be afraid post your feelings, we will listen and not judge you.
  9. For mom's birthday party, we had dad's gumbo, pizza from the really great pizza place close to the house, antipasto salad, fruit salad, and my lemon cake.
  10. Yesterday
  11. My husband brought home a regular Coke from work, so I'm making a coconut rum and Coke as a nightcap (Yes, it's only 8 pm but I'm exhausted!) lol
  12. a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and a coke float for dessert
  13. That's what I want except that I plan on cremation. so I want a timer that goes off randomly that plays 'Pop' and the urn gets passed around to what family I have left, just to annoy the heck out of them as they did me when I was living. Thanks for the jokes, Evalynn. Told a couple of them to the 3rd & 4th graders I work with and they kept repeating the jokes to the point where I was asked not to tell the kids cheesy jokes anymore
  14. Good news: the meds are working and I'm feeling better. Bad news: I had to engage in a war of texts with daughter #1 which left me feeling depressed.
  15. He likes the flower buds especially. It's funny I looked on google for what chipmunks eat and it says people also ask are chipmunks dangerous. Who would wonder that?🙄
  16. I know how my story is going it's obvious. I feel like I'm in that part of your life right before your mind goes away for good. I can have an hour long conversation with someone and not be able to tell you anything we talked about.
  17. I hate how people take 'I'm a vegetarian' as fighting words. People have immediately launched into rants about Peta, or arguments into how the world would be overpopulated by animals if we didn't eat meat upon my telling them that. I'm not someone who proselytizes to anyone, and I know the world is never going to stop eating animals. I'm not that idealistic. The same goes for atheism. I hate that the word atheism has to exist. I'm simply someone who is not of a faith and doesn't believe in a higher power. I'm not here to condemn anyone else's beliefs. I don't give a damn.
  18. Granola. My nutritionist pushed granola on me for years, but I can't stomach it. No matter how low in sugar or 'organic' it may be, I feel like I've just eaten a bowl of Skittles afterwards.
  19. Murdoch Mysteries Canadian period drama police shenanigans
  20. Thank you for your replies, i decided to do some things for my GAD. I decided to go back to a higher dose of ADs. I will also start going to this group therapy once a week, it starts in september. I will also think about individual psychotherapy but it is quite expensive. I would be glad if u could give me a list of things that are proven to help GAD so i can take the necesary steps.
  21. I'm cynical about gay pride. Maybe I will regret making that public. It suggests that there is a brotherhood felt among gay men, which I have never sensed myself. As a little kid who was aware he would likely turn out to be gay, I never had any shame about it. Being gay isn't a matter of pride or shame for me personally. To be brutally honest, it's practically meaningless to myself. I felt disillusioned with the gay pride thing once I realized there is still a strong distinction between who a cool gay is and who is not. There is more involved than simply wanting to have sex with someone of the same gender. Maybe all this is a result of being gay in thought and feeling only and not in action. I don't want to offend anyone. You must realize I am writing from the point of view of someone that doesn't 'live' as a gay person.
  22. Good luck buddy. Think I mentioned I will be on vacation this week also, and I can be a little toxic myself - so I know how it is...
  23. Last week
  24. Thank you for expressing what has been on my mind each time I watch the news.
  25. Glad you found how much sleep you need, I think that's one battle fought against depression. Sleep plays such an important part in being healthy, not just psychically , but also mentally. I found that I have to have exactly 7 and a half hours of sleep. Not enough sleep and I am a beast, too much and my brain is foggy.
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