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  1. Past hour
  2. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    "And what happened then? Well, in Whooville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches plus two!" Feeling the true meaning of Christmas.
  3. How Do You Feel Today? #32

    Feeling down and tired after a whole day gone with me not doing anything.
  4. Hi, Can someone tell me how to create a blog? There's no tab called "blog" on my profile page. I would like to have a blog to post my daily thoughts and rubbish which keep running through my head, about the days that made me feel down or happy, about the people around me who made me disappointed or made me laugh, on how I try so hard to look at the bright side and try to speak positive affirmations but sometimes it just doesn't work, on how I have so many things around me to be thankful and grateful for and yet I feel down and then I'd get angry at myself, on how my mind keeps repeating negative words that paralyses me till I become to afraid and sad to move, cos I cannot see the purpose in life, on how I try to find my way to push myself forward just to get moving with my daily necessities like my work and my dinner and meeting people's expectations, which I seem like I can never achieve, but I do not know how else to measure myself, since I have a husband to "report" to and a mother-in-law to take care of. Yet, I still do love my husband so. I guess marriage is compromise? I don't know. Trying to let it go, forget all the harsh words and just focus on what makes our marriage work. Life is hard, but still, I have to fight.
  5. Today
  6. all alone surrounded by people

    Sitting alone in a bar myself. Half drunk glass of riesling in front of me..something tells me there will be more. I hate it when people are alone..when they don't want to that is. I hope you find happiness soon, Waffles.
  7. Questions!

    Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen. What is your favourite word?
  8. What Really Bugs You (7)

    When a song is used in a TV ad but they change the lyrics to fit the product being sold. It makes me cringe
  9. Boys Vs Girls

  10. "Star Wars: The Last Jedi." Loved it. - KS
  11. So I am new here and don't really know how it works, so please shout out if I say anything inappropriate. Over the course of the last eight years, I have struggled on and off with depression. Ever since I was about 11, I have struggled with friendships, partially in my opinion due to my mum's new partner (whom was incredibly controlling and made my life a bit of a living hell) meaning what I thought about very different from other people my age, making it hard to relate and connect as well as making me miserable to be around (what kind of 11 year old considers walking in front of a car to avoid having to face going home) and very withdrawn. When I was 14 I formed my first close friendship with a girl (let's call her Grace) since I was at primary, who noticed that I didn't seem very happy and essentially tried to help me as she had been through similar. I latched onto Grace's group, however began becoming too dependent on Grace, during that time I also developed a serious eating disorder in which Grace was the only one I really talked to about (and in retrospect without meaning to likely I think likely made it worse because as it progressed she gave me more attention among other things of course including the control aspect and the fact that it numbed my intense emotions). Essentially you can probably see where this is going, while she also talked to me about her issues, over time as things went downhill for me, the relationship became one-sided. When I was 16, Grace wrote me a letter with the help of others in the group saying that I brought everyone around me down and that I could not be part of the friend group anymore. This crushed me. At first, I was quick to ask to join another friend group (without giving background) and managed to maintain healthy eating for about 6 weeks, before things started going downhill, my eating disorder get worse, I started walking out of classes to cry because I was exerting an aura of negative energy and pi**ing everyone off. I very seriously thought about taking my life. Schoolwork was my saviour, I could obtain good grades (the only thing it seemed I could do right), and this became my lifeline. This went on for the next two years, the friends I hung out with were lovely but were very close-knit and I held them at a distance not letting anyone in, I was an outsider. Everyone knew something was wrong but I did not explain and no-one asked (good dynamic, right?). This went on until I finished high school, near the end of which I started anti-depressants. Things started to get better, I began to understand how abusive my mum's ex had been and accept that how much of a mess I had been was not necessarily all my fault. With the help of a summer of counselling and a lot of determination, I managed to overcome the anorexia I had struggled with for years. When university started, I was the happiest I had been in a really long time. I made a lot of friends quickly and made an effort to be as open as I could about my past (to the extent of oversharing as I recognised bottling things up did not seem to have done me much good for the last two years, in fact, it had almost killed me). Over time, these friendships became strained. I was very up and down, and highly insecure that I annoyed people, which I constantly asked. These people mostly lost contact (distanced themselves) after that year. In my second year at University, things went further downhill, I was flatting with a friend from halls (who thankfully for her lived in a different part so had not had to put up with me too much). With few contact hours and lack of academic pressure (I found university very easy compared to school), I plummeted into a deep depression.I was stubborn, I tried to soldier out the year and despite my best efforts, I became very reliant on all my flatmates. Recently after completing the year, they all exclaimed they did want anything to do with me because I was 'emotionally and spiritually degrading' despite the fact that I kept asking if it was too much and trying to stop them stepping in and offering too much support. After coming home and hearing the loss of another set of relationships, I attempted suicide for the first time which according to doctors I am very lucky to of survived (I don't do things by halves). I am at a point now, where there seems to be no way forward, it seems to be an endless cycle, in some ways I feel like it is only a matter of time before I take my life (when I say that I mean years, not the imminent future). So I don't really know why I am writing this, for advice? to vent? for support? I honestly don't know. I guess I am trying to help myslef but don't really know how and it is pretty hopeless when you feel so helpless.
  12. I've also distanced myself from many firends like everytime I am with them it I hate it because all they talk about are materialistic things and I hate it and I hate the drama, also one of my friends knew he had sex with that last girl but she lied to me and told me it didn't happen, and I always talk to my mom and she told my borther and her friend something personal, then my other friend talked about me and told this guy stuff that wasn't true, and another my basically sister lied to me. I am just so done with people I don't want to associate myself with anyone but honestly, I dont care they did all that like I feel no ways all it does is make me not care which I very rarely do right now yet I do so much I dont know!!!
  13. Celexa to Prozac

    I recently went off Celexa 40 mg and I have an appointment with my doctor in about 3 weeks. I am thinking of going on Prozac. I read it is activating and I do have low energy and heavy legs at times. Has anyone else been on these two meds before?
  14. Did the dishes 2X Studied a chapter Took out the garbage Cooked for the fam
  15. Saying Hi!

    Hi Martymar1964. Nice to meet you. I want to welcome you to the Forums. Hope you find this place as helpful to you as it has been to me. Depression is just awful. I've been struggling with depression for most of my life but have had good years for quite awhile now. I hope the Bupropion helps you. Right now I am on Celexa. It has been really helpful to me to be able to communicate with people going through the same or similar things. The Forums have made this possible for me. I look forward to reading your future posts. I wish you the best! - epictetus
  16. Please make an appointment with your primary care doctor as soon as you can. Tell him or her just what you told us. If you need medication to get you stabilized, they will be able to help you. Good luck to you. You're not alone.
  17. In a lot of pain

    Just remember that in the mechanics of depression, your mind is amplifying the negative impulses and making mountains out of molehills, making every setback a catastrophe. It causes all-or-nothing thinking that only serves to increase the depression. Also, when depressed, one tends to swell over whatever negative thought is dominating your mind. As you ruminate over whatever is bugging you, it just eats at you more and more and making depression worse. I had to learn to recognize these, even in my pit of despair and make a conscious effort to tell myself that I'm blowing the negative thought out of proportion to reality and to stop chewing over the thought, to seek distraction and defuse the negative feedback loop. Recently it hasn't been quite enough, so I'm now of bupropion. Don't worry about what others think at the moment. Your objective is to get help and get stabilized. Good luck to you.
  18. Hello! Welcome to DF! I hope you find this site welcoming and inviting. :)
  19. Yesterday
  20. Hi and welcome to the Forums, Steve Steve. I only saw your post today although it was originally posted last Saturday. Sorry about that. How are you doing now? I am sorry you are going through so many difficulties. Sometimes feeling like one does not have emotions can be a symptom of depression. Have you ever taken one of those short online depression tests? There is one called the Burns Depression Test which is highly respected although so are others. If you did take such a test, what were the results? Hopefully this site will be of some help to you. Sometimes it helps just to express oneself or find others who are going through the same or similar things as oneself. At least that has been true for me. In any case, I am sorry you are suffering. You have been through a lot and are still going through a lot. I hope you will find a way to recover some peace of mind and joy of life! You deserve those. I wish you only good things! - epictetus
  21. I have been in Effexor for nearly 3 weeks, first 2 days I took it in the morning and was so tired I switched to the night. I was doing good with it at night but then with lots of festive activities coming up I thought I would change to the morning so I didn’t miss taking a dose or have it to close to the odd glass of alcohol and also every afternoon I was needing a decent nap which I could manage with kids at school and time off work but now it’s school holidays it’s not fair on the kids if mum needs to nap everyday. Today is the first day of taking it in the morning (36 hours between doses) and I feel so wiped out and lethargic and a bit out of it, bit like the start up effects. I am going to stick it out and hope things improve but would love to hear if anyone else has had similar effects when changing the time???
  22. Life Long Severe Depression and no treatment works

    Welcome! Well, this forum understands that you can have daily emotional and physical pain from depression but still be out there working. It sounds like you live alone and that, I'm sure, has its challenges, too. And preparation socializing during the holidays can make it even harder. And still working at 61 is a true accomplishment, yet I realize from what you said, it's rather difficult. You mentioned, " I really don't believe in anti depressants, but willing to try anything." Have you tried one? I wasn't sure from your message? And I wondered about exercise (walking) as a therapy as well? Has that been mentioned as nonpharma treatment? Finally, I wondered about Long-term disability you mention--perhaps seeing if you do the math for your monthly bills, you may be able to not work full time and take an earlier break from work before formal retirement? May I also suggest (don't think I'm crazy), in addition to finding a therapist who believes you a bit more, that you also think about joining a local church? Here me out: You can socialize or not--you won't be pressured, it's once a week only if you want it to be, you can make friends or not, you can learn more about God's Word about depression and anxiety (yup, it's in the Bible!), you can even lean on people in these hard times. You sound so very independent (even getting off opiates on top of it all) and used to taking care of yourself, which is hard enough. Maybe let God help, too? I'd love to share some medical resources with you, if you'd like. I am praying to hear from you and pray that you will hang in there with us here as you figure out what is the next best steps for you. Please let us know how you are doing.
  23. What Are You Reading?

    Sun Tzu's "The Art of War," "The Pursuit of Power" by Richard Evans.
  24. I lost a job today

    Yes. If you are not given feedback you are being shot in the back by your own company who are supposed to be on your side as you are on theirs.
  25. What Are You Listening To Right Now?

    Sabaton - Sparta I really do love this album, power metal + history = win
  26. 3 Words Of The Moment

    Spartans never surrender
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