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  1. Past hour
  2. weekend was OK. i cried a bit, so that helped to relieve some stress, and went for a walk.
  3. A little better at the mo. thanks, but I guess recovery isn't a linear path. I'll look into therapy but mostly cbt is offered which I practise when I can. thanks W.
  4. Today
  5. Hi, welcome to the community @Divinely Desolate! Thats a lovely nickname, by the way. I'm glad you found us. It's a small, dark corner of the internet but it is populated by friendly and supportive people - and we actually do want to know how badly you're doing. As we're all fighting battles with our moods and minds, whatever version of you turns up today or tomorrow, we are ready to accept that person and provide you with understanding and compassion. I'm sorry to know that you've recently seen the end of a long term relationship. That can be very tough on one's spirit. I hope you'll give us a chance to remind you of your own resiliency, the strength you've mustered to survive 100% of your worst days so far. Life ain't easy getting through, tougher yet whilst struggling with a mental illness. So let's take a day at a time and try to ride the emotional waves together, yeah?
  6. 1.4 miles walking. That ain't proud numbers. My buddy drove me around everywhere today and I'm like, Cmon man I need to walk but he'll be traveling for the next two weeks. So we must hang out while we can, even if that means we're sitting in his car.
  7. @Charlee, You are most definitely NOT alone in ANY of this. EVERYTHING that you’re describing is very familiar to me. Why? Because I’ve lived through it & deal with depressive symptoms on most days, to one degree or another. Climbing out of this abyss is difficult, but it CAN be done. How do I know? Because I’ve experienced that too. It’s possible, but takes time, effort, commitment, support, therapy, meds, a good Dr., a good therapist, trying to develop a few friendships, exercise, diet, hobbies, reading, self-examination, working on the self, the list can go on. My point here is this. If we truly want to get beyond this stuff, we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zones. When depressed, this clearly can be impossible on bad days. On somewhat better days, it’s DIFFICULT but it’s POSSIBLE. It can take more will than you think you have on some days. Doing our best to claw our way out of this abyss on a daily basis, especially over time, is absolutely essential. None of us can do this every day. That’s just not realistic, according to my experience. Developing friendships on here is an EXTREMELY powerful element of support. It’s priceless. But again, we ourselves have to participate in our own recovery. Staying active on here is one of the most powerful ways in which we participate in our own recovery & quest for wellbeing. All this takes time. It sucks, but the reality is that this is not at all an overnight process. I don’t give a shit about whether or not you believe that recovery is possible for yourself. I’m here to tell you that it is. It’s definitely possible & you CAN get better. But... we have no choice but to hang in there. We get really sick of people telling us to “hang in there”. Believe me, I get it. BUT... at the end of the day, there’s no other way to approach this. Hang around here, make friends, post, gripe, cry, yell, swear, whatever it may be. Stick around & KEEP SHARING. Adam ♥️😉
  8. Etta seems to be healing whatever stomach bug she's had the last few days. I was able to cancel her vet appointment tomorrow.
  9. Interesting. I agree about reading research studies. I agree with what you said here. We need to be discerning when considering the studies' findings. I'm going to try to find the actual saffron strands to use in cooking or making tea. And also looking into growing them, since I'm a gardener. I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, ever since I started taking ssris. The bupropion hasn't helped with that either. But I think I just need a med adjustment. Anyway, the saffron is relatively safe, and I'd like to get some to try.
  10. About talk with people, try to dont make such a big effort. I mean, talk with other person doesnt have to be a big thing, its just a... just a thing... see what you can talk about, see what other people are interested in, and just that. If some behave like j*erks just dont make a big deal, there are j*erks all around, so, its also a common thing. Like you said, you are young, so try to think in the future, try to make things right now to have a good future. Im talking about school, and about jobs. Its good you find hobbies to have some distraction, so you can cope with the depression. Learn guitar is a good thing. Take care, and keep thinking in the future.
  11. Oh my goodness, this is my head also 😮😔
  12. Is it alright on here to talk about rape? Because it happened to me in 2011, and then (few years later) I was in a relationship where my partner didn't and wouldn't understand the word no and every time we had sex it was always like this, it was always me giving in because I didn't want to upset him, because I thought it wasn't normal to not want to do it, because I was too scared to speak up for myself and storm out, because I knew if I didnt give in then he would keep going. I left him early 2019, but we stayed friends and every time we hung out he kept trying, kept pushing, kept touching. Why does this happen? Why are men "boys" so ****ing mean and rude and then they get upset at you for resisting? WHY? I don't feel like he raped me, but consent was blurred more than 90% of the time, so wtf does this say about me? The last year has been pretty difficult, I started therapy to try and resolve this shit, but now that it's been brought up, I keep reliving what happened in 2011. I keep watching it happen in my mind like a movie playing, I remember new things, I remember how it felt, I remember how scared I was and how much I didn't want to be there or do that. I remember afterwards saying that "you pretty much just raped me" and he was like "what? no!" and it was downplayed to nothing, to a joke. I told my mum (sort if) and all she said was "I'm sorry that happened to you" and also went on to say what a "nice boy he is, you don't want to ruin his life" and it was never brought up again, until 2018 when we had a massive argument about it because she was trying to say it wasn't rape. I moved out a few weeks later. And now, after realising that I was raped in 2011, that my mum was wrong, that my last relationship wasn't normal or healthy, that feeling like you're not believed, it really ****s with you. It ****s with you so hard. And I'm so angry, so angry at my mum for downplaying and saying "he's a nice boy, you don't want to ruin his life" like wtf what about MY life? I'm angry at rapist #1 and "man" who didnt listen. It makes me so angry that when the topic of rape comes up, women (older? boomers?) especially will be thinking about the rapist and a potential sexual offence record and "ruining their lives" like the life of the victim has already been ruined, and the rapist will go on his merry way and never think about it again. This decade has been damn hard. I suppressed everything, I've wanted to die, I've self harmed, taken too many drugs and drunk way too much. Ive been so depressed that I couldn't focus or be "apart of society" I couldn't go to work or do basic things like taking a shower or eat properly. My anxiety has been driven through the roof, I was set up on a date to meet an apparently lovely boy but I couldn't go, I had a panic attack instead and smoked weed until I wasn't thinking about it anymore. I'm absolutely terrified to date, and I just wont do it. Im terrified of men, I'm terrified of feeling stuck and trapped in another relationship like above, because I cant trust that I'll be able to stick up for myself and gtf out. So it's easier and safer to not put myself anywhere near men at all. I told my older sister the other day about it who didn't know, but I don't feel better about it, I feel scared at sharing something so personal and private with her because we aren't very close, I had to delete the message describing what happened because it was making me feel sick. And I feel like she doesn't believe me either, which makes me feel worthless and scared and sad. I don't know how to deal with it, with any of it.
  13. Yesterday
  14. Monday is quickly closing in. The dread of the coming work week is bubbling up inside of me. If I was a caveman, I'd be thinking, "damn, I don't want to sharpen spears tomorrow! Everyone will see what a sh!tty job I do of it!"
  15. I don't know because everyone feels something different but I do suggest you go the doctor if you have not already gone because it could really be something major going on with you. I hope everything turns out well for you. Be blessing
  16. I forgot that I did see her a couple of times of 8 Simple Rules, and the sight of her playing a run of the mill, white bread sitcom mom completely unlike Peg Bundy was surreal.
  17. I’m not sure. What I DO know is that it sure as sh!t isn’t getting any better. Cynical? Maybe. Realistic? Almost certainly.
  18. Folks! I'm really obsessed right now with this newest musician. He's just so adorable, I love him in every way! I don't even know him, I know! And I know I gotta get a grip. But it literally pains me to see him with someone...even though I suppose he deserves to be happy. I kinda wish I went my whole life without seeing what he looked like. Just a voice in my songs. I ...i dunno. But this one hurts and I think it's just he's so beautiful (like inside and out) that it hurts. I don't really want to be with him, but ...ah! I really dunno. Just that beauty that hurts. You wanna be around him kinda thing. I wanna watch live videos and all that...the weird thing is is that I'm attracted more to the past him, I think. It like takes me back to ugh, high school, except no it was college. Ah! Anyway, man I barely remember anything but hearing the song on the radio. It wouldn't be until years later that I'd see him and hear and like more songs off the album... the other funny thing is that he's kinda mysterious in that when he sings he covers his face a lot, like his mouth around the Mic, so it took awhile for me to actually get a good look and when I did, he was a little different than I expected, but in an oh so adorable way. Ok, sorry for posting so much. I'm just emotional. I wanna go back to 2003! Except I don't really. Just some things. Lol
  19. Oh this drug is not for me as it's made me highly reactive, ruminate and doesn't allow my body to rest I've been on Trintellix for 5 months now but I've made an appointment with my doctor to be referred to a psychiatrist for proper treatment.
  20. Last week
  21. Outstanding, my man. Very good to hear.
  22. That's it my friend things will go a whole lot better if we can find the strength to stay up beat. Of course I know it isn't always that easy but if I had a choice it would be up beat over feeling down.
  23. As I did not know about this https://expert-writers.net/ before, there is an service for creating the right text for me. It is just sometimes very necessary. Authenticated writers work on the text. The work is done on time. It is very fast and convenient.
  24. medical marijuana and marijuana products at 420kushlife.com
  25. getting alone from everyone and having the room cool or cold helps to calm me down. It really helps when I go outside and walk up and down my drive way in the cold or I will just sit in a chair until I calm down in the cold.
  26. I'm not surprise with all the chemicals that are used to help mass produce crops and to help with the production of animals.
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