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  2. Done that today! The jogging was especially awesome , I totally recommend!
  3. I have this vision of myself driving around the US and/or Canada in a 1966 Mustang. No ties to anything or anywhere, I could just drive around and I suppose embrace the loneliness I have always felt, while seeing a part of the world I haven't experienced before. Perhaps meet someone awesome and take it from there. Yes, I think I'd like to do that now. We can dream I guess.
  4. samadhiSheol

    A circle has closed

    Sounds like I need to check this out.
  5. There is a Pokemon Go Safari event happening at my country and I just spent quite a lot of money to purchase a ticket for this Sunday. Joined a MeetUp group for this, which actually have only 6 people going, so I’ll be going with strangers, if they even turn up. This will be my first MeetUp event. Funny how I really just want to quit Pokemon Go. The only reason I still play is that it’s very useful to avoid people when I’m walking with my colleagues. So my colleagues think I’m a fan of Pokemon, but I’m not, I don’t like getting addicted to something. Yet here I am going for a once in a lifetime Pokemon event, since it won’t come back to this country for years to come. To show my colleagues that I’m really a fan when I’m not? I still don’t know why I do what I do. It’s a chore really. I wanna spend Sunday at home, but I’d be wasting my money if I don’t go. Ugh and of course this leads to me hating myself cos I’m always doing things that I don’t want to do. Ugh being positive is hard!
  6. I can’t stand people either. I wish I can quit my job, but I need to pay my bills.. two more weeks to endure!
  7. Today
  8. I REALLY need to get away. My vacation cannot come soon enough. I am sick of people. I have gotten a lot of negative input lately, and I am tired of it. Everyone who has said something awful towards me can go F off (IRL, not on here!!!! to be clear!!!!! lol). I am so done with people. TWO more weeks, and I'll be in the tropics, on the beach, sipping cocktails and sunning myself.... Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
  9. Well, I just found out on yesterday that I got to have surgery on my neck because the pain is so bad that it’s effecting my nerves and shooting crazy 😝 pain over my shoulder, arms and hands and neck. I want to cry 😭 and scream but I must muster up strength to keep going on
  10. That might be it. My Aunt has aways had something against me. And I guess I dismissed it this whole time. I don't know if it's jealousy, or competitiveness , maybe both as my therapist said. I'd rather that they wouldn't want to be involved in my life in any way, rather than pretending that they do, and playing happy families in front of other people. I can't stand fakes
  11. Wow. You guys are my lifeline honestly. I will do. And in a few weeks I will be able to escape all this anyway.
  12. I'm sick of my Aunt and Uncle acting as if they are 'holier than thou' at church. If only the church members knew what they were like to other people. My Aunt hasn't once tried to contact me in the last 2 years, despite everything that's been going on. Failing exams, getting an offer, turning 18. I was the one to reach out to her when I needed help this year. When my other Aunt had turned against me, I contacted her, wanting someone to talk to, and she said 'That she and her husband had enough problems to deal with themselves. That they couldn't take part in an 'argument' (as she described it) on top of that" "And then as if to rub it in my face, she said, "we are just very private people, that don't make a fuss when things are going on" - making out as if I'm just trying to draw attention to myself. And despite her saying that she 'doesn't want to be involved in an argument' She did get involved with my other Aunt. And has backed her and that letter she sent all this time. Even attacking me and my mum for saying that it was wrong of her to send it. They are liars. My other Aunt is a doctor. She thinks she knows everything. When I became too much competition for her daughter, she wanted me gone. But at the same time, she didn't want people to blame her for kicking me out. So she decided to write a letter to my psychiatrist, stating that I have deep rooted problems (autism, OCD, emotional detachment) and thats why I couldn't stay with them any longer. She sacrificed me to save her daughter and herself. And that's ok. I've come to accept that. But don't ever try and pretend that you care for me.
  13. @Soarsie18, you have the right to feel the way you do. You are not overreacting and you're not making a big deal about anything. I've read your other posts and to be as young as you are, I think you are handling life well for someone who has depression and I admire you for talking about your life. When I was young, I was told there was nothing wrong with me that couldn't be cure with hard work. So I hid that depression and put on a fake face and tried to please everyone. I still do that, but I am learning that I have the right to feel what I feel and if I chose to hide from the world I can. Your parents sound like they want to help but don't know how and your aunt is telling them what they should do and is making things worst. Some people have to put others down to make themselves feel good. Sounds your aunt is one of those people. You do not need anyone's permission or approval to feel the way you do. You do not need anyone's permission or approval to cry or hide when you want or need to. Hang in there, young lady. Keep posting and remember you have touched my life and for that I am grateful.❤️
  14. I don't know how to feel, angry and annoyed I guess ? Both my Aunts have got us easter chocolates. I don't know how to feel about that. I guess they wanted to make sure that their kids got chocolates from us too. I know they don't care about me, but hearing them trying to convince people that they do just makes me sick. They have no idea what I've been through. And they have absolutely no interest in knowing either. When I was suicidal a few months ago my mum asked my Aunt to send an email to me, apologising for sending that letter to my psychiatrist. And guess what. My Aunt refused to apologise. Yet now, my whole family goes on about 'how much everyone cares about me' - bull.... They tell people that I'm 'stressed over exams'. Oh if only it were that bad. If only it were that temporary. They have no idea that I am on anti-depressants and haven't been able to leave the house in at least 6 months. I just want them gone. Them undermining and not caring about what I've been through only makes me question myself. Am I overreacting ? should I be able to cope better ? Am I making a big deal over nothing ? They are damaging me, all to make themselves look like saints.
  15. Big hugs to you - both congratulations and comfort! Are there any pregnancy/new mother support groups in your area you could go to? I can say as a loner type who just made a friend, there are some people who WILL try to be your friend even if you are awkward, very guarded, and sweating anxiety from your pores! You can tell them as much or as little as you want 🙂 Try and focus on getting your ducks in order instead of loneliness. I'm not sure how financially hard things are, but are there any churchs/organizations that would be able to help you out? And of course keep posting here, you are an important member of the DF community 🤗
  16. I'm terrible about housekeeping. I spend so much time making up worries that I forget to do the basic things like sweeping, washing the floor, scrubbing the tub... I'm also a major procrastinator, to a degree where I've sabotaged myself and put myself into all kinds of problems over the years because of it. I never learn.
  17. 30 year old male for the past 7 months now ive been getting breathing issues after eating! ive been to the ER many times and they say i dont have heart disease and theres nothing they can find. if i eat really processed food or a big meal i get hyperventilating, shortness of breath, difficulty swallowing and sometimes a headache. so ive done alot of research to try and solve this and i think it could be a few things either GERD or a hiatal hernia. ive had anxiety attacks before this is alot different than that feeling so i dont think its anxiety at all. i figured some people have gone through an issue like this or would be able to help out because its very frusterating and even scary i thought i was going to die! and alcohol has the worst impact and brings on these symptoms like crazy! ive had to quit drinking because these symptoms have not resolved. i was a frequent drinker about 2 or 3 times a weak. (i have probably only drank 10 times in the past 5 months)Than one day 7 or 8 months ago last summer after a night of drinking i woke up with these symptoms one day. i have a GI appointment next week they are doing a scope test i really hope they find something and in the mean time i hope someone can shead some light with this problem and other people can get help too!
  18. Coz

    zombie

    i hate functioning without any feelings. just going through my life like a machine, a zombie. all i feel is tired. last night i tod myself i needed some time away from my normal everyday life so i went over to my friend's house with 2 other mutual friends. i regret that. faking the enjoyment was excruciating and exhausting, there was alcohol, i don't drink anymore and being constantly asked to drink was just annoying as hell. i didn't enjoy dancing and i hated it when they kept asking me to dance. i got irritated by very small things, i didn't have the patience to tolerate drunk behaviour. i just wanted to be alone. i wanted to be in my room, in silence. just me and my bed, no neighbors down the corridor who come over to talk about stupid things, just myself in silence, alone. i dont even want to wake up for classes anymore, i just want to stay in my bed. i dont want to see my friends, i just want to sleep. i dont want to eat, food tastes bland now. i just want to sleep, wake up and stare at my laptop then sleep again. but i have responsibilities so i just get up and move through life like a zombie
  19. Argh...woke up at 2 a.m. this morning. Did any of you get a message from new member Honeyflower inviting you to click a link to some site? (I'm going to delete it). Hope everyone is doing ok. Taking a road trip to see friends for a few days. First time to take the dog. Cat sitter comes twice a day for my Marvin and the alley cats, but Marvin is such a love junky it's hard to leave him. I guess they have Internet in Arkansas (I'm joking, but I am packing some vegan food).
  20. She sounds awfully similar to my aunt; she's made some terrible decisions in life, lived it the way she wanted and one day she simply had this mental breakdown, she still blames everyone else and is obsessed with playing the victim. My mom's family is big, lots of siblings but "surprisingly" only she(the eldest) and one sister sacrificed years of their lives taking care of their younger sister...that's one of the issues too..my mom is getting older and she can't handle such things anymore so I guess people expect me and my cousin to be in charge form now on? I turned 30 last year, never had a boyfriend or any serious relationship, I live for working and helping take care of my family...I don't think I can deal with this; I've watched my uncles get married, have children, some are on the verge of becoming grandparents and yet I can't even manage to make friends and share with them aspects of my life...I hate it. I hate her for what she does to my mom who feels responsible for her and since I love my mother I'll never abandon her. My brother is just like me, and he's approaching his 40s. Perhaps letting some things go their own way as long as my aunt doesn't hurt other people(like you did with your mother) would be the best course of action? She's been the center of attention for years now. I feel guilty for wanting to want my mom, my brother and I to be happy, at least for a while. Losing my dad to alcoholism and now this...it's just one thing after another. It never stops. Thank you for replying btw..you guys have no idea of how much it helps to be able to vent a little.
  21. Look for the reasons why those positions did not work out. Then find a way for them not to happen again.
  22. That I can get a decent rest tomorrow. That my injury heals quickly so that I can resume my physical training.
  23. Exactly. I totally forgot about them.
  24. Dripdrip Popsicles Poison Sumac Chia Pets
  25. bad news: I had a little bit of cramps, nothing too bad like last month. Also, it was so hot today (high of 87) that I refused to go out until it got dark. I still haven't done any working out either. good news: After nightfall, I was still able to go to the store. We got our grocery shopping done, I found some gifts for my sister's birthday (bath bombs, three face masks, exfoliation gloves) and ingredients for a strawberry cake I'm making for Easter.
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