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  2. babyxgothxx

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    SSDD Unloved, ignored and invisible. No wait, I am! People, even in town, act like I'm not there. They pretend I'm not there on the bus, don't move when I politely say "excuse me," never look at me, never sit next to me on the bus... All just because I'm quiet and different! It's just heartbreaking to live everyday knowing how worthless and unloved you are. You step outside, knowing nobody notices you. Nobody cares about you. Nobody respects you. Knowing once you're gone, nobody would care. It tears me apart every single day. I want to trade my life with another in a heartbeat. No, I wouldn't actually. It's better me going through h-ll than another person. I'll never be loved outside DF. I'll die alone without friends and family being by my side, to say goodbye. Nobody would want to say goodbye to me. What have I done so immoral to deserve this? I look back every day, wondering what that is! I've done so many mistakes, I admit. But, I've never killed anyone, abused anyone, bullied anyone or broke the Law. Yet, life awards me with ignorance, disrespect, hatred and pain? It doesn't make sense. Everyone treats me like I am a disease, that they must avoid. It breaks my heart!
  3. I was watching a well known movie on Netflix (I've seen it lots of times before) but this time when the main character came on, my heart just fluttered like crazy especially when he kissed the girl in the movie. He's made my heart flutter before but not to CO status until now. I love how quirky he is and his curls. Lol And he is a very versatile and talented actor. But sadly underrated. His movies range from comedy to dramas and he is superb in each one. He's played good guys and bad guys and I've enjoyed all his performances. He is just the bees knees! I don't know if I could say I have a certain type. But I have never had a CO on a current mega star. I've had megastar COs but not during their time of huge stardom but afterwards if that makes sense. Though MK has consistently been making movies the last few years and has another one coming out in 2019.
  4. babyxgothxx

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    We know that feeling too well
  5. babyxgothxx

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Thanks guys for the responses! Love you
  6. Today
  7. ladysmurf

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I want to fall asleep and never wake up..
  8. Craig_B

    Here Goes

    Thanks 20years. After some time out traveling on business, and time to think with a clearer head. I believe I have gone through several stages of loss already. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and now I'm near accepting. I've begun to look around me, and self assess of what I have in my life with meaning. I am sure I will be ok, even if my love and best friend decides we are done. I am also seeing that our counselor has been overly focused on me and wrong doing from years ago, even after we did the "clean slate", while my wife is left with no action to improve our situation. Its clearly not a mutual effort to repair. Because of this primarily, and the rapid deterioration, I'm convinced there is something being kept from me. I intend on having a very frank and candid conversation with my wife this evening.. I am prepared mentally for either outcome. Wish me luck. I would love to keep the marriage and family together. I will leave it up to her.
  9. I'm happy to hear you are feeling better and that you were able to talk. Do you think he would be open to marriage counseling?
  10. Regrettably, I was recently involved in an affair with a woman I know through work. It was an awful decision, and my wife found out and I confessed everything. My wife is incredibly loving and forgiving, and I have spent every day since then working on rebuilding our marriage. However, I recently became aware that this affair has affected my job, and I could very likely be fired. I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of losing my job and not being able to support my wife and family. My wife doesn't work, and she has done absolutely NOTHING to deserve this awful situation she's now dealing with. Over the past few weeks, I have spiraled to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, losing the enjoyment in things I used to love, barely interacting with my wife and beautiful children, and frankly, feeling as if I have no control over the direction of my life. Every possible outcome I think of is horrible, and I struggle daily to live with myself and the awful, selfish decisions I made. I've been speaking with a therapist weekly since this all blew up, and that helps temporarily, but I usually go right back to feeling how I was feeling before. I am not looking for sympathy, and I will freely admit that I, and I alone, am to blame for this position I'm in. I'm just wondering if anyone out there has ever been in a similar position, and if they have any words to share with me. I'm really struggling.
  11. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Yeah, things rarely go perfectly for anyone, but you have the right attitude to overcome that.
  12. jsop4

    I Feel Like A Total Failure

    1) Please don't apologize for feeling the way you do. The feelings are real, it is the thoughts that are causing the feelings that are off. 2) Please try not to compare your depression to others and think your depression is somehow "less than" or not as legit. It is. 3) Please speak with a therapist and try to get some help quick. University can be a rough time, a lot of pressure, especially if you are unsure about your future or what you think makes you happy. A therapist can help you gain perspective. They put your thoughts in the spotlight and really make you examine their legitimacy. 4) I know it is hard but please try to let go of "well my parents want this or think this way" my dad wanted me to be a computer programmer and bragged to everyone about how great I was going to be, problem was I hated it but never had the guts to tell him so I wasted 3 years in college pursuing that. Don't waste that time I did. Be up front and real about what you are dealing with with your family and ask for support to work through it.
  13. sober4life

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Thank you. There are some things that could go wrong to derail all of this but there always is. I will never give up until I get the life I want.
  14. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    awww, thanks Sober! I can always count on you. Much appreciated!!
  15. sober4life

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I'm always here for you if you need me. Anything you need I'm here for you.
  16. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Thank you so much!!!
  17. Natasha1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Hugs @RiverLight so many
  18. Natasha1

    RECIPES!!!!

    Im going to try an orange chicken recipe in the next week or so. Substituting the Jam that it calls for. Will keep you guys posted.
  19. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Every time I say I am going to take a break from here, something happens. My dad it turns out has a tiny bit of cancer. We find out in the next few days whether it has spread to the muscles... if it has, he could either have his bladder removed, or do chemo. He is opting for chemo. But I am worried and sad for him. He's in his upper 70's... he's getting up there in age. I am not prepared for my parents to lose their health. I suppose no one ever is.
  20. velvetpuddles

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Me too! Maybe they can adopt us. Keep going!! You're on a roll now - you got this! Onward and upward!
  21. sober4life

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I wish I could have had them as my dad. I'm on a mission this year for sure. I'm doing so much better than I used to it scares me. Since mom has been in the hospital I've kept this house going by myself. I'm working so hard I already have enough money saved to keep this house going until the end of Summer.
  22. velvetpuddles

    What did you dream about?

    Last night's dream was so stressful! For some reason, I was back in school and we had to pick a book and prepare an oral summary and analysis to present to the class. It came down to the last half hour or so and I had nothing prepared. I scrambled to get some notes together (as handwritten notes were part of the grade) and a theme for analysis. So I get in front of the class (which consisted of old highschool classmates and former co-workers) and pretend to be really confident, and forget the name of the book!! I said something and then remembered the real title and spurted that out, but some guy was already teasing me and criticizing my analysis because I forgot the title for a moment. I looked at the teacher and started having a panic attack and pleaded with her to shut him up and not make me do this. Then! My presentation somehow landed me a one year job teaching 5th grade, which scared the crap out of me and made me panic again!! And through all this, my mom was hanging out in my living room with a guy from my high school, who kept hitting on me and being incredibly sweet though my struggles. Haven't seen most of the people or places in this dream since at least 2005...it makes no sense!! Ugh...where are these super vivid, cinematic dreams coming from???
  23. nightingale77

    I don't know what to do anymore

    Halo there! Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story here. Please rest assured that this is a absolute safe space and you are free to download whatever you like. The community here, I find, is extremely supportive and non-judge. Sorry to hear about all the bad experiences you had in your previous school. I honestly think that you have a wonderful personality and you are a kind individual. I had some bad experiences in school Long time ago when the girls or guys were Super Biotchy and pretentious. I have been commented shy too. But recently I read some books about introverts and it described me to a T. You might wanna pick up this book and have a read to understand your personality a little bit better. The book gave you insight about introverts and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of being one! In fact, one should celebrate for being one! The book is titled “Quiet POwer by Susan Cain” Do check it out! I’m keeping you in my prayer. Keep well and God bless!
  24. uncertain1

    What are you grateful for?

    I'm grateful that my Psychiatrist actually agreed to give me a plan to come off lamotrigine (bipolar mood stabilizer) after being on it for many years. It'll take 6 months, but I've started. I am so happy to be getting this strong drug out of my system and hopefully will even feel better.
  25. uncertain1

    I Feel Like A Total Failure

    Hi Claire, and welcome to DF. No need to apologize about posting. People here are in all sorts of life situations and vary greatly as to how severe their depression, anxiety, etc is. Some are not ill at all - but want a place to be able to share their struggles. I'm sorry you are struggling. I'm a recently retired university professor, so perhaps I can offer a perspective. You're not alone. Entering your senior year with an internship is one of the most challenging times in your academic career. I hope you remember that you have accomplished much already. Sometimes parents put pressure on their child in an attempt to help (though comparing to other people is inappropriate - I was in that situation when I was in school). You might consider talking with at least some of your professors and your advisor. I tried to help many students going through rough patches and helped them find more help when needed. My university has a "Campus Life" office that "is dedicated to working with faculty, staff, students, parents, and family members to ensure that each student has an engaging and successful experience during their collegiate time". Another service is a Counseling & Mental Health Center. I wish you the very best. Please reach out for assistance as soon as possible. These offices are open even when classes are not going on (e.g. Spring Break). And of course we're here to help too.
  26. JustAnotherSufferer

    I Feel Like A Total Failure

    Hi their Claire. Life has been very empty for me too. I haven’t been able to enjoy life for a long time now, 4 years to be exact. It’s been hard. Living with depression and anxiety is hard, it makes me feel even more isolated, lonely and depressed. I can’t even enjoy the most “enjoyable” of things. Chocolate doesn’t taste good anymore. ************* is just a hassle and doesn’t feel good at all. Not even food can make me happy when I’m in a very low mood. Everything just feels so bland. I know how it feels Claire. It’s definitely a pain. Don’t judge yourself too much though. We are in the same boat if that makes you feel any better. If you ever want to talk, just send me a message. Sincerely Yours truly
  27. SuZQ154

    Friends.. if they still are

    Sorry you are dealing with friendship issues. You are trying to deal with your anxiety and depression, as well as life changes. It's tough!! You seem to know yourself pretty well! Over the last few years, I have realized I can change. Life will change and I have to try more to adjust to the changes by trying to change me. Reading the Bible, praying, exercising, eating well, and saying positive self-talk have all helped. Also, Christian counseling and coaching have helped me to focus on moving forward. I still struggle, but less. Have you considered counseling or coaching? Hope this helps. Praying for you today.
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