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      A Reminder that we are a PG13 Site   12/09/2016

      Please keep in mind that NO content can be posted that is not PG13!  No sexual content and definitely not images which is not permitted in a post! We will delete it.  Not even memes or humorous images should be posted, if you want these forums to continue. NO IMAGES! If you want to post an image, post the URL pointing it to your gallery.  Again, Depressionforums.org is PG13!! Thank you~ ~Forum Admin  

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  2. I admit it I'm so in love right now. I love her so much! She definitely gives me the love buzz. She is the only thing stronger than my addiction. I never thought anyone would be stronger than my addiction but she is. Right now at my lowest point she is saving me. That is my dream to be with her. She is the most beautiful girl in the world! I have to talk to her.
  3. All of this applies to me too. I'm still doing a lot of self-punishing though, and that's absolutely OCD-related in my case. I used to experience a lot of intrusive thoughts about my CO and his girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever being together intimately (not just sexually, but romantically too). I don't think of that as much anymore, but I do still obsessively compare myself to her. I have experienced many other more "traditional" symptoms of OCD in my lifetime (like all the ones you mentioned, plus more) and I feel like I have to separate my feelings for my CO from that. My CO isn't really a symptom of OCD on his own. I fell for him in a fairly normal and legitimate way, and then my OCD took over and caused a lot of anxiety and pain. The more I think about all this, the more complicated I realize it is. Where does the line get drawn between what is a normal amount of pain that comes with being in love with someone you can't have, and an OCD level of pain? I guess it comes down to obsessive over-analyzing, intrusive thoughts, self-punishment, extreme rationalization, thinking in circles, needing to know information that I know will hurt me instead of just avoiding it (I've conquered this for the most part...but I know how fragile I am). OCD does play a role in this obsession for me, but not in as direct of a way as it might seem to someone who doesn't know my whole story.
  4. So sorry to hear you are back in a darker place. I hope you went to trivia with your friends. Sometimes it's good to force yourself out to do something even when you really don't feel like it. Do you see a counsellor? How about mindfulness? Have you read Ekhart Tolle's The Power of Now? That book always helps me with the darkness. I send you BIG HUGE WARM HUGS!
  5. As much as I want to share, I'm deathly afraid to. The more I share the more off-putting it became and people just left because of it. For a long time I've believed that people just didn't legitimately care to even listen, which is why I've isolated myself from even mentioning a smidgen of what I am or my problems. A bit ironic that I'm here talking about it. I guess that's what happens when I'm on the edge of a breaking point.
  6. Today
  7. Plenty of reasons to bother. Sure, maybe people come and go on this forum, but does not take away what the moment meant. I use mindfulness everyday. I focus on the present moment. It can be difficult. Some days it takes a lot of concentration. My past is filled with terrible things. If i let myself i could obsess about it all night. And even if my life were going better, the future seems uncertain and dangerous. So i think about my breathing, i commit to concentrate on my awareness. I remember how i survived. When i was 21, my decade of insane was about to start. I got a lot of things wrong. Made some bad calls, lost a lot. It took a lot of hard work, but i made it past the real bad times. So can you. But dont attack us. I happen to care tremendously about the people on here. The younger ones. The older ones who have lost hope. The ones that didnt make it. It is a simple fact, it is never too late to make a change, unless your dead.
  8. but you're not
  9. You sound so much like me. Wow! The longer I'm here the more I'm convinced about environment being the main factor in developing depression. How to fix this though?? So frustrating
  10. We are all here trying to figure it out. In my opinion, the more you share the better. I have also lost interests on and off in my life. I do enjoy music. There is a creativity thread on here, ive been posting on it for some months. I like what i create. A sense of pride. Though dark, maybe some beauty in there somewhere. Ive played many games. Lost interest during my addiction. This past year have been on them again. Reached a 3.33 kd ratio in doom before expsnsions. Sc 2 was a fun play through. I also work a lot. Im a chef. Took some time off this forum cause of work. Just been a lot past few months. The chat used to thrive. But i notice its empty a lot now. Still, people are active on the threads. You mentioned that we are strangers and the net being strange. Maybe right, but i have learned not to judge what life throws at me. Any chance to connect, is basically a win no matter the circumstance
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  12. 0 Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  14. I Feel Useless
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  16. Wow. So sorry you feel like that, and hope you be able to feel better in future.
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  18. I feel empty and lonely right now.I am a useless nothing.
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  20. I honestly didn't expect to get a response here. The past couple of places I've posted this were completely ignored. The internet is a strange place to say the least. To answer, right now I'm at a full-time job at a manufactoring plant as a glorified stocker/box-handler. Does it bring me joy? Not at the least, but it pays fairly well and the bills are paid. It's this job or a fast-food joint in the area I live in so I really can't be picky. I have gone to school before for a bachelor's in 'Video Game Design.' This was before I realized it was almost a useless degree and before I realized that I spend tens of thousands of dollars just to learn that 'You are paying money for something that you could've just done at home for free,' an actual quote from an instructor. Needless to say that school is no longer running and my interest in game design as a whole has been completely wiped, as well as my finances. It's completely destroyed my interest in art as well, which kills me since I used to enjoy it. I did get a certificate for CNC programming not too long ago under a grant, but it's one of those jobs that you have to have prior experience to even get in, which schooling isn't enough to put my foot in the door. I don't exactly enjoy CNC, but it pays well enough, so... maybe? From there, I delved into some hobbies that I thought would've developed into something but I end up either losing interest or become frustrated with it. I've tried playing guitar on and off for over 8 years only to realize I didn't even like playing it. I still have somewhat of a love for music, but I lack the talent and the motivation to even attempt to create something of my own. I also tried getting into competitive gaming, but with my job, the lack of people to play with, and the overall toxicity in these games I just couldn't bring myself to continue with it. I don't think I was that bad of a player (Competed in Smash for a while with little results) just it wasn't meant to be in the end. I probably sound like I'm griping or just being difficult. I do apologize for that. I seriously am trying to figure this out. It's just incredibly difficult to find something I can latch onto.
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  23. My Love Life~Morrissey
  24. Thoughts about my CO have nothing to do with OCD. I know people think I'm crazy when I say this, but I think of my CO because I love him. OCD used to come into play when I felt compelled to Google (fear of missing out on something, without weighing the risk of seeing something I didn't want to see.) Same applied to Facebook searches. OCD is also a factor in self-punishment which used to be a bigger problem than it currently is, and when I used to engage in it, I might use my CO in ways to punish myself.
  25. Have you ever thought of making a list of the good things about your life? The things for which you are thankful? Surely you could name a few things for the list. Maybe...that you have 2 feet, know how to walk, have food to eat, can see, aren't in jail, have a friend, are not allergic to cats....even make it silly but start counting your blessings instead of your hardships. I've had bouts with depression and often found if I learned to recognize the good in my life that it helped. Praying God will help you find the help you need.
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