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  1. Today
  2. Glad to hear you are feeling better sober.
  3. Thanks Nightjar and Good morning . I hope you get a good offer today.
  4. Does anyone ever feel like you hate yourself more then you ever hated anyone because that’s how am feeling
  5. This is an amazing post. It made me cry. Your post helped me when I desperately needed it. I wish I could be there with you to hold your hand and help you through this. You are an amazing person that can bring a lot of good to this world. I hope you make it through the surgery and recover and go on to do amazing things in this world.
  6. Hi everyone. My name is Curtis. I've been having trouble with my heart as of late and now I'm scheduled for open heart surgery tomorrow at 1 pm. I've been thinking about death, life, pain and insecurities. I find myself instead of being alone without family, I have so many strangers that have opened their hearts and accepted me and actually care about me and for me. It's somewhat difficult to write this in tears. I'd like for everyone to open their hearts and become a miracle for someone else. Its not difficult to be that 1 person to put a smile on the face of a hurting soul. I'd like to end with if you open your heart, love will find its way in. Life is a gift. Please don't waste it. Peace and love always.
  7. Yesterday
  8. Several inches of snow fell today which made my already less than stellar mood…even worse.
  9. Sounds good. I'm glad you're feeling better it's nj bedtime now. Nite nite
  10. I feel pretty good today actually. I got a lot done. I was dealing with a lot of stress earlier in the week but I took care of all of that.
  11. I didn't hear anything I've sorta taken a step back from it and I'm letting the agents get on with it. I did say I would accept a lower offer to get the job done. Apparently, prices have been dropping lately and they were advising me to take the lower offer it felt like the right thing to do so I went with it.
  12. 90 minutes on the treadmill.
  13. How did things go with the house today?
  14. I had a dream I was washing my face and I had to dig out a leech that burrowed into my forehead. He was a nice leech though once I got him out of there. He taught me how to do karate. Now when Mr Miyagi comes around here saying I need to do my karate lessons I'll have a reason to tell him to leave finally.
  15. It's snowing. I'm sure Frosty will try to get in here again. I won't be able to get rid of him until March.
  16. All people seem to be the same in this world. There aren't really special titles that mean anything. I've become the doormat that they say well he'll do it. I'm the one they take advantage of but they act like they don't understand when I tell them to go to hell. It's so sick. They never say I'm going to be a good grandpa or dad or brother of whatever. No they take advantage of their positions in this life to use and abuse each other.
  17. The cat sitting on the footstool trying to get me to move out of my chair using her cat telepathy to get me to move out of my chair so she can take it over.
  18. Rain came down so hard & fast it sounded like hail hitting the awnings at 6 am. And it is cold again. Yesterday was sunny & in low 70s, Today in the high 40s & cold rain.
  19. I got to stop being so darn nice to family members.
  20. Well what do you want? Do you want to become who you want to be or who she wants you to be? It's why it never worked for me. It sounds like she is trying to mold you into what she wants you to be like you're her project. I'll be honest if it was me I would mess with her. She wants to be in total control and I would never allow her to be control. If I wanted to be around someone like her I could just go to dad's house.
  21. Sorry you are having this problem with the therapist. Do you trust her? I hate when the therapist tells me to take deep breaths. In my head, I'm thinking 'I pay you to listen to me. so shut up & let me talk". Haven't actually said that to her yet but I am getting better at saying what I think. So one day ...she may regret the focus on getting me to stand up for myself. Take care
  22. Wellbutrin does take a while to begin working. In my case, it took about 8 weeks for me to see any difference. I have been on it for about 6 years. 2 years ago the doctor I was seeing suggested doing the GeneSight pharmaceutical testing to see which drugs would be most effective for me. Wellbutrin was the only one that I could not take in high doses. And said doctor did not think 100mg was too high a dose. Found a doctor that would listen to me & between us we found the dosage that works best for me & for me that was one 75mg pill every other day. Also have you tried therapy? I have been seeing someone who uses Cognitive behavior therapy to help me change the way my brain works & how to change the way I process info & how to get out of the loop of negative thinking & over analyzing every situation. Take care
  23. Where I live, there are 2 major medical groups/hospitals. Both of them have what is "charity assistance. Four years ago I made use of one of them. I made several doctor visits & 2 trips to ER. Each time at the doctor's I only pay a $10 payment based on my income at the time & when I received the ER bills, I called the Billing office & asked if I could make payments. I was sent forms to fill out for the charity/ financial paperwork to apply for help. Both of those bills were covered by the group. The last 3 years I paid for health insurance thru the government costing me between $170 to $107 this past year. This year when I updated my info with the health/gov, somehow & for an unknown reason that nobody can tell me, I qualified for Medicaid of which I didn't apply for & have never been eligible for in the past 7 years except for family planning assistance. (yeah like I'm young enough for that one). Check out what is available in your area for assistance thru the major hospitals & see if you qualify for medicaid. All you can do is waste a couple of hours & find some help. It is terrible when we work all our lives while coping with mental health problems that when we need help we can't find it. And anyone else in the situation like JD & I, look around your area. You have to ask questions because they won't tell you about the help you can receive. I found out thru my family doctor about the charity program.
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