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      A Reminder that we are a PG13 Site   12/09/2016

      Please keep in mind that NO content can be posted that is not PG13!  No sexual content and definitely not images which is not permitted in a post! We will delete it.  Not even memes or humorous images should be posted, if you want these forums to continue. NO IMAGES! If you want to post an image, post the URL pointing it to your gallery.  Again, is PG13!! Thank you~ ~Forum Admin  

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  2. Hi Jeremy It sounds like you've had quite a rough road both physically and emotionally. As you mention stress quite a bit and how it triggers some physical responses I wanted to tell you about the Gupta programme for retraining the amygdala. The website is It has helped me so much with physical ailments, GAD and depression. There is lots of information on the website about how it works. Hope you find it useful. Popsicle7
  3. Septermber 21, 2017

    I can no longer speak to anyone other than my therapist about the way I feel. I've spoken enough about it, and I do not feel that I will ever get out of this. The shame, inferiority, regret, self hatred and deep unhappiness with life have become a part of who I am. I wish I was one of those people on social media who look so happy. Maybe they've got underlying issues, but at least they've got the good to complement the bad. It seems that it's been all bad for a long time in my case, and it's only gotten worse. I do not have much patience or tolerance for stress or adversity, and I have exhausted my mental reserves very early in life. Yesterday I saw an old classmate who told me he has applying to law school, and he asked me how life, school, and work had been going. I told him I am taking it day by day because I can no longer bear to tell anyone that I am "fine". I've really ruined my life, and I feel helpless, frustrated, ashamed, and angry. Now I have to get ready for work, and I will not be able to look anyone in the eye. I expect it to be an awful day, just like every day before this has been.
  4. Any success with mirt???

    Hi Jayyyy & DarkLotus, Its great that Mirtazapine is working for you DarkLotus. Ive personally been on Mirtazapine for over a year and have to say during the time needed it was effective in helping my depression/anxiety symptoms. i started on 15mg and over a few months went up to 45mg. From my experience, mirtazapine helped with Insomnia and Anxiety more so than depression. Although depressive symptoms went down by far, i still had this feeling of numbness within myself which wouldn't go away. Mirtazapine also had a lot of side effects which affected me such as weight gain (Put on 20kg in less than 8 months) and feeling like a zombie day and night. For the past 4 months i have been trying to stop Mirtazapine due to the side effects, this is much easier said than done. Miratazapine withdrawal is one of the most dreadful ordeals someone can experience. Coldsweats/Fever/Sickness/Digestive Problems to name a few. I wish someone told me the side effects/withdrawal effects when starting this medication. Although this depends on your tolerance to any side effects which may not even happen at all, remember every person is different and every medication will have different effects on different people.
  5. Today
  6. You are so sweet *hugs*. Keep in touch and let me know when you've found a therapist. Hope Thursday is a great day for you.
  7. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Dolphin2013. Thank you for the hug. I really need that right now. I appreciate your kindness. :)
  8. How to deal with morning depression

    Hi all_riled_up and welcome to the Forums. Nice to meet you. I experience the very same thing you describe and explain so well. And I think your explanation of it is excellent. Sorry you experience this phenomenon too. It is scary and unpleasant, to put it mildly. Since I am not a doctor or medical professional of any kind, I really am unable to give any advice. I can tell you what helps me, but please do not consider it advice because we are all different and what works for one of us might not work for others or might be actually harmful. A psychologist taught me this technique. He said: "Imagine your brain as a beloved small child in your care. It is a wonderful child considering all the millions of things it does for you each day. It is now sick with depression. Talk to your brain like you would speak to a beloved child: "I love you. Things are going to be alright. Whatever happens we are going to get through this. I love you no matter what you do and no matter what happens. Even if you make mistakes, big or small, that will never change my love for you. Successes, failures, fortunes, misfortunes . . . my love for you is constant and invulnerable. Nothing can separate me from my love for you. Even if you are scared I love you. Even if you are scared of being scared, I love you." I asked the psychologist what to do if I did not have the presence of mind to do all this, for example, when just waking up in the morning and still being somewhat in a daze. He told me: "In that case, just say 'I love you little brain' over and over again. Whisper it over and over again. This is NOT advice! Your health is too important to take advice from me! The only real advice I would dare to give is to seek the advice of a professional psychologist. He or she will get to know you and give you professional advice that fits you and your situation. This is a depression forum of fellow sufferers. We share with each other our problems and what helps us, but we are not a substitute for professional help. Sometimes there is a real need for fellow sufferers of depression to be able to communicate with people going through the same or similar things. We can offer each other the encouragement, understanding, compassion and consolation that those who have never been stricken with depression might be unable to express. This has helped me and I hope it is a help to you too. There are many members here and I think others go through what you do in the morning. Hopefully others here will have better words for you today than mine. My heart goes out to you. That morning thing is quite rough and disturbing. Wishing you all good things . . . all the best! - epictetus
  9. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I send my prayers to you and to your friend. Let me know how things go..
  10. Today has a song....

    I completely forgot today was the day, thank you Audrey
  11. Awh so sorry to hear that... Therapy is sometimes hard to stick to... Plus it's sad you cut your hair... *hugs* Shame it takes a while to grow back. I'll try to resist it. Of course people don't notice how we feel but at least we're not alone. Oh yes they are really helpful thanks! Wednesday was fine thanks! Hope you enjoyed it too and had and a good day today!
  12. Random Thoughts 2

    What happened to @duck ? Haven't seen his posts in a while
  13. thanks again to you both! it really helps to know that 2 people cared enough to read this and respond with such great advice too. I cant thankyou both enough for that.:)
  14. thankyou so much for taking the time out to help too!:) yes, that is all very true! I actually surprised myself with being willing to do what I did like that.Obviously the sexting part was not the wisest choice looking back but the biggest step for me was just simply chatting on skype to begin with:) so for that I suppose it is something to be proud of:) Yes, it is true that it is difficult for some of us to do these kinds of things..I definitely have problems with it myself obviously. Anyway, thanks again for the helpful post..I really appreciate it:)
  15. thanks so much for taking the time out to read such a lengthy post and giving such great advice as well! I really appreciate it! well, it is great to know that it does not sound as if he was using me from what you read and maybe he really did care. I think you are right..maybe I just need to give it a little a week or so and by then I can send a nice message just as you said. Wow! this really helped make me feel better. I think putting my feelings out like that and getting the very helpful advice is really making me feel better already! Thanks so much:)
  16. I really really want carne asada fries today. And I mean REALLY REALLY want.

  17. Hello all! I recently started treatment for my depression, and one of the things that's been particularly difficult is feeling really bad/ depressed when I wake up each morning: it's more than just "ugh I have to get up now," it's more like a deep sadness/ panic/ dread that sets in almost as soon as I open my eyes, and all I want to do is stay in bed because I don't feel ready to face whatever the day is going to bring. I've looked it up and it's called "diurnal mood variation" and is apparently really common for people with depression: some researchers say it's because our cortisol levels are especially high in the morning (to prompt our bodies to wake up), and others say it happens because people realize they have to face a day that they predict will be terrible. I imagine it's a mix of both. Despite this helpful info, I'm not finding many sites that offer advice on how to deal with it/ combat it, but I think that improving how I feel at the beginning of my day could really improve how I feel for the rest of it too. For those of you who also experience morning depression (or have in the past), what are some strategies/ tools (dare I say, solutions) that have helped you?
  18. What can I do..?

    "It's better to be hurt than to hurt others." -K.-ken
  19. Today I realized to what extent I want to destroy myself. I egg on my friends to hit me, cut my skin and today I punched a wall until my knuckles bled. What is happening to me... I don't know if I even care enough to find out. I deserve much worse than what I've done so far.
  20. I'm sorry you're still having a hard time Zos! I've only been trying to address my issues for like a 1/4 year so I'm hesitant to offer any advice on the medication, but I know there's something out there that you can help you! It may just take a little more searching but you can do it! And maybe I'll look more into Abilify, I have heard good things about it (I'm just nervous to try more meds but anxiety is the main problem so nervousness is to be expected haha). ShhPatrick I'm sorry you had to deal with so much bureaucracy! I haven't run into any red tape as far as laws go so I hope that continues! I should have prefaced this in my original post but I do really like my pdoc, he's been great with the CBT and he's a very calming presence in general, which means I look forward to my appointments. When you say SSRIs don't help you, how can you tell? I know that sounds like a really silly question, but I really can't tell if the lexapro is working or not because I still struggle with the anxiety. Maybe it's not intended to help with that? I also take klonopin as needed (so far only twice) and it helped with the negative emotions but also made me feel very numb. If I could only choose one symptom/ side effect to get rid of it would be the numbness, so I know that klonopin can't be my long-term solution. A lot of times I feel like I just have too many conflicting suggestions: one of my friends is taking an SNRI and it's been great for her, but another friend said that being on an SNRI made her crazy; one friend has said that adding a mood stabilizer has done wonders for her, but a different friend has said adding more meds just made things more complicated. So I guess I just have to decide what direction to try first. Thank you both for your responses & support! I hope you're able to find what works for you too & that the road to recovery gets a little clearer! :)
  21. Today has a song....

    I love this song <3 Thanks!
  22. Yeah :/ Online communication is different, there are so many things missing but we can make up for it with smileys or just saying how we actually feel (IMHO). I'm horribly shy about cameras and still fight with myself about self-esteem issues; way to go for taking that step! I know not everyone has the same life/feelings as me, but I feel really awkward about cameras in general. There are almost no pictures of me from age 8-30 and I'm still working on that at 39. I understand how you would be taken aback by his forwardness about sexuality, it's something I'd want to develop over time and well- that was really putting you in the spotlight! Often I think friends make the best lovers, but really you should be comfortable going at your own pace with people, whether that's something sexual or even getting on Skype and doing a video chat. It certainly sounds like he is a bit sensitive and has his issues, but so does everyone. I'm glad you faced a fear and felt a positive reaction for it, even if it wasn't a completely good situation. Most of the people I deal with, I talk to online. I've spent/spend so much time alone, it hurts. I want to hear positive things too, I want to be able to have a lover too- and as easy as communicating online can be, it can be that much more difficult for some of the silliest reasons (lack of body language for example). There are a lot of worthwhile people out there and more than a few are jaded or just need to see something nice. If you can judge a person's character for who they are, perhaps in time you can separate the positive from the negative and at least make some nice friends. None of that is easy to deal with and people don't like to make it easy, but it's worth it when you find a good friend. I've met so many people who met online and are happily married today or met some of their best friends from far, far away. Good luck in the future- don't let anyone persuade you into an uncomfortable position, understand we're all human (mostly, hehe) and none of us are perfect.
  23. It took me years of being a bad doctor's guinea pig to finally find out what worked for me. Part of the problem was/are the laws here and how doctors are afraid or demanded to be very careful with what medicine they prescribe. I went through a hellish gambit, often repeating the same side-effects that made things far worse than better (and early on, I made the mistake of reading the side effects and getting worked up over nothing). I finally got a nice doctor who listened to what I had to say (I pay him out of pocket, figures right?) but he's worth every cent. I don't want to be negative but there is such a thing as toxic physicians who get tunnel vision and listen to the drug reps more than their patients. I've tried a number of SSRI's and they just don't help me... I have anxiety issues, I need medication made to deal with anxiety. I take Paxil because I'm physically addicted to it (I know, sounds silly right?) and I take Klonopin, which actually just makes me feel more even; steady enough to face my fears. Klonopin is like a miracle drug for me, because it allows me to be more myself and face the fears I have (I HATE exposure therapy, but it's what works for me). Modern medicine and the bureaucratic medical business doesn't make it easier to find the right treatment for you, my heart goes out to you, it sucks to feel like a guinea pig when you just want to find normalcy. Have faith that you will find something in time, even if it takes a while. The forums here are full of nice people who may feel exactly how you did, or at least be wise/friendly enough to offer advice. Sorry, I'm long-winded too! Good luck
  24. Depression, anxiety and driving a car

    I hear you! I am a couple of steps behind you. I used to drive, I've always feared cars (lots out of my control) and growing up in the DC-metro area I had to deal with crazy traffic/people on narrow streets or the chaotic beltway. I always worried too much about other drivers and even my own ability to operate a vehicle if I suddenly had a bad panic attack (and all those "what-if's" going through my head). Now I live in a small town (where people still drive like idiots), the terrain is flatter and if you're not on 2-3 major streets around here the traffic is minimal. I would like to get a tough golf cart or maybe a small truck, something I could use to go grocery shopping, drive to an appointment or bring my grandma out and about whenever/where ever she'd like. In my own way, I really understand the dread and worry about being able to drive around safely. Please do not be afraid to fail- think of it as a learning process, or practice! I know with myself, it'll never be a steady, static thing where I am going to always be comfortable or performing my best. Most of my issues stem from how others drive. Do you have any friends or family that would let you do some practice driving to get back into the hang of things at your own speed, in a less traveled area? That'd be great! I'm afraid Ohio is a ways away from Slovakia or I'd volunteer, I would love the company myself. Best wishes to you, I understand your situation in my own way and it's not just yourself you need to worry about- but be alert, be brave! Maybe even think of it as a game, if that helps you block out stressful distractions
  25. Depression, anxiety and driving a car

    He's just being super cautious, seems to be a European thing. I used to live in the US and never had any accident nor a ticket and when I came to Europe they revoked my driver's license because I was honest and told them what meds I was taking. They said it was dangerous for me to drive. Ridiculous.
  26. It's a hell of a process. I've been taking prozac for over a decade and it has mostly helped but this past year it might have pooped out. My doc added abilify and so far it's helping with the anxiety but I'm still very depressed and I don't think and medication can cure what I got.
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