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  2. Thank you for sharing this @Lundi_Hvalursson. Reading your experiences, I'm reminded of people I've met who have a trauma response to touch. So I've learned to ask people whose acquaintances I make, "do you do hugs?" And sometimes their reply is, "No. Thank you for asking." And that response with no further explanation is fine, because I dont need to make it all about me. And I'm not required explanations of a personal nature, we just met. I need more work at this. Just last weekend, I was embracing someone I met at a peer support group who had hugged me, but when my hand touched the back of her head and she suddenly recoiled, got triggered. She told me never to touch her there. I felt horrible about it. I made it into a rejection of me, I shouldn't have. I am friends with a person living with acute contamination OCD. They don't like their person or their belongings and in particular their food, napkins, utensils to be touched - at all. I occasionally make a mistake. Nevertheless we both find each other acceptable. Taking my ego out of the equation isn't a simple thing but the effort is worthwhile because in our community, there are people worth getting to know quite well who, for whatever reasons, cannot tolerate touch. Is it a problem? I don't have to make it a problem and I suppose a way forward would be to not make their reaction all about me. Sorry, I don't have any good dating advice for you or anyone else.
  3. Today
  4. I'll take it. Any relief sounds good to me. Just curious, what is a bowl of progresso?
  5. I'd like to know what if anything comes of it. While you wait and see, it might be helpful to reflect upon the notion that we cannot control outcomes that are entirely dependent on others. And forgiveness is one such outcome, dependent on if the other is ready for that. But we can be proud of our best efforts. Yours appears to be a first-rate effort to make a repair of an important relationship.
  6. That's awful. I'm sorry you have to work in such a workplace. I honestly don't know how a manager or supervisor can behave in this way when it's in their job description to provide the support needed for their employees to succeed. Perhaps they have a manager who did this to them and so they learned, this is what "managing people" must be?
  7. Excellent question. What's most excellent about it is that you're still asking it in spite of how you feel. I want to compliment you on this, it's admirable. Treading water until we can float and then later swim is an important skill. But you're quite right to draw a distinction between surviving and living. I will be honest, I have no idea what will work for you. Still, I'm glad of the chance to share my lived experience with chronic mental illness if it will inspire you to think of ways you can make progress or reinvigorate hope. Recovery began for me with finding a way to manage my symptoms - which were overwhelming me - and that took years. I finally found some things that really worked... right up until the point when they no longer did. Then, I searched for and found new ways to manage my conditions. I have anxiety and depressive disorders. I reframed some of the questions that swirled in my head and kept me from feeling any peace or contentment. For example, the persistent question "what will make me happy?" became "what's the definition of a life worth living?" It seemed easier to answer the second question. In the first, I felt my ego was feeding me grandiose visions of what I thought happiness might look like. Another question, "how do I ensure and maintain a future where my needs are provided for?" became, "how can I learn to live just a bit better with uncertainty and doubt?" I can't say why exactly but these seemed like better questions. Until I began asking the right questions for me, every answer seemed wrong.
  8. My girlfriend suffers with Bi-polar disorder and a few weeks ago broke up with me. the short backstory is that a whiles ago I took her on holiday, while there she started getting anxious and panicky (turns out she hadn't been taking her medication for a while) so we spent the last couple of days indoors. Since returning she has gotten more and more depressed and anxious, during the 1st week we saw each other a couple of times, she was anxious and teary but things between us were still good, we were texting to say we missed each other etc but that gradually stopped and the texts became more distant. She admitted she was pushing me away because she felt I deserved better, that I was too good for her, and she couldn't understand why I wanted to be with her. These are things she has said during our whole relationship so a lot of texts etc have been to try and show her this isn't the case, that I am the lucky one etc but maybe I overdid it in an effort to show her I wouldn't walk away like others have and that I am with her because I want to be. anyway she decided to end things citing various reasons about not being deserving, needing space etc. For a while after I barely heard a thing but if I text she replies and more recently she has been texting and been more talkative. She even opened up a little to say she is feeling the lowest she has ever felt which is new as she hasn't really been talking about it. she has also text a couple of times to say she was thinking of me. For a long while she would completely switch off if I mentioned meeting up but last weekend out of the blue she agreed to meet for a drink. We sat and chatted for hours but kept it light and had a lovely time, we had a cuddle and little kiss afterwards which seems a big step. Her texts since seem lighter and she has been opening up more so I asked if she would like to meet up again, however she now isn't sure and has backed off a little. She has had GP visits and is on medication, her dosage of anti depressants have just been increased. If I am honest I just feel a little lost and confused. How do i help? Do I keep texting? do I leave her to text? I have read so many similar reports and it seems in a lot of cases things work out and people get back together. I have no intention of walking away, it isn't even an option for me, even knowing I will possibly come out of this badly. I know this has probably been discussed countless times, I guess i just needed to get it out. Thankyou so much for any replies, I really do appreciate it
  9. A slightly belated thank you @Jonesy. I wanted you to know that reading your message of gratitude, in spite of the many unhappy events that occured in your past, was heartwarming. Gratitude is an important practice for me yet I'm not especially good at being mindful of what I have that's good and decent. Your post brought these to the forefront of my mind and I thank you for that.
  10. Sounds like she has a lot going on. She could not only benefit from finding a good therapist; it might be necessary for her to see one again so she can learn to moderate her emotions and stay out of jail. Because it sounds like that's the direction she's headed. She's going to piss off the wrong person some day and either get arrested or hurt. That said, I'm wondering what sort of limits you put on her behavior. Daughter or not, she has no right to treat you that way. If you don't let her know that, she will never stop.
  11. I often seem to do things, and then others misinterpret my actions, especially if they are awkward withdrawals when I get touched. They usually look at me like I committed a faux pas, or ask what happened. Like above, I am not sure how to be upfront. I usually am very blunt and direct, so "Please do not touch me because I am weird" might make them less attracted. If they even were attracted in the first place, that is.
  12. I guess that there is no real way to say this without sounding at least slightly weird. I am usually direct, so I would probably say, "Please do not touch me at all" at the beginning. Not sure if it sounds odd or what. I am quite poor at explaining, so if I tried to explain why I act weird when touched it might sound even weirder. I have already been called weird several times for acting strange when they touched me. When they try to hug me, sometimes I step backwards and my head jerks backwards, like whiplash. So it looks weird if anyone sees me do this. Unless of course, I just say really directly at first, "Please do not touch me. I am weird." Problem is I have heard many times how (at least in NT advice) that touching is the cornerstone of attraction, and that many women will correlate as a rule that "no touching = no attraction". Thus I am not sure how this would work.
  13. You too man, I saw that you've had a recent political change. I hope nothing worse than the last local 'administration'
  14. I going to miss my grandma when she’s gone not okay today
  15. They weren't being unkind exactly. I've known people to be far meaner behind 'friend's' backs. It wasn't a 'sad face' situation. It was kind of bizarre is all. Today in my other class, I saw the opposite happen. A kid starting talking about how extremely helpful someone else in class had been to them all semester. I hadn't seen the two exchange more than a few perfunctory words to each other in the past three months. I thought I sensed that tension that seems to inexplicably exists between gay guys who don't know each other well. They were yukking it up today.
  16. Your comment made me think of this quote: "It is not seen as insane when a fighter, under an attack that will inevitable lead to his death, chooses to take his own life first. In fact, this act has been encouraged for centuries, and is accepted even now as an honorable reason to do the deed. How is it any different when you are under attack by your own mind?" ~ Emilie Autumn, The Aslyum for Wayward Victorian Girls
  17. A bit pushed and concerned. I live in an area with a lot of freedoms, you can do things that are illegal in a large part of Earth. Sadly I fear those freedoms may be coming to a close. I do not like having my activities restricted by cowards. Work is really slow and I am eager to start making money.
  18. If she is being pushed to do something... She should not. Grad school is a lot of time and money.
  19. A fighter who got the glorious death he desired.
  20. I know how you feel. Medication made me worse. When they say it's not for everyone they mean it. I never once thought about suicide until I started taking medication. I won't blame it all on meds and doctors. I've been through hell in life. The bottom line truth is they put you in a very scary dangerous situation. It's terrifying what can happen to us when they mess with our brain chemistry.
  21. Made muffins, helped with Christmas decorations, worked out, studied, played video games and got my glasses fixed.
  22. Treadmill (managed a jog for 25 min for just over a mile), chest and pushups and situps.
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