I'm feeling very anxious. Don't know what its about. Been at home all day, on DF a few hours. Only thing might be that I don't have anything nice to eat. But thats too weird. This doesn't happen often and am wondering whether to take some diazepam. If it gets any worse, I'll end up crying but then I've been crying on and off for the past few weeks or so. Suicidal feelings are back, well not really back, they just never go away. They wax and wane. Much faster than the moon does. I guess right now, I am quite anxious about whats happening with my work. I've been off on sick leave since April 2003. Now my work are getting impatient I think about the amount of time off I've had. They seem to think that I am 'too ill' to go back to work. HOwever medical retirement has to be done carefully. This involves my works occupation health. They are an independant company who are paid to examine sick employees and report back on their prognosis and make suggestions on how the employees job could be changed in order that they can carry out their duties or not as the case may be. This only happens to people who are off sick a lot or who have been off sick for a few months. After my last visit to the occupation health dr, they contacted my pdoc and the manager of the Therapeutic Community saying that it might be possible that I be given medical retirement.