My father is ill in the hospital with an incurable terminal lung disease. His condition worsened after he got covid, from which he never truly recovered.
And now, he is on oxygen at the hospital, where he has been for over a week now. His condition is progressively getting worse and worse, and he's dying.
I have spent every day at the hospital lately, and will go after work again tonight. I have some mixed feelings because my father was neglectful of me and basically was emotionally abusive towards me as a kid. He is the reason why I ended up in so many abusive relationships as an adult. I have mainly forgiven him and I don't think I hold a grudge, but it does bring up mixed feelings for me now that he's on his death bed and living his last days. I have nothing special to say to him that must be said in private. I have only told him that he's been a wonderful father. I actually don't even have any words, and I don't know WHAT to say to him. I am at a loss for words. The only other thing I feel I could say is that he will be sorely missed, and that we will watch over and will take care of mom in his absence.
He's 82 and has lived a full life, but without this disease, he could have lived well into his nineties. My mom is 80, is very healthy and is still full of energy and gusto. I hope she will be OK, but she's never lived alone and has never been alone her entire adult life. So this will be a HUGE adjustment for her, after he's gone.
Edited by RiverLight