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Depressedgurl007

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I am a beautiful disaster, and I accept myself as such. 

Someone mentioned that if we are negative, we should not force ourselves to be positive, n just accept it because when we stay negative long enough, one day naturally we want to be positive in our own way, and we will find that way ourselves. If we keep forcing ourselves to be positive, hating and comparing ourselves on why others have it easier than us to be happy, we will feel more upset on why we can’t be positive. So we don’t have to do anything unless we want to. I am feeling this way cos I want to and I’ll only get up when I can.  Never force ourselves. 

Another thing I’ve learnt is to not deny ourselves of feeling sad or disappointed or angry or frustrated or exasperated or afraid, it’s only natural to have all these feelings. We are allowed to feel angry or afraid. Things happen and people hurt us. Things happen out of our control. Trudge through those feelings and some day, one day, whichever day that is, we will get through them, even if we currently feel like we can’t. I realise I’ve learned a lot about patience. And only experience could have gotten me here. Is the world a better place? No and never will it be. I’ve just grown a bit more and learned what to do when things happen to me. Do things still happen to me? Yes they do and that’s why I’m still here on this forum cos I can’t go through this alone. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007

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I've read that when a negative thought arises, to try and counter that negative thought with a more positive one... in other words, to take a negative experience and put a more positive spin on it. I've done this, and it has helped me tremendously, especially when I am filled with mainly negative thoughts. It's not forcing yourself to be more positive. It's more of a cognitive behavioral technique I've learned that helps one to feel more positive overall, even when negative things happen. Just some thoughts for you. 

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On 5/23/2022 at 7:16 PM, RiverLight said:

I've read that when a negative thought arises, to try and counter that negative thought with a more positive one... in other words, to take a negative experience and put a more positive spin on it. I've done this, and it has helped me tremendously, especially when I am filled with mainly negative thoughts. It's not forcing yourself to be more positive. It's more of a cognitive behavioral technique I've learned that helps one to feel more positive overall, even when negative things happen. Just some thoughts for you. 

And u did that because u want to. U did not force yourself to do it because others tell u to. That’s what I was trying to say 🙂 If we really want to get out of depression for ourselves, we will find a way no matter how many times we fall. It’s definitely not easy, and that’s why I gave up many times, cos on very bad days, I just can’t be positive. And that’s ok and it’s not my fault. Thanks for sharing! 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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11 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

And u did that because u want to. U did not force yourself to do it because others tell u to. That’s what I was trying to say 🙂 If we really want to get out of depression for ourselves, we will find a way no matter how many times we fall. It’s definitely not easy, and that’s why I gave up many times, cos on very bad days, I just can’t be positive. And that’s ok and it’s not my fault. Thanks for sharing! 

True enough! I have fought my way through depression many different times. But I hear ya - I don't want to force it either if I am not feeling it, and especially if someone else is trying to force it, then I resist even more. Sometimes, you just have to sit with how you feel and accept the negativity. And that's OK too. I've been there as well. Sometimes, it feels like there's nothing you can do EXCEPT to sit with it. 

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On 5/23/2022 at 7:16 AM, RiverLight said:

I've read that when a negative thought arises, to try and counter that negative thought with a more positive one... in other words, to take a negative experience and put a more positive spin on it. I've done this, and it has helped me tremendously, especially when I am filled with mainly negative thoughts. It's not forcing yourself to be more positive. It's more of a cognitive behavioral technique I've learned that helps one to feel more positive overall, even when negative things happen. Just some thoughts for you. 

I tried just the other day to be positive about a step I took to help one of the things I'm going through but it ended up with a negative result anyway. I also feel like a hypocrite because I tell my boy's that nothing positive will happen for us because there is so much negative energy surrounding us and then not changing my attitudes.  I also wish I could get away from the, why me thinking that may be holding me back.

Whether my negative feelings are justified or not they still block my chances of having some hope for my future having better days and I wish I could end the cycle of dwelling on the negatives.

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same things and expecting different results.  Based on this logic I should be the poster person for insanity because I have been doing the same things for over 30 years with the same negative results and have yet to change. When I make a conscious decision to change a bad habit I end up doing the opposite. An example: I decided I spend to much time on social media in hopes of making a connection and when I don't it saddens me. And instead of following through with the change I spent over 6 hours on the internet.  This is the same for everything. I say I am going to quit smoking, I smoke more. Eat healthier and head right to the junk food. Be more active and just stay in bed.

I would give anything to change or break this cycle. I worry that it is not with in me to do so yet I also can't accept not changing and dealing with it.

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On 7/31/2022 at 3:33 PM, Darlene Dunkley said:

I tried just the other day to be positive about a step I took to help one of the things I'm going through but it ended up with a negative result anyway. I also feel like a hypocrite because I tell my boy's that nothing positive will happen for us because there is so much negative energy surrounding us and then not changing my attitudes.  I also wish I could get away from the, why me thinking that may be holding me back.

Whether my negative feelings are justified or not they still block my chances of having some hope for my future having better days and I wish I could end the cycle of dwelling on the negatives.

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same things and expecting different results.  Based on this logic I should be the poster person for insanity because I have been doing the same things for over 30 years with the same negative results and have yet to change. When I make a conscious decision to change a bad habit I end up doing the opposite. An example: I decided I spend to much time on social media in hopes of making a connection and when I don't it saddens me. And instead of following through with the change I spent over 6 hours on the internet.  This is the same for everything. I say I am going to quit smoking, I smoke more. Eat healthier and head right to the junk food. Be more active and just stay in bed.

I would give anything to change or break this cycle. I worry that it is not with in me to do so yet I also can't accept not changing and dealing with it.

These are all things within your control. You CAN quit smoking. You CAN eat healthier. You CAN be more active. Take baby steps to get there, but take steps. And yes, negativity can be overcome with more positive thoughts. It takes deliberate effort. It's called thought stopping. When you have a negative thought, you must catch yourself and find a more positive thought to replace it with. And, if many bad things have happened, does that mean it will always be that way? NO.... not if you don't choose to see it that way. Good things CAN and WILL happen. One must have hope and faith in the unknown. We don't know what will happen, but holding onto positive hopes for the future is what helps to get me through some rough patches. 

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On 8/1/2022 at 3:33 AM, Darlene Dunkley said:

I would give anything to change or break this cycle. I worry that it is not with in me to do so yet I also can't accept not changing and dealing with it.

This. The fact that you can’t accept not changing and dealing with it. You tried and it didn’t work, so rest if you must, and try a different method another day when you’re ready. I can’t give much advice cos it takes a really big conscious effort to stop dwelling on the negatives. I mentioned an old blog post to make peace with your demons, something I got from Mark Manson. Not easy, but every failure is a lesson learnt. I struggle with this too. You’re not alone :sniffle1: :console:

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On 8/7/2022 at 8:31 PM, Depressedgurl007 said:

This. The fact that you can’t accept not changing and dealing with it. You tried and it didn’t work, so rest if you must, and try a different method another day when you’re ready. I can’t give much advice cos it takes a really big conscious effort to stop dwelling on the negatives. I mentioned an old blog post to make peace with your demons, something I got from Mark Manson. Not easy, but every failure is a lesson learnt. I struggle with this too. You’re not alone :sniffle1: :console:

Thank you for the encouraging words and I am going to try to stay in the positive even though events don't end in a positive way. And lately I'm exhausted just thinking of doing even the most minimal things that involve daily living from getting up and getting dressed to getting out of bed the thought is exhausting and then I get mad at myself because I can't accomplish what most people do daily without any thought at all. Even my medication doesn't seem to help at all. It does help to know that I'm not alone but it also makes me sad that so many others suffer the same daily struggles. But again I do thank you for your encouraging words to not give up they do mean a lot and even though they don't get me up and going like I wish they would they do help me from going over the edge in a negative way.

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6 hours ago, Darlene Dunkley said:

Thank you for the encouraging words and I am going to try to stay in the positive even though events don't end in a positive way. And lately I'm exhausted just thinking of doing even the most minimal things that involve daily living from getting up and getting dressed to getting out of bed the thought is exhausting and then I get mad at myself because I can't accomplish what most people do daily without any thought at all. Even my medication doesn't seem to help at all. It does help to know that I'm not alone but it also makes me sad that so many others suffer the same daily struggles. But again I do thank you for your encouraging words to not give up they do mean a lot and even though they don't get me up and going like I wish they would they do help me from going over the edge in a negative way.

I'd like to add - I CAN relate. I have tried to lose weight, or let's say I have attempted to lose weight over the last four years. I've gained 15 pounds since I got married, and I hate the extra weight. But I find myself eating more and more junk food, despite my desire to reduce my weight and eat healthier foods. Yesterday and now today I am starting over. And I know it's going to take strong will power to resist sweets and junk food that are in the house, but I am determined to drop at least SOME of this weight. My point is - it does take determination and a strong will to get out of a negative slump. It takes deliberate effort. It may not be easy, but it feels good to take steps towards a goal that you have. A goal that will help you in the long run. Losing weight is just one example, but it can extend to other examples too, like doing more exercise, being more active and replacing negative thoughts with more positive and encouraging thoughts.

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