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nojoy

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Thoughts running thru my brain lately


nojoy

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As the title says, I have had a couple of thoughts that have been running/racing thru my brain, awake, asleep. listening to my strange collection of music, the thoughts keep talking.

One thought is that I have discovered that people always disappoint me.  Be it family or one of the few friends I got, I always get disappointed.  I know how I am treated by them but I still keep hoping that one day they will surprise me & actually acknowledge me or not just contact me when they need me.  I know someone famous wrote that the definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same pattern & expecting a different result.   

The second thought is why do I keep losing track of time. I lost a whole day one week, don't know what I did that day, can't even remember if I got dressed or ate. Last weekend, I was outside, trying to clean the yard & I took a break & I lost track of time.  I was just sitting & smoking a cigarette.  I remember lighting the cig but it burned down without me smoking it. I was just staring off into space. No thoughts I was conscious of. It was concerning enough that I talked about it with the therapist.  I remember when I was able 6 yrs old & my Dad had at breakdown & he sat in the same chair for 6 months.  

I found a couple of quotes that "spoke" to me:

"Sometimes you just have to log out of caring for a while"  --unknown

"It's okay to disappear until you feel like you again"  --unknown

And there was this one:  "psychology says 'crying is the brain's way saying something is wrong when the mouth can't find the words.."

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Your post reminds me of a quote I read:

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

I can definitely relate to this. 

Hope things go better for you. 

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I lose time all the time but the last thing I need is for the world to know I have what is probably blackouts on top of everything else.  I just see at as my mind has had enough that day and says I'm out of here.  I think maybe it is it's way of taking a break when I never voluntarily allow it to have one.

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