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loving someone intensely and how it can be a deterrent



I have found a soulmate in kell. He found me and loved me at my very worst. I have showed him progression since then, physical and mental ... and it all sounds very healthy. 

Since now I have always faced depression by myself, and that is how I like it. Don't get me wrong, my parents have always been loving,, but I am one in three, the intensity that comes from a loving relationship with a person that mostly is affected by you and your actions, someone that you live with, sleep with .. Its the most intense pressure I have ever felt. I know that he wants me (in this present time) to be his person, but because I do not like my present self I feel like a failure and that pressure that i feel always, intensifies. Pressure is good and healthy but too much can be crippling and I have definitely had moments of that. I am thankful for whenever he has work away from home because it gives me time to get my sh!t together lol. Now I have the longest time apart from him and everyone else, longest that i've had since about 2 years. I want to really take the most from this opportunity, I am also scared that when he comes back i will go to my old ways. How do i stay strong and authentic, that is my biggest worry. He is a great supporter and a great compliment to my personality however he found me when i wasn't put together and now i'm struggling to be put together in time to save our relationship.

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I like this, partly because it reminds me of an older time.

I like it more because it, like all transformative wisdom, it leans into the middle.

Disease wants of at the edges and this resists that. Thanks for posting it.

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